*LoU*'s Day

3:01AM - yea..

after great internal debate.. i think i've concluded that i want something (or someone) that i really shouldn't.

but then again.. maybe it's not something i shouldn't want.
am i supposed to listen to what other people, namely my best friends, say about a certain person? even if my opinion of them is different than theirs?

i mean.. i'm the one who talks to him..
i'm the one who hangs with him.
i'm the one who knows him.
you know? so i mean.. idk..

do people usually see more of a person from the outside of a situation?
or are the people on the inside the ones that know the truth?

i'm not really making any sense..
but i think i'm falling in a direction i shouldn't..
and i'm not really sure what i should or even can do about it..

why are decisions like this left up to me?!
i'm the worst decision maker in the world.
i never know what i want. and i guess now that i do (or at least i think i do) it's not what i should want?

i'm not even sure.

all i know is i have to write this damn reaction report and i'm never going to be done with it.
and i have to wake up in about 5 and a half hours for my piano lesson. this is going to be a fun night/morning/thing.

oh well. at least i go home in 18 hours. even though i won't be home for 23.. :-\
but hey, at least i'm going and getting away from the work and the confusion.
although.. i kind of don't want to get away from the thing that's confusing me.. i like being around him again..

this just complicates things way more than i wanted them to be. and insanely more than they already were.

oh brain, why can't you just shutup sometimes??