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My suicide kisses

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[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

blurty is pissing me off [23 Nov 2003|08:52pm]
so im going back to dear old Deadjournal, ill come back eventually so odnt worry



http://www.deadjournal.com/users/redwingedkiss
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Quiz =) Oi i miss these things,...i have more Mwahahahaa [20 Nov 2003|04:30pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | My Music isnt working BLAHHHHHHHHHHHH ]

BASICS
+name: Jacqueline Susanne Hamlin [I swear if you ever say that again I’ll kill you]
+best feature: ...do I have any?
+first crush: Some guy in third grade.. I fought with this girl Nicole.. Man she was a bitch.
+piercings: Ears,… soon to be lip and tongue… Miranda you still up for it?
+boyfriend/girlfriend now : eh, no
+# of times heart broken: who counts anyway...?

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
+worst thing to say: "we've got to talk..."
+hearts i have broken: I don’t think I’ve broken any… to bad.
+what were u doing 15 mins ago: Listening to life go by…
+what are u wearing now: Blue shorts, Megan’s all american reject shirt, Purdy black undies and matching bra, surpise they match…LOL Josh… =P
+u shy or outgoing: Mostly outgoing… but I got shy one time… wait two times…
+sleep with stuffed animals: Yup, one heh… I’ve had it for 8 years
+feature you notice first: faces and their eyes.
+looks/personality: whats the use of a beautiful exterior when inside theirs nothing but ugly?
+tan or fair: I don’t give a damn.
+would you ever date a friend: tried it once… didn’t end like I wanted it to and it hurt… really hurt.

FAVORITES
+color : black, red, pink and blue… oh and silver =)
+thing to do: read, sleep, cuddle, write my book [im writing as fast as I can.. Stop pressuring me to hurry up…or ill kill them with a gun.. It’ll be boring…serves you right]
+ocean or pool: pools are clean but the ocean, how pretty over a sunset.
+favorite movie: new best friend, american history x, Finding nemo, the Craft, the crow movies and the Nightmare before Christmas..and pretty in pink… and ah I have to many…
+love or lust: love
+silver or gold: silver
+diamonds or pearls: diamonds
+showers or baths: baths are nice, NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERV!
+food: chicken fingers and enchiladas
+holiday: halloween
+animal: My billy goat named God
+drink: mountain dew
+fruit: Orange
+Room In house: My room, my own getaway…
+Type of music: kinds youd have to be crazy not to like
+Memory: [smiles evily]
+Day of the Week: friday, saturday
+Month: September, October, and December…
+Season: autumn
+Location for dates: anywhere if youve got the right person with you...

HAVE YOU / DO YOU / ARE YOU
+cried when someone died: [sarcastically] No dip shit, I laughed my ass off… I litterally drowned in my tears…
+drank alcohol: Yes =)
+smoked: Double Yes =) =)
+lied: oh yea, im notorious
+fallen for ur best friend: yup =( didn’t end right
+rejected someone: [shrugs] I don’t call it rejecting…
+used someone: absolutely…depends…
+been cheated on: not really...not like it mattered, Mike is just a bastard and needs to die, lol just playing…
+cheated on someone: Flirting does not mean cheating…
+done something u regret: like anybody hasn’t.
+obsessive: On some things.
+could u live without the computer?: ARE YOU KIDDING ME, I can sell it if I wanted to… well no…no not really…im a nerd and I love it [hugs computer and kisses the screen]
+trust others way too easily: Not really.
+Gotten in a fight: Yes, but the bitch deserved it,..ah excuse me… bitches deserved it.
+Been to New York?: Nope, why? Want to see me get gang raped? Mobbed? Shootened 15 times?
+Been to Florida?: Well, seeing is how I live in the sunshine state I suppose ive visited there a few times.
+California?: Yup =) <3333
+Hawaii?: No.. and get shot with a volcanic rock, I don’t think so… but it would be cool to go…
+Mexico?: ok..never ever ever…
+China?: Nope
+where would you love to travel to?: Rome.
+whats ur middle name?: Susanne (how uckie)
+what are you scared of: monsters, being alone, love, and heights
+i dream about: death, friends, going deaf

DO YOU
+play an instrument: does blowing into a bottle count?
+like the taste of alcohol: about anything but beer
+go to church: once every 3-4 months
+have any secrets: yea...more now than ever
+like sarcasm: my lifes sarcasm
+sing in the shower: its where I sound the best.
+cried because of someone saying something to u: yea...im sensitive..
+color ur hair: Sometimes, but I like my color so I only tint it
+flowers or candy: roses all the way

WHO
+makes u laugh the most? hmmm...its not an argument, Tasha Miranda Katie and Megan
+makes you smile: Tasha
+gives u a funny feeling when u see them: eh...not talking no more.
+Do you have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: No
+Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: Of course/
+Are You Lonely Right Now: yes...i really am
+Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: no, one day I will when im ready.
+Do You Want To Get Married: yes
+Do You Want Kids: yes
+Red or blue?: red
+Spring or fall?: fall
+Santa or Rudolph?: Santa
+Math or English?: English
+What are you going to do after you finish this survey?: call Tasha and do my damn project.
+High school or college: in high school now
+Are you bored?: i wouldnt be doing this if i wernt
+How many buddies are on?: 41
+Last movie you saw?: While your sleeping
+Last noise you heard?: *Burp*
+Things you like in a girl/guy: intellegence, good taste in music, ability to communicate
+What's on your mouse pad?: Black, original but I don’t give a shit
+Favorite magazine?: cosmo
+Worst feeling in the world?: heart break, being lonely
+What is the first thing you think when you wake up: Maybe this day will be different..
+Chocolate or vanilla?: vanilla
+If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?: photographer
+Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous?: ambidextrous
+Location: jacksonville
+College Plans: anywhere
+Are You Timely or Always Late: both
+like Being around People: yes, unless im in a bad mood

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU
+Cried: yes
+Bought Something: incense
+Talked To Someone: as we speak (LITTERALY!)
+Had A Serious Talk: ...yea...
+Kissed Someone: depends, he is only shit now

FINAL QUESTIONS
+i want: someone who will love me
+i wish: i could see inside youre head
+i love: ......
+i miss: makeing-out
+i fear: being alone
+i wonder: why my life seems like a joke.


