okay, well say good bye to this journal. i am now pronouncing it, futile.(god i love that word!) my new name is SUNDAYSREGRETS add it alright? im going to add everyone who is on my list now.
do me a favor everyone. if you had marque, will you make sure u ended it. i have a theory maybe thats why my friends journal is going in circles
well i think im going to make a new name, cuz a) this one is stupid. i mean common, shortshit5? and b) my journal is all screwed up. so guess what. i finally did it. yes gals, the girl is single. i feel even lonelier than before. but i feel kinda relaxed. i hate gossipers. so today, i saw patrick, and we just stood there talking. i got so nervous and butterfly-y. thats been happening all day when i talk to boys. after biology i passed miles and we touched and i just got all sick again. no rushing into relationship ashley. like christo said to me today, ill just get stuck in another bad one. i want some music. supposably jeff was crying. oh well. im not getting back with him. it was for the better right. im single. yay. i have a headache. boo. so.. yay show with until main(bill), until sundown, and summers end. whoppeeee! headache again. i need to collect money, 100 dollars. by friday. which i doubt will happen. therefor my mom will write a check for $100 dollars and bitch at me about it for the next year. i need to get more focused on my school work. maybe now that i have less to worry about it will be easier. oh that reminds me.! coco is 100% cancer free. yupiee! i think i covered most of the important isues. jakes home from iowa.
oh god i think im sick, ate too many hard boiled eggs. i had a good easter, spent time with my family. well half of it. i had i talk with my grandma about her dieing.. that was kinda weird. i dont know how we got on the subject, i think because the dishes she was putting away.. anyways. we decided she was going to live to see all of us get married, and have kids, so that gives her till she's atleast 110. oh my. im scared. i dont wanna lose anyone, but u know it could happen any day, any second. i think we might find nicoles results out tomorrow. that gives me the gitters. tomorrow i am going to end it with jeff. and i dont know how, or what im going to say so i'm so nervous. and i wanna puke. yicky. how come i can't have a good relationship? i always end up in these crappy "take advantage of her gullible-ness" relationships. i dont know what im going to say, or when. oh gosh oh gosh. i dont wanna go to school. i'm sick. and i have horrible cramps (from god knows what, my girly week is over.) i need to get in shape. im all nervous again... im going to go ..
and all i saw in your eyes was wrong
i was trying to figure out how to make a cool style... that didnt work. ill just use this one intill i get smart and figure it out. i wanted to post this conversation cuz it was funny..:
me: mom wants you to go to the car
me:to get eggs and dye.
dad: what die?
haha it was funny. but then again im stupid. bye
ohh bill's voice is pretty! my tummy hurts. i think i cought their bug. still here. i have to go home and pain eggs. my mom told me to bite her. oh nice! the show last night was awesome. i met shane. I LOVE YOU BETH.. beth::pointing at me:: "that's ashley" haha. yay it was fun. i got a hug from shane.. i love beth! until sundown rocks. i bought their shirt. yay. im wearing it today, washing it tonight. wearing it tomorrow. i win vikki! so shane owns this girl money and 2 happy meals so she wrote it on little boy's underware and hung it on his mic, well after they played beths like "keep the underware" so me kiddng around went to grab it, and so did hottie shane, so then he grabs it and is like "here you can have it." so before that beth picked up darrins broken drum stick and gave me it, and then handed me the other one to keep. i have vacation the 21-29 in june. which sux cuz i really wanted to go to this drama camp. oh well, maybe next year. well im gonna go brag about my night. haha. yay. happy happy. ill be single by friday! (monday after school according to heather) oh im nervous about that. mabye more later when i have nothing to do.... i think im gonna redo my blurty look, again...
i just noticed, i put this address in the until sundown's guest book, which possibly means that shane will see this, embarresment galore. ha
i love beth and heather!!!!!!
