My suicide kisses' Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] My suicide kisses [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

Ah who [30 Aug 2003|08:33pm] What Is Your Battle Cry? Striding out of the plains, brandishing a meaty axe, cometh Makemylovebleed! And she gives a mighty howl: "I'm going to exfoliate you to the bone!" Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ? created by beatings : powered by monkeys 2 comments|post comment

#1 break down for today.. [26 Aug 2003|06:22pm] [ mood | curious ] [ music | head banging on desk ] Razor Blade Romance666 says: i keep fucking things up CrashCoarse says: No, that's Jacqui.. ugh i cant do anything right, i was trying to help them, but i cant.. _Dead/Faerie_ says: im screwing things up.. _Dead/Faerie_ says: i cant do anything _Dead/Faerie_ says: stupid mike broke up with me _Dead/Faerie_ says: and stupid rudy doesnt want me _Dead/Faerie_ says: and im screwing thigns up Razor Blade Romance666 says: no you're not screwing things up _Dead/Faerie_ says: [bangs head on desk] _Dead/Faerie_ says: i dont wanna be lonely.. i hate putting my heart out on a platter and it being smashed with a hammer _Dead/Faerie_ says: ill brb.. when ive stopped crying Razor Blade Romance666 says: aww sweetie Razor Blade Romance666 says: dont cry to late.. post comment

i think i might go insane [26 Aug 2003|03:47pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | mooing of brandon IMing me ] dean used me, im over it but he made me stronger.. i learned not to dwell on shit that much, and then comes mike, like my new best friend, he was such a sweetie and i love him like a bestfriend.. and i hope thats it, he broke up with me on saturday, it hurt but i got over it cuz well, there was always rudy, i like rudy.. well i asked mike yesterday if he would care if i went out with somebody, hes like why would i care im going out with this chick already..im like whut, when the hell did you ask this stank out, and he goes the same day we broke up, i felt so hurt.. and im like well im going to ask rudy out, ill call you right back, hes like no, if you going to do it, do it on the phone. im like fine, so i did it im like rudy i know you might say no, but sya whutever you want, and i said him if he wanted to go out with me, hes like yea, and well mike wason the phone rudy didnt know and i didnt want mike to start shit, so i said i had to have a shower, i got off with rudy and mike was so shocked, he told me i was coldhearted that i did it on the phone with him, and i cried, i felt like shit, and he was telling me it was ok and that shit, that i was just getting back at him..he told me he loved me more than a friend and im like no you dont.. and he kept talking thorugh his brand new pipe so i didnt know whut the hell he was saying sop finally im like, you dont know if you like me or not anbd hes liek exactly... Today i found out rudy though it was a joke, and we awerent going out, so i talked to him about he and he said he loved me but he didnt wanna hurt me, im like if you say no you;ll hurt me and if you say yes eventually you;ll hurt me, but if you just wanna kept going as friends like nothing happened, then thats cool too.. i guess he picked that last one.. cuz he just looked away from me..so its over with him.. friends until the end., its not a bad thing, it justr means rudy seriousally needs to stop kissing me.. I dont wanna know if i love mike.. hes with some one else, im alone and im ok finally.. But for how long..? 2 comments|post comment

oh god.. [13 Aug 2003|08:08pm] [ mood | penis ] [ music | Mest- Cadillac.....OH BABY!!! ] yesterday..when i went to the beeping beep beeping beep beep beep beeping DMV they told me i couldnt take it yet.. >_< *inserts evil glare* i felt like killing.. oh god.. but i told my mom we were going to day..i rode the bus finally..i had stupid freshman smells on me when i got off the bus.. and oh god either some one shit their pants or people dont know how to wipe their asses without their mommy.. *gags* i walked up to publix..patty was riding in a car, screamed out my name, i almost pissed my pants, scared the hell outta me.. ROARR..lol..my mom came and picked me up around 3 and we went to the dmv.. mom left me there and was gonna come and pick me up at 5.. oh god.. it took me like 20 minutes to get in and take my test.. it was so flipping easy..i got 3 wrong on the written and none on the signs.. oh well..i got to sit in the waiting room for like a hour an a half.. it was ok..there was alot of hot guys in there..and it was so hard not to flirt.. so yes..i did.. and i had fun..my mom finaslly came.. i forgot to get the twenty from her before she left for work..thatrs why i was waiting >_< but i got my permit and i walked out side..there was a flipping teen hang out right next door, i was wondering there those cuties were going to.. UGH... oh well..i so happy.. :) I got my permit..*does the i have a permit and i cant wait to drive dance* oh yea.. HAHAHA made u look for more... =P 2 comments|post comment

