|sch0ol sux ...yuCkie ;p
||[13 Oct 2003|08:58am]
8:58 am... Computer Class
I never look foward to coming to school ...
I wish I didn't have to come at all ..ever!
Anyway, i'll be leaving soon to English.. i hate that too.
Probably the most out of everything ;[
I miss my boyfriend ..
that's all i'm looking foward to today ... :o/
|SOMETHING I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO FIND ...BUT I DID...
||[13 Oct 2003|12:56am]
SOMETHING I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO FIND BUT I DID ... I DID NOT WRITE THIS FOR HE DID ...
IT GAVE ME COMFORT TO KNOW HOW HE FELT, BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS
HE'S RIGHT ... HE PUSHED ME AWAY I DIDNT DESERVE IT ...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
EVERYTIME THEY COME I PUT HER PICTURE DOWN
EVERYTIME THEY LEAVE I PUT HER PICTURE RIGHT BACK UP
I CAN'T LET THEM KNOW IM NOT OVER HER
I CANT LET THEM KNOW I'M STILL IN LOVE
AND EVERYTIME I SEE HER I KNOW THAT SHE'S IN LOVE
I KNOW THAT SHE STILL WISHED I WAS HOLDING HER
IN MY ARMS
ALTHOUGHT WE MAKE NO ATTEMPT TO TALK TO EACH OTHER
WE'RE STILL EACH'S OTHERS 'BEST FRIEND
CAUSE IF IT CAME DOWN TO IT I'D SAVE HER FROM HELL
AND SHE'D SAVE ME FROM HELL PUT ON FIRE
WELL EVERYTIME THE PHONE RINGS IM WISHING IT WAS HER
AND EVERYTIME THE PHONE RINGS I TRY PRETENDING I DONT CARE
BUT EVERYTIME I CHECK MY PHONE BOOK I COME ACROSS HER NAME
I THINK I JUST CHECK IT TO DRIVE MYSELF INSANE
I FINALLY DELETED THE ENTRY OF HER NAME
I GUESS I'LL NEVER SPEAK TO HER AGAIN
SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND BUT I HAVE A GIRL TOO
ALTHOUGH SHE PRETENDS NOT TO KNOW
I KNOW SHE KNOWS IT
AND SHE'S ANGRY WITH ME THATS WHY WE DONT TALK
BUT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND AND IM ANGRY TO
AND ITS THE PRIDE THAT WE HAVE THAT DISTROYS US
WELL THATS THE STORY
IM HER EX BOYFRIEND
WE ARE IN LOVE
AND I KNOW THAT SHE KNOWS IT
BUT THE BOTTOM LINE OF ALL THIS
IS THAT I NEVER SHOWED IT
I PUSHED HER AWAY
SHE DIDNT DESERVE IT
BUT IM STILL IN LOVE WITH HER
AND THATS THE STORY
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
MY NEW BOYFRIEND [ JULIAN ]
HE IS A SWEETHEART... HE REALLY IS WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR
A WHILE NOW AND WELL HE CALLED ME TODAY AND TOLD ME 'BABE, I LOVE YOU'
I WAS HAPPY ...TO HEAR IT.... BUT MY LIPS WERE SEALED & WOULDN'T OPEN.
THERE WAS NO WORD IN THE DICTIONARY OR TO MY OWN KNOWLEDGE THAT I CAN SAY IN RESPONSE
TO HIS CONFESSION...I WAS CONTENTLY SPEECHLESS , YET MORTIFIED.
SEE THIS IS THE SENARIO ...
- SIGHS ...RUBS HEAD ... WATERY EYES -
FROM THE NOTE U READ ABOVE YOU CAN SEE MY EX BOYFRIEND AND I
WE REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER ...WELL AT LEAST I LOVED HIM FOR A THE GUY
HE ONCE WAS ...
AND ALTHOUGH THAT PART OF HIM IS GONE NOW
I STILL REMINISE SOMETIMES AND WISH THAT HE WOULD BE THE SAME.
STILL I KEEP A GOOD HEAD ON MY SHOULDERS AND REMAIN WITH THE LOGICAL
UNDERSTANDING THAT ONCE YOU BREAK UP IT WILL NEVER WORK OUT AGAIN..
AND IF U TRY THEN THE SECOND TIME SHOULD BE A LESSON THAT IT WILL NEVER WORK...