p.s i pet monica and the bunny tried to kill me... again
oh my just deleted my whole entry.. dang it... well ill rewrite it.. concert coming closer. soo excited. me and heather are all pretty. im wearing my red pinstripe pants with a long sleeve buttonyshirt with my gizmo shirt over. oh cant forget my piggy sox. hehe. well... heather made my hair all pretty. i feel like a little kid. and im happy, which is odd cuz i havent been happy in quite a while. i am deffinantly breaking it off with that boy of mine this week. i dont know how. but ill do it. coco seems all better today.. yay! i hope she's all back to usual coco.. hey coco.. u can use surgery as saying ur "sick" and then wont have to deal with benny! haha smely b.o. boyfriend. yucky. anyways.... i have a scratchie. i called mandi cuz the song "mandy" by barry m.. was on and thats what she was named after so then i hear vic and jeff in the background and quickly say i have to go and hang up before i had to go by them. i dont like her when she's with boys. i have the butterflies im so nervous/excited about the show. and then tonight were going to watch the ring, 10 things i hate about you, and johnny dangerously. heathers/beth's computer is cooool. beth's picture to the right of me(girl with black hair, lots of stars) is sooo pretty! i think i covered everything in my first entry... so bye bye..
now 31 minutes
well, im home, and im waiting for nicole to come home too. her surgery was finally today. i heard it went well, i called my grandparents at lunch to see, and my dad called the school so they sent me a note saying "dad called, surgery went well, sis on way home." i cant wait till tomorrow... oh oh so excited. is colien going? i dont think she likes me.. i always see her (when im doing construction and her being in a play) and get the i dont like you ashley feeling.. hmm oh oh so excited.
i have to wait till monday or tuesday to find the results.. dammit.
i'll soon be single
im on a roll, i made three icons! my first was the look at the pretty stars, the second my sisters rambo (she's bowling so hasnt seen it/ changed her icon to it) and and last this untill sundown, which is heather's surprise!
look! i made a icon! thanks Bonnie! you inspired me. lol. well i half to make one for my sister. i want to break up with jeff. dont know how. give me idea's on how to dump a suicidal, over attached(couldnt think of word) boyfriend. hmm. do it on thursday so i wont have to deal with him during school.i dont know. show on friday. oh gosh im so extreemly excited. im soo sooo happy. !! oh man. i feel like i could just pee in my pants. yay yay yay. i get to spend the day/night with beth and heather! its gonna rock jox! heather wants me to meet bill. oh boy.. i hope he feels better! i must go work on her present. (if she doesnt like it maybe beth will.. or vikki.. or ME!)
these arnt "hosted" so i doubt theyll show.. tell me if they do or dont...
my dad cut down my favorite tree. it hurt me somehow.. I GET TO GO TO THE SHOW! that makes me jolly. i talked to jaymee's friend christo today online.. that was odd. i have a million cuts on my fingers. still looking for an answer on how to make icons
last night i had a killer headache..( which u already know ) but after it went away my sister and i spent quality time together, reading my posts, talking boys, friends.. bla bla. then she's like so explain this blurty.. and i did. and we made her an account. and then gave her a backround, and picked an icon. i still need to know how to make animated icons. someone PLEASE TELL ME! oh ya, coco's new name is VAMPIREBITCH.. catch u later... school sucks balls oh
b4 i go.. matter of attention: jeff and his best friend vic bought these horny goat weed stuff or something... ohh cant stand the stupid things boys do!... bye
i got home from school fine. had some cake, then fell asleep. woke up and felt like some one was crushing my head, but i already told jeff that id meet him over at west. so i went over there sick as can be. which the good thing is that it prevented him from making a move. sure before i wouldnt have mind. but now personally, i cant stand the kid. then mandi goes ashley.. come here. so i go there. "do u like jeff" and i know that i cant tell mandi the truth. i know she'll tell him. or tell someone else. and thats what makes me sad. that i cant even tell mandi the truth. so i tell her "ya why" and she said he doesnt think i do. god even when i try to make it seem like i like him it doesnt work. i need some advill. i bumped into mrs roll on the way home. she was talking to me and then she asked how my sister was. i like mrs roll sometimes cause she actually cares unlike people who just are like "What ur sister might have cancer? well then he said that..." well... i hate school. tomorrow i have a test. thursday i might have to stay home cuz "rusty will be scared because of the storm" ...headache. i cant keep lieng. i have to tell him the truth. just end it already.
