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hey [15 Mar 2004|12:58am] [ mood | tired ] this is the first sunday of spring break for me. but the whole last week felt like spring break. yup indeed it did. everynight...i was doing somthing, every night i saw becky, and raees. lol on friday i decided to go to beckys apartment maybe i would be better off there then at home. and i was abosolutely rite. lol. her moma said she might be able to take me home when she got home from her lil my day thing, but she never came at the time i was supposed to come home at , so i jus spent the night. her bed is so tiny that ettt. lol her but and my butt were like in the way of eachother and i was like move biatch. lol. it was fun. and since i hadnt taken a shower in like 4 days, yes i know shut up, its gross. very. i jus coultnt take it anymore, so i took a shower at her house in the morning, and it was SO cold her moma and her sis had used ALL the hott water. damn was that shit cold. after my shower we headed to my house. then sella came over in a few hours. we chilled, and then got ready i guess you could call it. and we called raees, and told him to come over and go to collin creek mall with us. so he was here in no time. yeah, ur rite he's my bitch. aha, jp. neways, we went to collin and i had 50 buks. shoot i spent lots of money. well not really but yeah i got lots of stuff. marcella (the brazilian) bought me a shirt and some shoes from pacsun, but they were both small. so i went and returned them. and well i mean exachanged cus i got somethiing else. this black shirt. yeah its tite. and i got me some etnis, insead of the vans she had bought me. yeah it kinda does sound like im some skater...cus of my shoes...my two most favorite shoes being my vans, and now also my etnis. idk, they are jus cool. then, we left the mall, and we came back to my house. matt came over for a lil while cus he was around my house. and him and raees, and becky talked while me and sella got ready. or got dressed whatever. and we headed on our way to ua8. we saw the 'secret window'. ofcourse i thought it was boring, and so did sella, and raees, so we got up, and left. we went to eckerds, and jack in a box. once we realized the movie musta been over we headed back. to find ALEX.. hehe. then, we went to yeah SALLY'S lol, its really spelled SALIS, but who the hell spells it like that.........not me.. we ate, and erbody started goin to nickelrama, (wtf) so we went in there , but raees mom came to pick us up a lil early. so we came home. becky wasnt talkin to me and marsella, and was chatting which is not really like her. so we were like wtf. then she uhm. had fun. and me and sella yeah! lol (be there moment---totttally) ahhhh. movie, oh how it felt like a movie. FUCK YOU! fuck YOU! fuck santa clause! i L O V E him, CAPITAL L! lol man..this morning, was koo, again we got dressed, and went walkin, and ended up at the mall.. chilled, but we were SO tired. and yeah, so then later raees and matt came. yippee. and we jus talkd for a while. and they left cus they wanted to go play basketball. so yeah, and we left a lil later than them. and met them up at springridge....it was kinda boring, watchin those sophmores looking like 8th grader guys play! dude! wtf is up with patricks legs!! lmfao. oh and that ROLAND guy was quite, but hey thats what made me notice him.... not like this got anythin to do with it, but i am attracted to shy people. yeah..... then we came home and becky started NOT talkin to us again. but then it was time for her to leave, and for sella was to leave as well. so i was left here. lol, and an hour later, my moma and brotha decided to go see the passion. so i was like ok! lets go! , the movie is so omg, idk.. its so well made, i guess you could call it. and its like HELLO WAKE UP FELLOW PEOPLE REALIZE WHAT JESUS HAS DONE FOR YOU! AND THIS IS HOW U PAY HIm? u kno? theres this sayin i kinda like....if jesus died for you the least you could do is live for him. i kno it makes you feel guilty. and whatever. but idk. i cried. when we got out, i noticed aaron had called me so i called him back, and we talked for like 5 minutes while my moma was in the restroom. my brother was really not talkin. i was like probly hit him hard. i told aaron i'd call him back when i got home. so we headed off and we stoped at sonic, to get some foodiio, and i got some fries.. we left that came home, i called him, and we talked about stuff i didnt imagine me talkin with some other guys. he's like so real. like if he thinks something he says it. at times thats good at others its really not. ah crakers, he played his guitar for me. and i was sitting on my roof, and lookin up at the stars, while he was playin for me over the phone. he played fade to black :):):) for some reason that song jus SO reminds me of him. and i really like it also. HE'S GOOD!! i liked him alot. :-D hehe. idk, when i talk to him or anything he makes me feel good. im most likely going to see him wendsday. going to his church stuff. and im realy exicted because this is what im missing you know. im getting a lil further away from God, and i need to get close to him again. because i think thats where all my weaknesses is coming from. idk.. he's cool. we kinda share the same ideas, and or thoughts whatever. goshh. yeah we talked for like 2 1/2 hours. thats not that long when i think about it , but it feels long, and nice. gosh...he's jus so woowozie. idk guys i'll shut up. laci better come over tommorow! ehe :) how can u see into my eyes like open doors leading you down into my core where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold until i find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside call my name and sace me from the dark big my blood to run before i come undone save me the nothing i've become.now that i know what i'm without you can't just leave me breathe into me and make me real bring me to life..frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead.. all this time i cant belive i couldnt see kept in the dark but u were there in front of me ive been sleeping a thousand years it seems got to open my eyes to everythin witout a thot without a voice without a sould dont le me die here there must be something more..bring me to life. all i think is about you why you change and what we've been through the laughter the tears the misconseption you brought to my ears sometimes i think im way too hard on you expecting more than you can give i want to think all you do and say is positive all the milieu im sorounded by its fucking killing me inside all it reminds me of is you it's full of shit and absurdity(?) i think i love you............. but then all i've thought s'been wrong. ^ i wrote that. ?? now i will tell you what i have done for you 50 thousand tears i've cried screaming deceiving and bleeding for you and you still wont hear me .dont want your hand this time i'll save myself .maybe i'll wake up for once not tormented daily defeated by you just when i thot i'd reached the bottom i'm dying again..im goign under..drowning in you i'm falling forever i've got to break thro i'm going under. blurring and stirring the truth and the lies so i dont know whats real and whats not always confusing the thots in my head so i cant trust myself anymore im dying again..so go on and scream scream at me im so far away i wont be broken again..i've got to breath i cant keep going under. my immortal im so tired of being here suppressed by all of my childish fears and if you have to leave i wish that you would just leave because your presence still lingers here and it wont leave me alone. these wounds wont seem to heal this pain is just too real theres just too much that time cannot erase when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears and i've held your hand thro all of these years but you still have all of me you used to captivate by your resonating light but now im bound by the life you left behind your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams your voice it chased away all the sanity in me. i've tried so hard to tell myself that your gone and tho your still with me i've been along all along. im going to go and gather all the things i've written. come over here i got something to show u.... what goes around..comes around. dont forget that. the sound of the (car) wheels pressing themselves over the street thats covered with the tears of the sky. lmfao.. thats my current music. ENjoy.. the three heads rock! wank ;) eee. cant wait till wends... post comment

