Witty Title Here   
11:52am 07/02/2004
 
mood: cheerful
music: "Stay or Leave" by Dave Matthews
What a fantabulous night we all had! I just woke up about 45 minutes ago and my eyes are still sleepy. So before I get to President's Ball, let's talk about Friday in general.

Psych was pretty lackluster but still interesting. Right now it's reminding me a lot of AP Bio. And, well, I hated AP Bio and didn't do that well. But maybe because I'm applying these principles to Psych I'm finding it interesting. I can't wait until we're done with this general stuff and we start applying it to cool stuff like stress, sleep, drug addiction, etc. Accounting was brutal. I don't know if it was because it was Friday and I just wanted to be done or what, but man, it went sooo slow. We turned in homework (the last problem of which I forgot to do and didn't remember that I forgot until a minute before we turned it in) and went over it. So I'm not going to get 5/5 on it. I did pretty bad. It's a good thing she only grades on effort and completeness. I'm thinking a Business minor just isn't for me. We'll see. Then, I forgot the quiz got moved to Monday so before class started I was studying my notes like a bat out of hell......lol. Finally class was done and I headed back here for some lunch and to begin the beautification process.

The afternoon consisted of laundry, lunch, emails, showering, painting nails and doing hair. It only took me about 45 mins to do my hair which is pretty cool considering it takes the salon about 3 hours. And it actually look good too! It was sort of reminiscent of Jessica Simpson's wedding hair. Although it did start falling out by the end of the night, despite all the hairspray. I did Liz's hair too and she got lots of compliments. I did those twisty things and curled it. It was really cute. Brian got to Jenny without a hitch and nothing went wrong in the preparation process. When we were all dressed we headed to the great room for some pics. Then we headed out around 6pm to dinner.

We walked out to my car and Brian, being the wonderful gentleman he is, climbed through the snow to get into my car and back it out and THEN he cleaned it off too. Then we headed to Kahunaville. Brian, Liz and I had never been there before but Liz had been to Rainforest Cafe and I guess they are similar. We only waited about 3 minutes. There was a cool fountain show thingy right by our table so we enjoyed that every 20 minutes or whatever it was. The waiter messed up my order. Jenny and I ordered the same thing but I guess he thought we meant we were going to split the order or something. So then he goes to put in my order.....only he brings me what Liz had, not what Jenny had. Oh well, it was still good and it was cheaper so I'm not complaining. And he didn't charge us for drinks. We took a lot of pics there too. We ended up leaving around 8pm.

We got to Kirkhof around 8:30pm and met up with Leah and Keith. We caught the bus downtown just in time! We hit up DeVos Place just after 9pm, when the dancing began. The building is pretty awesome. At first we weren't sure we were in the right place because there was also a golf show going on in the building. The people leaving that probably thought we were a bunch of crazies or something. Lol. But it was the right place and we checked our coats and headed into the dance. The room looked basically like a big empty warehouse. And there was a huge lack of decor. They did have a little promenade with lampposts and some kind of pretty fabric strung between them. There were a couple other places with decorations to take pictures. There was a professional photographer there just like at high school dances. There was a bar and just water for us underage folks (which I heard they ran out of by the end of the night).

So we spent the next 3 1/2 hours dancing our butts off! We all had a really good time and took lots of pictures. Even though it was supposed to be just us girls, I'm really glad Brian came too. He was a lot of fun. And I'm so glad nothing went horribly wrong. Noboday fought, cried, got stood up, or had a really crummy time (at least as far as I know). And I'm glad that I had a good time without a date. I went to a dance in high school once and it was just a group of us but a few people had significant others so I spent a lot of the dance being a wallflower. And I vowed to never go to another dance without a date because I was just that miserable. But it's lots of fun if you go with lots of people with no dates!! :-)

We ended up leaving around 12:30 and catching the first bus that came during our wait. It was a mad rush...good times. While we were waiting I think the girl who was totally plastered by about 10:30pm ( she put on quite a show with her date) was standing next to us waiting with a friend for her date to get the car. She said something sort of off the wall and I think Liz and I must have looked at her. I guess she saw us (or maybe her friend did) and then I heard her say, "They just don't understand." Only it came out more like "The jus' don unnerschland." Drunk people amuse me.

A few highlights of the evening: 1. Liz and I doing interpretive dance at Kahunaville during the fountain show. 2. Brian and his tongue dance....yeah. 3. Wasted girl

So overall some good times with good friends. If you wanna see some pics, here's a link:

http://the-bob.org/~littleliz/gallery/

and then click on President's Ball. Enjoy!
 
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Life is good   
09:27pm 02/02/2004
  This has been an amazing weekend. My life is just on an uphill climb.