+raz0r+

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Quiz =) Oi i miss these things,...i have more Mwahahahaa [20 Nov 2003|04:30pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | My Music isnt working BLAHHHHHHHHHHHH ]

BASICS
+name: Jacqueline Susanne Hamlin [I swear if you ever say that again I’ll kill you]
+best feature: ...do I have any?
+first crush: Some guy in third grade.. I fought with this girl Nicole.. Man she was a bitch.
+piercings: Ears,… soon to be lip and tongue… Miranda you still up for it?
+boyfriend/girlfriend now : eh, no
+# of times heart broken: who counts anyway...?

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
+worst thing to say: "we've got to talk..."
+hearts i have broken: I don’t think I’ve broken any… to bad.
+what were u doing 15 mins ago: Listening to life go by…
+what are u wearing now: Blue shorts, Megan’s all american reject shirt, Purdy black undies and matching bra, surpise they match…LOL Josh… =P
+u shy or outgoing: Mostly outgoing… but I got shy one time… wait two times…
+sleep with stuffed animals: Yup, one heh… I’ve had it for 8 years
+feature you notice first: faces and their eyes.
+looks/personality: whats the use of a beautiful exterior when inside theirs nothing but ugly?
+tan or fair: I don’t give a damn.
+would you ever date a friend: tried it once… didn’t end like I wanted it to and it hurt… really hurt.

FAVORITES
+color : black, red, pink and blue… oh and silver =)
+thing to do: read, sleep, cuddle, write my book [im writing as fast as I can.. Stop pressuring me to hurry up…or ill kill them with a gun.. It’ll be boring…serves you right]
+ocean or pool: pools are clean but the ocean, how pretty over a sunset.
+favorite movie: new best friend, american history x, Finding nemo, the Craft, the crow movies and the Nightmare before Christmas..and pretty in pink… and ah I have to many…
+love or lust: love
+silver or gold: silver
+diamonds or pearls: diamonds
+showers or baths: baths are nice, NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERV!
+food: chicken fingers and enchiladas
+holiday: halloween
+animal: My billy goat named God
+drink: mountain dew
+fruit: Orange
+Room In house: My room, my own getaway…
+Type of music: kinds youd have to be crazy not to like
+Memory: [smiles evily]
+Day of the Week: friday, saturday
+Month: September, October, and December…
+Season: autumn
+Location for dates: anywhere if youve got the right person with you...

HAVE YOU / DO YOU / ARE YOU
+cried when someone died: [sarcastically] No dip shit, I laughed my ass off… I litterally drowned in my tears…
+drank alcohol: Yes =)
+smoked: Double Yes =) =)
+lied: oh yea, im notorious
+fallen for ur best friend: yup =( didn’t end right
+rejected someone: [shrugs] I don’t call it rejecting…
+used someone: absolutely…depends…
+been cheated on: not really...not like it mattered, Mike is just a bastard and needs to die, lol just playing…
+cheated on someone: Flirting does not mean cheating…
+done something u regret: like anybody hasn’t.
+obsessive: On some things.
+could u live without the computer?: ARE YOU KIDDING ME, I can sell it if I wanted to… well no…no not really…im a nerd and I love it [hugs computer and kisses the screen]
+trust others way too easily: Not really.
+Gotten in a fight: Yes, but the bitch deserved it,..ah excuse me… bitches deserved it.
+Been to New York?: Nope, why? Want to see me get gang raped? Mobbed? Shootened 15 times?
+Been to Florida?: Well, seeing is how I live in the sunshine state I suppose ive visited there a few times.
+California?: Yup =) <3333
+Hawaii?: No.. and get shot with a volcanic rock, I don’t think so… but it would be cool to go…
+Mexico?: ok..never ever ever…
+China?: Nope
+where would you love to travel to?: Rome.
+whats ur middle name?: Susanne (how uckie)
+what are you scared of: monsters, being alone, love, and heights
+i dream about: death, friends, going deaf

DO YOU
+play an instrument: does blowing into a bottle count?
+like the taste of alcohol: about anything but beer
+go to church: once every 3-4 months
+have any secrets: yea...more now than ever
+like sarcasm: my lifes sarcasm
+sing in the shower: its where I sound the best.
+cried because of someone saying something to u: yea...im sensitive..
+color ur hair: Sometimes, but I like my color so I only tint it
+flowers or candy: roses all the way

WHO
+makes u laugh the most? hmmm...its not an argument, Tasha Miranda Katie and Megan
+makes you smile: Tasha
+gives u a funny feeling when u see them: eh...not talking no more.
+Do you have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: No
+Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: Of course/
+Are You Lonely Right Now: yes...i really am
+Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: no, one day I will when im ready.
+Do You Want To Get Married: yes
+Do You Want Kids: yes
+Red or blue?: red
+Spring or fall?: fall
+Santa or Rudolph?: Santa
+Math or English?: English
+What are you going to do after you finish this survey?: call Tasha and do my damn project.
+High school or college: in high school now
+Are you bored?: i wouldnt be doing this if i wernt
+How many buddies are on?: 41
+Last movie you saw?: While your sleeping
+Last noise you heard?: *Burp*
+Things you like in a girl/guy: intellegence, good taste in music, ability to communicate
+What's on your mouse pad?: Black, original but I don’t give a shit
+Favorite magazine?: cosmo
+Worst feeling in the world?: heart break, being lonely
+What is the first thing you think when you wake up: Maybe this day will be different..
+Chocolate or vanilla?: vanilla
+If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?: photographer
+Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous?: ambidextrous
+Location: jacksonville
+College Plans: anywhere
+Are You Timely or Always Late: both
+like Being around People: yes, unless im in a bad mood

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU
+Cried: yes
+Bought Something: incense
+Talked To Someone: as we speak (LITTERALY!)
+Had A Serious Talk: ...yea...
+Kissed Someone: depends, he is only shit now

FINAL QUESTIONS
+i want: someone who will love me
+i wish: i could see inside youre head
+i love: ......
+i miss: makeing-out
+i fear: being alone
+i wonder: why my life seems like a joke.


