| tonight has been horrible |
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| 01:27am 17/11/2003 |
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mood:  worried
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so philip tries to start a fight with eric. and eric is all pissed and shit and wants philip to come over to his house so they can fight and shit. i don't want that to happen at all so i don't let philip come. and i go over to eric's house to give him his cds and to try and calm him down and i show up and he's all upset and angry and he really scares me when he is like that. but i get him in my car and i'm driving around with him and he won't talk at all...and i don't know why but that really upset me and it was all i could do to not cry. and after awhile he was like i just need to go home so i take him back to his house and he was like, i don't think i can be responsible for my actions anymore so i'm just gonna go inside. and so he hugs me and gets out and i get out of my car and walk over to him apologizing and he hugs me again and i stand at the end of his driveway until he gets inside and then i go in my car and cry...i cry and cry and cry. and as soon as i turn onto swan lake it starts raining. rain and dark at once, no good for me. but it was not too fun of a night. and i'm not gonna get to see eric again for 3 days and we are leaving things like this and i hate that so much but there isn't anything i can do about it. shit well i'm completely tired now so i'm gonna go to sleep...man i wish things didn't always turn out bad. |
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| 11:39pm 17/11/2003 |
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mood:  sick
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i've been in the worst of moods lately. i'm so sick and just feel like shit. i haven't done anything today with the exception of laying around being a bum. i hardly ever get sick anymore but when i do it gets me good. i'm aching all over and i hurt.
ugh we get new carpet tomorrow. that means i get to be out of my house all day...so i'm goin to ashly's for the whole day. that will be fun
i don't get to see eric until thursday. yes, i realize, not too far away, but still, i'm used to seeing him every day. i realized that for the past few weeks we have seen each other every single day and talked every day and i won't get to talk to him or see him until thursday. oh well, he needs money so i'll have to survive. i love him so much.
so i was looking through my old text messages that i have kept on my phone. i realized how much i truely do miss brent. (*GASP* i know i'm not supposed to care, but i seriously miss him) there are 17 of them. and each one made me so sad...it was all i could do not to cry. why the hell do i still care so much? i'm supposed to be fine. i'm the one that told him we shouldn't try being friends anymore. i'm supposed to not care about him anymore. so why do i? |
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