at beckys [12 Mar 2004|06:37pm] [ mood | awake ] shoot my birthday was on wends. it was sooo awesome. i was having fun fun u kno u kno. vero, beeeeeeecky, raees, matt, came over and it was pretty fun. ah. yeah. and i got alot of presents. that is so weird. i kno. i kno. dude raees gave me the coolest cd ever! ask becky!!!! anyways, then thurday was the championship game for the gurls and they won! yes its tru! :) GOOD JOB! oh yeah then later that nite we went to eat at chillis. and it was fun. then today friday, skoo. it was aite. he came to pick up xavier after skoo, but ugh i kinda dont like how i act its like im shy..or INTIMITATED. yah well tommrw is my thing i wannna have funn. you came into my life with the scent of sweetness and taste of eternity..no wonder im so inlove with you. post comment

FUCK THIS. :) [09 Mar 2004|01:46pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | SEAN PAUL ] yeah, well yesterday was a GReAT day till later. oh well. its getting better i guess. but it was the worst feeling ever i swear. my birthday is tomm. koo huh? yeah. no. raees matt and becky are coming over, and my family is goin to be here, so yeah its kinda koo.. family= two cousins. and their gf. and my brothers gf i guess ehhh. IDK. IM NOT IN SCHOOL. THAT IS KOO. BUT THEN AGAIN IM BORED. I DONT FEEL GOOD. I LOVE MY 'BROTHER' SHIT THAT SUCKS!!!!! post comment

if you feelin like a pimp nigga gon' brush yo shouldas off! ;) ladys is pimps too! [08 Mar 2004|05:00pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | get that dirrt off ur shouldas! ] hi. oh my, today was a really good day!! really!! :):):):):) as you could tell i was really really reallly really hyper. ok this weekend omgsh, i was so fun. and it felt relly long also. saturday, me and sella hung out it was really fun! wtf i was talking to annemarie, and she was all like yeah so i heard and marsella hung out, what did yall do, but i was like away from the computer, and yeah, so when i came back i said huh, and she be like oh nvm...well lets put it dis way wut did you do today, and i was like chill, and she goes with who? and iwas like with DAMN PEOPLE! wth. she always be rollin her eyes at me and shit, gurl nuhuh.. then sunday becky came over we went to springridge, we also went to starbuks by albertsons. oh yea, and she played with raees. one on one' ;) lol. anyways. so today raees and matt went to gss! lol! i told him that they werent going to let him in, and he was like why not, ill just say im your cousin. so i was like okay, and then he came and ms.cheryl was like 'rocio ur cousin is here, if you want to eat with him, you can eat with him on the bench.' i was like aite thats tite, so it was me raees matt sittin in the front bench. wtf. lol, and then so i went back to throw something away , and i told chris that raees wanted to see him , and i told sella also, and they kinda went to see him, thats koo! huh! chris and raees get along i guess that koo. yeah. raees is like gettin on my like really good side. lol i think he gettin cooler by the second lol.. he better not do anything stupid for me to think he is gay again. haha. anyways, oh yeah i think he is comin to my house on wenday cus as u kno its my birthday :):):) and like my cousins is comin and his gf marcella is comin too, and my dad gets all crazy wit them here and i feel uncorfotable cus like, my brother has his cousin and dey the same age, adn like everyone gots them someone to talk to, but me! so yeah i told him to come, oh well, whocares wut my daddy and mommy gon say u kno? lol, ill jus make em put another plate or somethin, i dont like like being ignored, and they ignore me alot. haha, so thats why im always in my room when they here, and they alwasys me fun of me. they say im like a geek. im like yeah yeah, W?E! haha. so ye he comin. OH GEEZ! chingy is cute. hehe idk. he is. i think. sometimes. ;) ::::::::C'mere, let me touch on you, I let you touch on me Put my tongue on you, you put your tongue on me Let me ride on you and you can ride on me We can do it all the night, we can have a baller night:::::::: lol i kno that doesnt make me look like the best kind of gurl when i say thats my favorite part of the whole song. haha. wanna get to know you....G UNIT MOTHA FUKAS! aw. laci+xavier= cute ness hehe. ttyl. so how can i say i love you when all i wanna do is forget u... post comment

hiiiii. [07 Mar 2004|12:41am] [ mood | guilty ] [ music | game over. ] waoh, i had the best day today. altho it would be against some people. and i dont knw why. fuck this. sella, u kno, u know how much this is affecting me. and i love you so much, because you are willing to listen to me, and i cannot belive i started just cryin tellin you my life story, and telling you all my problems, and just BLAH we were in the street. lol i had lots of fun wit you! oh shit, he loox easy! haha, man 6 hours! porque tenes esa estrella en tu culo!? lmao! anywyas, good day good day, huggy bear rocks my world! yeah! all that shit is killing me. all of it. AW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xaiver and laci! OMG!lol! i swear i was so fukin goin to crak up laughin!! i could NOT belive whati was seeing!! them holding hands down the road! WTH! LOL! omg but so so so so cute!! i love u jenny. ugh, i guess im the only one who gets it. small skoo, small world, same people.... till i came along..my name is change. change is also referred as fear. sorry to be your problem. i'll be out and about... in three months.. sry for the two years of shit. i dont mean it. i swear. all i ever wanted was to be cared bout. jus wanted someone to call my friend. my bestfriend. found some of those who i call my bestfriends and its always ended up bein your friends.. your her BEST fuckin friend ever in thsi whole intire intire WORLD is sella and I WILL NEVER CHANGE THAT AND NOONE ELSE WILL EITHER! i know that. i respect that. and i was scared u were gon get lke this. u said u didnt mind. i knew u did. but i just cant stop from being wit dis gurl. we like 'click'. but you are her family. im just a close friend. please........dont hate me... for my name is just change. im something different that came in to the small world that was..always the same... and same for u dannielle millard. im sry. eh...this isnt the place for me. lol, like everplace i go to. -i guess the place for me. is like inside myself. ----- whatever. -- :'( then he's on my mind. -when i kno its stupid. --he's on my mind, like everysecond. ---and im like inlove with a guy, that is almost so imposssibly weird to love. ----no contact with him. never was. obviously never will be. he dosnt seem interested. well sometimes he does sometimes its lke......? and the world keeps spinning....... -rite? 1 comment|post comment