Friday was a blast. Liz and I decided to open up our 6 lb. 12 oz. can of Chef Boyardee ravioli. We were determined to eat it all in one night. It didn't happen...lol. We ended up calling for reinforcements (Eric). Liz and I had also decided to have a beauty night. We had gone out to Meijer and bought masks and some ugly lipstick and we were gonna goof around and get all dolled up. Well then Eric was here and plans changed...lol. We ended up looking like Cirque du Soleil folk. We had so much fun. It was just a total blast.

Saturday was Disney on Ice. Liz and I picked up Keriana and headed to Van Andel Arena. Keriana bought a sno-cone in a cool plastic Flounder cup. I ended up buying some cotton candy for $10...yeah it's an outrage...but it DID come with a styrofoam 101 Dalmatians hat which I proudly wore throughout the show. I ended up giving it to Keriana's youngest sister (she's 2). The show was sooo fun! I went to Disney on Ice once when I was about 6 or something so I don't really remember it. It was such a great show! I was like a little kid. Liz and I probably enjoyed it as much as Keriana did.

Yesterday, my parents came to visit. They brought my dress and things for the Presidents Ball. They took Liz and I out to lunch and then to Meijer for groceries.
 
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Yesterday's entry...today   
01:40pm 02/02/2004
 
mood: calm
I wrote this entry yesterday but for whatever reason it wouldn't post. I'll probably post again later today. Later ya'll:

I'm just hoping to get a quick entry in before my parents get here. They are visiting for the day and bringing me my things for President's Ball. So here's a few things I've been thinking about (and meaning to write about):

Chivalry isn't dead. The other day I was headed back from class and on my way to Java City for some hot chocolate. A guy was walking up to the door at the same time. Now, it really makes my day when people are polite enough to wait and hold the door behind them. But not only did this guy do that, he held the door and let me walk in first. I mean, most of the time, people don't even hold the door behind them when I'm like on their heels. But this guy was a few feet ahead of me and held the door and waited. And it just made my day. It's not every day a guy holds a door for ya. :-)

The Bible is cool. I'm reading the New Testament and ya know, Jesus was a cool guy. Lol. I'm not that far into it, but when I was reading the other night, I was thinking, "It doesn't matter who you are or what religion you are, these are fundamental rules that everyone should live by." Things like not bragging when you do good things for others, "judge not, that you not be judged," and that whole thing about trying to remove the speck from your brother's eye when there is a plank in your own. I don't know, I guess it's my bias talking. But I just think that you shouldn't judge others, you shouldn't try to fix others' shortcomings and faults when you have your own to fix first, and we should just overall treat others as we want to be treated. I don't think people need Bibles to tell them this. I'm not slamming the Bible, obviously, because it's what I believe. I 'm just saying that no matter what you believe, these are important morals. I probably sound like a bigot or something. I'm not trying to come off that way, I guess it's just hard to explain.

I guess that was all.....there's probably more that I'm forgetting. I don't feel like talking about my boring everyday existence right now. Perhaps later....God bless!
 
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Church rules   
02:54pm 26/01/2004
 
mood: content
music: "Nothing Like Knowing You" by Resurrection Life Church
I've been having a pretty good week. My weekend was really fun and relaxing. In a previous entry I had mentioned that I've heard God calling to me to heal people. The other day in Accounting ( I think it was last Monday) I was day dreaming and thinking about what it was that I was supposed to do. Because in psychology I would sort of be healing people, but I didn't think that's what I was supposed to be doing. And out of nowhere it came to me...physical therapy. I'm sorry, come again?! Physical therapy? I knew it had to be from God because never in my life have I ever thought of being a physical therapist...never...not even for a millisecond. So I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do. I mean, I'm really excited to do it, but it means starting all over again. Here I am about half way done with Psychology and now I'm going to change? *sigh* It's tough. I want to do what God wants me to do, but, man, it's gonna be killer to go to school for another...probably 4 years. So anyways, I'm going to look into it and figure out what I need to do, talk to the parentals and all that. Man, I'm so hyped about this!!

