3:23AM - for the taste for the sight for the sound for the fight.. for the wait for the crush for the fear.. for the touch..
i don't really know what to do right now.
i miss him so much.
more than ever.
more than anything.
i can't call him.
i'd feel so stupid. whos to say he'll even want to talk to me?
besides.. its 230 in the morning.. give or take it's still late.. and completely inappropriate considering people have classes tomorrow.
i want to cry..
but nothing's coming out.
i'm so lost.
i don't really know what to do. do i call him and potentially bug him?
do i text him and potentially annoy him?
what do i do?
it's ironic.. i put on "say it like you mean it" cos of the lines that my subject is for this entry and then put the "voices" playlist on shuffle and what comes on next?
"i wish you were here" which is the song that's been my away message for the past week.. and it's been about him.
it's just eery.
( sing me to sleep . . . )
that's the song that's been my away all week. you should check it out.
ugh my room mate is snoring. i hate snoring. its such an annoying noise. it makes me want to rip my fucking ears off.
anyway.. moving on..
idk what to do anymore i really just don't.
i just want it to be break so i can be home and see kt and becky and everyone.
and then i want it to just jump straight to summer so i can see how it all turns out.
and if it doesn't go well, i want to just jump back to where i am after spring break and deal with school.. but if it DOES go well, then i can just skip this semester cos it's driving me nuts anyway.
i swear to God i'm amazingly incredibly invisible.
i just want to cry.
i can't find my tears.
the lump in my throat is huge..
but *nothing* is relieving it.
i don't even know what the real reason i want to cry is anymore.
him? how i feel? what i'm talking to a about right now? it's everything.
i honestly can't do this anymore.
i just want to go home and get away from *all* of this.
be back where i'm comfortable and i know my place and i know where i belong and that people care and that i'm not alone.
here.. i don't know any of that. cos i feel so uncomfortable, out of place, and completely alone.
this is the worst feeling in the world and i hate it more than anything..
i don't really know what more to say, do, or write..
so i'm just gonna go be lost for the time being..
and i guess that's that.
here's to blurty being back up in action.
here's to this being my general thoughts journal.
no names. no specifics. just feelings.
hi my name is sam and i think too much.
lonely