hey..its me. [05 Mar 2004|10:38pm] [ mood | numb ] [ music | luda ] well hello. i feel so stupid, and bad. u dont know how much i wanted to go to the game, because i never go, and because i just felt like being there for my bestfriends. :( but i couldnt. ugh. i wish i could have been there to cheer them up. uh i suck. anyways..... so my birthday is in 5 days. belive it? i'll be 15 . gosh. time goes by so fast. ahh i cant belive this. its weird. but anyways, since im going to mexico hopefully (cancun) or someplace with a beach, in springbreak. so im not doing anything with my friends, so i planned that we would go do something. but i cant invite everyone because theres just SOME people i want there. and i dont want to be mean, but i also have to pay for some of the money of the food we gon eat. or for all of it lol. and i dont want like a kazillion people there cus im already gettin all the money i can out of my parents for the trip, and bl. :-/ yeha so anyways, i hope he goes tho. that'd be like the best present ever! lol, gosh i'd be like so happy. i think i could say it was my best birthday ever if i had the people i wanted there, and he was there, and i just got to TOUCH him, i dont recal EVER touching him. anyways, sella omg i'm so happy for u! i bet u cant wait to see ur daddy! u dont kno how much that makes me happy, to kno u are happy bout it. :):):):) when u feel pain, im feelin it, when u feel joy, im feelin it......hehe. i had fun wit u ellen. father robert is like BLAH! haha. nice talking to u. actually if u see, thats one of my interests talking to ellen. lol, and brandi i miss u!!! miss talkin to u and stuff like that. yeah i cnat wait till tommorw. sella is comin over at like 10-11, and she leavin late! yeah! we are gon have so much fun! yay!. i'll show u the secret place sella. :) its nothin special but hey i like it. its KEWL! ha. im missing something. this one if for my baby i cant stop myself from thinking about you, you've stolen the biggest part of my heart. everynight when falling asleep, i desire one thing-your presence. i just want to feel you nect to me, the heat of your body against mine. your hands on my hips, and the sweet smell that sorrounds us. your lips gently pressed over mine. and the passion that over comes our bodys. the first time we glanced at eachtother i saw the spark in your eyes, i realized you were the one ..... the one who'd make my dreams. yeah geez, i kno that sucks. :( but i try alot. lol. ugh........chris is not talking to me! :( and yeah. well neither is alex, but alex never talks to me. after a while....it becomes numb.... and all i want to feel is your love. post comment

hello. [04 Mar 2004|04:20pm] [ mood | satisfied ] [ music | the music of my heart! ET! lol ] so today during computer, the girls found out that supposedly the mother of a student in our class is reading our blurtys. and calling other parents to tell them about it. okay if this IS true, and if you are the mother, and you are reading this...i have a few words for you, and really no direspect, or anything, but you shouldnt be in here in the first place..not even MY mother who is the one who should care about this READS MY private feelings and life, because if you read you'll judge. seriously i dont know what you get out of reading through our little pointless lifes.? dont you have other things to do, than sit here and read young girls journals for your own kind of 'sick' pleasure? parents are involved in our lives 98% of my life, my mother atleast. and that 2 other percent if for my own, and this is what takes up my two remaining percents, and if my mother dosnt care about reading this, why would you ? you are taking the 2 percent away from me, when it dosnt even belong to my MOTHER! when you DONT EVEN KNOW ME. ofcourse, you are going to tell all the other mothers or parents as possible, 'oh my goodness, can you belive how much this child says bad words? for goodness sake, she is going to go straight to hell' this language is simply used in this, and when i want to use it...i dont use it against any one so i suspect it dosnt bother God, why should it bother you? and the worst thing is, that you think we are the bad ones, when you are getting into ourlives without even being invited in ANY way. do you think this pleases God? do you think YOU are doing the right thing? ofcourse, we fault, we make mistakes, we do bad things, some of us ofcourse, and we do whatever, but that is our lifes. and we take responsiblity for it, you shouldnt care. and whatever we do, we do because we think its what we should do. and if its the wrong thing to do, let our mothers teach us that, let our mothers show us the way, ok? when you make a mistake, you learn from it. THE LAST THING I NEED IS A WOMAN A GROWN WOMAN, READING MY PERSONAL INNER THOUGHTS, WHEN IT IS NON OF HER BUISNNES AT ALL. and if this whole thing about her reading our blurtys isnt true, guess what?....i just made myself look like a dumbass....oh man, did i just use faul language? my battery is dying so ill write to u later! byebye guys! this emptyness is building up........... when will it stop? post comment

yeah. [03 Mar 2004|10:21pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | beyonce ] so guess what, i'll be 15 in 7 days!! yay. i hope people dont forget like last year. aw, xavier just told me he likes laci, yeah i already knew that ..THATS SO CUTE!. i'm glad he dosnt "like" me anymore so i dont have to worry about him being stupid about aaron again. yay! dammit, i cant stop thinking about him. i wish i was beside him, u dont know how much i just want to feel his scent, and feel his touch. am i truly inlove with this boy? or is it just something else.? im confused. sella yeah i have a feeling he is that 'it' but if not, i wish it will be him. hehe. :) i love him when everything seems bad, look up to the sky, and think about how many times that sky was covered with black clouds, and how it recoverd and became the most beautiful thing. when u feel the most alone, think about how much Jesus loves you. and if you dont yet comprehend how much Jesus did for us, go watch the passion of the chris, i bet u'd be shittin ur pants. we complain too much. thank for what u got, and shut da hell up. life is a bitch. correct, but if Jesus can get up, so can u. I know its hard, like reallly realllllly really hard, to actually do, what im saying. i have problems with doing what i say, and no, im not being a hipocrate, because im not saying i do all this, im just saying this is what we all should do. you hurt me but i learned alot along the way......... post comment

