| 03:39pm 28/07/2004 | ||||
Oh ya while i was doing the dishes i heard my mom and my 8 thats right 8 count them 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8. oh fuck shes 9 now god damnit stupid birthdays. anyways shes 9 and what does she get to do. she gets to take a bath in my moms jet batch tub and stuff her fucking face with shrimp. its like cinderella with one evil step sister that has enough eveil to take place of the other step sister. and and evil step mom who is my real mom (so i think, i am determand to get blood tests O_o) im not hanign out with Jon today, its 3:30 he has soccer at 6:30 its too late, and i got lazy. so he can go fuck himself, no im kidding im not mad. my back hurts, my mom wont take me to a back-cracker ( i dont know how to spell the real name for those people) but... but... she takes my little sister with her when she gets her nails done and they both come back with painted nails. maybe its the middle child thing, i dunno but its retarted. my mom bought bananas ^_^ i love bananas. but she didnt buy green tea, why??? i dunno maybe it sliped her mind, maybe she forgot on purpose (im guessing this one), maybe it fell out the back of the car, mayeb they didnt have anymore. all i know is that i dont have any green tea *tear* *huggles* xoxo |
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shocked| 12:06pm 28/07/2004 | |||
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I had a good night sleep. 11:30-10:30 thats uhh 11 hours. wow, Its all cause of Dani, he told me to sleep tight, sweet dreams, sleep well. hes a voodoo witch doctor O_o hehe. I need a new AFI swetshirt, i put mine on today and was like wow this hitn gis thin, and it has a bunch of holes in it. Well i fixed the holes but they are still techniqily there, you know??? Probably going to do somehting with Jon today, but not quite posative. my eyes have been really dry lately, i have to put eye drops in every morning and night, and put lotion around my eyes in the night and morning :( i am going to Mexico on the 10, for liek 2 weeks *crys* i dotn want to go. its goign to be fucking hot and all thats down there is more family to pick on me and make me feel like shit. I'm a mess, i hadnt done it for over a month until last night :( my arm the palm of my hand, got blood all over my AFI sweatshirt *pout* couldnt stop shaking for a while after, errrrr. *huggles* xoxo |
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| 08:47pm 24/06/2004 | |||
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My daddy got a Tattoo, he promiced hed take me when he got it. he took his friend Brandon. he promiced damnit. promices dont mean shit these days, to bad they stil dont hang liers. great, starting tomaro i have spend two weeks at my dads house. i thought it was only one, but nooooo it has to be two weeks straight. i wont be able to update any of my journals. so for two weeks there will be no updating or comenting from me. but there will be a shit load to update about becuase i can never go to my dads house and not have a big argument. im not goign to go anywhere for two weeks, im suprised hes lettign me go to Great America tomarro and Nicks on Saturday. ya. I hope you all have a wonderful two weeks. I will miss all my beautiful ones. *huggles* <3xoxo |
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| Read 4 - Post | |||
| 05:43pm 24/06/2004 | |||
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Went to eh mall with Nikki today. i bought a Hello kitty pen and Key chain so i dont lose my hosue key again >_<. then i bought some new panties with strawberries on them, starting all over agia. got the rets of my panties back form my mom after saying over a thousand times "ITS JUST UNDERWEAR!!!" . but yay i got em back >_< and a new edition hehe. i need like a kiding place so my doesnt find them O_O *blink* O_O. wow hats retarted, im goign to haide my panties *shakes head*. anyways back to my schedual.... went to eh carlmont shopping center, Nikki went home becasue she ws tired and i went and bought more Hello Kittie stuff ^_^ i got a penicl and a little book with stickers in it... a sticker book, wow im smart. thehn i came here and am updating. i want a girl friend :( fuck boys i want a girlie. xoxo |
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| 02:33pm 23/06/2004 | |||