So on Friday, Jenny, Keith and I ordered a pizza and watched movies. We watched Liar, Liar and The Little Mermaid. Hehe. Good times. Saturday, I cleaned the entire room. I did the dishes, swept, mopped, vacuumed, and cleaned the bathroom. It was a long morning. Jenny and I had lunch. Keith came over and played The Sims on my comp while I cleaned. Then Liz got back and she and I went to the mall and Meijer. I got a new pair of jeans and 2 shirts. Weee! Then we went to Abercrombie & Fitch because Liz had to exchange a sweater. Craig had gotten her a small and it was too small so she was going to get a medium. We get there and she ends up getting a large because even the medium is too small. Hello?!?! For all ya'll who may not know Liz, she's 5'2" and about 110 lbs. There is no way she is a large. I don't care where you shop. And there are still people out there who can't figure our why adolescent girls are anorexic. Just go to Abercrombie and you'll figure it out. That just boggled my mind. So then we headed to Meijer because I made dinner last night and I needed ingredients. Tod came over Saturday night and we went and rented a stupid/scary movie. Although the one we ended up getting was really gross and weird. It's called Lucky. Synopsis: failing cartoon writer hits a little Corgy dog and takes it home to help it. The dog ends up dead but then magically springs back to life! This is no ordinary dog. It can talk to the guy telepathically. And the dog tells him what to write for his cartoons and suddenly he becomes really successful. Suddenly all of these women in this guy's life are ending up dead; his girlfriend, the chick who picks up his scripts, the meter reading lady, etc. Oh, I almost forgot, the guy likes to have sex w/these dead chicks.......yummy eh? The dog is the one killing them and according to him, he has to do it because,"where else do you think the stories are gonna come from? Matter can't be created or destroyed." "So my stories come from their deaths?" "You got it Shakespeare." Overall, I give it 0/5 stars for scary/stupidness but 5/5 stars for being gruesome and bizarre.

Yesterday Liz and I went to church. As we were singing I looked around at all the people and I was just amazed. It's really uplifting to see so many people gathered together and praying to the same God and believing the same beliefs. Wee for church! Then we just hung out here and didn't do much. Then I made dinner and Jenny joined us. It was fun times. The Liz and I just talked generally about God and stuff. We didn't do a formal Bible study because it was just me and her. Then her, Jenny, Tod and I headed to the Gathering. Yay! We really had a lot of fun.

And now it's Monday and I'm just chillin'. I had class this morning. We started brain dissections in physiological psych. We haven't done any cutting yet but I probably pointed, poked, and prodded our brain more than the other 5 people in my group. It's fun! We're like watching a video as we do it so it's a huge help in learning where everything is. It's really pretty cool. I need to work on my structure/function stuff. Then I had Accounting. I didn't do so well on the quiz. Like, I felt really ready for it and for some reason I just had a total brain fart. And then afterwards, when we were going over it, I was like "Duh I should have known that." Oh well, I didn't fail it so it doesn't matter.

I guess that's all for now. Peace out and God bless!
 
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11:26pm 23/01/2004
 
mood: contemplative
music: "Adoration" by Newsboys
Life is crazy....that's all I'm gonna say.
 
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Fast   
02:17pm 21/01/2004
 
mood: accomplished
music: "I'll Be (acoustic)" by Edwin McCain
Today I decided I was going to fast. At first it was because I ate a lot of junk this weekend. Then, I thought that it would be good to strengthen my faith. Normally, I'm really weak. I hate going without food. Food is the best! When I was young I'd try to starve myself because I thought I was fat and I could never do it! I swear those cookies would always be calling my name! Hahaha! I'm also really bad at making commitments. It's not that I don't like commitment. I'm just one of those people who always breaks their New Years Resolutions. I always say I'm going to take better care of myself and stop biting my nails and things like that. And inevitably I fail within a couple weeks or month or whatever. So here I am going without any food. But I'm all right because I've got God on my side! I'm only drinking water and juice...mostly water. Sure, I'm hungry. My stomach was rumbling in Accounting but right now I feel fine. Now it's more like I'm not hungry but I know I'm supposed to be eating. I know that I should already have ultimate faith in God. I know that I should know that I can do ANYTHING in Him. But wow, if I get through this (which I will) I will be so motivated to do EVERYTHING!! And I know I will succeed because I will ask God for help and He will help me! Yay!!

So, now about my weekend. I went home on Friday to celebrate my birthday with the fam. I had an appointment to get my eyebrows waxed so I went and did that. I pretty much sat around on Friday and my dad brought home pizza for dinner. Saturday morning, my brother went and got Krispy Kremes for breakfast and my mom and I went shopping. Then around 3:30 we went to Hard Rock Cafe Detroit with my aunt and uncle. It was really fun. They made my stand on a chair in the middle of the restaurant and everyone said happy birthday. Then I got free ice cream! Mmmm. Then my mom and I went to a play that my cousin was in. They did "The Hobbit." He played Bombur. It was so great!! For being a bunch of kids, they did a really good job. When we got home from the play, I opened my presents and we ate cake. My brother got me Dido's new CD. From my parents I got an optical mouse, a hair dryer, the game Catch Phrase, some cute note cards, and a gift card to New York & Co. Yay! It was a nice day. On Sunday I had cake for breakfast (hehe) and then packed up and headed back here. Craig was the only one here when I got back. It was so great to see him again. Liz and Keith had made him a cake that said "Bon Voyage Craig" on it. It was precious. They made me Pirates of the Caribbean themed cupcakes. Hahaha! I really wasn't expecting anything at all. They also bought me a box of sugar cookies. Now ya'll can understand why I wanted to fast today...so much sugar this weekend!

