| i cant believe this... | ||||
| 12:12am 18/09/2003 | ||||
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disappointed| i'm sorry i can't be perfect... | ||||
| 02:20am 18/09/2003 | ||||
about the pain i feel inside did you know you used to be my hero all the days you spent with me now seem so far away and it feels like you don't care anymore i try hard to make it i just want to make you proud i'm never gonna be good enough for you *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ so all the sudden i'm really starting to miss my sister ashley. i haven't seen her in 6 years, but for some reason lately i just cant stop thinking about her. i miss her so much. she's married now and we didn't get invited to the wedding. she was my hero. she was the person i wanted to grow up to be just like. ashley was the kind of girl that was so beautiful and also so sweet. when i was really little she was here every weekend. and then slowly she only came every other weekend. and then once a month and then just for birthdays and holidays, then none at all. the last time i saw her i was 10. last time i saw bradley i was 13. my family has some big problems. nobody even knows where ashley is. actually, no, i take that back...they do know, they just choose not to tell me so i dont go see her. as soon as i get my license i'm driving myself up to stone mountain and seeing bradley and then find out where ashley is from him. i need closure. the only way i can get that is by seeing them both. even if they can't get along with my parents, they are still my brother and sister and i have a right to see them, right? it really sucks that i have to wait a month to get my license so i can go see them. (anybody wanna take me to stone mountain? it could be fun! lol) i miss ashley the most. everytime she would come over she would always bring me something. even just the littlest thing and i would be all excited. like she would give me a dumb pencil and it would make me happy, cause it came from her. i wish she wouldn't have left. i wish i still got to see her all the time. i tried to write her a year ago...maybe two? i don't remember. but she had sent my dad a letter sayin she was getting married and had pictures in there. so i found the letter and got the address off of it and wrote her this long letter...it was like 4 written pages. i told her all about me and how i was doing and how much i missed her and wished to see her. and i sent along pictures of me and of sarah. she never wrote me back. sarah told me to just take it as she was done with our family. that really bothers me. i really need ash...she always made everything better and i need somebody to make everything better in my life. it has been horrible without her. i think the last time i heard from her was my 11th birthday. she called to tell me happy birthday and that she loved me. the only reason i saw brad 3 years ago is when i went to stone mountain with the youth group i saw him and he gave me his cell phone number. and so i called him all the time and christmas 3 years ago he showed up at my house to spend christmas with me. that was the absolute best present ever.if i could just see them both one more time...that's all i need...just one more time to get stuff straight....i really need that...and it sucks that i have to wait a lil over a month to do that. ok well it is 2:50 now and i'm cryin my eyes out and so i have a bad headache. so i'm gonna go to bed. nighty~night |
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depressed| 03:56pm 18/09/2003 | ||||
last night i went and sat outside to think for quite awhile. i haven't done that in a long time...but it was cool outside so i went out and laid outside just watching the stars and thinking about everything. it actually made me feel not so bad anymore. and as i was out there it reminded me of something from a lil while ago...i like being reminded of it. i got to think. it made me feel a lot better about a lot of stuff goin on. there is just something about night time, and stars that just make everything seem like nothing. i'm starting to get angry with somebody i never thought i could be mad at. bad thing is i'm hiding it and trying to act like i'm not...but i have a feeling i'm about to explode! |
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weird| people piss me off!!! | ||||
| 07:45pm 18/09/2003 | ||||
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pissed off| damn it damn it damn it!!! | ||||
| 09:40pm 18/09/2003 | ||||
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annoyed| 10:31pm 18/09/2003 | |||
 You're Soroity Slut Barbie! You're easy and you're really cheesy! Have fun with the entire football team. If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be? brought to you by Quizilla hmm...that's not very good is it? lol |
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| simplymiserable | ||
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