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Wow, I broke up with Justin. At first he wasnt getting the messege, i was liek mayeb we shoudl be firneds and all he kept daying was well I dont want to, I want to give it a chance. Its liek listen Fucker i dont want to go out with you live with it!!! jeesus criste i seriously thought he was retarted for a few minutes there. then afterwards he was like, i dunno if i can be friends with you. im rpoly going to end up hating you liek all my ex's. im just liek you know what fine fuck you, but i didnt say that, i should have. todoay im goign to daily city to see some old friends, it shoudl be fun. xoxo |
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| 11:06am 21/06/2004 | |||
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Ive been in Pleasonton all weekend for a softball tournament. We came in 3 place out of 15 teams, it was fun. im not on that team just a back up player and they needed me last weekend so i went. i didnt even try out, they asked me to do that, so how could i refuse *shakes head*. i spent 15 fcking hours in the sun playing softball, i have the most hidious tan youd ever see. my arms are tan, i have a tan triangle on my chest, about two inches up on my wrist is white from the mit, ancle to knees is white, 5 inches above knees is tan, from then on its white. back of legs are white except for two 2 inch bands of tan on the back of my knees. wow i actually got along with the girls on the team, i thought i wouldnt but i did. Emma and Halye were the sweetest. i have to baby sit my little sister all day,. im proly going to be doing that all summer and i fuckign hate it. im goign to tlak to my mom about beign paid for it. i want it when i dont have it, then i get it. im unhappy and i dont want it. i want what i cant have until i have it. *huggles* xoxo |
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| 09:11pm 13/06/2004 | |||
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survey First Name: erica Birthday: 7/23/89 Number of siblings: 2 Pets: 1 dog Favorite color: black, pink, red, purple Favorite food: fruit Thing you like most about yourself: nothing Think you like least about yourself: my appearance Favorite person: holly Thing you like most about your favorite person: someone i can run and hide to, first person to ever listen to me Thing you like least about your favorite person: bad habits Second What are you thinking about right now: how boreed i am Why: cuz i don't like being by myself all the tiem If you could have anything right now, what would it be: number 3 What do you look for in a guy/girl: personality, sense of humor, good looking What is the ideal date: me not screwing up Where would you most like to go to: south carolina If you could go back in the past and change one thing, what would that be:everything Why: im a dissapointment o my parents Third Why are you wasting your time doing this: im bored Where do you see yourself 5 years from now: prolly streets of san francisco Who do you see yourself with: alone Who is the first person that comes to mind: number 3 If you could only have 3 things, what would you want: number 3, happyness, looks Randomness brought to you by BZOINK! |
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| 09:08pm 13/06/2004 | |||
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When you actually choose names, make sure it's people you actually know and go with your first instinct. Scroll down one line at a time...and don't read ahead or you'll ruin it! 1. First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column. 2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want. 3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex. NO LOOKING AHEAD...OR IT WON"T TURN OUT RIGHT! 4. Write anyone's name (like friends or family....) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spots. 5. Write down four song titles in 8,9,10, and 11. GO WITH YOUR INSTINCT PEOPLE!!!! 6. Finally, make a wish. And now the key for the game..... 1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game. 2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love. 3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out. 4. You care most about the person you put in 4. 5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well. 6. The person you name in 6 is your lucky star. 7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3. 8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7 9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind. 10. and 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life NOW...post this bulletin (dont reply) within the hour... IF you do.. your wish will come true... If you don't it will become the opposite. |
