My So-Called Life's journal

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
7:55 pm - How do I feel this good sober?
So what is wrong with me? Why can I never keep a friend? huh? It seems like I am always the one who the fights happen to. I am always the one who never has friends who want to stay friends with me. Tasha just wants to blow me off. Then she wants to fuck me over at work. WHO DOES THAT to their "best" friend. HAHA. BEST FRIEND what a fucking joke. My only friends are my family and Travis...well Travis is my family now. He is my best friend. Those other people are fucking idiots. honestly.

Would you ever call your "best" friend and ask her to work for you because you just dont feel like going?

Then all of a sudden say you have a "dr's" appt several days later? Yeah.

Now she is saying that she is not showing up to work tomorrow no matter what. FUCKING STUPID so I guess I get to work 16 hours tomorrow fucking stupid bitch. If no one shows up tomorrow for that shift, I mean I will be fine because I need the extra hours, but if no one shows up ESPECIALLY HER if she is scheduled I WILL FUCKING FLIP OUT ON HER STUPID ASS. GAH! I am really starting to not like her and I really think life would be better without her fucking high school drama.

I AM 23 YEARS OLD BITCH! YOU ARE 21!! GROW THE FUCK UP!

I do not know what I would do without my blurty haha. I have had this for years and years and it always helps me relax haha. I read somewhere the other day that it is good for people to have journals or things like it to be able to vent when necessary. I am a lucky girl, I have you! heehee.

Dang.

Sometimes, I hate life. Sometimes, I wish I didn't have to be a grownup. Sometimes, I think about how I thought life sucked when I was a teenager, it didn't, it didn't suck at all.

"I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone....
I don't wanna be the girl who has to feel the silence...
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth.....
Aahh, the night is calling
And it whispers to me softly, "come and play"
Aahh, I am falling
And if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame"

Some lyrics from pink's song Sober. I LOVE IT!! haha.

Anywhoo, off to do a little more homework then off to bed. Gotta get some rest for my double tomorrow. ICK!

current mood: Let down.
current music: Pink-Sober

(comment on this)

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
11:40 pm - You're So Gay!
Just wanted to pop on here and say "ELLO mate!" haha. okay well about to play scene it so I will yak at'cha later gator. :)

lots of love,
MandM

current mood: crunk!
current music: You're so gay-katy perry

(comment on this)

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008
1:52 am - Hola.
Hey. It's just me. Obviously who else would it be? haha. Anywhoo, I really just need to vent. So Travis and I got into a big fight today. Go figure right? When don't we fight. I am starting to feel like when him and I first got together. GRRR. We started fighting today because we were downstairs and I was sitting on the couch watching TV. Well he says to me, "i'm going upstairs" so I say "okay what are you going to be doing up there?" Meaning I am watching a show, are you going to be watching your own shows or on the computer what? because if you are going to be watching your own shows then i'm going to stay downstairs. Obviously I did not have to go through and explain all of that to him it was a simple question. If he would have said "watching TV, why?" I could have replied "oh just because I wanted to watch this show so I will be up when it's over" Then we could have been on our way. No big deal right?! Well you'd think to a normal person. No instead he started yelling at me. Can't remember exactly what was said but it wasn't very nice, which it never is.

Anyway, So then a little bit later I come upstairs and I am watching TV with him and then I asked him (he had a pizza and only ate half of it) if he was going to eat the rest of the pizza. Well clearly that was NOT the right thing to say because that PISSED him off!! So instead of saying NO he preceded to get pissy with me. And I said well if you're full you could take the rest with you and have it at your lunch. WELLL WRONG THING TO SAY. "I CANT KEEP FOOD IN THE FRIDGE AT WORK YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE DO TO OTHER PEOPLE"S FOOD IN THERE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH" Well you know me, i'm the STUPID one and I dont remember him telling me about people sabotaging other people's food in the fridge at work. Because he has and I am an idiot and I dont pay attention to anything because how could I NOT keep that in the front of my mind and think about it constantly. So then I said well you could keep it in your car....WHOOOOPS another wrong thing to say. Well then he precedes to say "I"M LEAVING NOW" as he's standing at the top of the stairs. So I say okay, well as I'm putting on my shoes, which i'm not doing fast enough, I get yelled at again "I"M LEAVING". So at this point i'm getting REALLY REALLY ticked off and sick and tired of being yelled at and talked to and treated like i'm a FUCKING MORON. It's really hurtful and you know what IF YOU READ THIS IT IS VERY VERY VERY HARD ON ONES SELF ESTEEM just so you know. It really makes it hard to want to be with someone or love someone. To know that they have such a lack of respect for you really hurts bad. IT not just hurts, it fucking SUCKS!