OH god.. its been forever since ive updated... [12 Aug 2003|04:32am] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | Blideside- Pitiful ] blah blah blah me and megan are back to being best hoes, she spent the night on friday so we got to go to the mall, im going out with mike, NEW MIKE NOT THE OLD ONE..i hate it when people get confused..ill go i need to call my boyfriend, people will be like whut? who..ill say mike..then they'll itch slap me and kill me using a probe..lol..its a new mike..mike keller and im in like with him..im not going to rush in to things with him..im not going to give him a hand job like dean and do all the things i want to do, i might just wait at least anoher week..oh well..i talked to old mike today..it was good.. :) UNFPreLaw (4:17:56 PM): Hey UNFPreLaw (4:17:56 PM): I'm about to head out UNFPreLaw (4:17:56 PM): Sorry UNFPreLaw (4:18:00 PM): We'll have to talk later DarknFaerie (4:18:03 PM): ok DarknFaerie (4:18:22 PM): just dont start talkin to me and tell me u have to leave in minutes DarknFaerie (4:18:23 PM): its rude UNFPreLaw (4:18:24 PM): You're having a poem published? DarknFaerie (4:18:31 PM): yes actually UNFPreLaw (4:18:33 PM): That's why I didn't say anything DarknFaerie (4:18:37 PM): im really happy UNFPreLaw (4:18:42 PM): What book, and when? DarknFaerie (4:18:51 PM): this fall eternal portaits UNFPreLaw (4:19:12 PM): That's cool. DarknFaerie (4:19:13 PM): this fall, Eternal portaits..that came out wrong UNFPreLaw (4:19:15 PM): Tell me about this. UNFPreLaw (4:19:18 PM): (Briefly) DarknFaerie (4:19:29 PM): i sent a poem in and it got picked DarknFaerie (4:19:32 PM): that easy DarknFaerie (4:19:43 PM): ill tell u it later UNFPreLaw (4:19:58 PM): This was an online thing? DarknFaerie (4:20:01 PM): i wrote it after u left DarknFaerie (4:20:02 PM): yea UNFPreLaw (4:20:11 PM): ...You wrote it about me? DarknFaerie (4:20:19 PM): dont let me kept you DarknFaerie (4:20:28 PM): we'll talk later UNFPreLaw (4:20:57 PM): That's cool. UNFPreLaw (4:21:01 PM): I'm genuinely happy for you. UNFPreLaw (4:21:05 PM): You'll have to tell me later. DarknFaerie (4:21:07 PM): thank you DarknFaerie (4:21:12 PM): really mike, thanks UNFPreLaw (4:21:31 PM): Later. DarknFaerie (4:21:35 PM): yup Auto response from UNFPreLaw (4:21:38 PM): I'm spending the evening with a lovely young lady. No, she's not blind. it was resonable..we actually talked.. with out fighting..i guess we are both tired of yelling and fighing, I think we might get on the level of being friends..which is cool by me.. if not, oh well ill live. Just now i wont talk to him if we are going to fight.. BLAH I still cant believe dean said out right that he used me.. it makes me wanna hurt him..but its ok, if he comes back to sandlewood alot of people wanna kick his ass for whut he did to me, others just wanna kick his ass becuz hes an asshole.. oh well.. Lol..i love patty to death..greg kepts spreading rumors around saying something like he got a handjob from colleen..and patty is going crazy over it, so during lunch he was looking for guys to feel up greg..he even asked jared and jared turned him down AND HES GAY!!!!!!!! But then we got the next best thing.. Adam..Adam would do anything..lol..and thats really sad..yes very sad.. and he grab gregs ass, like all of it and was whisperingi n his ear.. rubbing against him..i laughed my ass off. greg got scared and asked some girl to touch his ass, to "make him feel like a man again" COUGH COUGH HE WASNT A MAN BEFORE COUGH COUGH.. lol.. im just playing greg..your funny cuz u smell like cheese.. I bet all of you guys wanna know this.. Im really cranky.. I GOT MY PERIOD.......ERRRRRRRRR And later i might bite the eraser off the penicl..yes im going to go try and get my permit..im ALMOST 16 ND IM GETTING IT NOW? yes,..i know im speciall..dont have to SCREAM IT..oh baby talk nerdy to me.. i say that alot..but most people thik i say talk dirty to me..i got alot of special answers today..oh baby.. *creams pants* lol jp.. Ill talk more after my permit thingy ma bobber.. Grr..lol i like grr MY POEM IS GONNA BE IN A BOOK.. ITS COMING OUT THIS FALL AND ITS CALL ETERNAL PORTAITS.. BUT IT I COMMAND U.. (~**Broken love**~) Love, It's a word I chose not to use, It breaks my heart down with every breath I take. Love, I had it once, It was amazing, Full of happiness, Full of dreams. But, Dreams die, Happiness fades, Life goes on still full of hate and pain. I like this song, Blideside- Pitiful As I recall when my stomach turned And I was hiding away from myself Away from you Like nothing though something was terribly wrong And I admit that I was only waiting for the right time, night time The right moment for you to look away Though you never did I pretended for a while So I could walk where I don't belong I remember every word you said Come back in time come back And I remember I would soon be dead Pitiful so pitiful But I know as they hammered those nails Into your beautiful hands Your eyes they tried to search for mine But I look away Now your eyes are the only thing that can save me I'm still afraid of them piercing You're breaking into my prison Just pretended for a while My soul is dying, i won't look away I remember every word you said Come back in time come back And I remember I would soon be dead Pitiful so pitiful Pitiful Pitiful Your Pitiful Pitiful So Pitiful And I remember every word you said But this time I won't look away And I remember every word you said And this time I won't look away And I remember every word you said Come back in time come back And I remember I would soon be dead Pitiful so pitiful And I remember every word you said (pitiful) Come back in time come back (pitiful) And I remember I would soon be dead(pitiful) Pitiful so pitiful 1 comment|post comment

I hate him...and I miss Megan like crazy [05 Aug 2003|10:48pm] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | Kittie.. Pretty Kittie....Do you think Im a whore? ] I called Megan earlier.. i was so pissed off becuz i havent talked to her in forever.. and i mean i feel like im losing her.. i mean the only people i talk to now is Katie, Tasha, Merissa , Patrick and Pam, and thats onlly if shes not to busying talking to someone else, i hate being ingored. So i finally call megan up, we've barely talked and i missed her. she doesnt call, and i mean if she pulls that well jacqui u dont call either thing, it would be completely wrong. Becuz i sit there and call her repeatedly.. and i never end up hearing her voice..and shes always talking to kimmie or dusten. i mean i love kimmie..its not y problem..its dusten. hes cool and all but im supposed to be her friend. she never sees dusten i know that so she needs to be with him on the phone, BUT SHE NEVER SEES ME AND I DONT EVER GET A WORD FROM HER, unless its online and its small talk.. i cant take that shit.. so i break down on the phone and she tells me shes moving.. whut do i do..i cant take losing her again.. I got my shit back from dean today.. and i realized that i missed talking to him..yes he is a bitch but there is a good side to him.. and its pissing me off that im seeing that part f him that everyone else sees.. i ant to be friends with him.., so i took a chance, put on my big boy pants and IMed him.. BloodyDHeart (10:32:07 PM): Hey LethalDJE (10:32:26 PM): hey who r u? BloodyDHeart (10:32:31 PM): Jacqui LethalDJE (10:32:38 PM): o hey' BloodyDHeart (10:32:51 PM): Whutcha up to? LethalDJE (10:33:17 PM): nuhting BloodyDHeart (10:33:26 PM): sounds like fun BloodyDHeart (10:33:39 PM): did you have fun with mike? LethalDJE (10:33:48 PM): yeh BloodyDHeart (10:33:59 PM): great BloodyDHeart (10:35:11 PM): do u want me to let u go? LethalDJE (10:35:27 PM): umm i dont care BloodyDHeart (10:36:03 PM): do u want me to stop trying to be your friend? LethalDJE (10:36:22 PM): ujmmm i domnt care BloodyDHeart (10:36:59 PM): well i mean im not going to try if u dont want anything to do with me LethalDJE (10:37:30 PM): mmmmeh BloodyDHeart (10:37:46 PM): whut exactly does that mean? BloodyDHeart (10:43:31 PM): ok then, later I miss him..the jerk.. i suppose its just becuz im lonely..i need a new man, where the hell are all the good ones? post comment