+raz0r+

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I think katie is number one on my hit list [19 Nov 2003|03:26pm]
[ mood | enraged ]
[ music | Sunday bloody sunday- U2 ]

XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:51 PM]: Ok, heres the deal, i need to talk to you
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:51 PM]: and im going to try this with out blowing up
dreamofcars [2:51 PM]: okay... about?
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:51 PM]: pictures
dreamofcars [2:52 PM]: i wasn't there for pictures
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:52 PM]: i know
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:53 PM]: but thats not the point, on monday i foundo ut there was a meeting on tuesday, and i completely forgot.. becuz i had lunch detention...well i forgot about that too, so today i got called in the office and blah blah blah, brittany walks by, wondered why the hell i wasnt there to take pictures
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:53 PM]: becuz i didnt know anything about them,
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:53 PM]: and you did
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:53 PM]: and i TALKED to you yesterday
dreamofcars [2:53 PM]: but you had to have a slip to get out of class, I didn't have them...
dreamofcars [2:53 PM]: Mrs. S did
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:53 PM]: but you knew about them
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:54 PM]: and i asked you katie
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:54 PM]: whut did we do today in the meeting?
dreamofcars [2:54 PM]: i forgot
dreamofcars [2:54 PM]: trust me... lately my head hasn't been in order
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:54 PM]: i finally get to be some thing important katie, finally found something and it backfires
dreamofcars [2:55 PM]: I wasn't there either... so I mean
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:55 PM]: i dont give a damn, just the though that you didnt tell me
dreamofcars [2:55 PM]: I forgot... so shoot me
dreamofcars [2:55 PM]: you know people do forget...
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:56 PM]: i know that
dreamofcars [2:57 PM]: Well, then stop gettin' onto me
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:57 PM]: i stopped
dreamofcars [2:57 PM]: good
dreamofcars [2:57 PM]: i miss Allan
dreamofcars [2:57 PM]: :-(
dreamofcars [2:57 PM]: I wanna go stay the night with him
XxBlo0dyHeartsxX [2:58 PM]: ok.?
dreamofcars [2:58 PM]: lol, i'm out
dreamofcars [2:58 PM]: later
dreamofcars signed off at 2:58 PM


First off shes a bitch and i wish she would die, we were best friends and we both screwed up with not talkin to each other, then finally it all died down, yesterday we actually talked with out rude comments or agruing, i considered her a friend, i even send her this

Dear Fucker,
You are my fuckin friend and I
hope you know that's fucking true.
No matter what the fuck happens
I will stand the fuck by you.
I will be there for you
whenever the fuck you need me.
To lend you a fuckin hand to do
a fuckin good deed.
So just fuckin call on me
whenever the fuck you need me, my fuckin friend.
Fuck... I will fuckin always be fuckin there
even to the fuckin end.
Send this fuckin promise
to all your fuckin friends
to show your fuckin friendship
and fuckin watch who
sends it the fuck back to you...


a cute lil thingy i know she'd like... and she plays i forgot.. i told megan about it, who told kessi and kessi said that Katie was trying to take over her job as president, plus shes an officer for the truth club and Band club, along with asl... if she ever tries to do shit like that again i swear ill punch her..i mean i dont think kessi likes me all to muchm but if i had to be under some one it would never ever be katie, id pick kessi all the way...secondly, i hate how she decided to ingore my anger and talk about Allan.. i dont veen a shit about him or have i ever did...shes ingorant and she deserves whut will come to her if she pulls this off again, and i mean it this time.. we were best friends, so shoot me i picked the wrong one.. but i wont do it again.

Im pissed off and depressed all in one.. im tired..

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=) I <333333 this short story [12 Nov 2003|03:21pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | Evergreen terrace-Please hammer dont hurt 'em ]

i had this in my diary before.. but i wanted to put this in here again but its so good i love it.. and when i finally get my short story finished (eventually i will, people stop bitching i know its good but still) ill put it up here and you can bitch about how good/bad it is.. ENJOY..or ill kick ass





Fantasie Le' Mort
I look over at her one last time. She is tied to the bed, naked, her body covered in blood. I take it all in with my eyes. Breathing grows shallow, the heart stops beating, and it is over.

It was a long day. I sat outside watching her house for the entire day. I watched her leave. I watched her come home. I waited for dark in the bushes. She was alone. Still I waited. I watched her finish the dishes through the window. I could see her enter the bathroom and leave it behind. The lights went out. She is alone. Still I wait. I watch the moon set. A perfect night, all is darkness. The porch light casts a lame globe of protection. It is not enough. I breath deeply. I crawl from beneath the bushes. I step boldly to the screen door and I open it. BOOM! One swift kick and the door jam breaks. You think you are safe in your house? It is bullshit! Two steps through the pantry, the second door collapses beneath my shoulder. Three steps through the kitchen, her bedroom door is closed. Two more steps and I am beside her bed. She is confused, she is tired, she is startled, she is scared. She is reaching for the cordless phone. I snatch it from her hands and it explodes against the wall.

She is alone. I see fear in her eyes.

She knows she is going to die tonight.

Yes I have a gun, I explain. I do not show it, but I display the knife. The one I bought many months ago, the throwing knife. The one I have been practicing with. I offer a demonstration, naturally she declines.

Hello Love. Did you miss me?

