I got home early, had a bite to eat while watching TV.
I went to sleep and woke to hear my ex leaving.
I took my only space, privacy and ceased the moment to bring alittle pleasure, release into my life. The euphoria was breathtaking.
Another envelope arrived, from my sister. Another generic birthday gift. I love it on normal b-days but turning 30 where is the sentimental thought or intention????
My ex is a slob, driving me nuts with his lazy attitude, behavior and short fuse. I am exhausted in dealing with all this drama that others put on me. But I say something, it would be a whole slew of things that would never end. It would be bitter, hurtful and vengful. No one would come out alive.
I was late leaving to catch my bus to go to my chiropractor appointment. So all the tears I shead, turned my pale face to red and puffy. UGHHHH. So I waited for a bus that did not come, then for a cab.
My appointment is always quick, and I spend the rest of the time chatting.
In my quest to eat healthy this week has sucked. My hormones have gone up and down and all around, I am mushy, emotionaly, falling apart. So I crave everything horrible and evil. So i craved A & W's chubby chicken strips with honey mustard sauce. I ate half the fries. They were delicious.
I headed home, made Aveda soothing & calming tea, watched tv. Headed to bed.
The phone rang, woke me up and very hard to go back to sleep. It was not a very restful sleep.
Woke finally after many snoozes, and started to get ready.
Inquired once again where the money seems to go as my ex can not afford groceries or a b-day cake for me. Even though he set aside $200.00 for my b-day apartently. I know the truth. He does not realize how much I really do know. My heart breaks. He gets mad, angry, aggitated thinking he is soo clever to hide the truth from me.
He is upset that his dad is taking the car into get something done and he will once again have to rely on transportation and is very ungreatful of the luxaries he has.
I try to get ready only to realize I woke him up, how did I do that when he never specified that he was going back to sleep after getting another call from his rents---that are no longer taking him grocery shopping.
oh my day goes on......................................
I end today with the start. My hours are the graveyard. I wish I was challenged, I wish I had love.
After more then 10 years, I start my 30's single. For the first time, ever.
My hopes, dreams, wishes will they ever come true? Who can and will I be able to share these with.
I am delusion about relationships, love did not work...should I try a different approach? How safe will I be? Who will notice if anything happens to me?