And it's snowing. A lot. Maria and I are supposed to go visit our PAL, Keriana, tonight but I'm not sure if that's going to happen. It's just supposed to be getting worse as the day goes on. We'll see. Later ya'll! And God Bless.
 
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Maybe someone will read this and participate!   
09:45pm 16/01/2004
 
mood: bored
music: Nelly Furtado
Come on...it'll be fun!!

1. give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. how long have you known me?
3. when and how did we first meet?
4. what was your first impression?
5. do you still think that way about me now?
6. what do you think my weakness is?
7. do you think i'll get married?
8. what makes me happy?
9. what makes me sad?
10. what reminds you of me?
11. if you could give me anything what would it be?
12. how well do you know me?
13. ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
14. do you think i could kill someone?
15. describe me in one word.
16. do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?
17. do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and i would listen?
18. are you going to put this on your live journal and see what i say about you?
 
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January 13th   
09:44am 13/01/2004
 
mood: calm
music: "Nothing Like Knowing You" by Resurrection Life Church
So a quick entry before I start my day. I don't really remember what I did in the past week but mostly I want to talk about the weekend. First off, classes are going well and life is spiffy. I don't have a job yet but I'm not giving up. I had a PALS meeting last night and I decided to join the fundraising committee. The whole group is taking their pals to Disney on Ice in a couple of weeks. I'm excited for that!
I had such a great weekend. On Saturday night Liz, Eric, Jenny, Brian and I went to Gospel Explosion. We thought it was basically going to be a few gospel choirs giving a concert. We were way off!! It was the most fun praise ever! There were choirs from EMU, WMU and GVSU. People were standing up and clapping and dancing up and down the aisles. It was great! Yay for God! Then we all headed back here and hung out. Jenny and Brian wanted to "turn in early" so Eric hung out with us. We ordered a pizza and watched a movie and Saturday Night Live. We all had a lot of fun. On Sunday I went to church with Liz and her friend Zack. Yay for being uplifted some more! There was always something eating at me in my faith. I figured out that it was that I had this horrible fear that I wasn't going to heaven. So I gave it up to the Lord and I've started living for Him and not for myself. Weeee! Then, we had Bible study and the Gathering that night. So much fun!! They were recording a live album so they went through every song twice. We got to sing "In Christ Alone" twice!! Along with some other awesome songs. I can't wait for that CD to come out...it's going to be great!! We watched this little video clip of God's works in Guatemala. The people in this village have completely turned it around. They used to have 4 jails and they still had to transport prisoners to other jails. They had 36 bars. Now, all of the jails are closed and there are only 4 bars. Since people have stopped drinking and violence is down, people are being miraculously healed, crops have been growing in huge amounts and sizes, and it's even been reported that people have risen from the dead!! It's all possible through God people!! After the clip the pastor said, "This is happening in other places all over the world. But why isn't it happening in this city or even this country? etc, etc. God will come where He is wanted." I want God here healing our sick and giving us prosperous lives!! After the pastor spoke we prayed and I got the message that I am supposed to be doing the healing. I've heard my purpose!! God is calling me to heal His people!! Wheeeeeeeeew!!
Aight ya'll I'm out!
 
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Back to school....weeee!!   
02:29pm 07/01/2004
  Let's rewind time, shall we?

I got back to GVSU Sunday afternoon around 1:30. We left super early because of the weather. When we got here my dad put together the futon and my mom, Liz, and I went to Brian's Books. It started snowing while we were there. It hasn't stopped since. The wind chill is around 4. It looks real pretty...from my warm dorm room window that is.
Getting up for class when it's still dark outside is sort of depressing. The bright side is that I'm done with class by 11 am on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. So the classes are as follows:

Physiological Psych: seems really interesting. I can't wait to really get into the material. We get to dissect sheep brains. Mmmmm...
Financial Accounting: seems pretty boring. The prof seems really nice though so I'm sure I'll be all right.
Criminal Justice: really excited for this class. It's downtown so I'm not looking forward to driving in the snow but I am looking forward to spending time at the downtown campus. We have a project to do in which we have to either visit a jail, a courtroom, or interview someone in the justice system.
Social Psych: I have the same prof as I did last semester for Research Psych. She's cool. Seems like it's going to be a lot easier than her class last semester.
Choir: Of course it's wonderful and the songs so far seem good and I'm really looking forward to it.

I decided one of my goals this semester is to get a 4.0. Another goal is to get a job. I've applied for 3 already so I'm hoping to hear from at least one. A third and final goal is to get in shape. I've got my cupboards packed with Slim-Fast...problem is, it's so freaking cold outside that I don't want to go to the gym. At least I get some exercise in with walking to and from class. Ok, I lied...I have another goal: to keep up my walk with God. I've been slacking lately...it's slightly weird because I thought I'd do better once I got back to school and it's really become the opposite.
 
