3:52PM - here's to the nights that turned into mornings, with the friends that turned into family.. ♥
all i want right now is my car, some music (pref. of the comfort/clear-my-head kind) and a really long, neverending backraod to drive on like back home..
just a place of my own where i can be alone and drive all of this away.
why does everything have to happen this way?
i'm going to be so lost after this week.. and i hate it.so.. i don't really even know what to say in all honesty..
my freshman year of college is coming to an end and idk what to do with myself.
i'm going to be so lost going back home.
there's so many things i would like to say to so many people.
there's so many people i don't want to let go of.
there's so many things left unanswered, unsaid, and undone.
so why is it all ending?
it makes no sense that right when this place starts to feel like home - right when everything's really starting to sink in and come together.. - right when everything is starting to click.. - it's time to leave.
i feel like i'm not allowed to get attached to any one, place, thing, or person..
this year has been the hardest year of my life..
but i wouldn't trade it for the world.
in high school, i thought i knew who i was and where i was going with my life.
i got here and all of that changed. i changed. and now i feel like i know myself better than i ever did before.
no matter what i think.
i'm not really sure what i'm going to do without this place.
i know i'll be home.. and i know i'll be with my best friends..
but there's some people here i just don't want to leave.
some cos i'm scared i'm going to lose them altogether.
others cos i'm scared i'm going to be lost without them.
i'm scared that coming back here is going to be scary.
that i'm going to be alone.
i come back in 103 days.
i already have a countdown on my desktop for it..
i think i'm a little crazy.
i'm also kind of scared for this summer.
for what's going to happen when i get home.
things aren't the same.
they haven't been for a while.
thinking of leaving, i think of one tree hill.. peyton's biggest thing is:
"People always leave."i don't want that to be the case.
i'm sick of leaving and losing people and change.
for once.. i'd just like things to stay at a steady pace. at a norm.
but i think that might just be too much to ask..
before i end this, i'm going to leave you with a few quotes.
some quotes that have helped me get through a lot this year, and some that have helped me get through just more recent things.
so here they are:
"At that moment Maria learned that certain things are lost forever. She learned too that there was a place called 'somewhere far away,' that the world was vast and her own town very small, and that, in the end, the most interesting people always leave ."
~Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho
"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."
~Ida Scott Taylor
"life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, & believe that everything happens for a reason . if you get a chance take it, if it changes your life let it. nobody said that it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."
-unknown
"At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world. 6 billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one."
~Peyton ((One Tree Hill ))
"Looking back on what I said all those years ago, all the hopes and dreams I had, I've come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I'm a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair remember, it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home.
So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, because most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for. Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination."
-Whitey (OTH)
i'm gonna stay eighteen forever
so we can stay like this forever
and we'll never miss a party
cos we keep them going constantly
and we'll n e v e r have to listen
to anyone about anything cos
it's all been done and it's all been said
we're the c o o l e s t kids
and we take what we can get
~Brand New "Soco Amaretto Lime"
"It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there -- fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends and roomies. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around..."
~from an IM my roomie sent me.