I take out the panty hose from my pocket. I cut them in two. I politely suggest that she tie them to her arms. Another pair for the legs. Of course she asks me questions. “Not yet, Love. Lets get comfortable first.” She ties the panty hose to her extremities. All four. I start with her left leg, I tie it to the bed. Then the right leg, right arm and finally the left arm. I remove more panty hose from my pocket. They are smooth they will not hurt you Love. I tie her up all over again, this time with my own knots. She screams. Well dear, you see now that the knife is cold and sharp. It does not feel good to have it pressed against your throat.

Good girl. Shut the fuck Up. Good girl. You will stay quiet while I take care of things. I step out to the other phone. I rip it off the wall, destroying the phone jack. The third phone in the other bedroom, Gone. I check on her, she is still quiet. Shut Up! I will talk to you when it is time. I go to the door to do what I can to make it whole. No one will notice unless they come to visit. Better for them if they don’t. I can hear her struggling. No matter, If I can hear her struggling, she is still bound. This whole matter takes less than a minute. I return to her bed. We are finally alone. I take out the scissors, you know the kind, the ones the ambulance people use. I remove her clothing. She is asking what I am doing, what my plans are, I tell her to be patient. God she hates me. I see that fear in her eyes, but much deeper I see the hatred. She is beautiful. She is naked beneath me. I get her a blanket, I do not want her to be cold. I remove a few items from the backpack I have brought. I have one liter of Ruby Red Squirt, a bottle of aspirin, an assortment of scalpels, and a kitchen timer. I offer her some soda. She declines. Other than that I ignore her. She will not scream. She knows what I know. She knows that I crossed a threshold. Not just the threshold of her house, her home, but a point of no return. She knows me. I don’t know if she has figured it out yet, but soon she will. There is no turning back. This is insanity. Once I came through those doors, I gave up my freedom forever. I will follow it through now because I must. If I do not they will lock me up. I will have, I will be, nothing. I swallow 6 or 8 aspirin. I remove candles, a small candle holder,and a bottle of wine from my pack. It is a bugeulais. I do not open it. I take a CD from the backpack. It is Bach. I put it on the stereo. The music is soothing. I place the candles in the holder and light them. I set the timer to 55 minutes.

55 minutes Love. We have 55 minutes to talk.

I think she knows........................................

We talk, for 55 minutes. For 55 minutes, we actually talk. I make sure she is warm and comfortable. I do not remove the blankets. I do not leer at her body. Amazingly she softens. Her voice becomes gentle, as it used to be. We laugh. We talk about couches and wine, stolen nights of Love. Mind to Mind we see each other Heart to Heart. She misses me. She was scared. Scared of me, scared of us, scared of her. Mostly she was scared I would do this. I thought she was crazy all this time, but she was right all along. It was just too much. She took away all my anger and left me bare. I quit. I will not hate anymore so I quit. My life is too hard without Hate.

I am sitting between her left arm and left leg on the bed. We are comfortable. We are smiling.


DING!
I had turned it away from us. We both jump. She begins to cry.

“Now it is time to say good-bye, Love.”

She has lost it.

I kiss her forehead gently. I kiss her lips, she kisses me back. I pull away and she says “No!” She tries to reach for me but she is tied to the bed. I pull the blankets from her. She is perfect, a thing of Raven beauty tied to the bed. Her nipples rise in the cool room air. I take off my shoes and socks, my jeans. I put on a pair of shorts I brought with me. I remove my shirt. My body is beautiful. I have worked hard. I am chiseled. I am ready. She sees the scars over my heart. “Dark Thursday.” I say. She nods with tear filled eyes. She knows that night. She sees the scars on my leg. “You were there, Love.” I say. She is confused. “You were on the phone. You were there. You knew.” She cries harder and says “Yes, I guess I did.” I point to my left ribcage to a perfect circle. “Freeze Brand.” She manages a weak smile between the tears. “Only you.” She tries to choke out. “Another one here.” I say pointing to my right armpit. “I am sorry, Love. I intentionally defaced the area of your fascination.”

She tells me she wants to touch me. She wants to touch my chest. I know this touch. She has touched me there before. It will heal me. I cut her right hand free with the knife. She rubs the scars over my heart and they go away. The ones outside will stay forever, but inside, they disappear. No Love, the knife is not within reach. You will be here for a while. I kiss her. She bites me hard. I taste blood. Just like old times. Her hand fills with my hair. I feel a pleasant sensation in my groin. I am hard. I take in breath sharply and deeply. I sit up and again she rubs my chest. I recite words she has never heard before.

“The blood flows down my chest fresh
From the cuts I have placed above my heart
As I look in the mirror I finally see the truth
The reflection does not lie
Scars without finally match the scars within
And the muse beckons me gently
I bleed and feel the sweet pain
The blood is finally real
I realize the despair of life
And the muse beckons me gently
To lie down in the tub
To bathe in warm warm blood
To watch it flow from me
To feel the sweet silence take me
To hasten the inevitable
I recognize the hoplessness of life
And the muse beckons me gently
I recognize her
And I turn away.”


She looks at me with hope.


“But alas Love. i will not turn away. The muse has won. i am going to her now.”

I pick up the scalpel and smile a crooked smile. It is in its sterile packaging. What irony.

“Kiss me goodbye Love.”

She is fading, she is out of her mind. She returns to reality to kiss me, and the tears stream hot down the sides of her face. I lick them all up. I sit on her pelvis. The scalpel dances along my left wrist. It glides through my skin effortlessy and bites me deeply. I feel nothing. The blood flows down my hand and across her naked chest. I watch, I smile as it pools on her and flows off of her. She will never admit it to herself ever for the rest of her life, but it feels good. It is warm and soothing.

She is out of reality again..........

I taste my life. I swish it in my mouth, I swallow it. It tastes salty-sweet. It runs down my face, over my chin, down my chest, over my heart. It drips onto her heart.

"My Life for You Love." I whisper.

I begin to get tired. My blood is thinned, it flows quickly.

“Amy?” I ask.

“Yes.” She says.

“Amy, am I beautiful?”

“Yes, Dearest, you are beautiful.”