hi hi hi. [03 Mar 2004|07:43pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | whatever comes on... ] so today, was my interview, i was very nervous, and i thought it was at 7:30, my mother called me and told me....rocio its 5:30, and your interview is at 6:30. so i hurried up, and we left at 5:45. got there 10 minutes early. to find my gggreat friend ellen :) its so weird! me and her okay like the testing day, we had the same room, and we sat next to each other. we had our interview on the same day, and at the same exact time. and ALL of our electives are the same! lol, yeah weird huh!? she looked so pretty. i LOVE her shoes! gurl they the coolest. my lady i forgot her name but she was so cool, she was ilke so down to earch, and she likes guatemala, so i was like hey awesome atleast we have one thing in common, lol. so her and my mom got it off, and started talking alot, and i was like yeah ok. lol. this lady goes 'aw look at u, so cute' lol i was like uhm YEAH U BI BITCH! lol jk. but anyways, the gurl that was in the waiting room i guess u could call it was soo fukin nice. i was like waoh. lol. uhm...yeah. this pain is just too real, theres just too much that time cannot erase..... and again i miss those eyes........ post comment

[02 Mar 2004|08:53pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | maroon5. ] halo. he said he loved me and always would today. :) :) (tipSy is on-yeeeeeAH sella) dude cody is mean. he said that him, and all the other guys thought i had an ugly face but a nice body. wtf. that was mean. :( im ugly :( see i told u sella, tipdrill(the song) and i had a connection since the day i heard it :-/ SuRfNaKeD10: i think im gunna deep-throat tonight. chikalatina: HAHA, U WISH. haha, sella. :-P lmao. eh, drama was fun, cus i was talkin in spanish to everyone. lol, in the funny type of spanish voice i do. lol, that was funny. HOW U LIKE IT DADDY, FROM THE FRONT, HOW U LIKE IT DADDY, FROM THE BACK. lol, micheal fingered a computer to get it going faster?! LMAO. aww i love laci. she makes me so confident, and makes me feel good. when im feelin down she always thur for me. im here for u too gurl. :) thanks. and i hope so.. god!! i CANNOT take it ANYMORE. i need to see him. i've been lookin at this picture forever. eh :-/ i wish i could jus go to his apartment and find him, and give him this big ass hug. and spend a long time wit him. hhaha, yeeeeeeeah rite.. alex is bein mean to me...blahhhh. and so is chris....bllllllllllahhhhhggg. oh well whocares. "there are just some people in your life that make everything worth it. theyre the people that make you smile by just simply being, they dont need to be or do anything more. theyre the kind of people who you love. simply because. because somehow theyve worked their way into your heart, and they become a part of you. with all the things theyve done that dont matter. and the things that matter too much. most of all, you know that youre a better person just for knowing them, and that I think, is the greatest gift someone can give. to prove yourself worthy of meaning so much to someone that youve made them the person they are today. and knowing that you’ll be a part of them forever." that was written by *ellen* props to da white gurl. :):):) I wont stop loving u, and I wont stop kissin you Your the reason why...... I smile And I wont stop holding you, And I wont stop loving you, Your the reason why..... I smile I love you more everyday, You show me love in every way, Theres nothing left for me to say, but i love you, I love you more everyday, You show me love in every way, Theres nothing left for me to say, but i love you, More and more everyday.... god i love that song...so much. ¸,¡|IvI|¡,¸ ¹i|¡,¡||i¹ aw does that look like lips? long ago and oh so far away, i fell inlove with you--and your guitar and u sound so sweet in play, but your not really here-- dont you remember you told me you loved me baby you said you'd be coming back this way again...baby baby baby baby ohhh baby i love you.....i really do. lonelyness is such a sad effect and i cant hardly wait baby no i cant to be with you again...and what to say to make you come again hm.ohh honey come on back to me again...i want to be i want to be anywhere you are. everybody is loooking for that something one thing that makes it all complete you'll find it in the stragest places places u never knew it could be....some find it the faces of their children some find it in their lovers eyes. who can dneny the joy it brings when u find that special thing.... ur flying without wings. u gotta fight for every dream..cus whos to kno the one u let go...... could have made u complete......... today was a good day i suppose. OMG! no!! my BITCH FUCKING BITCH cousin is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! monica is coming to my house! monica=my bitch cousin! omggggg no!!!!!!!!!! for 4 days!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im gonna die!!!!!!!!! D____I____E___!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate her. BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BITCH!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love a. sella loves a. A will be marked upon our hearts for as long as it can. is it that easy to mistake love with lack of love? u kno? oh gosh, since im going to cancun for my birthday (hopefully) and im gonna be alone as like people of my age. i am planing on goin to the beach and laying there bymyself at night.and stay there as long as i can until i freak out and think someone is goin to rape me.-- i gotta feelin this trip goin to be good. thatd be so cool if i met a cute guy there, and we chilled, like made a new friend and he kept me company so i wont be as bored... :):) thatd be awesome...uh now i REALLY want that to happen. my hopes are gettin too high, and i dont want to be dissapointed..:-/ man wouldnt that be so cool if i met a guy or a koo gurl and became their friend and chilled wit them!? i prefer a boy..:-P et i wish it happens! eeeeeeee. i miss those eyes. post comment