Anywhoo...So I said to him I can't take this fighting anymore. So then he got his little cocky attitude and acted like he didn't fucking care. You know the reason why I wouldn't leave him would be because I know he would be so fucking mean and make it into something it didn't have to be. just a HUGE fucking fight for no reason, but why wouldn't he, it's all he's ever known in his life. AND I AM ABOUT FED UP WITH IT!!! I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!! IT IS NOT FAIR TO ME, NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT, AND FOR YOU TO GET MAD AT ME FOR HURTING MY FEELINGS AND MAKING ME CRY IS BULLSHIT!!!!! I JUST DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!

lots of love, mandm

current mood: sad
current music: none. just silent humming of the computer.

(comment on this)

Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
12:42 am - word up!
So I have learned the bar. WOOT WOOT! Okay well i'm bored gotta pee. i'm drunk. what's new right? haha. i only right in here when i'm drunk now. haha. I used to only write in here when I was DEPRESSED haha. Okay LOVES. gotta peeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. been drinkin some DROP TOP! best beeer eva. haha.

Oh funny story, So I got carded the other day for a RATED R MOVIE!! I"M 22 YEARS OLD HAHAHAHA.

I dont even get carded when I buy beer!! BAHAHAHHAA. okay love you bye.

MandM

(comment on this)

Friday, June 20th, 2008
1:34 am - Falling Slowly.
I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

(comment on this)

1:30 am - HIDE AND SEEK!
where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads - heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears (hearts)
they were here first

Mmmm whacha say,
Mmmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm whacha say,
Mmmm that its all for the best?
Because it is
Mmmm whacha say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
whacha say?
Mmmm what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs

(hide and seek)
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a (you don't care a) bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
oh no, you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit

current mood: annoyed
current music: say goodnight and go imogen heap

(comment on this)

1:17 am - WOW!
okay so i started talking and telling about blurty. SOOOOO

When i started talking they were listening to me. and in themiddle of talking they just continued what theyu were talking about like i was nevet talking at all. grrrrr. dumb. plus lately everyones been actuing like everying i say and so IS SO DUMB AND WRONG AND OUT OF LINE like i'm some crazyu ior something. grre. i just wanna cry. i hate things some time. grr.

current mood: depressed
current music: ben harper my beloved

(comment on this)

1:05 am - Three little birds.
HELLLLOOOOOO!!!




I"m so drunk right now. I know i've been writing in here since i was like 16 or 17. i'm 22 now. holy smokes. The way time flies. Wow. I dunno when the last time was that i wrote in here but i'm married now. Travisd and I got married. Deetra (dads ex's daughter, so we're not related by blood but she's still my sista!! haha.) has come to visit. She came in January with her then boyfriend Dustin and they stayed for approx. a week or so. Well then they left and she was going to come back asap well she didnt come back until may 13th. Well she's stilll here. She's supposed to be going back to say "goodbye" to everyonoe there and getting her dog and her transcripts to start school here. Hanna's going to maybe gowith her. Who knows if she's really going to come back.. She's dating Skylers bro Cameron they're official BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND soooo who knows what's going on.


I'm married but i'm still really depressed. i dunno why. i'm i dunno how to explain it. I'm happy in my marriage dont get me wrong at all. But I dont kno for some reason i just feel really depressed. Maybe I should see a therapist. grr. i hate my life at times. maybe iut's cause we are so in debt dumb.

i'm workin aat colvins. it's so fun. i have so much fun working there. i'm learning the bar next week yikes i'm nervous. okay well i'll talk toyou later when i'm not so drunk and i can actually type. llo.

LOTSOFLOVEMANDM

current mood: depressed
current music: Mazzy Star-fade into you!!!!!