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I'm gonna be ok   
03:01pm 03/01/2004
 
mood: okay
music: some Nelly Furtado song from her new CD
It's so funny how things always look better in the morning.

I did a lot of writing yesterday. My brother asked me about Tod and everything pretty much came spilling out. We had gone out to dinner with our parents and then they needed to stop at Walgreen's so we were just chilling in the car. He said, "So Tod likes you now?" Lol...so I just started ranting again. It felt good to actually talk about it with someone though. And of course I wrote that long entry. Then I wrote in my non-online journal. Then I was reading some stories in "Chicken Soup for the Christian Teenage Soul" and I swear, God put those stories in there just for me. Nearly all of the ones I had read had to do with just trusting in God and being patient while His plan for me is revealed. I felt so much better after all of that.

I've always been a pretty strong person emotionally. I don't stop eating and sleeping when I get my heart broken. I cry for a while and punch things and scream and write. But pretty much after that I'm alright. And it's really different now that I'm older. I can't let it control the rest of my life. I have to think about going back to school and getting my books and finding a job. I can't wallow in self pity forever. I need to forgive Tod. The sooner I do, the easier it will be to move on. Plus, if I don't, I'll forever feel weird around him. And I don't want to spend the next 4 months avoiding him. I want to be able to go out with all of my friends when we all go bowling or whatever. I REALLY don't want to give up our stupid/scary movie nights...lol. And I know if I avoid him I'll miss him. So, in conclusion, I'm still hurt and it still sucks that he doesn't feel the same for me as I do for him but I'll live.

Peace out.
 
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Way to go, idiot!   
01:33pm 02/01/2004
 
mood: numb
music: "Understand" by Jeremy Camp
I can't believe I'm so naive. I mean really, I am stupid. I must believe that life is some sort of fairytale with true love and a happy ending. I am way off. I'm just so incredibly pissed and confused and irritated and humiliated. I know I won't feel like this in a couple days or a week or something but right now...ugh. And ya know, it's not even Tod. I mean, it is. I'm pissed at him and my ideas about him have changed radically and he's the one that started me feeling like crap...but then there's so much more. I just start to think about how scummy most of the guys I've known/been with are. My first couple of boyfriends were normal...at least while I was with them. So let's start with Mark. He took me to a dance on a Saturday and broke up with me on Monday...and I found out through Audrey that he was going to do it...and he broke up with me FOR her (by no fault of her own) and she didn't even like him. Then came Ed. He decided he wanted to be with me right after he broke up with his girlfriend of a year. Rebound anyone? I know, I should have seen it coming, I should have known better...but I was 16, what do you want from me? He told me he loved me on a Sunday night and broke up with me Monday morning right in the middle of the hallway in front of all of my friends. Then came Chris. He kicked me out of his house on my birthday and then just 2 short months later, he broke up with me. Then, this past summer we sort of had a fling. At first we took things slowly, just went with the flow. We had been hanging out a lot and doing more than hanging out. He wanted sex and I wanted a relationship and that's when it ended. I liked Andy for basically half of my life. He really liked to lead me on and he was really good at it. One would think he liked seeing me miserable. And I still went to Sr. Prom with him and my fairytale dreams were shattered once again. I kissed a guy at a dance club and I thought he was a decent guy but all he wanted was sex. I kissed a different guy and I thought he was decent guy and I gave him my number and he never called. And now Tod. I told the guy I liked him last winter and he didn't feel the same...which is fine. I understand not being attracted to someone. I was upset, but I got over it. What I don't understand, the part I don't get, the thing that pisses me off more than anything is the way he treated me the other night. I didn't know guys were supposed to treat their girl friends like they wanted to be with them even when they aren't interested at all. He definitely crossed the "just friends" line. I better call up all my guy friends and let them know because I don't think they got the memo either because I've never been treated like that by them. What is it with guys treating me like crap? What is it with them walking all over me? Is "Use Me" printed on my forehead??? I don't get it! And I don't remember the last time I said anything about liking Brent. I haven't seen or talked to him in over a month now. I'm not even going to get into that now though. Ugh. I just don't understand how someone can treat another person like they're interested when they aren't. And how much further would things have gone? What if I had crawled onto the couch when he asked me? I mean I know it wouldn't have gone THAT far but ya know what I'm saying? And it's not even like I'm nobody to him. I'm not some random girl. I'm one of his friends...how could he not know he was going to hurt me? How can someone not know that a friends-with-benefits situation NEVER works??? Someone always ends up broken hearted. And as per usual it was me.

