| i love him.... | ||||
| 02:31am 07/10/2003 | ||||
this one goes out to the one i've left behind a simply prop to occupy my time this one goes out to the one i love ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ so eric still wont talk to me. every night when he puts on his away message i tell him that i'm sorry for everything and i hope he will forgive me and not be mad at me. and i always tell him i love him. eric is the only guy i've ever loved...and honestly, i can't imagine loving anybody but him. and i know that deep deep deep DEEP down he loves me too. he wouldn't have put up with me for 2 years if he didn't, right? and the weirdest thing is, i know me and him wont ever be together...everything that was gonna happen with us has already happened...and i know this. and strangely i'm ok with that. it is like, i love him so even if he doesn't love me the same way, i dont care i love him enough for the both of us. if things were gonna work between me and him, they would have already happened...after 2 years you start to lose hope. but i mean, there are still lil things he does that just leaves me with no doubt that he cares. so what if he has a girlfriend...i really think that he cares about me a lot...not as much as tiffany, but he does care about me. i love him more than anything. he is the most important thing in my life. i just always fuck up so i don't think he realizes that. i wish i didn't always fuck up everything. i don't know why but he's the most important person in my life and i just can't ever seem to do anything right when it comes to him...why is it that he's the one person i care more about but i always seem to fuck everything up? even stuff that should be impossible for me to fuck up...i still tend to fuck it up (yea ashly...you know what i'm talkin about...i told you i could find a wrong way...) i wish i knew what the fuck my problem is. god i remember 2 years ago...that was the best...he would always wait on me goin to first period...i started every morning out by seeing him. it was so wonderful...and through every girlfriend he would still always try to make me feel better (all 4 of them)...well, with the exception of the first bitch who told him that he wasn't allowed to talk to me. that sucked....it was a hard 2 months...but afterwards we got back to better again....each time we were closer than the time before. it was so funny...last year i was in 2 classes with 2 of his most recent ex's. that was...uhm...interesting. specially when he started goin back out with one of them. but 2 years ago was so much better.....i mean, i wouldn't wanna give up how we are now (or atleast when we aren't fighting) cause that's the best. but before was just special...it is real hard to explain but it was just so wonderful cause he showed he cared about me...now i know he does, it just isn't always shown. but he'd leave his friends to come see me and always go out of his way to say hi to me. man i miss that so much. i miss how we used to be. now is great and all, but nothing like the beginning...i remember when i first realized i was in love with him....he was goin on about something that bothered him and i just sat there and listened and after he was done i was like eric i love you..........that was like a year ago...and i still haven't stopped loving him. he's everything to me. there isn't anything or anyone that i love more than him...there isn't anything or anyone that i want to love more than him. shit in my life is strange and very fucked up...specially when it comes to eric...but i kinda like the way things are...i kinda dont want them to change cause it would ruin what we have...some stuff did change and that is why we are fighting now...but that's why it wont happen again...i love eric so much...:-/ |
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nostalgic| simplymiserable | ||
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