“Amy…..”

“Yes, Love?”

“Play with my hair?”

Her fingers run through my soft hair as I curl up next to her. My life is everywhere. I am falling. I say “Purr” like always. She sobs out a laugh.

“It is time for Good Bye, Amy.”
“I know.” She says.


A long pause. I feel her hot tears on my head.

“Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever will I Love you, Amy.” I manage.

“Forever will I Love you, Eric.” she replies.

I lift my head a final time. She is tied to the bed, naked, her body covered in blood. I take it all in with my eyes. Her fingers stroke my hair. My breathing grows shallow. My heart stops beating, and it is over.

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THEY CANT NOT BAND THIS [11 Nov 2003|09:10pm]
'80s Fashion Bracelets Raising Concern
Last Update: 11/11/2003 10:20:23 AM




"Jelly Bracelets", the fashion accessories that were popular in the '80s, are making a twisted comeback among teenagers. They're now called "sex bracelets" and might be making more than a fashion statement.

The bracelets could be making a statement about your teenager's sex life and are gaining in popularity at some middle and high schools.

In a game called "Snap", the idea is to break the bracelet and get a sexual favor.

The bracelets are causing enough of a stir for several Florida school districts to take action. One high school in Marion County has banned the bracelets. Alachua County schools sent letters home to parents asking them to keep their kids from wearing them at school.

In Duval County, several schools contacted weren't aware of a problem, but say they plan to look into it.

We contacted the home office of Claire's a First Coast store that sells the bracelets, they've been selling them for a long time and says sales have skyrocketed in the past two weeks.



©2003 Clear Channel Television-Jacksonville. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.



IM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF, IF THEY BAND THE BRACLETS IM STILL GOING TO WEAR THEM.. they cant do this, no one will pay attention to it.

Razor Angel
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LOL Now.. click on this [21 Oct 2003|03:27pm]


makemylovebleed got their Neopet at http://www.neopets.com








click on this, make an account so i get money.. be nice people im broke
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i feel like banging my head into a big brick wall [20 Oct 2003|08:26pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Tragedy0143 (8:06:26 PM): what up
MakEmylOvebLeEd (8:06:46 PM): [frowns] im having a bad day..
MakEmylOvebLeEd (8:06:50 PM): really bad day
Tragedy0143 (8:06:53 PM): howcome?
Tragedy0143 (8:08:49 PM): brb in like 2 seconds
MakEmylOvebLeEd (8:09:30 PM): my parents took my life away..the only thing i get to do is go online becuz i got 2 d's.. my best friend is giving up on life.. and it hurts to know she doesnt care about anything anymore.. megan has her problems.. im trying to fix everything and its getting to me.. my ex boyfriend keeps calling.. telling me all this shit and its making me confused.. and everyone, when i really need them arent there for me it seems like..
Tragedy0143 (8:12:12 PM): ok, back
MakEmylOvebLeEd (8:12:25 PM): welcome ack
MakEmylOvebLeEd (8:12:27 PM): back8
Tragedy0143 (8:12:50 PM): dont let the man get you down
Tragedy0143 (8:12:55 PM): damn the man
MakEmylOvebLeEd (8:13:04 PM): lol
Tragedy0143 (8:13:15 PM): (in the immortal words of Lucas)
Tragedy0143 (8:13:27 PM): really, dont let that shit get to you
MakEmylOvebLeEd (8:13:31 PM): it is..
MakEmylOvebLeEd (8:13:34 PM): really is
Tragedy0143 (8:13:38 PM): if your parents are gonna bitch about 2 Ds
Tragedy0143 (8:13:56 PM): than its like, they should atleast give you credit for what you have done
Tragedy0143 (8:14:39 PM): i mean damn, i know if i were a parent i'd try to be as optimistic as possible with my kid, just without letting them think it's ok to be lazy
MakEmylOvebLeEd (8:15:44 PM): no seriousally.. last year.. i got all good grades..but my brother came home with a d and 2 fs, but oh it was the first quarter and it was a gimme.. but this year he got all a/b honor roll...there the hell is the gimmie now?
MakEmylOvebLeEd (8:15:49 PM): my parents fucking hate me

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EGRRIKVWJHCVIFYF [20 Oct 2003|07:54pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | the voices in my head ]

Friday was fun.. =) i went to mgans house and spent the night.. i love her new place.. her room has 7 WALLS!!..we went to the Homecoming game and we lost.. naturally..saturday i went to the fair with the famila.. it was ok.. i got an Indian bracelet and some earrings.. =) but then i started feeling really sick,.. came home and talked to Kevin and Christine.. life was getting a lil bit sad.. sunday i woke up and i knew it was going to be a shitty day.. my dad yelled and yelled making me clean my room, so i did clean.. but only half and he blew up at me.. i cried.. but Kevin and katie called.. it was gettign a lil better... Monday, Im not allowed to talk about her problem, i learned about it last week.. [ IMPORTANT NOTICED..im going to talk about this in the future.. and you wont understand but this journal isnt for you to understand my life or whuts my demonic brain is thinking.. its suposed to help me spread my thoughts to help me get them out..] ... its killing me to know this.. but i love her and ill be there.. i cried alot today.. then when i got home.. i cried more and feel asleep.. i wish someone would call.. and some one did.. but Kevin only wanted Kims number and lefted me.. i need some one to talk to but no one would understand it seems.. i only wish to get out of my house.. my parents took my life away becuz i got two d's on mu report card.. 2 FUCKING D's.. and it doesnt matter if i get them on the first quarter.. but they think it does now.. only becuz my brother got fucking a/b honor roo.... woopie... the only think i get to do is go online.. fun huh,.. oh my god is it fucking boring.. i wish i had my phone.. i need to talk to someone.. but if i touch the phone i get another month.. nice parents huh.. i want to run away, pass out for a couple of hours.. or just.. sleep.. i want to get away.. but how?