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| 09:04pm 10/06/2004 | |||
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Hello. Today was great. Holly came to school >_< i was so happy to see her. she kept leaving the bathroom and i was panicking that she got caught. but shes didnt, her sister saw her though,. i think she got along rptity well with the people form my shcool. sum how like thw whole school new she was there adn everybody was comming up to me going "did you see holly" "holly is here" "is holly realyl here". it was just so great to see her and her fake barf >_< sexay! I talk to her and Tess on the phone last night as well. i was like WOah, Tess your vioce is beautiful, its soft and gentle and just warming. i want your vocal chords O_O today bacca came over to work on our project. hmm ya that went well she is fun. likes somebody else :(*tear* all well i have moved on ^_^, Still love and would do do anything Q_O *huggles* xoxo |
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| 06:20pm 06/06/2004 | |||
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Oh my goodness, im tyring not to freak out. EvilKittie131031: Um ok, and what have i ever done to you? HeLL FiREs BaBii: i dont know, i just felt like saying that. EvilKittie131031: and your callign me the bitch HeLL FiREs BaBii: i didnt call you a bitch here lemme paste it again EvilKittie131031: please do HeLL FiREs BaBii: your gay and i fucking hate you. you need to bring it down a notch and learn to be nice to people, becuase one day someone isnt gonna like how you treat them and they are gonna pop you in the face. and i would laugh soo hard. oh yeah and change your hair color because that looks STUPID also along with your eyebrows becuase they look a little to dark for you. you should go with your natural color instead of being "punk" or "goth" or whatever the fuck you are.. Late.. and have a nice day/night wait no.. theres not bitch in there HeLL FiREs BaBii: but here you go if you really wanna be called it HeLL FiREs BaBii: BITCH HeLL FiREs BaBii: there EvilKittie131031: what the fuck is up your ass HeLL FiREs BaBii: i dont know, i just dont like you EvilKittie131031: i never did shit to you EvilKittie131031: well u know what bitch HeLL FiREs BaBii: OoOOo HeLL FiREs BaBii: i mean i like you, but right now im in a stage where i hate everyone HeLL FiREs BaBii: well technically i dont know you HeLL FiREs BaBii: so how can i like you EvilKittie131031: chanda dont say shit then HeLL FiREs BaBii: what shit? EvilKittie131031: all that stuff you said to me EvilKittie131031: personally i dont give a fuck what you think, and just tellign em what u think is gona piss me off HeLL FiREs BaBii: but i thought you didnt care HeLL FiREs BaBii: because if you didnt care you wouldnt get mad EvilKittie131031: it pisses me off that you waste your time telling em something i dont care about, and i hate having to go thru it every day "i dont care" "i dont care" HeLL FiREs BaBii: but the image you bring across to me isnt a good one so i decided to say that to see what you would do EvilKittie131031: i bring a bad image? HeLL FiREs BaBii: yeah to me you did EvilKittie131031: your not roses either sweet heart HeLL FiREs BaBii: like you give me looks and shit, and im nice to you. but like to bring an image to me that i didnt like so i decided to just TRY and be nice EvilKittie131031: i never give you looks EvilKittie131031: i barely see you aroudn shcool HeLL FiREs BaBii: well one time when i asked you for pizza you got a little angry HeLL FiREs BaBii: and i was like alright fuck you, i dont need your bullshit HeLL FiREs BaBii: when you serve people your supposed to be nice HeLL FiREs BaBii: and smile EvilKittie131031: i got angry? how the fuck did i get angry? HeLL FiREs BaBii: you mope around and never smile EvilKittie131031: i dotn have to be nice to anybody EvilKittie131031: i dotn smiel cus there nothign to fuckign smile about HeLL FiREs BaBii: alright then HeLL FiREs BaBii: im not trying to be mean or anything EvilKittie131031: wel your comming off as amajor bitch HeLL FiREs BaBii: oh im oh so sorry EvilKittie131031: no ur not, stop being sarcastic HeLL FiREs BaBii: no really im sorry EvilKittie131031: no ur fuckign ont HeLL FiREs BaBii: i know EvilKittie131031: i hate when peopel say their sorry its so fuckign stupid ur not sorry so why the fuck would u say "oh im sorry" HeLL FiREs BaBii: see the funny thing is, you are the one whos swearing here, and