Hahaha Hohohoho Hehehehe [05 Aug 2003|01:07pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Box of shiney things ] Whut the hell am i on? Lol..aah.. im tired..and bored and in about 4 hours ill be at katies house and it'll be fun. I feel so sorry for Tasha tho. Chris broke up with her becuz he didnt want a serious relationship.. AND THEY HAVE BEEN GOING OUT FOR LONGER THAN A YEAR!!! Ugh.. I drunk last night.. not alot, just enough to have a head ache this morning, yumm sounds good. Mike IMed me..again..crazyshit head.. he is never gonnawin, becuz all of my first hate him and would like to bug him until he goes crazy and shoots him self. Oh well.. he can lick ass. I need to get ready..lol.. ima goover to Tashas, I love her with my special cheese powers.. dont ask.. post comment

I'm so mean.. [02 Aug 2003|08:46pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Gun shots.. OH NO..lol ] PnkMnky370 (8:14:59 PM): Hey. FSUMetalhead (8:15:10 PM): Hey, what's up? FSUMetalhead (8:15:15 PM): I wasn't on when you IMed me earlier. PnkMnky370 (8:15:40 PM): Nothing, just tired. I feel like shit. Pardon my french. PnkMnky370 (8:15:48 PM): How about yourself? FSUMetalhead (8:16:23 PM): More or less the same. FSUMetalhead (8:16:30 PM): Why are you tired? Did you just get off of work or something? PnkMnky370 (8:17:53 PM): No, I've been trying to plan my Grandma's funeral, she die last night. I'm trying to get a hold of my mother, but she doesn't like to me to much. So im struggling. FSUMetalhead (8:18:05 PM): Oh my God, that's terrrible. PnkMnky370 (8:18:43 PM): I know, I can't stop crying. She was the only person I had left in this world. I feel so helpless. PnkMnky370 (8:20:12 PM): Sorry. FSUMetalhead (8:20:49 PM): You FSUMetalhead (8:20:53 PM): 're not worthless. FSUMetalhead (8:21:04 PM): Why would you think you are? PnkMnky370 (8:22:12 PM): I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable being by myself. FSUMetalhead (8:22:41 PM): With whom do you live? PnkMnky370 (8:23:23 PM): I used to live with my Grandma, but now I'm just staying in her house. So no one. PnkMnky370 (8:27:13 PM): I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you. Bye. FSUMetalhead (8:29:55 PM): I'm sorry, my cell rang. Auto response from PnkMnky370 (8:29:55 PM): Take a few chances you wish you had later, live life a little more, fear a little less, and remember, When life gives you lemons, throw them back and tell life to MAKE ITS OWN DAMN LEMONADE! PnkMnky370 (8:33:47 PM): Ok. FSUMetalhead (8:33:54 PM): You okay? PnkMnky370 (8:34:09 PM): No. :-( FSUMetalhead (8:37:02 PM): I'm really sorry, but I gtg PnkMnky370 (8:37:10 PM): Ok. PnkMnky370 (8:37:27 PM): Will you be back later? FSUMetalhead (8:40:58 PM): Not for several hours PnkMnky370 (8:41:25 PM): I might be online, theres nothing else to do. Auto response from FSUMetalhead (8:41:27 PM): I'm spending the evening with a young lady. No, she's not blind. Patty gave me his sn..so i other i could mess with mike.. and sure enough it did yay.. so funny..i talked toi him last night and i told him before i left my grandma feel outta bed, so thats how she got dead.. yes i said that stupoid for a reason.. but its funny..i feel kinda bad but he treated me like shit.. and since i feel some whut kinda mean i wont talk to him until he talks to me hehe.. =P But oh dont tell him its really me.. becuz that will ruin everything post comment

AHHAHAHHAHAHAHA [01 Aug 2003|08:23pm] In like five minutes.. i so realized i didnt want dean back.. any of you guys that want to mess with him..you guys go on a head..i dont give a shit.. LethalDje..i dont feel bad about it either.. becuz he sent to girls on katie for talking to him about me..so you guys bitch him out.. dont even tell him who you are.. or whut the hell your talking about.. dont even say my name.. i dont give a shit and im not going to care.. except for the shit that he still has of mine.. GODDAMNIT i want my bracelet back.. post comment