hi. [01 Mar 2004|11:36pm] hey well today i got alot to talk about!!! omg xavier made my day! he gave me the wedding pictures to look at. god i kno, he( "he" is not xavier! im talkin about aaron duhduh) doesnt look that good in the picture but its like when i like a guy i rate him a 10 even if he is really a 5 in looks, but no no no im not saying he is a 5 in looks, i give him a 9. thats pretty good i guess. well thats just me. idk. ellen, sella, laci, and monica, thot he was like ehhhh. gosh monica is weird. i mean i always considered her one of my bestfriends but i kno she dosnt consider me that at all. for some reason i feel she fukin hates me. like alot. i dunno. she started being nice to me after i told her i had the pictures, so i guess she was actually interested in looking at them so she started being nice. do i hate fake people or WHAT. and HEllO i never told her how 'ugly' i thot xavier was and she goes 'ayy que asco' when she saw aarons pic uhm sry hun.....BUT el burro hablando de orejas- and i guess jk. aayy que aso means.. ew how discusting. DUDE! SELLA! imma call her "HER" so if she reads it she wont kno who im talking about ...uh wait she will lol but other people wont so she is 'her'. gosh like when im with her sella, its like i forgive everything she has ever done to me, or put me thru. but when she walks away, and i think about EVERYTHING she said, and did. i hate her. because like- how could she have done that to her bestfriend? i think sometimes...was i her bestfriend? to me she was, but was i to her? she OBVIOUSLY had NO respect for me at ALL. or her family. psh, no wonder he is so 'inlove' with her! HEHEHE SUCKER. lol juss playin. anyways...... sella put makeup on it, wait that dosnt work ur face is too ugly! HAHAHA thats what we gonna call it 'face' lol. dude i imagine the people that dont kno me and read my blurty are like what the fuk is her problem. man, u gotta kno me to kno why i act dis koo. . the spanish of 'ur strait trippin' aha. ah sella had fun wit u on the phone last night for 3 hours! lol, we could have a whole conversation talkin like devil children. lol. are u bored? are u tired? is your sexual life not goog enough for you?.. if so call 1-800-get-a- REAL-penis. hah added the REAL there lol. dude ignacio got u so bad with the 'animal' thing. oh and thanks for the pb&j in da shape of an R.. eh, my mom was starting to talk serious to me about the whole BL thing, and the money situation. even if i do get in, i seriously doubt that i will be able to afford the money. so im probly going to go to a public school. in a way i want to, because bl seems too stuck up for me. but all my friends are goin there. and i kinda want to go to a private skoo cus of the uniforms. i HATE uniforms, but then again...i dunno, i guess i jus feel like we have ONE less thing to critize people on. and if we critize less, well duh thats good! but i dont kno, i've moved so many times i guess one more time wont hurt..will it? i miss my cousins. even tho they are just an illusion. an illusion of actually being my cusins! they act like my enimies. like my cousin marianna, she hates me because she thinks im pretty, im tall, im skinny, im not as dark as her, im the tottal oposite of her, and she hates me for that. ( but im not all that super great) (damn!!!!!!!!!) ( and if i am like that she should me happy for me!! nothing else!! )my other cousin she aight..she gettin betta everyday i guess she 22 tho. so she more like my brothers friend. noone in my family is close in age with me, just my cousin alex he 16. but i guess thats idk, besides i havnt hung out wit him in a long time. but that boy uu he got some fine ass lokin friends. cough danny *!*!*cough cough andres* cough haha, that was his friends a long time ago. gosh did i have the biggest crush on danny! haha, when i lived wit my cousins for 4 months it was fun, cus they rich so they got like a four wheeler,and like a bunch of cars, and bikes, and shit so we would go out, and like drive round da neighborhood, cus they also lived in a private neighborhood, anywyas, and like when we came out, allll the hott people or people would come out, and its weird like that in guatemala all the hott people are rich. like not sayin because they are rich they are hot, but they are hott. lol idk. yeah anyways, so he would always wear a red or whatever color baseball cap. hah, a hat. idk wutever u call it, and omg u dont kno how much hats turn me on! lol i dunno why like if im walkin in tha mall and i see a guy with a hat on i automatically think he is hott. like not being able to see his face gives me curiosity and thats sexy lol. im weird. anyways, yeah so it was like so fun. and we would lke race around the neighborhood. cus everyone brought their 'toys' out. lol, and my cus would go in da car. then we would go around and buy 'chocobananos' u kno? yeah, and uhm i was walking and i saw all these guys in the like corner of this one house, and i walked up and go 'alex?' and he jus like looked at me like wtf. and i was like oh, cus member i was like 11, he was like 14. and i go are u smocking? and he looked at his friends and he looked at me and goes, 'uhm yea' and i go, 'oh koo, aight bye' lmao. i was trying to like scare him for him to say no, and yeah but it didnt work. lol eeee. sry shit im blusing..i kno why. ugh. anyways..... i miss guate. u should too.. :) let the rain fall down......... and wake my dreams ........let it wash away my .sanity. ............. post comment

[01 Mar 2004|08:09pm] uh i had just wrote this whole thing but yea uhm ill write when i get home teacher in da house post comment

for ma gurl sella... [29 Feb 2004|02:30pm] [ mood | hot ] [ music | oh yeah, hot as hell baby...lol jus playin. ] Teen drinking is very bad. Yo I got a fake id though. Yeeah, yeeah, yeeah, yo, 2 step with me, 2 step with me. 1, here comes the 2 to the 3 to the 4, Everybody drunk out on the dance floor, Babygirl ass jiggle like she want more, Like she a groupie and I aint even on tour, Maybe cause she heard that I rhyme hardcore, Or maybe cause she heard that I ride out the stores, Bottom of the 9th in the series gotta score, If not i gotta move on to the next floor, Here comes the 3 to the 2 to the 1, Homeboy trippin' he don't know I got a gun, When it come to pop man we do this for fun, You aint got one nigga you betta run, Now i'm in the back gettin head from my hunz, While she goin down i'm breakin down what i done, She smokin my stuff sayin she aint havin fun, Chick give it back now you don't get none. Now everybody in the club gettin tipsy, everybody in the club gettin tipsy, Now everybody in the club gettin tipsy, Everybody in the club gettin tipsy, Now everybody in the club gettin tipsy, Everybody in the club gettin tipsy, Now everybody in the club gettin tipsy, Everybody in the club gettin tipsy. 2, here comes the 3 to the 4 to the 5, Now i'm lookin at shorty right in the eyes, Couple seconds passed now i'm lookin at her thighs, While she tellin me how much she hate her guy, Said she got a kid but she got her tubes tied, If you 21 girl that's alright, I wonder if a shake comin with them fries, If so baby can i get em super sized, Here comes the 4 to the 3 to the 2, She started feelin on my johnson right out the blue, Girl you super thick so i'm thinkin that's koo, Bit instead of 1 lifestlye i need 2 Her eyes got big when she glanced at my jewels, Expression on her face like she aint got a clue, And she told me she don't run with a crew, You know how i do but i guess why i gotta do. 3, here comes the 4 to the 5 to the 6, I could spend ? i aint gotta say i'm rich, This single man aint tryna get hitched, Nigga waste it on me man son of a bitch, Brushed it all off now i'm back to gettin lit, Grisa orange juice man this some good ish, Homeboy trippin cause i'm starin at his chick, Now he on the sideline starin at my clique, Here comes the 5 to the 4 to the 3, Hands in the air if you cats drunk as me, Club on the set kwon cut out them trees, Dude i don't care i'm a p.i.m.p. Everybody in the club gettin tipsy, Everybody in the club gettin tipsy, Everybody in the club gettin tipsy, Everybody in the club gettin tipsy. the person who wrote dis dont kno its not 'everybody' its errrrrrbody! nigga please. tipSy. i love u nakka.. hehe :) midS* fo life! rite? hehe. bye my sexay accomplice... hahah...;) post comment

