Jessie Bess' Blurty

I'm gonna be ok
It's so funny how things always look better in the morning.

I did a lot of writing yesterday. My brother asked me about Tod and everything pretty much came spilling out. We had gone out to dinner with our parents and then they needed to stop at Walgreen's so we were just chilling in the car. He said, "So Tod likes you now?" Lol...so I just started ranting again. It felt good to actually talk about it with someone though. And of course I wrote that long entry. Then I wrote in my non-online journal. Then I was reading some stories in "Chicken Soup for the Christian Teenage Soul" and I swear, God put those stories in there just for me. Nearly all of the ones I had read had to do with just trusting in God and being patient while His plan for me is revealed. I felt so much better after all of that.

I've always been a pretty strong person emotionally. I don't stop eating and sleeping when I get my heart broken. I cry for a while and punch things and scream and write. But pretty much after that I'm alright. And it's really different now that I'm older. I can't let it control the rest of my life. I have to think about going back to school and getting my books and finding a job. I can't wallow in self pity forever. I need to forgive Tod. The sooner I do, the easier it will be to move on. Plus, if I don't, I'll forever feel weird around him. And I don't want to spend the next 4 months avoiding him. I want to be able to go out with all of my friends when we all go bowling or whatever. I REALLY don't want to give up our stupid/scary movie nights...lol. And I know if I avoid him I'll miss him. So, in conclusion, I'm still hurt and it still sucks that he doesn't feel the same for me as I do for him but I'll live.

Peace out.

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: some Nelly Furtado song from her new CD