im laughing my ass off watching what your typing in, because its way to funny how people get deffencife or whatever HeLL FiREs BaBii: deffencive* EvilKittie131031: good for you HeLL FiREs BaBii: ok HeLL FiREs BaBii: your the one with the big mouth here whos like bringing back snappy comebacks and im calm as fuck HeLL FiREs BaBii: its kinda funny EvilKittie131031: go ahead and laugh HeLL FiREs BaBii: i already am EvilKittie131031: im glad im putting you in such a good mood HeLL FiREs BaBii: no your not. i was happier before i was talking to you EvilKittie131031: your such a bitch, my goodness i have no idea what josh sees in you, hes too good for you HeLL FiREs BaBii: but to be on a serious note, i have nothing against you, i just have such a huge grudge against random people and your one of them HeLL FiREs BaBii: oh trust me josh knows how i act EvilKittie131031: oh ay thast smart chanda have grudges againsnt random people HeLL FiREs BaBii: well not random people, but for instance people who like you get to angry, are all like pissed off at the world, like you, and treat alot of people like shit EvilKittie131031: im not angry at the world, and i dont treat peopel liek shit EvilKittie131031: rude yesss HeLL FiREs BaBii: well then what do you do HeLL FiREs BaBii: well the way you came across to me, made me not like how you acted EvilKittie131031: and how do i come across? HeLL FiREs BaBii: you came across like all paranoid, and angry, and only nice to people you like HeLL FiREs BaBii: and yeah im not gonna lie i do that to people to HeLL FiREs BaBii: thats only people i dont like or who treat me like shit EvilKittie131031: im not only nice to peopel liek me, if your nice to me il be nice back ur a bitch to me once ill be a bitch to you forever HeLL FiREs BaBii: ok? well for one thing, i never talk to you, i barely see you, i doubt we will hang out during the summer (with josh or adara or whatever) so there really is nothing to worrie about HeLL FiREs BaBii: worry* EvilKittie131031: if u barely see me how can u get this random rudge against me EvilKittie131031: grudge* HeLL FiREs BaBii: the time i did hang out with you adara and josh and a few other people you were like making fucking gay comments HeLL FiREs BaBii: and then at the lunch line i asked if i could have a pizza and a soda and you freaked out EvilKittie131031: i barely said anythin EvilKittie131031: well did u say pizza and soda??? is that exatly what u said HeLL FiREs BaBii: yeah but i mean you took it way to seriously EvilKittie131031: wel dear when u have peopel all lunch saying pizza and asoda its getins fuckign irritating to ask every fuckign time "what kind of pizza, what kind of soda" i cant read ur fuckign mind u stupid bitch say what u want next time HeLL FiREs BaBii: why are you calling me names? EvilKittie131031: cus u are a bitch HeLL FiREs BaBii: just a thought EvilKittie131031: chanda, you are a bitch HeLL FiREs BaBii: well only to you iam EvilKittie131031: i know lots of other peopel who fele the same way HeLL FiREs BaBii: oh really? HeLL FiREs BaBii: well go ahead, name them all EvilKittie131031: yesss, chanda do you really think people are goign to liek you if you just bitch at people for no reason HeLL FiREs BaBii: no no no i have reasons for not liking you and i just named them HeLL FiREs BaBii: maybe your blind and didnt see them, i dont know HeLL FiREs BaBii: come on im waiting for you to name the people EvilKittie131031: you know what chanda i dont want to deal with you anymore HeLL FiREs BaBii: oh okay. thats a good way to slove a problem HeLL FiREs BaBii: nice job! EvilKittie131031: shut up you fat bitch HeLL FiREs BaBii: wow, your a cranky person HeLL FiREs BaBii: thats one way people will hate you even more EvilKittie131031: good i fdont give a fuck EvilKittie131031: hate me HeLL FiREs BaBii: its funny how you think this all effects me EvilKittie131031: good EvilKittie131031: chanda i know people hate me ok. ur not informing me on anything HeLL FiREs BaBii: because i have gone through soo much shit, i honestly could care less about you or anyone. when i Imed you to tell you how i felt i wanted you to know, i didnt care what you were gonna say EvilKittie131031: oh ya chanda and my life is all peachy king too HeLL FiREs BaBii: all of what you are saying now, its going in one ear and out the other EvilKittie131031: everybody has shit your not the only one EvilKittie131031: get over yourself HeLL FiREs BaBii: oh i know HeLL FiREs BaBii: im not into my self HeLL FiREs BaBii: its funny how your soo pertective EvilKittie131031: ok wow im protective, big deal HeLL FiREs BaBii: see if you didnt care HeLL FiREs BaBii: you wouldnt be protective EvilKittie131031: if you had a good reaosn to hate me i wouldtn say anyting but you honestly dont have tjhat good a reaosn to hate me HeLL FiREs BaBii: oh okay, there you go again, CARING i thought you "didnt give a fuck" EvilKittie131031: sweet dreams bitch its ok, bitch is gona die on monday i swear to god, that bitch is going down. i swear to fucking god i will not let hat bitch live with that. i dont care what gona happen from the shcool that bitch is goign to fucking die. |