what a wonderful time. [29 Feb 2004|01:57pm] [ mood | energetic ] [ music | slow motion !! who eva sings dis. ] well todays been pretty long so far. im waiting for my mom to come hoome, we are going shopping. yea. anyways, becky left at 12:15. omg becky WAS becky!! the one we miss and love!! yes, its true. she was becky the 7th grade becky well in a cooler not that hyperish mood. :):) i had so much fun. geez, i realize how much i miss her. and how much she means to me, and what a fucking strong bond we had, but how easily it was torn apart. but hey when we are together the bond comes back again, and its like when we are together it all goes goes back, well atlesat sometimes, bcause like last weekend when she came she was not the type of becky i really miissed, i felt kinda weird around her, and at the mall it was weird cus she was being a lil bit too hyperish, but yeah, i mean this time it was jus perfect lol. i was kind of scared of how she was going to act when she got here. and yea thankgod lol, she did not have white eyelashes. hehe. she looked so pretty i swear, i told her that, my mom did, jennys mom did, her day was being filled with compliments. lol. shiiit we walked to the mal, and i was acting like i was on the hone with jenny but it was really marsella, and we walked into target and i turned around and i go JENNY! jenny was there! ::):):):):) and becky totally fucking spased out and started yelling lmao, jennys mom was like omg shh. lol, it was kinda embarrasing. hehe. but its all good. yeah, well then we were at the mall for like the longest time, and i was not bored for ONE second...the richardson mall, belive it? no, didnt think so ! that mall is so small, and not interesting lol, me and aaron call it the shitty mall. but we were in barns n nobles looking at magazines for a long ass time. i love doing that. i dunno why tho. then anyways, we went aroudn she bought a purse, and a watch both really pretty yes ofcourse. then we got this awsome handcuff bracelet but she kept it, lol, at claires..its so cool. lol and i got to miny tiny candcuffs. lol they fit around my thumbs but hey we can still get kinky wit it ;) lol jus playin.anyways, later on we came home, and we started dancing, becky was making me feel so bad. she was saying how much she hated me cus i can dance..supposedly..but so she asked me to teach her to dance, and yeah she did kinda get better at it, but she good at it. i tought her to dance dis salsa song thing. she good! practice makes perfect. i felt like a dance teacher, i was like 'now move your hips, and take control of your legs, put feeling into it' hhaha....well she also talked to cyd on da phone.. yippppe. while she did that i sent aaron a long email...yea. then i went to take a shower..i felt nasty lol. then we had alot of fun! cus i was making fun of her soo bad!! and she slapped me cus she was pissed and was like stop! so i threw a cup of water on her.. and got up and she got her cup of water and poured it on me....lol. but yea i got hyper after she hung up. oh yeah, me and raees are koo now i guess, (yeah and i am sayin koo, lmao..but i said cool, yesterday to him, and he goes 'what?' 'you mean kool' and i go no..i ment 'koo' lol) anyways yea so we tite now i guess he said he 'ilu for now and ever' or something...maybe he was referring to becky but he knew it was me.i dunno. anyways...yeah so it was so fun...i miss her already i really want to go see the passion of christ.. wheres my mom? havnt talked to him on the phone for like a while.....:( lol. becky said 'uh, i wanna see this guy, i wanna see whats the big deal about him' lol, she ment like talking to him. ...i want to feel your body next to mine.... do not do this to me............ post comment

another day goes by...who knows if i can take it. [28 Feb 2004|11:11am] [ mood | satisfied ] I can't believe i believed everything we had would last So young and naive for me to think She was from your past Silly of me to dream of One day having your kids Love is so blind It feels right when it's wrong I can't believe I fell for four years And I'm smarter than that So young and naive to believe that wth me You're a changed man Foolish of me to compete When you cheat with loose women It took me some time but now I moved on Cuz I realized I got me, myself, and I That's all I got in the end That's what I found out And it ain't no need to cry I took a vow that from now on I'm gonna be my own best friend So controlling, Usaid that U loved me But you don't Your family told me one day I would see it on my own Next thing you know I'm dealing With your 3 kids and my home I've been so blind It feels right when it's wrong Now that it's over Stop calling me Come pick up your clothes No need to front like your still with me All your homies know Even your very best friend Tried to warn me on the low It took some time But now I am strong Me, Myself, and I I know that I will never disappoint myself All the ladies if you feel me Help me sing it now Ya, you hurt me But I learned alot along the way After all the rain You'll see the sun come out again I know that I will never disappoint myself... --because since the day i met you, there is nothing that will make me more complete than to think you love me-- hehe, yesterday was a cool day ! last period was awesome! me and laci! sex soo good you cant do it enof..bounce dat ass. gosh laci i told you they were looking!! ah. lol. lmao becky just called me and we sang that whole beyonce song on the phone..hah, i bet my brother was like wtf is she doing!? cus he can hear me..ehe it was fun... ............* post comment