(comment on this)

Saturday, March 29th, 2008
11:10 pm - So Weak And Powerless...
Okay So I know I haven't wrote in a really long time however, I've been feeling really depressed lately. So tonight Dani invited us to go to dinner. Well it started out that we were supposed to go to lunch. Then she said that her bf wanted to go and I was like oh so did Travis but he doesn't get off work until 2:45. She then text me back and was like "okay well lets just go to dinner" and I said that's cool whatev no big deal right. Well we are at dinner at Colvins and then Tara shows up and Monica. haha. i'll get to my Monica and Tara stories in a minute. Anyways, we are having a good time talking and stuff cause we haven't hung out in probably 4 years or something. Yeah well then all of a sudden she starts acting all weird and kind of quit talking to me. Instead she was on her phone. Then all of a sudden she was like "okay Brian we have to Katie's have an emergency" and he was like "oh what's wrong?" and she was like "dont worry about it" so then we left. Whatever. It was really random and kind of rude. But oh well i'm over it.

Okay so my Monica story. WELLLL. haha. it's gooooood trust me.

Okay well her and I had started hanging out again and talking. We were becoming good friend again and she would come over we would hang out and I was going to be a bridesmaid in her wedding coming up this July. WELLLL. Every single time we would hang out all she would do was talk about CHRIS MOONEY!! BLECH! SICK get over it lady. She would ALWAYS want to go down to the bar just to see if maybe he was there or maybe he would show up. Plus she was lying to Jared and one time she was all "okay i have to outside Jared's calling and he thinks i'm at your house" i was all DUMMMBBB. Considering all she was doing the entire time we were there was TALKING ABOUT CHRIS.

Then one night we were supposed to hang out. we went to the liquor store and bought some alchi and we were gonna get our drink on that night. Well, she had been texting Chris all day long and he was going to be down at the bar. She was so excited she couldn't wait to go down to the bar to see Chris. *PUKE* So finally we go down to Colvins and he's not there. So she text's him (oh Travis and Skyler came down there with us so I wasn't bored waiting on her dumbass) and he is over at Big Guys and he said if you want to come see me you have to come over here, i'm not going over there....blah blah blah. So she caves and goes over there even though we are at Colvins playing pool. So then Travis, Skyler and I all go over to big guys and we are sitting there. (oh and to make things worse TRISTAN was there and let me tell you, it was awful. He was standing there in front of Travis confessing his undying love to me so us 3 went home to get away from him and nasty Monica and Chris)

Anyways, Monica had said she would only be a few more minutes. (which at this time it was like 11 or 11:30) So I call her a few hours later and she was like oh i'm going to go up to Chris' house and we are going to hang out. So then I call her around 4ish in the morning cause I was going to go to bed. She was like I'll have Chris bring me up there in a few minutes. Which when I talked to her it sounded like she was having sex with him *PUKE AGAIN* So she finally calls me at like 6:30 in the morning. Well i'm asleep so i dont want to answer it. Then she calls me again at like 8:30 in the morning and I finally answered it and she was like "can I get my stuff, I've been sleeping in my car" i was like sure. GOD she is such a WHORE. Even if she didnt do anything YOU DONT ACT LIKE THAT WHEN YOU ARE ABOUT TO GET MARRIED YOU FUCKING TRAMP!!!!!!! IT'S YOUR FIANCE'S COUSIN SICKKKKKKK YEAH I GET IT YOU CAN'T GET OVER HIM. Anyways, i'm over that as well.


So my Tara story:

So I emailed her on myspace a few weeks ago just to say hey. Well she writes me back and is all whoreish and says she doesnt feel comfortable talking to me on myspace and just wants me to call her. Anyways we got into a huge blowout whatever it was dumb.

So tonight I see her at the bar and she followed me into the bathroom so she could tell me she doesn't hate me etc etc. I was like okay whatever. So then she comes over to my table and talks for a few minutes then she was like okay well i'm going across the street talk to you later.

SO I QUIT MCDONALDS on Valentines day.

Sucky for me. Now I need to find a job. I applied at Colvins because i'm desperate. No one is calling me back.

I got turned down for a fucking tanning job. because i'm not "qualified for the tanning industry" fucking stupid huh? yeah. GRR. i'm so mad. I hate my life right now. I'm really depressed.

Plus my fucking husband never wants to have sex with me. What's wrong with me? yeah I know i'm fat and gross. Is it because I dont like being on top because It just doesn't feel that great to me??? Whatever. I'm over it.