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| 9:21pm | ||||
| 09:21pm 05/06/2004 | ||||
I just got home From Tomokos. it was lots of fun, im glad i went. i wasnt goign to go becaus ei was just really pissed off at my mom adn i didnt want to be a bitch to everyone else. we went to Molly Stones where Gina and tomoko were told to leave because they did not have any shoes on :/ then the turned on the security cameras too lol. i met Alana, and Elisha kinda, i met her like a couple of years ago in Girl Scout Camp. Her and i need to go back again. We went to Yummy yogurt where we met some people from Tomokos school, i broke his green bracelet which means i have to kiss him. i have morals not to kiss guys that i dont like, but i do owe him so next time i told him. Natalie is realy great at growling, i was impressed. Gina growle outside of walgreens and made a baby cry, heheh it was great. Justin and i discoverd glue sticks are yummy so we kept eating some mmm. we drew all over eachother with the glue stick, then we used it as lipstick and went around kissing people. tomoko died her hair blue it looks awesome, shes so sweet. im glad i got to know all thse peopel and i Have Claire to thank so thank you claire, i really do owe you *hugs*. i did not do the dishes so i think my mom will not let me go out and play tomarro :( but we will see. maybe while shes at church il like spiffy up the house. i got the Dir En Grey videos to obscure thanx to cagedfayth. shes my new friend >_< thank you so much again your are my goddess<3 it was a good day. when im with them, i am actually happy, reminds me of when im with Holly. i think i like Justin >_< hes so sweet and adorable. of course not as mcuh as Steven, no one will take Stevens place ever i am in love with Steven and thast that but since i cant have him i have to move on.it hurts to know i ant have the one id die for, id change for. just tell me what u want and i can be her, i promice, just give me a chance. ive spilled my own blood for you, how else caan i prove that i need you? *huggles* <3xoxo |
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happy| 9:54pm | ||||
| 09:53pm 04/06/2004 | ||||
After sschool i went to my dads house and took a two hour nap. then i came here (moms house) and did nothing, my little sister has her firned sleeping over, their not being as annoying as usual thank god. we got burger king for dinner :/ thast no good for my "diet" i can never do it damnit, but i will try my hardest. i use to have a good method going by whenever i ate somethign i uhhh did something else but that doesnt work anymore because that something doesnt bother me anymore, its becom a normal rutien day after day *shakes head* what have i become. i was goign to see Tomoko and Justin today but my mother said no beacuse of the baby. well ends up the baby is staying over night adn my grandmothers which means i could have seen Tomoko and Justin today, damnit. it was peaceful with out the babdy here, our hosue is staring to have that baby smell you know??? eh, i gues its kinda good i didnt see them today, i was really tired and bitchier then usual. Justin said hel call me tomarro, so hopefulyl my mom will let me do something tomaro liek she said, ive been a good girl O:) my history teacher told me im prolly gonna fail her class and have to retake it, if thast the case my mom is going to be pissed off adn i wont get the computer all summer :/ i have to get at least a D and hopefully a C. i wonder what i have in spanish, ive been slacking lately and things really count in that class, hes colectign points next week so hopefully i get a C. i wrote all over my spanish work book thats the dchools *bites lower lip* my mom will be pissed if we have to replace it. i have no idea how im going to complete my biology project, shit i shoudlnt have slacked on that. oh wow and i still ahev to read a book by the fallowing monday, and have a histor project the fallowing monday. wow im such a screw up it makes my head hurt, yet i still laugh because i dont care, but il get in big ass trouble if i dont do it. im goign to bed im still really tired and i hate being bitchy one day, two days is just hell for me. *~Sweet Dreams~* *huggles* xoxo |