I just feel like absolute shit right now. Ya know, I've been upset about guys before but I think this one has definitely taken the cake. I don't know...ask me in a few days. I think it hurts more when it's a friend. Ed was my best friend before he broke my heart and that really hurt. And it sucks that Tod's not only my friend, but Liz's friend and Keith's friend....and I don't want to be around him at all. But I know Liz and Keith will want to hang out with Tod and I want to be around Liz and Keith....*sigh*....you can see where I'm going with this. I know I should be a grown-up and not throw a tantrum and forgive him and all of that. But I just can't. At least not yet. I suppose I'm not really mad at him per se. I'm just hurt...and I can't tell him I forgive him just because he says he's sorry because I wouldn't mean it. This is something I can't let go of right away. I accept his apology and I appreciate it too.

I'm hurt but I feel so stupid too. I feel really humiliated. I can't believe I didn't realize this didn't mean anything to him. I know he flirts. And for most of the time he was here I didn't think anything of it. It wasn't until the night went on and we started watching movies that I thought something else was going on. Mostly, I can't believe he would do this...to me or any other girl. I know it sort of sounds like I'm making this into more than it is. Nothing more than really intense flirting happened. I guess someone would have to be in my position to understand. And now I just feel like crap. I just want to skulk around doing nothing...*sigh*

I guess I'm done ranting for now...
 
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Ugh   
07:44pm 01/01/2004
 
mood: confused
music: "Ordinary Day" by Vanessa Carlton
Do you ever have something really good and unexpected happen to you and then suddenly it seems to stop or leave or something and then you feel like crap and sort of stupid too? As you might have guessed, it happened to me. Yesterday and today in fact. Well, I guess I can't say I feel stupid or crappy yet. And I can't say it's stopped either, this good thing. I don't want it to, that's for sure. *sigh* It's funny though. I'm feeling kind of weird right now. It's like I have this feeling that this isn't going to go anywhere. Like it was a night of fun and flirting and that was it. And maybe that's why I don't feel so down about the possibility that it's never going to be anything more. And it was just so random. I mean, he's never shown any interest in me before. And I haven't seen him since....well it's been at least 2 weeks if not longer. So where did this come from in just one night? Did I happen to look particular cute or give off a particular vibe or what? What about me changed in the last year (or however long it's been) that makes him interested now and not then? I'm just really confused about all of this. I mean, maybe when we get back to school things will happen. And maybe they won't. Maybe he just looked at it all as innocent flirting. I don't know. It was a lot more than his usual flirting though. It wasn't like we were making out or anything but it wasn't like he was pulling my hair and running away. And I really can't believe he would do that to me when he knows I used to have feelings for him. He wouldn't...he's too good of a guy. And it blows that we didn't talk about it before he left...I wanted to but I'm a chicken and I suppose I didn't really have the opportunity to bring it up. Gaaahhhhh!!!!!! What is it with me and falling for guys in just a couple hours time? Gaaahhhhh!!!!!
 
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08:29pm 28/12/2003
 
mood: bored
music: "In Your Presence" by Jeremy Camp
Well I can't promise this is going to be an exciting entry. I haven't updated in a while because I'm back home for break and this computer here wouldn't let me log in for whatever reason. There's too much to tak about and I'm just not up to it right now. The holidays have been wonderful. I got the futon that I wanted. I've seen Return of the King twice already. And in just a few days I'm having a New Years party and I'm so excited to see all my friends. I ended up with a 3.6 GPA which was the coolest thing ever. I'm excited for next semester. Anyways, I guess that's about it for now...I'll update more often when I'm at school again. I don't think anyone reads this anyways, besides maybe Liz. Later ya'll!
 
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I'm at Kirkhof   
12:07pm 07/12/2003
 
mood: accomplished
music: ...the background noise of Kirkhof
So I got a comment from someone telling me to talk about my break so here I am taking a break from studying and trying to remember what I did over break. Ummm....ok....soooo I drove home Tuesday and traffic was great! I saw some dear prancing through a field on my way home and for some reason it totally made my day. Tuesday was pretty uneventful. I worked on some Psych stuff and then Audrey called and I hung out with her and Chris. On Wednesday I ran and then I did some laundry and dishes. I don't think I did much else. I think I went out to dinner with the family. Thursday I got up early and watched the parade. I eventually got in the shower and then we went to my grandparents' house for dinner. My grandma makes the best food ever...mmm. Friday morning my brother and I left the house at 7am and braved the mall. I actually got some Christmas shopping done. We had a good time. Then I went out to dinner with the family again and afterwards, we got together with my mom's side and ate pie and finger foods and such. My uncle got really drunk and it was pretty hysterical. Ummm...I don't remember what I did Saturday during the day. But in the evening my dad and I went to the Silverdome to watch Allen Park in the State Finals. We ended up losing 28-15 to East Grand Rapids. It sucked but I guess it's ok because Grand Rapids is like my 2nd home. Sunday mostly consisted of driving back here to GVSU and unpacking and doing a little homework. *whew* That was a good time. There are some really loud people sitting at the computer next to me and they're pretty amusing. There's this one girl telling her guy friend she hates him (jokingly of course) and it's totally obvious she wants him bad. Believe me, I know, because I do the same thing when I like a guy. Hahahaha!!! It's sort of fun, and yet mean, to talk about people that are right next to you when they have no idea. Ok so anyways, it's finals week and I've taken quite a break from studying...I should get back to it....I was on a roll. Later ya'll!!!
 