my sisters are playing guess who. i ate too much. thats the only bad thing about old country buffett. i think im going to puke, and my sinuses are bad... i FINALLY made plans with heather! yay! its been since her party when we hung out last.. or was it the dance? well it was a while ago. but anyways. we are gonna hang out, and then go see intill sundown with beth and i guess her friends. EVEN BETTER!!! beth is gonna introduce me to hottie shane... ohhhh he's so hot. his picture from the newspaper is in my locker. shane's gonna think im a dork. haha. i was happier today. i mustve had good dreams or something. i think my sister enjoyed her birthday. we hid her presents and played the hot cold game. she got a whole bunch of barbies. ha they have "pregnant barbie" now. i need to figure out how to make animated icons... well school tomorrow. im not excited. i want to go for a walk. bye bye
i was writting a poem, but it was coming out lame so i deleted it. i feel so empty. i was at the show and then people came up to me, "are you okay?" gave me hugs... then i said to someone "do i look depressed?" and they answered yes.. and i was having a good day.. so then i felt kinda put down.. and then during the last two bands, i just wanted to cry. i felt soo lonely. and everything was hitting me. like i miss sarah, i wish i wasnt so afraid, i dont like my relationship, my sister might have cancer... everything. i was watching the singer.you know when u just stare at someone, cuz you yearn for them to look u in the eyes. thats what i felt when i was staring up at stage ...mikey. i love that kid. i wanted to go to him and just wrap my arms around him and cry, but i couldnt.. i dont know why i couldnt. i find so much comfort in mike. he understands me more than others. he's like the best friend i have. maybe ill break up with jeff. tell him that i cant have a relationship right now. that its too hard and just hurting me. today on the fone he said "i love u" as he hung up. that scared the shit out of me. it probably didnt mean anything. i wonder where im gonna be in a year. i want to get a job, play an instriment. i wanna play bass. but i cant cuz my dad is taking way too long to give jake the money. i have to raise my money for relay for life. $100 by the 23. i feel so crappy, i see dave and i dont know what to say. i wanna talk to him, i wanna be his friend, but when i go to say something i choke, or i just get that "go away ashley" feeling from him. who knows. god my life is so confusing right now.. pat didnt go to the show, that kinda hurt but oh well, he probably had better things to do anyway, its not like anything was gonna happen between us anyways, hed probably go hang out with the other kids. the bands were fun. i like this kid kurt from the saddest member of your family, and the bass player from silent treatment. im attracted to the singer from silent treatment..greg.. and then mike from the secret unknown. haha they were funny kids
i got augtographs on the cd i bought(silent treatment)
"assley- I<3 you! love greg.." "ashley I want you you are my heart- kris.." the other ones are just like thanks or a name.
where's my mum.. she's been out all week. i yi yi :'( i sad.. get better heather! today is that doing it for the cause show tomorrow sara's birthday. last night was coco's bday party. not many people showed... i think she had fun
8th grade. i liked that grade. mr. carzoli was my favorite teacher. he's in the marines... he always came up with funny things like the daily challenge, the foam art sculptures, the "motivation" and max powers. i miss him. he works at bensenville now, and he is over with the soldiers. i hope he gets home all right. but the reason i brought this up. i currently have no motivation in my life. im so sick of living. sick of school, sick of home. i feel like a big meaning less blob of goop. i need something to motivate me. im so bored. i cant take it. i need something happy to look forward too. i need to have some fun. another weekend is coming. and i cant really do anything, and don't wanna do anything with a someone. im getting sick of relationships. maybe im sick. coco went to the doctor today. she has to get surgery, and then a biopsy on the "golf ball sized" thingy.. i hope she's okay. haha she was showing me where they took blood. i hate homework.i have a high d in history a c in gym bio and algebra. im gonna go now... i don't really have anything to say. go to Saturday's concert... im really looking forward in seeing if pat comes(and maybe spending some time with him) he makes me feel happy when i talk to him. i can have a horrible day and when i look at pat i just have to smile. i guess thats bad cuz we both have a bf/gf... jeff bores me... so shoot me. dont tell anyone. im going now
stayed home today... watch the news. the people are happy.! they pulled down the statue of suddam... i hope this war ends soon. bye
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