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.Left.Alone.In.A.World.So.Cold.

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(2 s | Lock Me Up In A Mental Institution)

Some of my poems.. [15 Aug 2003|10:47pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | mOBSCENE//Marilyn Manson ]

The Act
The pain is to much for me,
It's time for me to go,
To that better place,
I always hoped for.

No one will miss me,
Because they never knew who I really was.
They never noticed my depressed heart,
They only saw the happiness,
That wasn't even real.

So in reality,
My life was one big act,
That never seemed to end.
But no one ever knew that.

I take the blade to my wrist,
and slowly cut across.
The blood is going down my arm,
Everything becomes blurred.
I know my life is over.
I know I'll never have another chance,
to live the life I always dreamed.

My last and final thought,
goes through my head.
Please don't hate me,
I know I was wrong.

All For You
Sitting in this moonlit room,
thinking of all the times I cried.
And all the times you hurt me,
Sometimes I wish I could just die.

You think you know,
But you don't have a clue,
of all the hell you put me through.

You say you love me,
I say you're lying.
And everytime we fight,
I always end up crying.

I don't know what's gonna happen,
And I really don't wanna know.
I think it's done between us,
It's time for me to go.

I'll love you forever,
Even if you don't love me.
I promise I won't hurt you,
as bad as you hurt me.

Your Fault
I open my mouth, but theres no words.
My heart is breaking, and no body knows.
Suicidal thoughts go through my head.
No one knows, I wish I was dead.

You killed my heart, I'll help you finish the job.
I'll take the gun, and end it all.

Then you'll suffer, exactly like did.
Except now you know, it's all your fault.

Names
You call names that really hurt.
I pretend I can't hear,
and hope that you'll stop.

Everyday the names get worse.
I think about killing myself,
more and more eachday.

Then you start talking to me,
like you never called me shit.
I start liking you, and we start going out.
After 4 months I say the 3 magic words.
The next day at school,
You say you never liked me.
And you tell everyone what I said.
I ran home crying.
Guess what? Now I'm dead.
I killed myself because you.
Now you know I really did love you.

Help Me
Evil thoughts mixed with suicide dreams.
I don't know what it means.
I feel so fucked up and misunderstood.
I wish I would die, if only I could.
If only you could see,
The real depressed me.
I need some help, but no one knows,
Help me please, even if your my foe.

Untitled
I'm barely alive
and I don't think I can survive.
I need the knife,
To end my life.
No more fears.
No more tears.
Taking the knife to my wrist,
I cut deep, sending a bloody mist.
Now it's over.
Look what I've done.
It dosn't matter now.
I'm happy.

Betrayed
God betrayed me,
He never let me see,
What I have turned out to be.

Now I'm some fucked up kid,
thinking about the shit I did.

Devil
Taking the blade, and cutting across.
Open the veins, the blood rushes out.
A twisted grin takes the place of a frown.
Falling to the ground, shutting off the world.
Laying face down, in the middle of a 5 point star.
The evil goes in, the hate increases.
Love for no one, becoming Satan.
Walls start shaking, turning red.
Eternal Flames, the place for the dead.
Going down the fiery path, meeting the devil.
And atlast taking his place.
Now named Lucifer, Ruler of eternal Fire.
Taking the evil, prowling the dead.
Finaly living eternity in Hell.

Stop
I had a dream, it turned out to be true.
I always worry about what you do.
Someday you're going to cut to deep.
Then your life will be over, spending eternity asleep.
I don't want that to ever happen, so will you please quit today?
I'm asking you because I love you, and I want you to stay.
If you ever kill yourself, I'll wish I would die.
But I wouldn't kill myself, instead I would cry.

Untitled
You killed my heart, now I'll kill you
I'll shoot you now, what else am I supose to do?
You say you're sorry, but I know it's not true.
I want you dead, I really do.
You call me a psycho, I think it's funny
Then you say we can work this out hunny.
I scream NO, and grab the gun.
I shoot the mirror just for fun.
You start to panic, finaly realizing I'm not kidding.
This time for real, I pull the trigger on the gun.
You fall instantly, now you feel my pain.


