| ;; This NOT Enough. |
[ 02.11.03 @ 08:48 pm ] |
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mood |
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devoidofemotionsthatcure |
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music |
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t.A.T.u. + All The Things She Said |
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Today was one of those days. Days in which I lose precious moments [ which aren't so precious, but you never know.. they could have been. ] Lose them because nightmares are back - and I spend most mornings after school curled up in bed. There's not much reason to get up, anymore. And I'm so tired of staring at screens all day; At least this way I'm vaguely entertained by images I can't decipher. Even if they leave a faint taste of psychosis on my lips upon awakening.
Maybe next time I just won't wake up. // Maybe next time I won't want to wake up. That would be nice - to be devoid of want. To be devoid of everything. Because everything hurts today -- but I'll be better tomorrow. Honest. I just need to keep breathing. I can't let the fear get the better of me. No matter that it all ready has.
i'm covering my face,
emotion is but paint to me.
pale like the moon, blue like the vein:
what a sorrowful color for the heart to be.
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[ 02.10.03 @ 12:10 am ] |
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mood |
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erratic ( not to be trusted ) |
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music |
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seraphim shock + some sick dream |
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what have i become?
a threat to me and the ones i love.
one day i'll be what you envy.
with p e r f e c t scars and p e r f e c t knives.
i will live a p e r f e c t life.
(( Stare into my eyes forever, let me take you in my arms. Dance with me out in the garden where tomorrow never comes. Follow me into the darkness where the nightmares never fade. Whisper dreams my fallen angel from which you will never wake. ))
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| surveyness. |
[ 02.09.03 @ 08:10 pm ] |
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mood |
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____sick. // odd contentment. |
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music |
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smashing pumpkins + ava adore |
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[ basics ]
name: alexisandra austin
nickname: alexis, lexy, lexi, lexis, lex, awekis, lexinator, lou.
age: seventeen
dob: 9.27.85
location: murrells inlet, s. carolina.
height: 5.6/5.7
weight: 135
hair color: dirty blonde / brown.
eye color: hazel.
occupation: community college freshman.
[ musically ]
bands: misfits. anti-flag. propaghandi. corporate avenger. avenged sevenfold. eighteen visions. alkaline trio. coal chamber. my ruin. jack off jill. cradle of filth. hatebreed. sex pistols. smashing pumpkins. american nightmare [ nothing ]. dillinger escape plan. a fire inside. camp kill yourself. from autumn to ashes. norma jean. strung out. nirvana. korn.
singers: henry rollins. glenn danzig. billy corgan. tairrie b.
[ favorites ]
music: old school punk rock + hadcore + metal.
food: string cheese + red licorice ropes.
non-alcoholic drink: coffee.
alcoholic drink: anything straight from the bottle.
current songs: placebo + every me, every you; alkaline trio + private eye; from autumn to ashes + short stories with tragic endings; avenged sevenfold + epic of time wasted
song: misfits + dig up her bones.
store: daze end [ local skate/alternative shop ]
car: trucks. jeeps.
movie: slc punk!
color: deep blue/green.
number: 7.
drug: ghb + weed.
animal: wolf + puppies.
place: his arms.
clothing: curb stompin' boots + band t-shirts + baggy jeans.
tv shows: will & grace + cowboy bebop.
actress: none.
actor: edward norton.
[ misc ]
future occupation: social worker + deviant.
bad habits: smokes too much, cries too little, never feels enough.
OTHER: pierced + scarred + disturbed.
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[ 02.06.03 @ 12:05 am ] |
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mood |
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drowning in the disassociation |
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music |
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placebo : every me, every you. |
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Delirium has raged it's course. . and girl has come undone. Panting breathless for more with each toxic bruise counted on abused flesh. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. It has been noted that self-injury comes in many forms - and I am not longer dependent on a razorblade. Words and thoughts can cut flesh all the same.
[[ 37 days until my intimidating inspiration arrives. nervous.scared.little.girl.with.gutter.punk.sores.&.too.much.time.alone.with.insecure.thoughts. It will be my taste of perfection to drown in. ]]
Regular broadcasting [ posting + commenting ] will resume once I pick myself up off the floor & stop spending days working on projects that only I will ever see. The pressure from school to at least fake human normalcy and ability consumes too much these days. Back to three essays, one cover letter to a pretend job I will never obtain and 13 different parts of a human brain, do I go.
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[ 01.31.03 @ 12:57 pm ] |
All hail the Kings and Queens of Self-Inflicted Drama.
Happy. Happy. Happy.
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[ 01.27.03 @ 09:49 pm ] |
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mood |
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strung out. sleepy. wanting. |
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music |
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alkaline trio :: stupid kid. |
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What I'd be buying if I hadn't blown all my money on coffee, speed, cigarettes & books I'm never going to read. I'm such a whore for crappy vintage shirts and odd fashion.
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[ 01.26.03 @ 04:30 pm ] |
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mood |
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restless ( as always ) |
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music |
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anti-flag :: indie sux, hardline sux, emo sux, you sux! |
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I return, with brand new scars, a cross out to the "friends only" bit [ it's just too annoying and the taste of self-inflicted censorship is not my style ] & what is sure to be the only quiz I will ever post [ but I couldn't deny the loveliness of Angelina Jolie, now could I? ]
Which Angelina Jolie are you? Find out!
And now if you'll excuse me, I do believe there is a game on today and way too much beer in the fridge. I'll have to go see what I can do about that problem.
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