03:02pm 10/10/2003
 
mood: contemplative
i have been in such an ill mood lately. every little thing is getting to me, every little thing is making me upset. i don't know what to do...i don't know how to deal with this shit anymore. i feel as though i'm about to just explode. and i have nobody to talk to. the only people in my life all have other problems that i'm tryin to help them get through.....i mean, eric is just...an asshole. i love him. i love him more than absolutly anything.....but at times i would like to kill him. like last night...ahhhh. and ashly...she's too busy goin through stuff with preston that i think sometimes she doesn't think i exist unless she actually needs somebody to complain to. and eme is goin through stuff i'm not even sure about...but i know i shouldnt bother her with my crap. and aj...aj is one of the most wonderful people. he actually listens. and i feel so bad cause somehow he's always talkin to me when shit is goin on with me and eric. but he listens and makes me feel better. aj is so incredibly wonderful! if i didn't have him as my friend i know i'd explode...he cheers me up...such a great great guy.
fuck...sats are tomorrow.....shit i dont wanna take them!!! but i've got no choice...damn this sucks...i have to wake up early and take a test...damn...that's not gonna be too good.
 
   

(♥ here's my heart...take it...)

 
   
10:48pm 10/10/2003
 
mood: crappy
music: will and grace (on tv)
ya know what day is almost as bad as valentine's day? my sister and philip's anniversary. their anniversary is tomorrow...but today he sent her a dozen pink roses to her work and when she brought them home she was like oh don't roses smell so pretty. she sticks them in my face. it is like they are just throwin all this shit in my face just for me to feel bad. i hate it cause they are always all over each other anyways but their anniversary is a lot worse.....cause if i say something about it everybody yells at me cause it is their one year and blah blah blah. i fuckin hate this.
i went to media play tonight and saw paul and jeremy. i enjoyed seein them again. me and paul actually aren't all fighting anymore. its nice. and jeremy is such a sweet guy. i like him a whole lot he's always looked after me. paul too...paul is like my big brother. i used to call him bubba cause he was...he's always been so fuckin protective over me...that's why we used to fight. but now things are better since we hardly ever see each other.
sats tomorrow...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
 
   

(♥ here's my heart...take it...)

 
oh my fuckin god!!!!!!   
11:15pm 10/10/2003
 
mood: discontent
holy fuckin shit! philip is such a fuckin asshole! I FUCKING HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he told me i'm selfish and that i had better change. and all because i asked him when the hell he was gonna give me my money back. and he told me when i grow up and stop being selfish and stop giving money away. so hmm how can i be selfish but always giving shit away? how's that working. i fucking hate him. he is so horrible to me. why the hell does my sister want to marry him?
oh yea, speakin of sarah...so she tells me that she KNOWS i'm not in love with eric. how the hell can she possibly know that? cause uh last time i checked i was. i'm so incredibly sick of people. i hate them when they are together (sarah and philip that is) cause they are always fuckin all over each other...cause i've asked them not to be but do my thoughts matter? oh of couse not. the fact that they make me feel like shit doesn't seem to matter to them...cause of course i don't matter to them. i don't matter to them...i dont matter to anybody...i'm so fuckin sick of this!!!!
 
   

(♥ here's my heart...take it...)