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sleepy| 05:18pm 03/06/2004 | |||
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See The Color Drain From My Painted Eyes. Tare Away The Pain, Take Away This Disguise. Leaving Reason Like A Star In Space, I Lost You, Don't Close Your Eyes. She Gives Me Saccharine Kisses, Upon My Plastic Lips. My Body Is A Slave To, The Touch Of Her Latex Finger Tips. She Still Shows Me Things That No One Else Can See. She Still Lies To Me, And I Cry. She Finds The Beauty In Another Face, You Lost To, You'd Make Me Die. She Gives Me Saccharine Kisses, Upon My Plastic Lips. My Body Is A Slave To, The Touch Of Her Latex Finger Tips. I miss Jamison, hmmm I wonder how hes doing. *sigh* *huggles* xoxo |
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| 09:32pm 01/06/2004 | |||
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BASICS... :x: name = Erica :x: piercings = Ears :x: tattoos = no :x: height = 5'7 :x: shoe size = 9 :x: hair color = orangish yellowish :x: eye color = green :x: siblings = 2 LAST... :x: movie you rented = vampire clan :x: movie you bought = *clueless* :x: song you listened to = obsure-dir en grey :x: song that was stuck in your head =Cruze control-AFI :x: cd you bought = manson- hollywood :x: cd you listened to = dir en grey- vulgar :x: person you've called = Holly :x: person that's called you = Justin :x: tv show you've watched = ed edd n'eddy :x: person you were thinking of = holly DO... :x: you have a crush on someone = yesss :x: you wish you could live somewhere else = yesss :x: you think about suicide = yesss 24/7 :x: you believe in online dating = no :x: others find you attractive = dunno.. ask em :x: you want more piercings = yesss O_O :x: you drink = yesss :x: you do drugs = smoking :x: you smoke = yesss :x: you like cleaning = sometimes :x: you like roller coasters = yesss :x: you write in cursive or print = print, kinda :x: you carry a donor card = no FOR OR AGAINST... :x: long distance relationships = if you can make it work, go for it :x: using someone = against :x: suicide = for :x: killing people = for :x: teenage smoking = for :x: doing drugs = for :x: driving drunk = for :x: gay/lesbian relationships = for!!! :x: soap operas = sure why not FAVORITE... :x: food = fruit :x: song = anyting by AFI or Dir En Grey :x: thing to do = hugging people :x: thing to talk about = stuff :x: sports = softball :x: drinks = orange juice :x: clothes = dickis :x: movies = horror :x: band/singer = AFI davey havok, jade puget, adam carson, hunter. Dir engrey, kyo, die, kauro, toshiya, shinya :x: holiday = christmas :x: cars = chevelle, nova HAVE YOU... :x: ever cried over a girl = yesss :x: ever cried over a boy = yesss :x: ever lied to someone = yesss :( im sorry :x: ever been in a fist fight = yesss with my mom :x: ever been arrested = almost WHAT... :x: shampoo do you use = garne frutis or sumtin :x: shoes do you wear = black convers :x: are you scared of = spiders, deathly NUMBER... :x: of times I have been in love? = 2 :x: of times I have had my heart broken? = 2 :x: of hearts I have broken? = non prolly :x: of girls I have kissed? = 1 :x: of boys I have kissed? = *clueless* :x: of girls I've slept with? = 0 :x: of boys I've slept with? = shhhhh :x: of drugs taken illegally? = 1 :x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = 3 maybe 4 *cluesless* :x: of people I consider my enemies? too many to count :x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? none :x: of scars on my body? = alot :x: of things in my past that I regret? = lots FAVORITE... :x: disney movie = Peter Pan :x: word = AFI :x: nickname = whore :x: guy name = :x: girl name = :x: eye color = bright blue and green :x: flower = roses, daises :x: piercing = tongue :x: actor = robert de niro :x: actress = anglenia jolie DO YOU THINK YOU ARE... :x: pretty = nooo :x: funny = nooo :x: hot = nooo :x: friendly = i try my best to be :x: amusing = nooo :x: ugly = yesss :x: loveable = possibly, maybe nooo :x: caring = yesss :x: sweet = sometimes :x: dorky = yesss |
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| 05:04pm 31/05/2004 | |||