Ahh.. Mike is retarted.. [01 Aug 2003|08:01pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Trouble is- put it in ] Yes.. katie messed with him once again.. FSUMetalhead: Hey, why doesn't your profile sound like the way you talk? SpiffieSmurf87: sum1 else wrote it fo' meh FSUMetalhead: Jacqui never gave Pam any pics FSUMetalhead: You're lying. SpiffieSmurf87: no FSUMetalhead: And your Buddy Icon, in addition to being immature, is fucking disgusting. SpiffieSmurf87: well.. um.. duh? FSUMetalhead: So it fits you. FSUMetalhead: Why should I associate with somebody like you? SpiffieSmurf87: no1 told u to.. u didnt have 2 im back.. u could have kept well enough alone.. but ur the 1 2 give me ur #.. FSUMetalhead: You FSUMetalhead: 're not a nigger. SpiffieSmurf87: point? SpiffieSmurf87: proud 2 not b 1.. FSUMetalhead: You said you were a nigger. SpiffieSmurf87: so? just proves how gullible sum ppl r.. & i luv the ignorance. FSUMetalhead: I didn't believe you, you stupid cunt. FSUMetalhead: Jacqui, give up SpiffieSmurf87: obviously u did if ur sayin "ur not a nigger" makin it seem like u did believe me SpiffieSmurf87: and this isnt jacqui. its her friend katie. FSUMetalhead: ...Really? SpiffieSmurf87: yeah SpiffieSmurf87: get ur head out of ur ass... thinkin jacqui would waste her time w/ u. SpiffieSmurf87: moron FSUMetalhead: I blocked Jacqui less than 5 minutes before you IMed me. FSUMetalhead: You have to admit, that's a hell of a coincidence. SpiffieSmurf87: uh.. point? she told me 2 fuck w/ u. & u believed it.. so, that made my day. FSUMetalhead: If you're not Jacqui, then I am SO sorry. SpiffieSmurf87: appology accepted FSUMetalhead: Who told you to? Jacqui? FSUMetalhead: Hey, I guess I am worth her time. SpiffieSmurf87: duh! who the fuck us SpiffieSmurf87: else FSUMetalhead: God, she's pathetic and immature. FSUMetalhead: Just like you. SpiffieSmurf87: oooh.. im so NOT fuckin hurt SpiffieSmurf87: say what u will, but i dun care FSUMetalhead: I don't need to justify myself to children. SpiffieSmurf87: i know im immature, dun care SpiffieSmurf87: then y did u start talkin 2 me? u could have left well wnough alone SpiffieSmurf87: i had no intentions in talkin 2 ya SpiffieSmurf87: got nuthin 2 say? thought so.. because this "pathetic & immature little cunt" has a point & u dun have the balls to admitt it, do ya? FSUMetalhead: Sorry, I was getting dressed to head over to my girlfriend's dorm. SpiffieSmurf87: uh.. think i care? FSUMetalhead: You just spent a good 5 minutes ranting. FSUMetalhead: If you don't care, then you have no life whatsoever./ FSUMetalhead: Which is it? SpiffieSmurf87: i have no life. whats ur point? & u didnt give 2 options so y did u say "which is it?" FSUMetalhead: ...The other option was whether or not you cared. FSUMetalhead: Jesus, I can almost feel my IQ drop when I talk to you. FSUMetalhead: Why did that fat dyke want you to attempt to...do whatever the hell you just did? SpiffieSmurf87: what did i just do? FSUMetalhead: You trying to convince me that you're a nigger. SpiffieSmurf87: um.. boredum? FSUMetalhead: God, you're a loser. SpiffieSmurf87: & y r u still bringin that up? SpiffieSmurf87: & i know im a loser FSUMetalhead: Gtg. Getting pussy. SpiffieSmurf87: prob'ly gettin it up the ass see how stupid guys can get.. I love katie..messing with the one person in the world i hate the most besides santa clause and the easter bunny..both hating me and wanted to kill me with a beautiful cheese loaf.. i need to get a life.. I am so sad... post comment

He decided to block me.. [01 Aug 2003|04:24pm] So i got my friend katie to mess with him... mike has no chance with me.. SpiffieSmurf87: yo ghetto biatch! how u be doin up in this 'is house, boi?! SpiffieSmurf87: i saw a pic of yas from pam. i thought u were off the hezy foshezy, dawg! SpiffieSmurf87: yo boi. y u be dissin me? i just wanna hook up wit u! FSUMetalhead: Hi Jacqui. SpiffieSmurf87: this aint jacqui FSUMetalhead: That's funny. I don't recall giving FSUMetalhead: Pam any pics. SpiffieSmurf87: she got 1 from jacqui.. FSUMetalhead: Your AIM profile sounds like it was written by a different person. SpiffieSmurf87: this is pams black booty beauty. i just luved the way u looked in them.. SpiffieSmurf87: what u mean, dawg? FSUMetalhead: Either that, or you don't actually talk like a nigger. SpiffieSmurf87: boi! i be representin the niggas up in 'ere! dont be dissin me like that, bitch! FSUMetalhead: Jacqui, this is really pathetic, even for you. FSUMetalhead: Alright, but lets SpiffieSmurf87: this aint jacqui, nigga! FSUMetalhead: 's assume that you're not Jacqui. FSUMetalhead: What's your name? SpiffieSmurf87: this is the blackest bitch u eva seen, boi! SpiffieSmurf87: shaqueefa FSUMetalhead: What's your fo' numba, 'Queefa? SpiffieSmurf87: bitch! i aint tellin u! we gotta get 2 know each otha 1st FSUMetalhead: I have to go to a Klan rally. Maybe we'll talk when I get back. SpiffieSmurf87: bitch! u fucked up SpiffieSmurf87: what u got against my niggas? FSUMetalhead: They remind me of this immature, overweight little shit-smidgen I used to date when I was lonely after breaking off an engagement. SpiffieSmurf87: boi.. whats wrong wit u up yo head aint my prob.. dont be blamin it on my brothas and sistas.. FSUMetalhead: Hey, will you call my cell? SpiffieSmurf87: sure baby FSUMetalhead: 891-9295 FSUMetalhead: I'm on my way out. You better call soon. SpiffieSmurf87: ok FSUMetalhead: I' FSUMetalhead: 'm out the door. Why haven't you called my cell? SpiffieSmurf87: i will in a minute haha.. im so bad..ill admitt it.. but..i dont care.. im just so frustrated with other things.. post comment