AHHHHHHHHHHH I NEED A JOB!!!! We are so poor my phone bill is like over 400 dollars. My car payment I dont even want to talk about it my car will probably get taken away from me.

fuck. we live at mom and dads house. i dont mind it. but we cant even live on our own.

Oh and to make my night better. I text Tasha and I was like hey we are at Colvins come on down cause she always tells me to when we are down there. Well she was at work and text me back he i'm off work. and I said oh well we are at home but you can come over if you want. Well then she said oh so and so says hi. and I was like WHO? and she said some people she works with. And so I said OK? Then she was like okay well i'm going to go home now. bye. I was like whatever, you could have atleast just said NO to me. fuck. I mean everyone else does.

I had a pre-interview with Fedex and they were supposed to call me to tell me yes or no. Yeah I dont even get a yes or a no they just DONT call me. :(

Yeah I know it's just a rough time. well i have felt like it just keeps going down and it is never going to get better. I dont know what to do.

MandM

current mood: depressed
current music: Chris Brown-Kiss Kiss

(comment on this)

Tuesday, February 12th, 2008
11:51 pm - hola!
haha. whudd up. haha. long time no talk. haha. i used to write in here like 10 times a day now its been almost a year. holy moley. Been married for almost 7 months now. I LOVE IT! lol.

sooooooooooo amazing news, okay well dads ex wife in Florida has always been psycho and a bitch...well...dad finally started talking to the youngest one Deetra and her and her boyfriend Dustin came and stayed with us for a week in January...oh man she's so cool. They're going to move here for a few months until Dustin goes into the air force and then she will move with him. they're super cool. :)

I'm just sitting here stealing internet from some local business haha around town on Adams laptop. lol "loves it"

so i've been workin at mickey d's still. grrrrr. i pretty much want to blow that place up...or mostly just my boss Colleen she's like mental or something I dont know what her deal is.

anyways, i'm bored here so just sayin hi so "hi" haha. okay well talk to you later gator.

MandM

current mood: bored
current music: Amy Winehouse-rehab

(comment on this)

Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
11:24 am - hey
hey. guess what? moved back to moms this past weekend. travis got laid off of work and then he quit so we have no money to pay our bills. i'm stressing out. i just want to cry. so less than 2 months until the wedding. my dress is going to be here in 2 days. oh man i'm stoked. have to meet with the pastor on friday. he's being
kind of dumb. because he doesnt want our photographer (who is charging $700 mind you) take pictures during the ceremony. i dont care about pictures during the reception I WANT FUCKING PICTURES OF MY WEDDING. i'm about to go bridezilla on his ass!!! haha. anyhooters. i just wanted to write and say what's up haha. i'm 21 now. woot woot! went to the bar that was fun. oh well though. oh yeah we've had internet for fucking 3 days and travis is already looking at fucking porn again. bullshit. i just need to tell him that it stops or i'm calling off the wedding. i cant handle that. i wont handle that. it's not fair to me. when i saw that he was looking at porn i wanted to jump out the window. i knew that's why he didnt want to have sex with me last night. because it's been awhile since we have. he was all "well the dogs up here between us" i was like oh yeah whatever. so fucking move the dog make her go downstairs fucking asshole. i'm fuming. sorry i have to go bye!

mandm

current mood: stressed
current music: ICP-tilt a whirl

(comment on this)

Sunday, January 14th, 2007
6:33 am - is it me?
what's wrong with me? why does he still look at porn. i dont know how to talk to him about it without him freaking out. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT there you go, you go it? thanks, i'm glad that i've been turned down two days in a row FOR PORN YOU THINK I DONT KNOW I SEE IT, I"M NOT FUCKING STUPID. i saw that you were looking at it two days ago while i was at work and then when i get home and want sex no i'm too tired WELL YOU SHOULDNT HAVE MASTURBATED SO MUCH AND MAYBE YOU"D APPRECIATE ME. you know today i went into work and everyone was like wow you look so pretty and just complimenting me. did he NO. i hate myself i hate the way i look i just want to hear...wow you're so beautiful or something you know. i hate this. you know he says he doesn't think i want to get married well when we dont even have sex like a new young couple or even act like one it kind of hurts me. whatever. i hate the way we are. we always fight. but its me. so what's wrong with me? why am i like this? i'm sorry. i guess i just have high expectations. i'm sorry i remind you of your childhood. i'm sorry i'm like your ex girlfriends. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i dont know what you want from me. just have fun with your porn and i wont be needing sex from you anymore.