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November 30   
11:25pm 30/11/2003
  So I was gonna write about my wonderful break but a sudden wave of sleepiness has come over me....I guess I will update tomorrow...or maybe Tuesday.  
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November 23   
04:05pm 23/11/2003
 
mood: relaxed
music: Jeremy Camp- "One Day at a Time"
Ahh, so this weekend has been very relaxing.I haven't had much homework or anything else to do so therefore....I haven't done much!! On Friday, Liz, Jenny, Keith and I saw "Love Actually." It was so great!! Perfect chick flick with a perfect ending....*sigh* Saturday, I went to the gym. Then I went to the computer lab and printed off an assignment and then to the library to get books that weren't there...grrr. Brian was here so he and Jenny ordered a pizza and Liz, and them, and I ate and watched "Bandits." Fun movie. Today has also been very slow and relaxing. I sat around most of the morning then worked on my paper. Then I did the dishes and Liz got back from church and we went to the gym. Now I am sitting here while Craig makes dinner for us all before Bible study. Weee!! It smells so good and there's a rumbly in my tumbly!!

And now on to my Jesus writings..I haven't been keeping on it everyday because some days I just feel like crap....so today's the first day I've written since...well, whenever the last time was!!

#4 Emotions and the end of the world 11-23-03
So this is about a couple of devotionals I read last week. I don't remember the exact topic, but I do remember it saying something about not acting by your emotions. Which I think is a good thing but when I first read it, it didn't make sense. It made me feel like I'm not supposed to express my emotions when I have them. And that made me feel really bad....like hello, I'm not supposed to cry when I'm upset? Well, I wanted to cry the other day and I held back because I was acting on my emotions...but I guess what it really means is that you shouldn't act out of lust or anger, etc. But before I came to that realization, I felt even worse because I felt like I was doing something wrong against God....*sigh*
Ok so...on to a lighter note...the end of the world....oh wait....
That was the other devotional that got to me. When Judgment Day comes, will I be ready? Will I go to God in His kingdom in Heaven? I would like to think so, and I hope so, but will I really? It's a really scary thought....ya know, eternal damnation. So I'm just trying to improve my relationship with God....cuz, man, who wants to spend eternity without God?
 
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November 20th   
04:43pm 20/11/2003
 
mood: busy
So I haven't updated in a little while. Meh, not much to talk about I guess. I've started writing in a notebook about my daily walk with God...yeah I got the idea from Craig. I just started it on Sunday though so it's only been a couple days. And I didn't write yesterday because...well, I just wasn't feeling up to it....Anyways, I thought I'd share my musing with y'all. Some of it will probably sound cheezy and whatnot but well that's just too bad for you.

#1 Do I Trust God? 11-16-03
If you had asked me this question a year, a month, or even a week ago, I would have said yes....but I wouldn't have believed it. It's hard. Sometimes I pray for something and it doesn't work our and I just think, "Yeah thanks a lot God." And amidst all the pain and disappointment, I can't see that what has happened truly is a blessing. I think along with prayer goes listening. Prayer is just a conversation with God. Well, when I'm talking to someone in the flesh, I have to listen too. That's just the way a conversation works. I would bet anything on this earth that God is trying to tell me why things in my life are and are not happening. But I'm not listening. So instead, I ten to think He's just letting me down. Then I realize He would never do that to me or any of His children. I just don't know His reasons why. There's one particular aspect of my life that I pray about every night. I don't know what the Lord's plan is for this situation. In my prayers I tell Him that I trust His plan and things will or will not happen when they are meant to. But along with my prayer I say to the Lord, "I don't know why you've brought this into my life. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or what is going to happen." And if I just took the time to listen, He'd probably tell me. I just need to stop and listen to what the Lord has to say to me.