young crazy world. [27 Feb 2004|11:25pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | maroon 5! ] yay! sella i finally got the backround i realy like. omg, sella i cant belive we are bassically going thru the same shit. kept playing love, like it was just a game. why is it that when we dont feel love, we most desire it, but when it is in our hands...you'd do anything not to get hurt, when loving is hurting... i can't see myself wit out u. if u fellin like a pimp nigga, go on and brush ur shouldas off. get dat dirt off ur shouldas... i put my tounge on you, now u put your tounge on me. well, lately i've been doing good. my mom found out.. she saw my arm. i was like shit. but we talked. she kind of over talked. i was like shut up please. but...i mean i love her. she is my one, and my only. without her i would be nothing. she has never not been there. and yes she has messed up in her life, but she has lived really hard. i admire her. she is such a strong person. loving him, is like loving a star. i feel so close to it, but impossible to touch it. and that makes me want him more..the fact that i kno, that its hard enough to get close.. to be close to him, touch him..feel his presence. i had a dream that i was sitting with him, and it was this moment thing, and i put my head on his shoulder, and he looked for my face and kissed me. gosh..it'd be great huh!? lol. i love when your with the guy you like (love) whatever u be feelin for da fool, and he is holding u by your waist, and your hands are around his neck, and your close to him, and can feel him breathing..and you can smell him...hopefully he smells goood. i think that is such a perfect moment. just standing there with the guy. its an awesome feeling. only happend once to me, but hey it was awwww. the thing i remember the most is his smell. and no im not talking about him (aaron) im talking about him (the ex)..gosh sometimes im like wtf, why do u still think about da ex..ahah, because i need something to think about when i think about 'love' because i thought that was """"love"""" he is just in a way a good memory. like foreal he is the only guy i dont regret going out with...weird huh. sometimes its like i wanna call him, and talk to him for hours like i use to, because it was easy to talk to him. but i kno he hates me now, because i was a bitch to him after i broke up with him. i hated him. for doing what he was doing. and i still hate him to an extent. he is certainly in the past..but i dont know, i had alot of fun of him, and experienced alot. he was a good thing that happend to me, to realize what bad things looked like. hah. damn do u realize, its almost going to be a year that me and him broke up!? A YEAR! god. thats so long. time goes by so fast! omg. off him..cus im kinda freaking myself out talkin about him. - nothing more to say but saying nothing is like not saying you like saying nothing when nothing is saying nothing at all. wut! idk wtf i just wrote , but im keepin in here. cus its koo! i <3 aaron. and yeah, this time i'll use his name. i need to start admiting it to myself. that even if he dont feel the same for me, that hey i already put myself in the position so there you go..i love aaron. aaroon!! omgsh, i hope he never reads my blurty, cus if he does, shit he is never going to talk to me again thinking im some kind of fuckin freak. lmao. LMFAO XXXavier is like weird with his lil asshole moods when he is mean to people, but besides that he is SO FUNNY! omg. 'im not going to look at porn, and watch the date on my cell phone, its soooo cool!' lmfao....AHA. ok its an inside joke...wtf since when did i start gettin inside jokes wit xxxavier?! lol. christian has perfect hair rite guys?! and his teeth are actually gettin straight !! what a cutie. :) dsr is really pretty...i was lookin at her, she has a pretty face. my moma said she was da prettiest gurl in da class. da lace is da hottest shit in da place! hi my goodshepherd friends. because i kno noone else is goin to read this! and if you dont kno me at all! comment please! because you'll make my day! .....and pangea...dosnt exist.....sucks huh. i could ride a bike to china if i wanted to if pangea was still around....sike suckers!! i dont have a bike!! lol..wtf. ok i think im too tired now. aah...sry sella that im stealing ur sucker shit.hehe can someone please tell me and sella why you would name arestuarant BONE DADDYS? wtf what kind of bitch would want to BONE their DADDY!!! hell...not me!! lmao. cus i wont say goodbye anymore...more like....badbye! wooah! why dont we say that now a days? badbye! how about no.. okay.sleepy. No pares, SIGUE, SIGUE. No pares, SIGUE, SIGUE. No pares, SIGUE, SIGUE. No pares, SIGUE, SIGUE. No pares, SIGUE, SIGUE. No pares, SIGUE, SIGUE. No pares, SIGUE, SIGUE. No pares, SIGUE, SIGUE. UH! CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE, CHOCO. UH! DE CANELA, DE CANELA, DE CANELA, DE CA. UH! CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE, CHOCO. UH! DE CANELA, DE CANELA, DE CANELA, DE CA. SE LA LLEVO EL TIBURON, EL TIBURON! AHI ESTA EL TIBURON AHI ESTA EL TIBURON SE LA LLEVO EL TIBURON EL TIBURON!!!!!! yeah baby!! HELL YEAH!! SE LA LLEVO!!!! yo rompere tus photos yo quemare tus cartas, para no verte mas, para no verte mas.. I wont stop loving u, and I wont stop kissin you Your the reason why...... I smile And I wont stop holding you, And I wont stop loving you, Your the reason why..... I smile I love you more everyday, You show me love in every way, Theres nothing left for me to say, but i love you, I love you more everyday, You show me love in every way, Theres nothing left for me to say, but i love you, More and more everyday... Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep, this air is blessed, you share with me This night is wild, so calm and dull, these hearts they race from self control Your legs are smooth, as they graze mine, ee're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all My hopes are so high, that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I die happy? My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, Or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer. The words are hushed lets not get busted, just lay entwined here, undiscovered Safe from the earth and all the stupid questions... "Hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb. Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear, so we can get some And you kissed me like you meant it And I knew that you meant it. How can you ache and crave for someone's touch When you have never felt it? I do this for yours, though, And the yearning grows more each day I breathe in so hard Trying to catch my breath when we can't talk I close my eyes so tight Hoping when I open them you will be there But I know I have to wait Until the time is right It seems so far away That I think I am losing my mind I want to breathe in your scent And keep it with me all day long I want to taste your love for me By kissing your sweet lips ...........I want to feel your body next to me i can't stop thinking of you. your eyes they glared into mine..endles times i've craved for your touch..your body pressed over mine. thats what i wish for tonight. but thats way too much to ask for..but i just might take the 'risk' of loving you without a doubt-but those doubts have piled-up to so many. and i've gathered so many specs of fear...that if i am deceived once again- i dont know if i will ever be able to trust anyone again. although i still await for the day when you come up to me tell me you love me and that you and i should be.... i wrote that one! ^ i kno sucks sucks... a love like ours comes once in a lifetime. and i cant let this love slip away. your all i've ever wanted you've all i've ever needed. i love you more and more each day. aint nobody ever made me feel the way i feel. i feel about u, so tell me that u feel the same way i do........i love u. i want u, and all that ido, is think about you. know that you're the one and love will survive no ones ever made me feel so alive... It was no accident me finding you Someone had a hand in it Long before we ever knew Now I just can't believe you're in my life Heaven's smilin' down on me As I look at you tonight Soft moonlight on your face oh how you shine It takes my breath away Just to look into your eyes I know I don't deserve a treasure like you There really are no words To show my gratitude sunny days woudlnt be special if it wasnt for rain.joy wouldnt feel so good if it wasnt for pain.death gotta be easy cause life is hard it will leave you physically mentally and emotionally scarred. If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them. Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say. We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere. you've got to fight for every dream cus whos to know which one u let go could have made u complete. baby cant u see, im calling, a guy like you should wear a warning..it's dangerous..i'm falling...theres no escape, i can't wait..i need a hit, give it to me, you're dangerous..i'm loving it..tonight can't calm down, losin my head, spinning round and round, do you feel me now? with the taste of ur lips i'm on a ride, your toxic tongue slippin mine...with the taste of poison paradise..i'm addicted to you..don't you know that your toxic? and i love what you do..don't you kno that ur toxic? intoxicated now with your lovin now, i think im ready , intoxicated , with your lovin ..i think im ready now.. tomame como el tequila de un golpe y sin persarlo...... post comment

