6:26PM - *..my hearts too numb to feel . . . the pain is all thats real..*
yea, i kno. i havent updated in ages. i dont care tho. its not like i can say anything without fucking everyone else's lives up so hey.. might as well just keep my mouth shut.. i think i might delete this thing.. idk im fucking sick of everyone. i think i might erase myself from everyone's lives. people would be happier that way considering no matter who im friends with or what i do its wrong. im wrong. hey i thought i was nice.. and a good friend.. i mean what im currently doing is nice, joce knows what im doing. shes helping. it is nice. some of you people know cos you're invited. but im shutting up now cos i dont want to ruin the surprise. please no one comment on what it is and give it away.. i need this to go right.. i just do.. you have no idea how right i need this to be.. but i mean how can i be a shitty friend if im doing such a thing for a person? but you know.. hey.. that persons a "fake friend" right? ill never be happy w/anyone. ever. you know.. if i had the guts.. id try everything again. diana.. you know what im talking about on this one.. and i think craig knows too.. but thats all.. no one else knows.. its pretty obvious tho. if you know me at least. i wish i could. im so sick of this shit. i just want it to all go away. all the failure.. with school and with life in general. you know.. if i was out of everyones lives theyd be happier. i know certain people are. im sure certain people dont care. they have other certain people to take my place.. those certain people who took my place before i voiced and walked out. i wish i could be like my dad and just walk out of peoples lives and come back when it's convenient for me. but im not like that. i have a heart. if i didnt.. i wouldnt be hurting this much.. and it wouldnt hurt to say that.. but hell.. i guess friends are supposed to hurt you right? i guess life in general is supposed to hurt.. i guess you're supposed to hurt yourself too. well w/e. all i wanna say to end this is ciggy, thank you for everything. i couldnt ask for a more forgiving person in my life and im so sorry for fucking things up before. ill make it all up i swear..
<\33 Smog
( ..just cos im trying to be normal again.. )
Well the voices fall like timber
And the fear it pours like rain
And my heart is crushed to cinders
Underneath this kind of pain
Well there is no resolution
When the revolution's dead
So I'm left with no solution
For the voices in my head
nostalgic
pissed off