UNTITLED
what the hell is wrong with me
i'd really like to know
im always happy as can be
but then it seems to go

my sparkling blue eyes turn to gray
the laughter fades the anger stays
then i pick up my pen and start to write
thinking every word is right

i wake up the next morning hoping to see
if my writing has changed to a happier me
it didnt change, but thats ok
the anger fades the happiness stays
for now atleast

To Sam
I'm sick of being blamed for shit I didn't do.
I never made you stop and think that it was time to chose.
You wanted two other guys and obviously weren't happy with the one you had.
Then you tell me it's my fault and I think I'm so bad.
What the fuck is wrong with you? You're supose to be my friend.
I guess it's truly over, this is the end.
I'm so sick of being fucked with, although it's not just you.
You say you don't, but then again you never know you do.
Why am I the one thats always obsessed a guy?
I just like him alot, but he always seems to lie.
That's everything I never told you, because it never seemed to come out.
Now I hope you're happy, don't go scream and pout.
I know you're gona say it's only PMS, and she didn't mean to be like that.
But it isn't PMS, I've always felt this way.
Now don't go call me up, and be all bitchy and shit.
You should prolly say you're sorry, but that wouldn't really help it.
I'm still your best friend,
and I hope this poem hasn't made that end.
But you need to realize what you do and how it affects me.
I hope now you can see exactly what it's like for me.

No More
I lay on my bed,
and put the gun to my head.
My pain will go away,
If I shoot myself right now this day.

No more getting my heart broke,
by the same guy time after time.
No more getting lied to,
by someone who's supose to be your best friend.
No more being called hurtful names,
by some ignorant guy.
No more jealous girls screaming in my face,
because I talked to "their" guy.
No more getting told I only write fucked up poems because I want attention and pity,
by the guy I really love.

My life dosn't suck.
But it's really fucked up.
I'm gona go to a different place,
where I'm accepted.

Untitled
Under the fake smile,
is a fucked up little girl.
Her heart is black,
her thoughts are twisted.
Never telling anyone what she thinks,
expressing herself through her poems.
Her parents think shes psychotic,
her friends think shes kick ass.
She hates herself,
she hates everything she does.
No one understands her,
she dosnt even understand herself.
So she pretends to be happy,
and acts like everything is alright.
All she wants is to be understood,
and to be accepted.

Untitled
All the dreams and hopes I've ever had,
Keep me going when I'm somewhat sad.
Wanting to die,
But still I try,
To live my life,
and not pickup the knife.



The voices tell me im worthless, and i deserve to die. They tell me im not good enough for this world and i need to go to heaven. They promise me ill go to heaven. Using the blade dosnt feel so bad anymore. I cut deeper, the blood comes out even faster. Everything goes black. I wake up. All i see are monsters. Demons. Demons eating at my soul. They promised me heaven. But i went to hell.

Untitled
I slice my wrist,
slip away in the foggy mist.
I'm crying,
instead of dieing.
I always seem to find the knife,
the knife that will someday take my life.
I don't want to die,
yet I don't want to be alive.
All my life does is cause pain.
I have nothing left to gain.
I'm sick of my bloody tears.
I'm sick of my fucked up fears.
I'm sick of trying to hold on for just one more day.
I'm sick of everything you say.
So, here I go, one last time,
remember suicides a crime.
I've finally done it.
I've suceeded in killing myself.

Fucked Up Thoughts By Me and Dii
Blood and tears.
Fucked up fears.
Visions fading.
People hating.
Dressed to kill.
Blood spill.
Missing spaces.
Blank faces.
Alone and gone.
Holding on.
Nothing's there.
No one to care.
Full of shit.
I'm sic of it.
Hate and love.
Needing hugs.
Tired and cold.
Lies are old.
Healing pain.
Hearts and veins.
Being chased.
And replaced.
Lost and confused.
Feeling abused.
Put aside.
No where to hide.
Taken away.
Awwed in dismay.
Twisted thoughts.
Knives are bought.
Bloody cuts.
No more -buts.
Slowly dieing.
No more crying.
No more games.
Burning in flames.
Say goodbye..
Let me die.


Creeping death
No hiding from it
Leaps out and you're gone

I hate writing haikus but i had to write one for language arts.. these are all for language arts.. so there not really dark and morbid

W retched
I mmortal beauty
L ifeless petals fall
T emporarily living
E nduring pain
D reary

R ancid petals
O ut-worn
S oon to die
E rasing life


Untitled
No more waiting for it to come.
It's here now, and you're done.
It's going to take you by the hand.
And lead you into a far away land.
You can't come back from this place.
A look of fear appears on your face.
Even though you scream NO,
Death has you, and won't let go.
Your life is over, say goodbye,
It's time to let go, time to die.

