2:09AM - i hate hypocrites.
so, apparently, i'm not allowed to be me. and while everyone else is growing up and changing - i'm not allowed to.
or at least so it seems by a conversation i was let in on between two of my "friends" from back home.
they miss the non-college sam.
you know, the straightedge kidd i used to be. the one who didnt drink or do anything bad.
hell, they knew i toked up in hs so that's fine, but if i do anything else, god for-fucking-bid i do a single thing else like you know, drink or smoke a ciggarette when drunk. yea, god forbid that. cos you know that's so much worse than toking up.. since i did that in hs and i didnt do those two other things til after hs...?!?!?!
what fucking twisted kind of theory is that??
honestly.. just cos i did something in hs doesnt make it any more right or wrong than doing it or other things after hs.
and it's funny cos i did drink during hs - yes only a few times, and i didn't really drink as often as i do til this summer and then here at school, but i still drank before then, so it's not like i've changed all that much.
in fact, i'm still me. i don't think i've changed much at all.
yes i was fake to myself a while back. the girls i hang with now, who took me back after all the shit i pulled, know that i wasn't myself and that's why they gave me such a second chance. but i'm still able to be myself around them and am still myself at home.
i'm no different than i was before.
just more grown up and more independent.
i don't have to worry about getting caught when i come home drunk. i have no one to come home to. so i drink when i want.
i don't have to worry about having to drive home or anything. i can walk to any place on campus cos it's a small one.
i'm on my own. i'm an adult in many aspects of the word.
i'm 18 years old and living my own life the way i want.
if people can't handle that, then people can't handle me.
i may have a problem with change, but at least i don't tell people not to change when i've done a full 360 myself.
fuck that.
i'm done.
annoyed