The last to days.. have been shitty.. [01 Aug 2003|03:54pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Static x - get to the gone ] Shit everywhere.. it was almost another mike situation..dean.. im not even going to beg for his friend ship if he wont listen he wont..i learned it.. Guys can be subborn..and girls can panic and be stupid..its whut i did..and i tried fixing it..nuthin happened..im not oging to tell you whut happened..only 4 people i truely trust know.. and that is how its going to be..but how ironically it is that the one person id never though id talk to again was.. mike.. he talked to me today..was very very stupid.. i think i hurt his feelings but he so deserved it.. FSUMetalhead (3:45:48 PM): Behold my profile. DarknFaerie (3:46:14 PM): ugh..whut? FSUMetalhead (3:46:31 PM): lol FSUMetalhead (3:46:35 PM): You know what that's from, right? DarknFaerie (3:46:55 PM): umm no (his profile said something like Oh, Mikey, you're so fine, You're so fine, you blow their minds, Buh-zaw-dee. Buh-zaw-dee.... GOD IS HE SPECIAL) FSUMetalhead (3:47:10 PM): Nm DarknFaerie (3:47:21 PM): i though u were talking to me DarknFaerie (3:47:26 PM): werent* (I went over to pam house..told him he was a pansy..im so loving) FSUMetalhead (3:48:20 PM): How am I a pansy? DarknFaerie (3:48:58 PM): becuz u didnt realized u had a good thing when u had it FSUMetalhead (3:49:24 PM): Uh... FSUMetalhead (3:49:31 PM): What good thing did I have? DarknFaerie (3:49:40 PM): That was me FSUMetalhead (3:50:07 PM): Okay, 2 things wrong with that. FSUMetalhead (3:50:11 PM): 1. How would that make me a pansy? FSUMetalhead (3:50:17 PM): 2. How were you a good thing? DarknFaerie (3:51:11 PM): 1..your a pansy becuz you couldnt take me on.. DarknFaerie (3:51:18 PM): 2..i am a good thing DarknFaerie (3:51:21 PM): i always will be on DarknFaerie (3:51:22 PM): e FSUMetalhead (3:51:33 PM): lol DarknFaerie (3:51:34 PM): but u couldnt see that becuz you cant take jokes FSUMetalhead (3:51:38 PM): "Take you on"? DarknFaerie (3:52:17 PM): thats right FSUMetalhead (3:52:30 PM): What do you mean by that? FSUMetalhead (3:52:58 PM): You use a lot of words and phrases in situations that don't fit them, you know that? DarknFaerie (3:53:01 PM): why? DarknFaerie (3:53:03 PM): becuz FSUMetalhead (3:53:25 PM): Because what? DarknFaerie (3:53:29 PM): u werent strong enough to face me, to fix it like a big boy would, u ran away FSUMetalhead (3:54:01 PM): Okay, I guess I could see your logic if I "ran away"... FSUMetalhead (3:54:04 PM): So let FSUMetalhead (3:54:08 PM): 's go to point 2. FSUMetalhead (3:54:15 PM): I didn't run away. FSUMetalhead (3:54:20 PM): I got rid of you... FSUMetalhead (3:54:24 PM): ...Because you're not a good thing. DarknFaerie (3:54:24 PM): u ran away FSUMetalhead (3:54:26 PM): You're immature. DarknFaerie (3:54:33 PM): becuz i am a good thing and u cant take it FSUMetalhead (3:54:38 PM): Okay, how did I run away? FSUMetalhead (3:54:47 PM): What's good about you? DarknFaerie (3:55:44 PM): i am a good thing, if i wasnt u wouldnt have loved me.. you ran away becuz of a joke, and when i tried to fix it.. you got all pissy couldnt be a big boy and let it go DarknFaerie (3:56:01 PM): i begged and begged only to be half the friends we were DarknFaerie (3:56:44 PM): and u left FSUMetalhead (3:57:06 PM): Anybody with the maturity of a 12 year old wouldn' FSUMetalhead (3:57:13 PM): 't make a joke like that. FSUMetalhead (3:57:26 PM): And just because I loved you doesn't mean I'm IN love with you. DarknFaerie (3:57:27 PM): YOU CANT TAKE JOKES FSUMetalhead (3:57:39 PM): Sure I can-when they're funny. DarknFaerie (3:57:43 PM): and u cant make them DarknFaerie (3:57:46 PM): you suck at it FSUMetalhead (3:58:03 PM): I disagree, and so do most people I know., FSUMetalhead (3:58:32 PM): I'm going over to my g/f's now. Maybe we'll talk later. FSUMetalhead (3:58:35 PM): Maybe. DarknFaerie (3:58:41 PM): maybne..maybe ill block u FSUMetalhead (3:58:53 PM): Like this? DarknFaerie (3:58:58 PM): apparently Previous message was not received by FSUMetalhead because of error (3:58:58 PM): User FSUMetalhead is not available. I think i hurt his feelings.. he went over to pams house, and said hes ugly as fuck.. so apparently she also told me i dont miss him and shouldnt feel bad.. but i hate being a bitch.. i should say sorry..hehee.. Uh huh..right.. i tihnk the only guy i want to say sorry to, mean it, and get some response back..in a nice way.. would be from Dean.. i feel like shit.. and already i miss him.. *bangs head on desk* I miss him alot.. post comment

OK..its been a week..needa update.. [30 Jul 2003|10:25am] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | Poe ] Moo cow.. ugh.. i talked to megan and all the rest of them last week, we are super cool now..my aunt came last thursday..i cleaned like a bitch before she came, and then when she got here, she cleaned..like my whole house too..it pissed me off. I didnt waste all my time last week to clean..i couldnt do nuthin..and i really wanted to go out.. i wanted to see dean, hang with the whole crew, at least have like 5 minutes of my own..oh well, on friday we when and got our nails done and the shiznits like that, got all packed up in the car and drove up to georgia..(thanx patty) and we stayed up there until sunday, we went to wild adventures.. and im telling you man..if you think florida is the south, you go up NORTH to georgia..then you'll be in the south..ironic..oh well..it was fun oh yes. =) Hot muscly guys everywhere..Purr..but yea.. we got back on sunday.. and i missed warped tour..pissed me off..i really wanted to go..oh well..i just stayed home and talked to dean all day cuz i though everyone was at warped tour... turns out megan never went.. poor megan..you feel my pain now..on Monday we went to st.augustine.. saw the fort and went shopping.. fun..tuesday my mom dropped off my aunt off at the airport and we went to the mall and finally bought me my watch..my mom kept telling me oh well buy it later.. blah blah bleh..65 dollars..prettynessgot me some pants.. and i got a deftone shirt and a system of a down shirt.. there was a sale going on...so u know i have to buy buy buy..i saw miranda there.. she was actually wearing jeans..i was like whut have you done with miranda..oh well..and then i bought a phone card..i needed to call the mike in mississippi to break up with him..but he kept telling me that he knew i would break his heart..and i was like its not that..i just cant stand the fact i barely ever speak to you.. i dont know whut your doing or how your feeling.. and he broke down..its sad to say..but i asked him back out..he laughed at me telling me it was of joy..some bullshit..i called dean right afterwards.. asked him whut he though to me..he told me i was cool and i was girlfriend material..then i felt like shit so i went across the street and drunk like a half a bottle of vodka..i have such a low tolerance..its great..i felt all my problems just melt away..until i got home and called dean, i told him whut happened with mike..he got mad at the fact of me being takened..i feel like shit so i called back mike.. told him it wasnt working out..he got upset told me i was the best thing he is ever going to have, then he started telling me did doesnt believe me..so i cussed him out..i felt like such a bitch..and i cant believe i did it..i think i still love him.. but we had to break up..it was for the best..and it hurts to know that too..i need to call him later.. so fix up the cussing bullshit and be ona friend level with him..i called dean right after i called mike again..and.. well..he though i should just get over it..makes me feel weird..oh well..i just woke up..tired too so ill write more latr 3 comments|post comment