Halls of Hell
Knife in hand, and dreams of murder in my head.
Thinking of everyone I hate, and who I want dead.
Walking to school, knife under my coat.
Listing my friends, and listening my foes.
Climbing up the steps, getting ugly stares.
Thoughts go through my head, barely anyone cares.
Not knowing what to do next, I skip my first class.
Sitting in the bathroom, planning where to go, and what to pass.
Minutes before passing period bell, I take position in the hallway.
Knife clutched in my hand, seconds feel like days.
The bell rings, students run out doors, no one notices me.
I pull up the knife, now everyone sees.
I slit one guys throat and stab another in the side.
I feel no remorse that he died.
Girls screaming, blood all over the floor.
I kill some more, others run to open doors.
But you can't hide from me, I know every hiding place.
Mudering feels great, and a twisted grin crosses my face.
"Ready or not, here I come!" is what I yell.
Now it's their turn to go through my hell.
30 already dead, about 200 still alive.
No one can stay, no one will survive.
Running like a psycho, killing as I go.
People will wonder why, but only I know.
They all made fun of me, tormented and caused me pain.
They called me a freak, and said I wasn't sane.
Looking around, everyones gone and dead.
5 minutes passed, what felt like hours in my head.
Accomplished, and ready to die.
I slit my own throat, and try not to cry.
Life's fading fast, and I'll soon be dead too.
I quickly write a message that read, I HATE YOU.
Whoever finds it, will never know me.
Whoever finds it, will never see.
All the hell they put me through.
And if they do, they'll feel stupid that they never knew.


Revenge
She hated her family,
she hated her life.
So one ordinary day,
she picked up a butcher knife.
To get a sweet and deadly revenge,
and make them be in pain,
instead of her endless days of suffering,
and getting beat by her daddy again and again.
She made her way into the living room,
and saw that her mother was there.
"What the hell do you want?" her Mama asked.
She raised the knife up in the air.
Her Mama screamed in fright.
That was the end of that witch.
Walking to her father's office,
she heard her yell "Quit screaming bitch!"
She pushed open the wooden door.
Keeping the knife down at her side.
Anger flashed in her eyes.
"Thanx for hurting me so much, now die!"
He didn't blink, he didn't yell.
He was ready for what she was gona do.
She stabbed him twice and slit his throat.
He deserved what happend and he knew.
Holding the bloody knife,
tears streaming down her face.
She no longer wanted to live,
and stay in this awful place.
She slit her wrist, and her throat.
She was now dead too,
and no one will no why she did that,
cuz they never knew what her daddy would do.


Monkeys:Dedicated to Sam
They jump around, and play all day.
They shake their asses, cuz they know no other way.
Playful eyes, and funny feet.
The like to fuck, and love to eat.
They like to suck bananas, and swing on a tree.
And sometimes they act like perverted guys to me!

Whore
She used to have all the fun.
Her eyes used to shine like the sun.
She would stay up and party all night,
and finally pass out at dawn's first light.
But one night, she met some guy.
She thought he was perfect, and ate up all his lies.
They fucked, and he vanished without a trace.
She woke up with hurt in her eyes, and tears on her face.
Weeks passed, and still no word from him.
Then suddenly, her life went dim.
She found out she was pregnant with his kid.
A mistake was inside her because of what she did.
8 months later, she had a baby girl.
That was the result of giving sex a whirl.
Now because the guy walked out the door,
she was a single teen mom, and called a whore.
No more partys, no more drugs.
No more picking up guy that some called thugs.
Her life fell apart in about a day.
And it's her damn fault cuz she wouldn't listen to what her parents would say.


Billy and Annie
Billy loved Annie more than his drugs.
Annie loved Billy more than her knife.

Before Billy, Annie wanted to die,
and everynight she would try.
She'd slit her wrists, and pray for eternal sleep,
everynight she'd fail, and do nothing but weep.

Before Annie, Billy shot up heroin everyday.
He was fucking up his life, that was only a small price to pay.
He dropped out of school, and got a job to get what he lust.
He spent tons of money on a baggy full of white dust.

Both their friends dragged them on a blind date,
They met for the first time, it seemed like fate.
Billy promised her to stop getting high.
Annie promised him to quit trying to die.

Annie's parents didn't like Billy at all,
they forbidded her from seeing him, he couldn't even call.
Both were filled with so much hate,
after a week, decided to self medicate.