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Today was..[shrug] [16 Oct 2003|08:07pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Incubus-Stellar ]

Ive noticed that i havent writen in my journal in forever.. prolly why im so crazy and dwell on all my feelings..Tasha got in trouble so i cant spend the night.. =( yea i was sad.. completely miserable becuz i had no one to talk to.. miranda katie and merissa was working, and megan was prolly on the phone with dusten.. =/ and i dont think kevin wants to talk to me.. i dont think he likes me very much in a buddy/friend kinda way.. it could be just becuz i just met him and all... but he tends to stray from me when i talk to him.. =/

my head hurts.. could be becuz im not wearing my glasses or becuz i just feel like sleeping the night away.. into oblivion were atleast maybe i could get a sense of reality on this pressure on my heart which my shallow life has made.. i think im just drunk and talking my jibber jabber.. im going to sleep

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PRUNES..EVEERYWHERE [30 Sep 2003|05:06pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Moo blah ]

Today.. durning lunch.. megan kinda ingored me.. i though she just wanted to be free of me for an hour.. which i guess i was ok.. But when i went inside and saw her talkin to Rudy.. i turned around saying hi and i walked in.. i guess she didnt hear me cuz she got this angry look on her face.. i walked up to her.. and she got mad and walked into hwer class.. then after 5 she completely ingored me when i screamed her name.. i was right next to her.. she heard me.. and well being the depressed person i am.. i went up to her after school.. and asked her if she was mad at me.. she told me she was becuz i didnt say hey.. i told her i did and she walked off.. so naturally my sheilds went up and i said FINE FUCK YOU TOO! Stupid Bitch.. and i went ot my locker.. i talked to patty and was getting depresser..[sp?] and my walls were falling fast and crumbling in my heart.. i though i was going to cry infront of him.. so i walked asfast as i could to the bus.. were i broke down.. blah blah.. everyone was crowding me.. cameron tried touching me but i yelped.. i coudlnt stand it.. i just wanted tasha to get on and help me.. i could barely see and since i got stupid ass glasses they fogged up.. whenever im mad at megan.. its cooled off in a lil bit.. its ok.. and she thinks it funny.. cuz i am really funny when im mad.. but when she gets mad she holds it against me for a couple of days.. it not funny.. i hate the fact that shes pissed off at me for something stupid.. that i DID do.. i need to call katie..but her phone is busy..ill talk more later

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ugh.. guess who is back.. [11 Sep 2003|06:08pm]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | Cant hear.. i think im going deaf ]

ugh.. Mike IMed me today.. thet gay jewish ass college bitch... lol.. and in the middle of talkin to him i left and my brother got on.. fucked things up with me and andy even more, and he bitched at mike and a couple of people liked him.. i cant believe he did that.. ugh..




































ha.. u know i do this for my own amusement.. :)


























Made u look again.. hahaa

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I dont feel so yummy.. [10 Sep 2003|08:35pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | NIN-closer ]

Ok, My birthday was fun.. yes.. it was.. i went to this party that my Tashie had. There was Booze and weed.. and im telling you i will remember that day for the rest of my life..hahaa.. i got piss ass drunk..in the first 15-25 minutes of the party..ha.. i feel bad patty, kerri, tasha, katie, josh, and STEVEN...haha jp and chris.. i was a mean drunk.. only becuz mike asked katie out.. i got all crazy, and drunk to kept calm.. i cried alot, i slapped... i pretended to hyperventialate.. and for a couple of hours i though i broke some ones thumb.. i had about 15-16 shots.. kerri thinks i had 4.. but she didnt know i was down stairs having shots when she was puking.. poor kerri and tasha had alcohol poisioning.. i didnt.. thats cuz i didnt mix my drinks.. ha i love you guys.. i kept calling all the guys different names, like steven.. and now they all make fun of me for it.. its why im going to remember this for a while.. heh,... the funny thing was that katie feel asleep the whole time.. haha.

I felt like shit all weekend.. i stayed home, complained and slept all day.. i didnt go to school on monday.. and well todays tuesday.. or at least i think it is.. if not.. the last two days have been boring..

How sad.. i told you about the last five days in like 7 sentences..

I need a life.. but where the hell do u buy them?

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okkk... [04 Sep 2003|03:08pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]
[ music | Talk Nerdy to me!!!! ]

today was fun..i suppose.. i got to see my very pretty kerri again.. :) i want her to come back.. and i want colleen to come back to.. i miss them oh so muches..lol... birthday..tomorrow...cant wait! I was going to go out with rudy, but we decided to bring megan along too, and she is prolly gonna spend the night tomorrow and saturday.. :) lesbain love.. lol jp.. but yea.. Im so mad at miranda.. whut the hell does a finger have to do with my present.. do i get my nails done, do i have to give you a massage.. do i have to finger you? lol.. gross.. wait do i get a midget.. ? that would be sweet.. oh well..bored so bored..ugh..




Oh.. i called mike yesterday.. the first time i really talked to him since thursday.. cuz hes been "busy", And ironically he told me he loved me on thursday.. so thats why i though he was avoiding me.. but he was busy.. he isnt going out with that chick anymore.. but he is going to ask this other girl out and dropp her cuz she didnt go out with him back in the 3rd grade.. he is special.. but anyways..he asked me if i loved him.. and i told him i did, cuz on thursday when he told me he loved me, he wanted me to think about it.. and see if i loved him..and i though about it.. and it came to me.. i did, but when i called him on friday to tell him.. he told me he would call me back.. he never did, i though he would call me on saturday but no.. and again on sunday.. but i grew the balls and call him.. he told me he was busy and would call me on monday.. he never did.. i called him with katie and he was busy.. oh well fuck him right? well i gave up on tuesday and wednesday.. but i realized how much i missed him and called him last night..we talked alot.. and i realized i might have feelings with him past friends.. and he told me he loved me and i was in shock blah blah.. and when i went awwwrrr... and he was like if u say that again, i wont say i love u anymore.. so it was silence.. and then i went i love you too..it just came out.. ididnt mean to say it.. whut the hell does it mean.. i hope not whut i think.. it would be akward.. but then he went awwwrr.. stupid hipocrit.. lol.. i told him and he was like awwwrr again.. i told him i would bitch slap him.. :) im listening to nine inch nails.. so sexy.. [drools a lil] and miranda told me they are so sexy to have sex with.. oh baby.. tasha your not getting your cd back.. lol..well ima go.. ill talk more later..dur..































