*LoU*'s Day

7:20PM - the quiet things that no one ever knows

looking back.. it's almost as though she was living in a moment.

one that had ended only a short while after it started.
one that was long gone before she let it go.

"As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped, and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then, the moment was gone."
~Lucas ((One Tree Hill ))

it feels as though she thought that as long as those sheets stayed on that bed, as long as they remained unwashed from the actions that took place on top of them and in them and under them, that everything remained the same. everything stayed in tact.

no innocence was lost, no attachment was gained.

no feelings hurt, no hearts broken, no friendships altered..

but now the bed is stripped, and the sheets cleaned, the feelings are spattered against the wall, a heart is smashed under his foot, the strings of attachment are being pulled across states, and the innocence has gone through the wash and flown through every open window and door it could possibly find but has yet to find its way back home.

and worst of all, the friendship has turned into a monster of confusion lingering over her head.

she never asked for this.
she never wanted it to be this way.

she only wanted to know what it felt like to belong to someone.
but she was fooled by lavish language and seemingly promising, but empty, words.

regret was never her favorite feeling.
nothing has been able to change that.

reminiscence was never her favorite action.
needless to say she develops more spite toward it every day, as the time drags on and the moment gets further away.

developing news of others and their feelings just make her miss him more.
she wishes she could be back where everything is right and everything is normal.

if only she could take back the last few months and live them differently.

but is that what she really wants?

in a sense she does, but then looking at the last few weeks before the semester ended, nothing that happened is anything she wishes to change.

except maybe the few mistakes she made occurring during the moments her alcohol bloodstream took over her actions and caused her lips to occupy themselves with others'.

she has begun to find words beginning with the letter "L" quite appalling.

lush.. lust.. lavish.. liquor.. love.. leave

they all just hurt and linger for longer than she could ever want anything to stay.

and while words beginning with "R" don't seem too appealing either..

regret.. ruined.. reason.. real.. right..

she'd rather hear them out of his mouth than the "A" one.

especially in the context of the question asked of her the last night they were alone together for those few moments on the stairs of the house where all those feelings just bubbled over along with the liquid that had been building up behind her eyes for weeks.

and as the year has ended, and the summer begins.. she is curious as to what the next few months have in store for the both of them.

and not both as in one, but both as in apart and singularly..

alone.. leaving [it all behind].. remembering.. away.. lusting.. regretting..

and the letter that was never introduced to her..
"W"

only leaves her with one word..

wondering

as she does so in reference to where the end of the summer will bring the coming year to begin.