Annie swallowed a shitload of pills,
and decided to create a blood spill.
She grabbed her knife and slit her wrists,
Her room was filled with a bloody mist.

Billy shot up a lethal injection,
hoping it would help his rejection.
He collasped on the floor,
and realized nothing mattered anymore.

Nothing could keep them apart.
They loved eachother from the start.

Billy died for Annie.
Annie died for Billy.

Porcelain Doll
He tells me, he loves me.
I don't say anything.
I am nothing, but a porcelin doll.
My heart will shatter quickly.
Please don't break me.
Please don't let me fall.
Please.
"I love you too."

Suicidal Words
manipulation
suffication
mutilation
suicide
tried
cried
died
dead
bloodred
no more
just a whore
lying on the floor

Fake
Wanting to fit in,
Trying to be "cool".
Doing whats "in",
and not what you feel is right.
Wanting to be popular.
Wanting to be accepted.
Wearing a certain kind of clothes.
Not having any morals.
Not knowing what to beleive,
or not knowing what's bullshit.
You're fake in my mind.
So very FAKE.

Hidden part 2
I look so happy, and laugh so easily,
but behind the laughter, I'm crying inside.
I wish you would notice,
but you're just like everyone else.
I tell you I'm happy, and I love my life,
that doesn't mean it's how I feel.
I'm probably more fucked up then you would think.
But you're so blind, and only see what you want to.
You don't care about anything,
except being accepted.
I love you,
but you don't love me.
I don't care,
I'm used to that shit.

Lucifer's Angel
Mouth stitched tight,
Eyes shine bright,
Lucifer's angel in flight.
Taking souls,
From perfect human molds,
A heart she holds.
Evil souls going to hell,
Something she would never tell,
All she can do is ring the torture bell.
She was once a good kid,
But an evil act she did.
She is now scarred for life,
Because she used the knife.
She spends eternity in pain,
Wishing she was once sane,
Now she'll never smile again




Grim Reaper
Time to die.
No time to cry.
Slit your wrist.
Fall into the mist.
Your time has come.
Now you're done.
The Grim Reaper is here.
Lets go my dear.
Follow him into the land of hate.
This is your destiny, your fate.
Terrifying demons eating at your skin.
You're fighting to live, but the reaper always wins.
Not quite dead, yet not alive.
The way it's looking, you won't survive.
The reaper has you in his death grip.
He plants the kiss of death on your lips.
Now you're dead, and burning in hell.
And it's your fault, because your soul you did sell

I Am
I am a wilting black rose, trapped in a garden full of blooming white roses.
I am a black rainbow. My colors washed away in the storms going on inside my head.
I am a candle, burning and melting away, in the flames of my own hate.
I am a princess, living in an empty castle in the clouds.
I am an anarchist, stuck in a house full of republicans.
I am a freak in a freak show. Getting stared and laughed at by ignorant people.
I am an artist, creating my own world with watercolors.
I am a rejected soul, trying to find someone to accept me.
I am a virgin, only getting fucked by this awful place.
I am a paperdoll, showing only one emotion, changing only my clothes.
I am a little girl, lost in a crowd of strangers.
I am an addict, spending my time doing only one thing.
I am a shooting star, no longer moving.
I am a marker without a cap, I keep bleeding and someday, there will be no more color left in me.
I am a mirror, without a reflection.
I am a bubble, waiting to be popped.
I am a full time actress, preforming a new show everyday.
I am a soldier, fighting with my own emotions.
I am a dream catcher, making the nightmares go away.
I am an alien, no one really knows me, I'm a stranger to all.
I am a bird with broken wings, I cannot fly to a better place.
I am an individual, listening to no one but myself.
I am a cheshire cat, fading with a grin.
I am a bitch, saying whatever I feel.
I am a pair of black chuck taylors. My shoelaces are gone, my color is slowly turning to whitish-gray.
I am a circle, no start, no end.
I am a checkerboard. Only 8 checkers left to play on.
I am a teddy bear, wanting to be hugged.
I am a ring finger, yet my finger is bare.
I am a cd player, playing music, yet theres no sound.
I am me, Ashley.

(2 s | Lock Me Up In A Mental Institution)

[15 Aug 2003|10:32pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | The Rose Petalled Garden//BLS ]

This blurty is for my poems, and everything else I write. Comment, and tell me what you think of them..

-ash-

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