EVERY OTHER TIME AFTER THAT IN MY BOOK YOUR CLASSIFIED AS A MASSICAST ...
IN WHICH CATAGORIE I FALL MYSELF ... WELL ONCE ONLY WITH MY EX.
I ONCE WAS A MASACIST TILL I FINALLY REALIZED I WAS GUILTY OF BREAKING MY
OWN RULES IN LOVE... BUT I HAD NEVER BEEN IN LOVE TILL THEN.
SO YOU KNOW HOW IT IS ..ALL THE RULES OUT THE WINDOW THEN...
POINT IT LATELY I HAD BEEN THINKING ABOUT HIM AND HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM
AND HOW WE DID EVERYTHING TOGETHER ...
WE WERE SO PERFECT .... ONCE UPON A TIME ...IN A FAR AWAY LAND THAT NO LONGER EXSIST.
BECAUSE OF THIS PENSIVENESS I CRIED AND QUESTOINED MY RELATIONSHIO WITH MY BOYFRIEND NOW...
AND TO HEAR 'I LOVE YOU MADE SITUATIONS WORST, BUT IT WAS A SIGN .... AND SIGNS ARE EVERYWHERE...I WAS BEING AN IDIOT FOR MESSING UP MY RELATIONSHIP WITH A GUY WHO IS REALLY IN LOVE WITH ME AND I CAN LOVE HIM TOO.
CAUSE ONE LOVE ISN;T THE ONLY LOVE YOU'LL EVER KNOW
BUT YOU'LL JUST GROW TO LEARN TO LOVE WISER ;]
SO IN CONCLUSION
I'VE DECIDED TO TELL MY BOYFRIEND
'I LOVE YOU'
I'D DO ANYTHING FOR HIM
AND I KNOW I MADE HIM FEEL HORRIBLE
AND IT HURTS TO KNW I DID
I DONT FEEL GUILTY I JUST KNOW
THAT I DO
SO WHY NOT JUST SAY IT
FOR FEAR OF WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN
WE RUN A RISK WITH EVERYTHING IN LIFE
BETTER TO LOVE TO NEVER LOVE AGAIN ;]
|- - - - - this can't be real
||[11 Oct 2003|01:22am]
nothing even amounts to what he means to me and no one ever will ....
I try to move on forget his exsistance but i think its the fact i try to forget so hard that keeps reminding me he's the only love i've ever had. I dont want to talk about it cause I don't how to say it and I dont want to put up with someone else shyt. WHY can't I forget him ..it's going to be two years soon !! TWO YEARS !!! It ended soooo long ago and still I can't forget the feeling he gave me ... cause I knobw he loved me & he has to love me still. But a few days ago i came to learn im not the only one for him because he has a new girlfriend ... and she "loves" him ...but she doesn't !!! she doens't even know him !!! she knows nothing about him... she doesnt know his favorite food, she doesnt help him with the laundry, he'd never go out of her way to make sure he doesn't miss something important .... SHE WOULD NEVER cause she's not me ... His mother doesn't love her his brother doesn't like her ...his cousin makes fun of her .... cause they all know that the one who loved him best was me ! But still he doesn't love me ... still he doesn't like me ... and still he makes fun of the way i love him so much ... if anything ever happend to him ... it would be like losing my mother... i would DIE of DEPRESSION. I'm so depressed now and no one understand and no one ever will cause it will burn inside me...
i remember i wrote the phone call in my live journal ....
unfortunatly i erased it and cant remember at all what it said
but here i write a new one...
the phone call ....
memories drifted into my mind of the love
i thought i had forgotten ... i had so much to tell him
:: ri. .:: ..click
I didn't have the courage i needed to say everything i had to
:: tear rolled down my cheek::
I wanted to yell at him and ask him why he didn't love me?
Why couldn't he just be with me ?
couldn't he see what he was doing to me ?
:: ring ... ring .... ring ...rin ::
hello ? i answered ....
hey ... It was him I"'m sorry I dialed by mistake " i replied
"are you kidding me" ... so bad I wanted to tell him yes "no im not"
"so your serious" but the truth came out " no, no im not"
"i'm confused..." I went back ony my word
"yes, I'm serious and i called u by mistake "
"okay well how are you doing" again I lied "i'm good. Look we'll talk some other time" i said as
I choked up with tears
"oO..ok" "bye" :: dial tone :: ......