I am.. Pimpin' at WALMART..
Megan is.. Homie G POPTART..
And Katie is.. Busta FART..


aaaawwrr.. all ARTS..




Im special..

But everyone knows this..





why do i keep pressing the enter button..

























Becuz i know how ever many times i do it.. your always going to go down to see whut it says at the bottom..

arent cha?































































Hehe see..

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Iunno how to feel... [02 Sep 2003|08:46pm]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | the voices in my head.. BIRTHDAY THIS FRIDAY...DONT FORGET.. ]

Im really feeling uncomfortable with Cameron.. and i was going to call him but ill just talk to him tomorrow.. face to face.. i was really suprised when he kissed me this afternoon.. ugh i didnt know how to feel.. oh well.. My moms birthday was today.. and so was LCs so me and LC went to the mall and got my mom a buildabear.. holy shit man..im going next week and im getting me one.. i loved it.. it was so fun..lol.. im so childish..oh well.. i talked ot Andy today.. go me.. :) we are cool now.. i guess.. [shrugs] only until he doesnt wanna talk ot me again.. i need to call mike.. the one that lives here..
Im never going to date a mike again..its to confusing..
Lol.. its so cheesy..
Iunno why..
Or even whut the hell im talking about..

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Kimmie showed me this.. I love it [02 Sep 2003|03:06pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | Jack off jill- Strawberry gashes ]

Fantasie Le' Mort
I look over at her one last time. She is tied to the bed, naked, her body covered in blood. I take it all in with my eyes. Breathing grows shallow, the heart stops beating, and it is over.

It was a long day. I sat outside watching her house for the entire day. I watched her leave. I watched her come home. I waited for dark in the bushes. She was alone. Still I waited. I watched her finish the dishes through the window. I could see her enter the bathroom and leave it behind. The lights went out. She is alone. Still I wait. I watch the moon set. A perfect night, all is darkness. The porch light casts a lame globe of protection. It is not enough. I breath deeply. I crawl from beneath the bushes. I step boldly to the screen door and I open it. BOOM! One swift kick and the door jam breaks. You think you are safe in your house? It is bullshit! Two steps through the pantry, the second door collapses beneath my shoulder. Three steps through the kitchen, her bedroom door is closed. Two more steps and I am beside her bed. She is confused, she is tired, she is startled, she is scared. She is reaching for the cordless phone. I snatch it from her hands and it explodes against the wall.

She is alone. I see fear in her eyes.

She knows she is going to die tonight.

Yes I have a gun, I explain. I do not show it, but I display the knife. The one I bought many months ago, the throwing knife. The one I have been practicing with. I offer a demonstration, naturally she declines.

Hello Love. Did you miss me?

I take out the panty hose from my pocket. I cut them in two. I politely suggest that she tie them to her arms. Another pair for the legs. Of course she asks me questions. “Not yet, Love. Lets get comfortable first.” She ties the panty hose to her extremities. All four. I start with her left leg, I tie it to the bed. Then the right leg, right arm and finally the left arm. I remove more panty hose from my pocket. They are smooth they will not hurt you Love. I tie her up all over again, this time with my own knots. She screams. Well dear, you see now that the knife is cold and sharp. It does not feel good to have it pressed against your throat.

Good girl. Shut the fuck Up. Good girl. You will stay quiet while I take care of things. I step out to the other phone. I rip it off the wall, destroying the phone jack. The third phone in the other bedroom, Gone. I check on her, she is still quiet. Shut Up! I will talk to you when it is time. I go to the door to do what I can to make it whole. No one will notice unless they come to visit. Better for them if they don’t. I can hear her struggling. No matter, If I can hear her struggling, she is still bound. This whole matter takes less than a minute. I return to her bed. We are finally alone. I take out the scissors, you know the kind, the ones the ambulance people use. I remove her clothing. She is asking what I am doing, what my plans are, I tell her to be patient. God she hates me. I see that fear in her eyes, but much deeper I see the hatred. She is beautiful. She is naked beneath me. I get her a blanket, I do not want her to be cold. I remove a few items from the backpack I have brought. I have one liter of Ruby Red Squirt, a bottle of aspirin, an assortment of scalpels, and a kitchen timer. I offer her some soda. She declines. Other than that I ignore her. She will not scream. She knows what I know. She knows that I crossed a threshold. Not just the threshold of her house, her home, but a point of no return. She knows me. I don’t know if she has figured it out yet, but soon she will. There is no turning back. This is insanity. Once I came through those doors, I gave up my freedom forever. I will follow it through now because I must. If I do not they will lock me up. I will have, I will be, nothing. I swallow 6 or 8 aspirin. I remove candles, a small candle holder,and a bottle of wine from my pack. It is a bugeulais. I do not open it. I take a CD from the backpack. It is Bach. I put it on the stereo. The music is soothing. I place the candles in the holder and light them. I set the timer to 55 minutes.

55 minutes Love. We have 55 minutes to talk.

I think she knows........................................

We talk, for 55 minutes. For 55 minutes, we actually talk. I make sure she is warm and comfortable. I do not remove the blankets. I do not leer at her body. Amazingly she softens. Her voice becomes gentle, as it used to be. We laugh. We talk about couches and wine, stolen nights of Love. Mind to Mind we see each other Heart to Heart. She misses me. She was scared. Scared of me, scared of us, scared of her. Mostly she was scared I would do this. I thought she was crazy all this time, but she was right all along. It was just too much. She took away all my anger and left me bare. I quit. I will not hate anymore so I quit. My life is too hard without Hate.