bleh [23 Jul 2003|09:02pm] [ mood | cranky ] Its me=killer with pms and pam.. pam: i read it Killer With PMS: i wrote more pam: ok pam: brb Killer With PMS: http://www.blurty.com/users/shootmedead/ pam: i read it pam: i reafd it pam: *read Killer With PMS: ok pam: okies Killer With PMS: pam: whats wrong sweetie Killer With PMS: depressed pam: why sweetie Killer With PMS: everythin Killer With PMS: g pam: i love you pam: kisses Killer With PMS: Iunno whut ot believe pam Killer With PMS: Im so hurt.. Killer With PMS: i cant feel anymore pam: yes you cacn Killer With PMS: my emotions are all screwed up Killer With PMS: no pam: im right here blowin u kisses Killer With PMS: you dont understand pam: tell me evrything Killer With PMS: its just the same thing Killer With PMS: about all my friends Killer With PMS: i think they are hiding from me Killer With PMS: and im losing them Killer With PMS: i mean whut the hell im i supposed to feel? Killer With PMS: but itsok now..i cant feel.. its all mixed up.. and all i can do is cry..its difficuit.. Killer With PMS: My trust..i have no more..the only person i actually trust now.. andi dont want to be mean about it, but its miranda, she actually called today, and we hung out.. i love you and all pam but we havent talked in a while ..its been since saturday.. might have been sooner but we havent had a heart to heart pam: i know sweetie and i feel bad Killer With PMS: dont pam: but i do pam: cuz ive been busy and i have nt had that much time for my jacqui pam: sometimes i cant help but feel like ive been horrible to my friends Killer With PMS: Its ok Killer With PMS: dont pam: im soo sorry sweetness pam: for ignoring you Killer With PMS: its fine pam: for everything Killer With PMS: im used to it pam: thats the problem pam: im not Killer With PMS: do you know..trying to die by bang your head on the desk repeating hurts like a bitch pam: yes Killer With PMS: ugh pam: i have to go pam: ill call ya tomorrow i promis4e pam: promise* Killer With PMS: ok pam: i love you pam's status is now "Available" (7/23/2003 8:57 PM) Killer With PMS: =) i love you too hmm.. post comment

Ah, whut a horrible day.. [23 Jul 2003|08:36pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Afro ken ] First, i went to sleep around 2;30 this morning after getting off the phone with dean.. hes cool.. and he actually doesnt talk about sex as much.. he actually had a converstation..weird.. But when i woke up.. i remembered that everyone one of my so called friends are going to the mall..with out me.. hurts me.. This is megans last entry.. Current mood: sleepy Current music: One More Sad Song ~ All American Rejects Too early....then why the hell am I up???? Damn it all to hell I'm tired. Spent pretty much the entire night on the phone with Dustin. Then turned around and woke up around 5:30. Talked to mom about giving me some money for the mall today but she was broke so naturally, so am I. Oh well. I always am broke. Had a heartbreaking convo with one of my bestest and oldest friends last night. I love you, Jacqui. You know that. You'll never lose me. I promise & I always keep my promises unlike some people. Need I mention names? Anywho.....Going to the mall with Kimmie, Katie, Dustin, & Merissa later. Later on in the day Patrick & Kerri are supposed to be there. I seriously hope that we see them. I haven't seen either of them since school got out in May. I miss both of them so much. I WUV YOU GUYS!!! Can't wait until Warped Tour. Now the trick is finding a ride there & back. Hmmm.... that's going to be kinda hard. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Post a new comment) im pissed off.. shootmedead 2003-07-23 20:29 (link) I though we said we were gonna hang out, i wouldnt really care if other people were there..and all of you went to the mall to day..WITH OUT ME TOO.. and whut the hell do you think i did? Well, Mirandaa came by.. we hung out.. but knowing that most of my so called friends didnt even tell me that they were going some where without me hurt me be on recontition..i dont know how to feel anymore megan.. im dying.. and theres no one to help pull me out when i reach the bottom.. Ill see you on the other side.. _Dead/Faerie_ I'm so hurt.. And it doesn't look like anyone cares.. I cant believe how my life is turning out.. it sucks..im losing my friends by the minute.. they say i wont lose them but whut do i say as a reply?..iunno..i hate this.. its driving me nuts..the only people i actually talk to now is Pam, Dean and Miranda..AND I SUPPOSE THAT IS BECUZ THEY ARE ACTUALLY THERE!..it hurts to cry dry tears.. they just wont come out no more.. and im scare.. so scare of being alone.. 1 comment|post comment