(comment on this)

Thursday, December 28th, 2006
10:46 pm - why
i hate my life. he wonders why i dont want to get married. well here you go. there's why fucking asshole. why would you FREAK OUT on me for asking you why you look at porn WHEN I"M FUCKING HERE. what'd i do to you? NOTHING. WHy do you have to make me feel like shit? why do you have to make me feel so degrated. Why what'd i do? i'm not psycho. i just dont trust you. you lie to me about that stuff all the time I DONT TRUST YOU. I just want to be treated like a princess. i dont want to feel like i'm not good enough all the time. i want to stop crying. i hate myself. i am psycho. what's wrong with me? i just wanna know. why am i not good enough? is it because i'm not skinny? i'm sorry. i'll stop eating so you'll want to look at me. i'm sorry. dont worry from this moment on...i'm not eating anymore until i can lose weight. i hate myself. why. i just want to stop crying. why does he threaten me and single me out. He says he wants to marry me but he threatens me with not coming home all the time and just stranding me with all the bills because they're in my name. i dont know what to do. i need to go to school so i can get a better job, get out of debt and leave him. this is not good. this is not healthy. he freaks out for NO REASON. I hate this. i can't handle it. i dont know what to do. I just asked why he does it when i'm here...i mean i'm HERE if he wants to look at a naked girl I"M HERE. I want to be dead sometimes. like right now. i cant even catch my breath from crying. i didnt do anything wrong. Why did he freak out. i can't handle this....

current mood: lonely
current music: bad company-i cant get enough of your love.

(comment on this)

Monday, October 30th, 2006
1:54 pm - fat pig
YOU ARE SUCH A FAT FUCKING PIG. NO WONDER HE GOES AND LOOKS AT PORN ON THE COMPUTER. NO WONDER HE'S LOOKING AT PICTURES OF 'ATTRACTIVE BEAUTIES' MAYBE IF YOU DIDNT HAVE TEN FAT ROLLS. AND STRETCH MARKS. MAYBE IF YOU DIDNT WEIGH AS MUCH AS HIM. MAYBE IF YOU DIDNT HAVE 5 DOUBLE CHINS. MAYBE IF YOU LOOKED CUTE LIKE YOU USED TO. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. I DONT EVEN WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE. WHAT'D I DO WRONG? I JUST WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL. I JUST WANT HIM TO WANT ME. THE WAY THE I WANT HIM. GOD. I DONT EVEN HAVE ANY FRIENDS. AND WHEN WE FIGHT HE JUST RUBS IT IN MY FACE. WHY AM I SUCH A LOSER? PEOPLE DONT EVEN WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME. WELL THATS OKAY, I'LL STARVE MYSELF AND THEN MAYBE I'LL LOSE SOME WEIGHT. MAYBE I'LL BE CUTE FOR HIM. MAYBE I DONT KNOW. I USED TO WEIGHT LIKE 145, 150. I WAS PERFECT AT THAT WEIGHT. NOW I'M ALMOST 200 POUNDS. I CAN'T HANDLE THIS. I WANT TO GO FUCKING TAKE A KNIFE AND JUST START SLICING MY FAT OFF. I HATE BEING DEPRESSED LIKE THIS. I DONT KNOW WHY HE LOOKS AT IT. PROBABLY BECAUSE I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH. OF COURSE I MEAN WHEN I WAS WITH JOSH, HE WAS GAY. WHEN I WAS WITH CHRIS HE WAS WITH 3 OTHER GIRLS. WHEN I WAS WITH CASEY HE HAD A SECRET GIRLFRIEND. WHEN I WAS WITH TRISTAN HE DIDNT LIKE ME ANYMORE. IT WAS LIKE THE CHASE WAS OVER FOR HIM. NOW I'M WITH TRAVIS AND HE CANT STOP LOOKING AT OTHER NAKED SKINNY GIRLS. GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? I MEAN ALL GUYS DO IT? WHY AM I SO EMOTIONAL OVER IT? I CAN'T HANDLE THIS. I'M SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT THATS WHY ID ONT HAVE FRIEDS. BECAUSE I'M ANNOYING. I'M STUPID. I CANT EVEN TALK TO PEOPLE WITHOUT THEM GETTING ANNOYED WITH ME. I MEAN TRAVIS AND I JUST FIGHT WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER. AND WE NEVER EVEN SEE EACHOTHER. I'M TOO STUPID TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL. I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL. I DONT WANT TO WORK AT MCDS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING WITH ME LIFE. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO WHEN I HAVE KIDS BE ABLE TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LIFE. AND IF THEY WANT A NEW PAIR OF SHOES BE ABLE TO GO GET THEM SHOES. I DONT WANT TO LIVE PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK. I WISH I WERE SMARTER SO I COULD DO THAT. I HATE BEING DUMB. EVERYONE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. WHY DOES HE LIE ABOUT THE PORN? LIKE I DONT KNOW THAT HE'S GOING TO IT? SERIOUSLY. I MEAN I'M DUMB, BUT NOT THAT DUMB. OH WELL. NOW I CAN'T STOP CRYING. SO I'M GOING TO GO. PROBABLY GO TO SLEEP OR SOMETHING. WHO KNOWS. ITS ALREADY 2 OCLOCK. WHOO HOO. MY DAYS OFF SUCK. OKAY BYE