#2 Music 11-17-03
Music has always been a huge part of my life. I've been in choirs since I was 8 years old. I was in the select choir in high school I started doing color guard in 10th grade. I did dance in 11th grade. I like so many kinds of music too. Choir is the place where I sometimes find music I don't enjoy. But it always grows on me. I hear the melodies and harmonies and the piano all come together in this beautiful art form. I thank the Lord for this blessing He has given me. I think music is why I love going to clubs so much. I go because I love to dance and I just love to let the music fill me. I don't go to drink or meet guys (at least not anymore (-:). I just realized a couple of days ago that I get more satisfaction out of listening to Christian music than any other genre. Well der, I'm praising God! Singing just my favorite way to praise God. I'm trying out for a solo tomorrow! I'm so excited. I prayed about it at the Gathering yesterday. I sort of shocked myself with the prayer because before I found God it would have been very different. I told God it would a great honor to sing of the birth of Christ. I told Him that I wanted people to feel how I felt about Christ. It was something like that. Anyways, in high school though it would have been more like, "So-and-so always gets the solos so I should have a turn now." Not that the way I pray will change my professor's mind. So we'll see. Amen to the Lord.

#3 Going gospel? 11-18-03
Audrey IMed me tonight with those words. I have some Bible verses in my profile so she was wondering. I told her I had been following God for a while now. She thought it was cool, but weird that I was "advertising" it. I didn't think of it like that but hey, advertising is a pretty powerful thing these days. If I can get even just a few words of God to people, that is awesome. Anyways, I just think of the AIM profile as a place to express myself. And the way I express myself is through God. I am hoping to get my whole family to go gospel! Audrey also asked me to pray for her because she's going through some tough times now. For whatever reason, I was really touched by that. Like maybe something had gotten through to her. Maybe if she hadn't known I'd found God again, or if I in fact hadn't, she wouldn't have even asked me to pray. So I pray for Audrey now, that she may find patience and comfort in these hard times. I pray for her family, that they may understand that Gloria's pain is not of Your doing Lord. I pray that you giver her diving healing. I pray that you comfort Audrey's family. I pray that if it is Gloria's time to go to Your Kingdom, that you take her quickly and without pain. Help her to not be afraid for Your love is unconditional and Your Kingdom everlasting. I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.
 
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WEeeeeeeeeee!!!!!   
03:17pm 16/11/2003
  I knew there was a reason I liked purple....


VIOLET



You surround yourself with art and music and are constantly driven to express yourself. You often daydream. You prefer honesty in your relationships and belive strongly in your personal morals.




Find out your color at Quiz Me!


 
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November 14   
10:28am 14/11/2003
 
mood: crazy
Today is my parents' anniversary...23 years. I need to send them a card.

Anyway, I had a lot to write about but I never write things down when I think of them so then I forget. I guess it's been a pretty action packed week. On Tuesday, Maria and I went to meet Keriana. It was fun. We played Sorry with her sister and then we colored. Then I missed our exit on the way back to GVSU. Haha, good times. So Keriana and I are going to do something again tomorrow. I just need to figure out something fun to do for a 9 year old.

After choir on Tuesday, the extended GiVSU family saw 2Fast 2Furious at Kirkhof. It was just as cheesy as the first but I think the first was definitely better. And Paul Walker was dressed like my brother...not that there's anything wrong with how my brother dresses. But Tim is 17 and Paul Walker is like 25 or 30 or whatever he is. And I know the way he was dressed wasn't his fault but jeez, those people in wardrobe should be fired.

WINDSday was just another day of classes. I had a test in Business. We're getting them back today...I hope I did good. I got my paper back in Jr. seminar. I got a B-. Not too bad I don't think. I will probably have 3 As and 3 Bs this semester. That's assuming I do good on my last couple Business tests, the final, and the homework. My prof curves at the end too and I don't think anyone is doing particularly well in that class. So yeah anyway, I just really want to keep my GPA up. Anyway, WINDSday night Tod came over and Jenny, Liz, Tod and I played Pictionary. Oh good times. Tod and I won! w00t.

Yesterday was a nice day. I went to the gym in the morning and ran 18 laps!! That's almost 2 miles!! Everyone's probably sick of me saying I ran that much but I'm happy! I've never run that far in my life!! Ok then, Keith came over and we went to lunch and that was nice. I don't know why, it just was. Then I went to class...blah. But my prof told us about studying abroad for Psych in Nicaragua. I really wanna go!! It takes place during the summer so I think I'll wait until next summer.

And now...I've run out of time...let's go to class!!
 
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WINDSday   
10:37am 13/11/2003
 
mood: sore
Actually, WINDSday was yesterday. If I could somehow fit "snow" into Thursday, I would. I guess it snowed this morning but I wasn't up early enough to see it. On my way to the gym though, I saw little patches of snow on the edges of the grass. And it was sort of snowing on my way back. *sigh* Snow already. It hasn't even been that cold. Like 2 days ago it was 60 degrees. Only in Michigan people, only in Michigan. Well, I've got lots more to write about, but I'm still schweaty from the gym. To the shower I go!!
 
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