i feel like im losing part of my life [22 Jul 2003|08:40pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | uz a hoe ] DarknFaerie (8:17:17 PM): lol.. now im back EroticSnork (8:17:27 PM): that just pisses me off EroticSnork (8:17:28 PM): seriously DarknFaerie (8:17:35 PM): sorry EroticSnork (8:17:47 PM): it's not your fault he's egotisitcal DarknFaerie (8:17:58 PM): oh god is he hot.. EroticSnork (8:18:20 PM): who is hot? DarknFaerie (8:18:29 PM): that picture i just showed you EroticSnork (8:18:37 PM): yeppers DarknFaerie (8:18:42 PM): im ugly EroticSnork (8:18:49 PM): did he say anything else and no you're not DarknFaerie (8:19:16 PM): i was like, well she said she was gonna call you some time DarknFaerie (8:19:18 PM): and hes like ok EroticSnork (8:19:32 PM): i'm not going to bother DarknFaerie (8:19:35 PM): and im like do you want me to tell hernot to call you, he was like i dont care DarknFaerie (8:19:48 PM): if she calls ill just say word EroticSnork (8:19:59 PM): he won't have to worry EroticSnork (8:20:04 PM): i won't burden ppl anymore DarknFaerie (8:20:09 PM): i love you tho EroticSnork (8:20:19 PM): ..... DarknFaerie (8:20:27 PM): fine DarknFaerie (8:20:42 PM): i just want to die EroticSnork (8:20:51 PM): so do i Auto response from DarknFaerie (8:20:51 PM): fuck life... EroticSnork (8:21:03 PM): then what i might tell you won't make things better DarknFaerie (8:21:54 PM): why the hell would you want to die megan, you have no reason, you have friends, a loving boyfriend, and you have more friends DarknFaerie (8:22:08 PM): im ugly, i have friends, lots in fact, but i dont feel normal EroticSnork (8:22:39 PM): you shouldn't EroticSnork (8:22:39 PM): things aren't completely peachy keen and you know that DarknFaerie (8:23:15 PM): name them EroticSnork (8:23:27 PM): name what? DarknFaerie (8:23:48 PM): name all of your problems EroticSnork (8:24:28 PM): me & dustins relationship, mom, dad in the hospital constantly, friends screwing me over left and right, my stepdad constantly trying to hit me EroticSnork (8:24:31 PM): to name a few DarknFaerie (8:26:41 PM): your working on you and dustens relationship and by the way you decribe it all, things are getting better, your moms a bitch but whos isnt?, if you die, who the hell is gonna take care of your dad, your stepmom doesnt sound so keen on doing so , so you casnt leave him, name a few friends you think are screwing you over, and your step dads an ass, next time he tries to hit you do something about it, hit his ass back or call the police and get a restraing order on him, youve done it on your mom so why not him EroticSnork (8:27:49 PM): it's more complicated than that jacqui EroticSnork (8:27:56 PM): a hell of alot more complicated DarknFaerie (8:30:51 PM): on whut megan? are you even trying or are you hiding? tell me, i want to help, i hate the fucking fact that you wont leave me in, you build up your walls, and i cant help you, MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND.. and guess whut.. i feel like im losing you, i have for a long time, and it scares me.. losing you would make my fucking world fall down, your important to me so important, your my sister..i love you i really do.. but i mean.. life isnt so good now..and im tried of all this bullshit..i feel like dying.. and its been this way for awhile too EroticSnork (8:31:10 PM): . DarknFaerie (8:31:35 PM): having the feeling of losing you makes me cry EroticSnork (8:31:39 PM): i know jacqui EroticSnork (8:31:44 PM): you'll never lose me EroticSnork (8:31:46 PM): you know that DarknFaerie (8:31:53 PM): it doesnt feel like that now megan DarknFaerie (8:31:59 PM): i hate that EroticSnork (8:32:03 PM): why do you feel like you're losing me? EroticSnork (8:32:09 PM): what started this feeling DarknFaerie (8:32:46 PM): i dont wanna talk about it EroticSnork (8:32:54 PM): i need to know EroticSnork (8:35:33 PM): plz jacqui DarknFaerie (8:35:33 PM): i dont really know.. but when i was doing my profile for my buddy4u profile..you were the last person on my mind to put on there..i dunno why.. it scared me.. i didnt know how to react..i feel like i having talked to u in a while, and we havent even hanged out..i mean whens the last time i saw you, at your birthday party, and i was walking away from you and dusten.. like i was giving the part of you that belong to me, my friendship from you.. to dusten.. i didnt know how to react when i got back to your house EroticSnork (8:36:34 PM): it seems like i'm losing you too EroticSnork (8:36:45 PM): you seem busy all the time EroticSnork (8:36:53 PM): and i really would love to hang out with you EroticSnork (8:36:57 PM): just me & you, no one else DarknFaerie (8:37:01 PM): i dont want to lose you EroticSnork (8:37:08 PM): i don't want to lose you either EroticSnork (8:37:18 PM): i just got back back and i'll be damned if i'm losing you again DarknFaerie (8:37:40 PM): friends for ever it seems, 3rd garde.. your mine for life.. i slept with you fisrt..lol.. EroticSnork (8:37:49 PM): true EroticSnork (8:38:12 PM): even if you move, i'll be a psycho stalker and follow you DarknFaerie (8:38:16 PM): lol EroticSnork (8:38:24 PM): think i'm joking EroticSnork (8:38:34 PM): i almost lost you, i'm not going through that again DarknFaerie (8:38:40 PM): no, you wouldnt have to, id live in your closet or idpack you in my suitcase EroticSnork (8:38:44 PM): everyday i thought about you EroticSnork (8:38:56 PM): i would probably fit in a suitcase if i tried DarknFaerie (8:39:00 PM): lol EroticSnork (8:39:02 PM): you know how i know this DarknFaerie (8:39:13 PM): i love you man EroticSnork (8:39:38 PM): i love you too EroticSnork (8:39:38 PM): im gonna find my suitcase and try and fit in it This has been happening alot lately, like ive been losing my best friends, my heart and bit and pieces of my soul, first it was miranda, and then kerri, i completely lose alia.. i dont even talkto her.. i try but nuthing comes out, i talk to colleen, but not as much as i want to and shes moving soon =( and now its megan.. im afriad of losing her.. ive known her for so long, and i just got her back too.. and i will be damned if i lose her now.. post comment