current mood: sad
current music: Backstreet Boys-imcomplete

(comment on this)

Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
3:13 pm - what is wrong with me?
i dont have any friends. I have Katie. But I never see her. And I mean she has a kid now and its totally different. I dont like hanging around where Mike might be or will be or anything like that I just absolutly hate him. On my days off I sit at home and clean, do laundry, watch tv, go on the computer. And if i'm lucky i'll get to go to my parents house. I dont have friends that I can go hang out with. I dont have people like that. What is so wrong with me that no one wants to be my friend?! i'm a good person. I'm nice, i think i'm funny and friendly. what is wrong with me? Cleo wont call me anymore. I've tried and tired and tired until I was blue in the face to get ahold of Tara and hang out with her and all that for months, ever since JANUARY when she turned 21 and decided that she was better than all of her other friends. I go to work, I come home and I watch SPORTS CENTER with Travis and then I lay in bed watching a movie until I fall asleep and then I sleep as long as I possibly can and then i wake up and go to work and then i come home and do it allllllllll over again. what is wrong with me?!

current mood: what is wrong with me?

(comment on this)

Sunday, September 24th, 2006
12:34 am - why?
Okay so tonight has been fun. Hanna and Haeden came over and we've been hanging out. Well around 7 we left here because Travis had to go to sleep because he has to be to work at 3am. So, we went to dinner at Izzy's FIRST we started to go down Ocean Beach and i was like lets go to Stuffys i've never been there and so we pulled in and then they were like NO lets go to Izzy's and so I turned around and we went to Izzy's well we get there and we eat...we're there for probably 45 minutes/1hr?? There were chinese people next to us and Haeden told the old lady she liked her shoes haha. And they kept harrassing the waiter it was kind of funny. Then there was this WEIRD CREEPY old man who just kept staring at us. YEAH FREAKY! Then we drove around for awhile...went to AMPM by Wal-Mart. Just drove around aimlessly no where special...then I called Skyler to see if Travis had gotten those things for my cd player because theres a cd stuck in it (DUMB) and I want to be able to listen to cd's in my car..!! Well that was at about 9:15/9:20ish and we stood outside in his driveway talking while Haeden talked on her cell phone and Hanna played with a cat and Skyler cleaned his tires on his car. Then we left and about this time it was 9:40. Hanna was being dumb and said she was walking so while i was turning around she took off running. Well we get to the movies and Haeden and I have to PEE!! So we get to the theater and go into the potty (after we talk to Josh and he tells us if we see Emily to HURRY UP because he doesn't want to stand out there all night) and we go potty I talked to Emily for a minute or two then we went and found our seats and watched the DUMBEST movie EVER! THE BLACK DHALIA. Yeah pretty GAY! Anywhoo...then the movie got over and we came STRAIGHT home no messing around...no cruising 15th...no LOOKING FOR GUYS NOTHING BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then we get home and Travis is awake and so i'm happy and glad to see him and talk to him and I go into the bedroom and I try kissing him and hes just being mean and saying hes mad at me because I was gone for 5 hours!!!!!!! SO FUCKING WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember when you got off work at 3 am and then I got off work at 5am and had to work at 3 the next day well you got up at 9am to go hang out with Skyler. I STAYED HOME AND SLEPT. You brought me KFC. Thats about all I saw of you that day until about 11pm when I got off of work. YOU ALSO WENT TO ANOTHER CITY, a bigger city. I STAYED HERE. How many girls did you see there??!! HOW MUCH PORN HAVE YOU DOWNLOADED SINCE WE'VE GOTTEN THE INTERNET BACK?!?!?! HOW MUCH PORN ARE YOU GOING TO HIDE FROM ME IN THE TRUNK AND IN THE BOX ABOVE THE COMPUTER IN THE BLACK CD WALLET??!?! huh?? Yeah!! "i'll throw it all away for you, to prove that you're the only girl for me" WHAT THE FUCK EVER SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah you put the poster back up on the wall. The only reason its not up anymore IS BECAUSE OF ME I TOOK IT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID NO BECAUSE I WANTED TO SEE IF YOU"D REALLY DO IT BUT APPARENTLY YOU CANT!!!!!!!! ITS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME. You lie about it. You tell me you'll get rid of it. but you wont, you cant it means too much to you! whatever i've totally gone off track and lost my train of thought. WHO CARES!! I mean seriously you were gone for umm let see here: 9, 10, 11, 12, 1,2:30 5 and a half hours while I was at home sleeping SAME SCENERIO YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE MAD AT ME!!!!!!! FUCK YOU! Everytime, he gets mad, ITS ALWAYS MY FAULT, everytime we have a fight ITS MY FAULT!!!!!!! WHATEVER!!!!! you know I hope that you read this I DONT CARE! WHY CANT I DO ANYTHING RIGHT FOR HIM AT ALL EVER??!?!?!?! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY SERIOUSLY I"M LIKE BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL!!! You know I thought that things would be better after that HUGE fight. I thought that maybe he would realize I will leave, dont fucking push me. DO NOT TREAT ME LIKE SHIT. DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I"VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG WHEN I HAVE NOT!! I deserve to be treated like a Princess. I've been doing all I can to take care of you since you've been sick. EVERYTHING. WOrrying. But that's probably not good enough.
Peace i'm out!
MandM

current mood: angry
current music: Taking Back Sunday-Liar (it takes one to know one)

(comment on this)

Sunday, July 30th, 2006
2:45 am - Journey-Open Arms lyrics
Lying beside you, here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mind
Softly you whisper, youre so sincere
How could our live be so blind
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side

So now I come to you, with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping youll see what your love means to me
Open arms

Living without you, living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
How much I wanted you home

But now that youve come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay.

(chorus)

(comment on this)

2:42 am - Journey-Dont stop believing lyrics
Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere

A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill,
everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice,
just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

(chorus)

Don't stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Streetlight people

current music: Journey-Dont stop believing

(comment on this)

2:39 am - Journey-Faithfully lyrics
Highway run
Into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
Youre on my mind
Restless hearts
Sleep alone tonight
Sendin all my love
Along the wire

They say that the road
Aint no place to start a family
Right down the line
Its been you and me
And lovin a music man
Aint always what its supposed to be
Oh girl you stand by me
Im forever yours...faithfully

Circus life
Under the big top world
We all need the clowns
To make us smile
Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am
Lost without you

And being apart aint easy
On this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy
Of rediscovering you
Oh girl, you stand by me
Im forever yours...faithfully

Oh, oh, oh, oh
Faithfully, Im still yours
Im forever yours
Ever yours...faithfully

current mood: sleepy
current music: Journey-Faithfully

(comment on this)

1:12 am - randomness
honestly i'd give anything to be with you right now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i don't want to forget how your voice sounds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
dance, dance?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey, will you stay awhile?
My smile will not mislead you, 'cause I've been alone;
my faith turned to stone.
Still, there's something in you I believe in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a thousand miles seems pretty far;
but they've got planes, & trains, & cars.
i'd walk to you if i had no other way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i hope you're singing this song, and thinking about me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We'll is it in me to put the bottle down
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just died in your arms tonight, it must have been something you said
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you're a sellout,
but you couldn't even do that right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you make me want to fall in l♥ve.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you trained these lips when they were champs.
and now they're itching for a comeback,
so come back.♥
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i can't build real love
out of plastic cups and alcohol.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were freaks & hippies in my high school.
Football players all tryin’ to be cool.
&everybody scramblin’ to hide their beer
when the cops drove by ‘til the coast was clear.
Kids fallin’ in & out of love on the hood of Chevys, in the beds of trucks.
We were stumblin’ our way through life ‘til our senior year.
But man, we sure did learn a lot iin that Wal-Mart parking lot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She sleeps through the day,
spends her nights awake,
and complains that her sheets are cold.
She'd never tell,
but she hates to sleep alone.