I am sitting between her left arm and left leg on the bed. We are comfortable. We are smiling.


DING!
I had turned it away from us. We both jump. She begins to cry.

“Now it is time to say good-bye, Love.”

She has lost it.

I kiss her forehead gently. I kiss her lips, she kisses me back. I pull away and she says “No!” She tries to reach for me but she is tied to the bed. I pull the blankets from her. She is perfect, a thing of Raven beauty tied to the bed. Her nipples rise in the cool room air. I take off my shoes and socks, my jeans. I put on a pair of shorts I brought with me. I remove my shirt. My body is beautiful. I have worked hard. I am chiseled. I am ready. She sees the scars over my heart. “Dark Thursday.” I say. She nods with tear filled eyes. She knows that night. She sees the scars on my leg. “You were there, Love.” I say. She is confused. “You were on the phone. You were there. You knew.” She cries harder and says “Yes, I guess I did.” I point to my left ribcage to a perfect circle. “Freeze Brand.” She manages a weak smile between the tears. “Only you.” She tries to choke out. “Another one here.” I say pointing to my right armpit. “I am sorry, Love. I intentionally defaced the area of your fascination.”

She tells me she wants to touch me. She wants to touch my chest. I know this touch. She has touched me there before. It will heal me. I cut her right hand free with the knife. She rubs the scars over my heart and they go away. The ones outside will stay forever, but inside, they disappear. No Love, the knife is not within reach. You will be here for a while. I kiss her. She bites me hard. I taste blood. Just like old times. Her hand fills with my hair. I feel a pleasant sensation in my groin. I am hard. I take in breath sharply and deeply. I sit up and again she rubs my chest. I recite words she has never heard before.

“The blood flows down my chest fresh
From the cuts I have placed above my heart
As I look in the mirror I finally see the truth
The reflection does not lie
Scars without finally match the scars within
And the muse beckons me gently
I bleed and feel the sweet pain
The blood is finally real
I realize the despair of life
And the muse beckons me gently
To lie down in the tub
To bathe in warm warm blood
To watch it flow from me
To feel the sweet silence take me
To hasten the inevitable
I recognize the hoplessness of life
And the muse beckons me gently
I recognize her
And I turn away.”


She looks at me with hope.


“But alas Love. i will not turn away. The muse has won. i am going to her now.”

I pick up the scalpel and smile a crooked smile. It is in its sterile packaging. What irony.

“Kiss me goodbye Love.”

She is fading, she is out of her mind. She returns to reality to kiss me, and the tears stream hot down the sides of her face. I lick them all up. I sit on her pelvis. The scalpel dances along my left wrist. It glides through my skin effortlessy and bites me deeply. I feel nothing. The blood flows down my hand and across her naked chest. I watch, I smile as it pools on her and flows off of her. She will never admit it to herself ever for the rest of her life, but it feels good. It is warm and soothing.

She is out of reality again..........

I taste my life. I swish it in my mouth, I swallow it. It tastes salty-sweet. It runs down my face, over my chin, down my chest, over my heart. It drips onto her heart.

"My Life for You Love." I whisper.

I begin to get tired. My blood is thinned, it flows quickly.

“Amy?” I ask.

“Yes.” She says.

“Amy, am I beautiful?”

“Yes, Dearest, you are beautiful.”

“Amy…..”

“Yes, Love?”

“Play with my hair?”

Her fingers run through my soft hair as I curl up next to her. My life is everywhere. I am falling. I say “Purr” like always. She sobs out a laugh.

“It is time for Good Bye, Amy.”
“I know.” She says.


A long pause. I feel her hot tears on my head.

“Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever will I Love you, Amy.” I manage.

“Forever will I Love you, Eric.” she replies.

I lift my head a final time. She is tied to the bed, naked, her body covered in blood. I take it all in with my eyes. Her fingers stroke my hair. My breathing grows shallow. My heart stops beating, and it is over.

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Im tired.. and way way confused.. [01 Sep 2003|06:56pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | The garage door opening.. ]

I dont know whut to say.. im just blank..i think its becuz i had a brain override this morning..I was thinking about mike..and how he told me he loved me more than a friend on thursday night..i though for a day that it made me happy, he told me to call him on friday.. but when i did he told me he would call me back.. becuz he was tired.. and his new girlfriend was there..i think they fucked.. even tho he promise he wouldnt until next week or anything.. idunno.. he just pisses me off.. but then it might not be.. so then i get mad at my self for thinking it... he hasnt called me once since then..i tired calling him last night.. and he was angry..and i though he was angry at me, so i got scared and told him to just call me back..i miss him.. and I HATE IT.. i hate caring for someone when i dont think they care back.. it hurts.. its the worstest feeling in the world besides losing someone u loved with all your heart..i called mike.. the one from mississippi.. and i relized i missed him too.. it was weird.. iunno.. i like to many mikes..im gonna go tho..my mom just got home and we are gonna watch that movie.. fiftheen and pregant.. i saw it in health class in 9th grade...it was cool so i bought the movie.. 3.99 and its dvd.. good price.. thats why u love walmart ha..well.. ill talk more later..

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Im speciall... [31 Aug 2003|02:20pm]

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Stalking along the steppes, brandishing a bladed baseball bat, cometh Jacqui Sucks My Dick! And he gives a mighty bellow:

"I'm going to spank you until you taste like chicken!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

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Cheesy mack [30 Aug 2003|08:38pm]

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Lo! Who is that, stalking amidst the terrain! It is RedWingedKiss, hands clutching a mighty sword! And with an ominous cry, her voice cometh:

"I'm going to hump you beyond the end of time, and plunge you into financial ruin!!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

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Moo [30 Aug 2003|08:36pm]

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Hark! Who is that, skulking across the freeway! It is _Dead/Faerie_, hands clutching a reflective halberd! She roars thunderously:

"Ares, God of War, be praised! I shall avenge my ancestors!!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

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