11:19PM - hey lush.. have fun.. // just forget me, it's that simple x/33
so i'm back here at school and things are okay..
i guess.
i just really don't feel like i belong anywhere at all. i feel like i annoy everyone around me. and i don't know why. i feel like i should just back away and forget about having friends or something.. but at the same time, i need someone. the thing that sucks is i feel like i have no one at all. i know the people who told me i had to come back and that when i did i could hang out with them and what not are friends.. but i feel so out of the loop and excluded from them. i feel like they'll just go to lunch/dinner, etc. with me, but otherwise i'm either not wanted around or just plain old forgotten about.
i hate it so much.
and i know if anyone reads this they'll probably get pissed at me, but honestly, i just don't know what else to do anymore other than write about how i feel cos i have no one to talk to about it :-\ i don't want to offend anyone, and i don't want to start any fights, but it's just like.. everyone's got someone and then there's me.
likewise i feel like everyone has a boy and i'm the only person in the world who can't even get a guy to give her a first glance.. nevermind a second. i feel so invisible to everyone. especially guys. it's like.. every single person i know has a boyfriend or someone to spend their time with or talking to and here i am.. sitting in my room doing absolutely nothing but listening to music or watching real world or svu or something.. idk.. it just sucks.
i feel like the lonliest person in the world.
and honestly, i think being alone is the worst feeling in the world.
i wouldn't wish it on my worst of enemies.
and i sincerely mean that.
idk i sound so pathetic and stupid and petty and childish, but i can't help how i feel.
someone just help me out here and tell me what the hell is wrong with me? please?
why can't i find a place where i feel like i fit in for who i am, or i belong and am liked for the real me?
i don't really know what more to say..
this just sucks so fucking bad and i want it all to just end.
i can't wait to go home and see kt, mandarin, becky, susan, diana, keebler, joce, my guys, and everyone else.. although i'm not sure how i'll be seeing of some of them cos i've been kind of booted.. but whatever.. shit happens, people grow apart.. right? :-\
i just wish that wasn't the case.
-me..
lonely