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| Read 3 - Post | |||
| 9:36pm | |||
| 03:52pm 26/05/2004 | |||
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Today was shit, like every day shit. Fuckign shit this world is shit and i fucking hate it. i asked my dad if i could spned the night at Claires house, and wed go to a show with Tomoko and Justin. my dads responce "No" Me-"May i ask why?" Dad-"YOU KNOW WHAT, GO. YA GO AND WHY DONT YOU SPEND ALL SATURDAY THERE TOO OH AND SPEND SATURDAY NIGHT THERE TOO AND HAVE UR MOTHER PICK YOU UP THERE SUNDAY NIGHT. IF YOU DONT LIKE COMMING OVER THEN STAY WITH YOUR FUCKING MOTHER". i do like going over there, for the first time since last year i asked if i could do something and he freaks out on me. befor hed say no becuase i neevr did anything aorund there but ive been cooking, cleanign the house, and watching my sister and i havnt asked for anythng, just one fuckign night. i get in the car and agrue with my mom. she smacks my arm and starts screaming at me "IM SICK YOU OF YOU YOUR NOTHING BUT A PAIN IN THE ASS TO EVERYBODY WHY DONT YOU GO LIVE WITH OUR FATHER" me-"I DONT WANT TO LIVE WITH HIM OR YOU" mom-"GOOD, THEN JUST LEAVE" me-"WHY DONT YOU JUST GET RID OF ME AND LET ME LIVE IN A FOSTER HOME, ID MUCH HAPPIER THERE THEN HERE" mom-"YA I SHOULD, SURE SAVE ME ALOT OF MONEY AND STRESS" me-"DO IT THEN, DO IT!". i dont know what to do anymore, where do i go when the peopel im sappsoed to trust the most hate me and everybody else. i have no where i can realy vent, here all i can to is type and thats not enough. so i go to my little shiny sharp friend, the one who i know can alwasy make me feel better. i have a problem, i need help, i want help i just dont want my perents or anyone in my "family" to know.i want to change who i am, i hate myself.' *huggles* xoxo |
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| 09:48pm 22/05/2004 | ||||
i saw steven at battle of the bands, he waved at me and ignored me the rest of the time. him and this girl were all over eachother, i felt so sick i wanted to throw up right there but i held it til ig to home. its one thing to ignore me, but to say "ya we should hang out again" then when he sees me to ignore me. he was arm distance plenty of times and he walked by me at least 200 and he didnt say a damn thing. why does it hurt so much??? i dont know what to do with myself, im such... i dunno nothing im not good enough for anythning or anyone. if only i was brave enough to really kill myself, id do it. today is perfect. my heart was crushed and ripped apart by someone who i thought was the most wonerful person alive, i still think he is. they dotn get any better. |
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| 9:03pm | |||
| 09:03pm 18/05/2004 | |||
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went o my dads house. it was ok i guess, i dunno it kinda hpned fast. i cant seem to do my school wrok anymore which is bad. i want to go to battle of the bands but i might not be able to because of softball god damnit. i hate it at times like this. i have no idea what to say in herew anymore before i counlt stop typing but no wim liek forcing myself to tyep. mybe my brain is dying O_O no im kidding. oooo my bra fell in the tiolet at school today, ya that made my day shitty and cold. wow *huggles* xoxo |
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| 5:35pm | ||||
| 05:35pm 17/05/2004 | ||||
she bought me apair of pants today. she ddint yell at me when i didnt come home. whast going on???*clueless* last night, she yeled and screamed, she wont pick me up from school anymore. she said over and over she doesnt care, not htta she ever did.... she made me throw away my boots :'( ive been wanting them forever and i finaly got them and she took them away from me. i piad for 40$ of them and now their dumpsert shit that fuckign bitch. i miss my boots their all i ever wanetd from her,i was so happy. i saw Steven and Dani yesterday. oh wait, did i alreayd say that? *scrols up* no, it sounds familer ach, i proly did but am saying it agian so read!. ya they were in a parking lot, Steven on a bike and whate looked liek Dani chasing after Steven...hmmmmmm *sigh* *huggles* xoxo |
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confused| 09:54pm 07/05/2004 | ||||
latelt i dont know hwo to feel, im so confused on my emotions towards everything *huggles* xoxo |
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silentwhore |
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