yeah...im coming out. [26 Feb 2004|09:12pm] [ mood | thirsty ] [ music | BOUNCE DAT ASS! ] i'm kinda coming out of my whole. im not as sad anymore. geez, i mean i was the last one I expected to see depressed, because i had always seen myself as a strong person, but i come to realize every day, what a weak kid i am. he was making me feel really good yesterday. see- the things i dont know, is if he REALLY means what he is saying, or expects me to know, he's kidding? but i think he's not.well i hope he isnt. it's so dumb, he lives 5 minutes away from me. and the last time i saw him was like a month ago. ah. -gosh, sella im sorry about kevin. what an asshole, dude, sayin 'lol' after u ask a question like that!?! guys can be so decieving and dont forget this sayin becky said to me, these arent the exact words but this is what she ment ok ' once you start feeling for the person, wheter you let go, hold on tighter...whatever you do, your gonna get hurt, because you already put yourself in the position' us gurls are so weak...we belive everything they say and maybe they mean what they say in that moment..maybe they are trying to lie to themselves? maybe or maybe they kno all along- whatever it is, i guess i will never kno. just kno seellla, that you a great person, a great friend, you have an awesome personality, you are beautiful..trust me you will find the guy that will respect that in you and will love you unconditionaly. i promise. because you are worth it and so much more. and i am here for you, whenever you need someone to talk to ! NEVER FORGET THAT NAKKA. _:::__no more_:::_dRaMa_:::_ ^ ehe, that was kinda gay. -:-::this love is taking me over::-:- this love IS taking me over...he's on my fucking mind every day! (hour actually..i would say minute but i dont want to freak you out) ......................and the world keeps spinning.. post comment

* [26 Feb 2004|08:24pm] [ mood | horny ] [ music | uhm again jus playin. ] i always bring up the pre. so if by now its getting on your nerves! sorry...i just feel the need to bragg...well cus not only was it the awesomest night but it was my first concert wit ma friends!! but im a geek.yup. post comment

pisssed. [26 Feb 2004|08:13pm] [ mood | diiiiiirrrrrrrrrtyy XXX!! ] [ music | laci singing--> :-0 ] hi, well i'm at school right now. and just like everyone we are on the internet looking at journals. but for some reason i see people reading....MY journal. gosh, i mean uh...i dont want EVERYONE to read my journal because it says some things i dont want them to read. intimate things. which if everyonr knows my blurty thing, then everyone is going to kno everything about me. and guess what...i dont want that at all, because if i wanted everyone to kno eevrything about me, i could just post it up on the bullitin board or something!!! i gave it to the people i trusted and that i wanted them to read, and even one that i didnt tell my blurty sn to, knos it but thats okay because she is cool. but hey, now everyone knows it. ah. i dont really appreciate it. i mean big deal about it now. but thank god i kno that people are reading it now, so that i can change it or something. ah. well nevermind.. omg, im so going to get in trouble for my cell phone acount. because i have 50 something text messages. i like receiving them, but im so scared of getting in trouble because if the bill is too high than im so getting my phone taken away from me. haha, but hey i love da people that send me the texts...:) HAHA. laci belived me and aaron when we were saying he was sooo ugly. that he had pimples, unibrow, greasy face. moles. and if you have all that, im sry not to be mean...u kno. but it was so hillarious. she was like OMG ROCIO ARE YOU SERIOUS> AHH GROSS GAG! lol!! oh geez i kno what a camel toe is. LMFAO. and i was thinkin it was a big foot. and when i said a hundred times before...i'll say a thousand more..and you'll never take that away..yeah, i like blue october. i saw them in pre party. they are really awesome, and the dude signed my pants! wooo!! i remember that week i put those capris on like everyday, and i was like "omg becky if people only knew!!' lol she was like uhh shut up! anyways i gotta go from this class in a few so ttyl i love laci. :) post comment

love-it feels right when its wrong. [25 Feb 2004|05:34pm] [ mood | curious ] I love you more than life itself But I’m afraid to love. My heart is like the fragile wings Of a tiny little dove. I'm scared to get too close. I feel that I can't win. You'll love me for a little while Then you'll set me free again. I've lived so long on hopes and dreams I don't know what to do. I don't think I can trust my heart, For it belongs to you. I know you'll only hurt me Yet, I still keep running back. Between the paths of our hearts There's a worn and beaten track. ....You've got my heart held on a string. post comment

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