I'd love to tell you what you're dying to hear.
The symphony is silent.
I'd love to be your liar,
I'm nothing but a poet.
I finally feel. I finally feel. I finally feel.
I finally feel safe.

She wants to feel beautiful and important.
Like the freckle on her little toe
that she thought no one noticed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i'm sharing a drink with a memory
and a laugh with an empty seat.
do you still look the same.
will you still look at me the same.
cause i know that i don't;
i've gotten so old in these last few years.
i'd rather be fighting with you
than sleeping here next to him.
don't let me fall, i'll break.
what a mess i'd make.
pathetic pieces on your floor.
will cut your feet forever more.
you're porcelain, such fragile skin,
just let me hold you, i'll be gentle.
i won't drop you; this time i'll be careful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
watch as the city
lights burn for us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
dream a dream of our life story.
i will tell it over and again.
i'll tell the world just how you got that.
let me kiss your index finger.
i'll point out how you've made me crazy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
medically speaking, you're adorable
and from what i hear, you're quite affordable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
snap yo fingas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm only there so that you're not alone
- bright eyes, it's cool, we can still be friends


forever is never too long to wait for something perfect
- across five aprils, a million miles to montreal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i wonder how's it gonna be
when you're not around.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hey i think you're cute
would you like to be my new best friend
we could talk for hours or just lay in bed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
perverts the holes in the walls are filled with eyes and we see you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
what hurts more is that I would still die for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
carnival rides
get me sick
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
breathe it in, and breathe it out
and pass it on its almost out
we're so creative somuch more
we're high above.but on the floor

it's not a habit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
semi-charmed kind of life;
baby, baby.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you led me to a one way street to love
but i don't know where to stop
how far must i walk without you here as a guiding light
and you always find the way to make me move
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hours pass and she still counts the minutes...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And color the coast with your smile,
its the most genuine thing
that ive ever seen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
electricity flows
from your hands into my bones
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
cause i'm the one who waits here for you, i'm the who'll always adore you, i'm the one who is dying for your cause.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
we all need someoneto hold on tooo. and someone to hold on to uss. so hold on to me let me hold on to you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
we'd be good,
we'd be great together.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
say that you're into meeee.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm a slaaaave for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
all the nights we stayed up talking
listening to 80's songs and
quoting lines from all those movies that we love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be my lover and I'll cover youuuu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i'm jealous of every
girl that has ever
hugged you
because for just one
moment....
she had my
ENTIRE WORLD!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
he loves her
not me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whatever tomorrow brings i'll be there, with open arms and open eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think you've had too much to drink
Can't even talk when you're this way
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE ACADEMY IS....
They're an amazing band. Dont forget them!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i would write you a sonnet or a song
a tale of our lonliness
together: not at all.
aoisdaoijidoa. his brilliance pisses me off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you can say anything, small talk is just fine. your voice is everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maybe we were made for eachother....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
& if i come home again
i'd call you just one more time
& it'd be like this never happened
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU.
I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU.
AND I WILL NEVER STOP
LOVING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TRAVIS YOU'RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the ultimate act of love is
to want the best for someone in the highest,
purest way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You came and saved me tonight
Defending all my life
Whoa, now I’m content with my breathe cuz I’m alive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I guess everyone has someone who challenges them and makes them shoot for something just beyond their reach. You're that person for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You're that person for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Being single is best.
BUT EVERYBODY WANTS TO
FALL IN LOVE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I may take a holiday in spain
leave my wings behind me
drink my worries down the drain
and fly away to somewhere new
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Follow me into the sea
We'll drown together and immortalize you and me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Waitttt... they don't love you like I love you..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

current mood: drunk
current music: horrorpops-miss take

(comment on this)


> previous 20 entries
> top of page
Blurty.com