I wanted so bad to say how i felt , but i knew i had been there before
and i knew i'd never get very far ...
I just needed to hear his voice ... to know he was still
the only one i could ever love
and although i was left with nothing
but to love him from afar
i'd rather love him from afar
then not love him at all anyday
* * * I still hurt though more then I've ever hurt before, but I'm guessing that eventually then pain will have to fade away... the only thing he can ever do to help it is to love me in return and for two years I have yet to get that in return ...so I've given up all hope in him and I ... my hopes are now set on forgetting who I fell in love with ....
|* survey *
||[09 Oct 2003|07:55am]
||1,000 clickings of the mouse !!!
Full Name: Tiffany..
Nickname: Tiff, Tiffie
People You live with: mom, sister, poochie
Ages of of People: mom-40 sister-13 coco-?? like 5
Best Friend: mommy
What do you look for in a guy: nice hands, honest, cute, funny, caring
Have you found that in a guy yet?: yeah
Started your Period Yet: yes
How old were ya: 11
Do you want to get married: one day in my life
Have children: one day
How many: 2
Girl Names: Nayla , Kristen , Liza Marie
Boy Names: Julian , Josh
With who: who ever I marry
Are your parents divorced: Seperated
Has either one ever been in a previous marriage: one of them
How many siblings: 1
Yall Get along: just me and mom
Do you get along with your parents: just mom
Do they punish you alot: nah
--This or That--
Hot Dogs or Hamburgers: hamburger
Vegetables or Fruit: fruit
Radio or TV: Radio
Boys or Girls: depends
Pen or Pencil: pen
Beavis or Butthead: beavis
MTV or VH1: MTV
Video or DVD: dvd
Reality or Dreams: dreams
Boyfriend/Girlfriend or Available: Depends
--What do you think of when you hear this word--
Biscuit: pillsburry doughboy
Cell: Hello Moto
School: PEople I dont like
Friend: driving around ..
Destiny: I dont know
--Do you know anyone named--
Nichole: not spelled that way
Leslie: used to
Arnold: The governor
Philip: thats a no
Carrie: :] yes
eaten sushi?: yes
Been on stage?: yes
Been dumped?: yes
Had someone be unfaithful to you? yea
Gotten in a car accident? yea
Hiked a mountain? no
Made homemade cookies?: yes
Been in love?: yes
Seen the White house?: no
Cold or hot?: cold
Blue or Red?: red
New or old?: depends
Give or receive?: receive
Wool or cotton?: cotton
Rose or Daisy?: rose
Private school or public school?: i dunno p
Chocolate milk or plain milk?: chocolate milk
Celsius or Fahrenheit? fahrenheit
spring or fall?: fall
History or Science?: history
Math or English?: english
Who's your funniest friend? nayla
Who do you e-mail the most?: nayla
Who is the meanest?: ...
Who's the loudest: nayla
Who's parents do you know the best?: nayla
Who has the best room? ummm nayla
Within last 24 hours...
Had a serious talk?: nah
hugged someone?: yes
gotten along good with your parents? my mom
Fought with a friend?: we have disagreements
Do you like to?:::::
Give back rubs?: nope !!
Take walks in the rain?: if its a light rain
If you got a tattoo, would it be a snake sliding down your spine?: lol no!
have you ever had that falling dream?: yes lol
What color is your floor/carpet in your room?: carpet beige
What was the last CD you bought? The Ataris
If you chew gum, what kind?: winterfresh
how do you plan on spending this summer? sleeping
Have you ever?
Danced around naked: yes
Lied about your bra size: nope
Gotten drunk: yes
Run away from cops: nope
Flip off you parents behind their backs: yes
Mentally undressed someone: yes :)
Eaten crayons:? maybe when i was younger
Held a gun: no
Seriously injured yourself: not seriously
When was the last time you....
Sang out loud: a few minutes ago
Went to a porno site: whenever they pop up ..horrible !!
Threw something: yesterday
Watched a cartoon: yesterday
Did something you enjoy: yesterday
Have a pager: no
Have a cell phone: yes
Have a laptop: yes
Have money in pocket right now: dont have pockets
Have clothes on right now: yeah
Have a mental disease: i could
Lie to people to make them think well of you: nope ... many people see the worst side of me
Have behavioral problems: on occasion
Have a car: yep
Have self esteem problems: not really