4:18AM -
will someone please just tell me how to feel? i'm sick of feeling all these things that i feel. im sick of all these crazy feelings that i have. im sick of thinking about how i feel. im sick of waiting. im sick of wondering. im sick of wishing. and im sick of losing the things that matter more than anything else in the world to me. why cant i feel something that im supposed to feel for once? why can't i just have a TVGuide type of thing for my emotions? to tell me what to feel at what time and to give me a quick description on whats going to happen and to tell me how it feels. life really needs instruction booklets..
Current mood: 
exhausted
Current music: the used//buried myself alive
5:34PM - asoiudjo;aiw eei of
this sucks. today just isnt for me. didnt go to sleep til about 5:30 this morning.. woke up at 1 or so. feel like shit (physically this time.. can't breathe..).. nascar is blowing majorly.. not like it matters, but kasey kahne (my fave) just got out cos of an oil spill.. he was in the effing lead. god damnit. and then to top it all off, i have one huge project for lowell to do for tomorrow as well as a fucking essay for her due tonight. im sorry but thats bullshit. you dont do that. and i still have to make up two essays for her by the end of this week when grades close. fucker. oh and then, after all of this, tomorrow i have to do a project for christology that i just dont want to do. then, worst of all? as much as im so sick of the work and i want the school year to end.. at the same time.. i dont want the year to come to a close. i have my reasons.. as crazy as it sounds.. the end of this school year brings a completely different world to light for me.. and its scaring the shit out of me. i have to deal with the fact that a bunch of my friends are leaving for college and such, that i have to get my ass in gear and start applying to colleges after the summer is over and this summer is focused on looking at colleges more in depth than i have. i pretty much have no summer. i might as well just have school year round at the rate im going. ugh i dont want to deal with everything that i have to deal with. im sick of having to deal with it all. the only thing that all of this brings is fear, loss, and heartache. not to mention stress. will someone just make this all stop and make life easy?? please..?
Current mood: 
frustrated
Current music: ihsfo;sjdlz k