Err [20 Jul 2003|08:42pm] DarknFaerie (8:25:08 PM): i asked mike of i was wasting my time to be friends with ihm again DarknFaerie (8:25:30 PM): he practically just said yes, im not friends with stupid morons EroticSnork (8:25:55 PM): what me to talk to him? EroticSnork (8:25:58 PM): want* DarknFaerie (8:26:09 PM): No EroticSnork (8:26:14 PM): ok DarknFaerie (8:26:17 PM): Id like to cry with my pity EroticSnork (8:26:19 PM): i will only if you want me to EroticSnork (8:26:36 PM): i've been trying to talk to dustin since i got home but he has his away message on DarknFaerie (8:26:52 PM): FSUMetalhead (8:13:50 PM): Remember the Mike Meter? DarknFaerie (8:13:54 PM): Yea FSUMetalhead (8:13:57 PM): You were wearing shoe lifts. DarknFaerie (8:14:08 PM): huh? FSUMetalhead (8:14:29 PM): "You must be this smart to be Mike's friend" FSUMetalhead (8:14:34 PM): I thought you passed the meter FSUMetalhead (8:14:50 PM): But if you pulled some shit like that, you're either a cheater, or a total fucking moron FSUMetalhead (8:14:56 PM): Either way, I want nothing to do with you DarknFaerie (8:15:11 PM): Ok DarknFaerie (8:27:04 PM): FSUMetalhead (8:17:12 PM): You were wearing shoe lifts. You're not as smart as I thought you were. FSUMetalhead (8:17:17 PM): You were wearing shoe lifts. You're not as smart as I thought you were. DarknFaerie (8:17:28 PM): I understand, thats why i stopped talking.. FSUMetalhead (8:17:46 PM): Just making sure. DarknFaerie (8:18:08 PM): Ok, hm.. Bye FSUMetalhead (8:18:21 PM): Goodbye. EroticSnork (8:27:36 PM): damn EroticSnork (8:27:40 PM): who did you cheat on him with DarknFaerie (8:28:33 PM): I didnt cheat on him, u know why he broke up with me? DarknFaerie (8:28:41 PM): becuz of that joke that me and you made a porno EroticSnork (8:28:41 PM): why? DarknFaerie (8:28:45 PM): he though it was real EroticSnork (8:28:48 PM): i'm so sorry DarknFaerie (8:28:56 PM): didnt like the fact that i supposely cheated DarknFaerie (8:29:02 PM): so i told him the truth DarknFaerie (8:29:03 PM): and no DarknFaerie (8:29:07 PM): im a moron DarknFaerie (8:29:12 PM): ill get over it EroticSnork (8:29:56 PM): it's my fault too EroticSnork (8:30:01 PM): i feel bad DarknFaerie (8:30:06 PM): no..dont DarknFaerie (8:30:12 PM): it will make this worst DarknFaerie (8:30:21 PM): i wanted him back megan, so fucking back DarknFaerie (8:30:22 PM): d* DarknFaerie (8:30:27 PM): i wanted to be friends DarknFaerie (8:30:29 PM): but no DarknFaerie (8:30:35 PM): i dont know why i even tried EroticSnork (8:31:01 PM): so he basically broke up with you over me? DarknFaerie (8:31:15 PM): no...the though of me cheating on him EroticSnork (8:31:52 PM): i'll kick his ass DarknFaerie (8:31:57 PM): ima upload the pictures i just got ill brb NO YOU DONT EroticSnork (8:33:00 PM): ok Auto response from DarknFaerie (8:33:00 PM): ima upload the pictures i just got ill brb EroticSnork (8:33:02 PM): me don't Im not trying hard enough to forget him.. Ugh Fuck it.. Ill do it post comment

Im Hurt.. [20 Jul 2003|08:20pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | iunno ] But i guess hes hurt more.. Mike.. he doesnt understand that whut i did was a joke, and id bring it out as long as fucking possible, Id do it to any of my friends, AND MIKE.. was my bf, so i mean.. god..i feel so.. blank..i dont know how to feel..Miranda.. I need to get out of my house.. i need to talk.. FSUMetalhead (8:11:35 PM): Why the fuck would you say there was? DarknFaerie (8:11:40 PM): I was joking FSUMetalhead (8:11:41 PM): And then lie about it? DarknFaerie (8:11:54 PM): I was bring it on FSUMetalhead (8:11:59 PM): Remember the Mike Meter? FSUMetalhead (8:12:06 PM): Bring it on? DarknFaerie (8:12:26 PM): Yes, the mike meter FSUMetalhead (8:12:42 PM): Hold that thought FSUMetalhead (8:12:47 PM): Bring it on? DarknFaerie (8:12:57 PM): I was just making the joke bigger FSUMetalhead (8:13:05 PM): Bring what on? FSUMetalhead (8:13:21 PM): ...Run that by me again? FSUMetalhead (8:13:28 PM): You were making the joke bigger by... DarknFaerie (8:13:29 PM): i didnt meant it like that, whut i meant to say was i was bringing it on longer FSUMetalhead (8:13:50 PM): Remember the Mike Meter? DarknFaerie (8:13:54 PM): Yea FSUMetalhead (8:13:57 PM): You were wearing shoe lifts. DarknFaerie (8:14:08 PM): huh? FSUMetalhead (8:14:29 PM): "You must be this smart to be Mike's friend" FSUMetalhead (8:14:34 PM): I thought you passed the meter FSUMetalhead (8:14:50 PM): But if you pulled some shit like that, you're either a cheater, or a total fucking moron FSUMetalhead (8:14:56 PM): Either way, I want nothing to do with you DarknFaerie (8:15:11 PM): Ok FSUMetalhead (8:17:12 PM): You were wearing shoe lifts. You're not as smart as I thought you were. FSUMetalhead (8:17:17 PM): You were wearing shoe lifts. You're not as smart as I thought you were. DarknFaerie (8:17:28 PM): I understand, thats why i stopped talking.. FSUMetalhead (8:17:46 PM): Just making sure. DarknFaerie (8:18:08 PM): Ok, hm.. Bye FSUMetalhead (8:18:21 PM): Goodbye. He just explained to me that i was prolly the most stupidest person hes ever met, While i sat there trying to make everything better.. but i wasted my time.. why.. becuz i actually though there was some fucking good in him, so seen how much shit i was bringing in to this saying sorry.. Begging my ass off to be friends again.. Please, you guys.. dont mess with him..im tired of all the bullshit.. I just want to get over it all.. I finally got my pictures finished..ima upload them.. ill talk later.. post comment

ugh [19 Jul 2003|08:28pm] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | A taco bell commerical.. TV =) ] I cant believe this is happening.. I want to be friends with Mike, I really do..I guess that isnt whut he wants. Yes, I know I broke his heart, and I also know that right now im begging my ass off just to be his damn friend again, Im on my knees begging for forgivness.. but no.. So i like to believe now he has given pay back, by breaking my heart. But truthfully, I dont believe that when i broke his heart, it didnt affect him this back.. I doubt he cried, did he shed on tear? Most likely no.. But why am i crying now?.. Im not to sure. I want to be his friend, we were great friends..we talked about anything and everything.. he is sweet, but then he has this tempermental side.. I gotten used to it tho.. ugh.. I feel like passing out.. sleeply sleep sounds really good.. =) Miranda.. i dont care if you talk to him.. Btw.. he doesnt look like he is going to talk to me anytime soon.. go get him big brother..lol.. 1 comment|post comment

You guys [19 Jul 2003|12:50pm] DO NOT TALK TO MIKE..LEAVE HIM ALONE..PLEASE im begging.. post comment

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