| 08.07.05 |
[08 Aug 2005|02:47am] |
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mood |
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 drained |
] |
I thought today was a horrible day up until you said 'I love you' for the very first time...
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| You miss me and it drives you crazy... I LOVE THAT |
[03 Aug 2005|12:23am] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
] |
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music |
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'Forget About it' - AKUS |
] |
Forget about it
I'm admittin' I was wrong
And I'll just take what's mine
And walk right out the door
Forget about it
I'll split and I'll be gone
And you'll have memories
You'll find hard to ignore
'Cause after all
I see you sometime
Maybe when I can't recall
How you drove me crazier
Forget about it
When forever's over
I won't remember how much
I loved you anymore
Forget about it
Put me out of your head
Now that you're free and easy
Out there on the town
Forget about it
When you're lying in bed just wishing
I was there to lay you down
'Cause after all
I see you sometime maybe
When you will recall
How I drove you crazier
Forget about those STARLIT NIGHTS
Laying by the fireside
Holding ME tight
I can't remember when I felt so right
So just forget about it
Forget about it
When you see me on the street
Don't wink, don't wave
Don't try to tease me with your smile
Forget about it
If we chance to meet somewhere
Don't think it's cause I'm trying to reconcile
'Cause after all
I see you sometime maybe
When I can't recall
How you drove me crazier
Forget about those STARLIT NIGHTS
Laying by the fireside
Holding ME tight
I can't remember when I felt so right
So just forget about it
<3<3<3
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| I Love The Things That We Should Fear |
[27 May 2005|10:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sarah Mclachlan - Building A Mystery |
] |
you come out at night
that's when the energy comes
and the dark side's light
and the vampires roam
you strut your rasta wear
and your suicide poem
and a cross from a faith
that died before Jesus came
you're building a mystery
you live in a church
where you sleep with voodoo dolls
and you won't give up the search
for the ghosts in the halls
you wear sandals in the snow
and a smile that won't wash away
can you look out the window
without your shadow getting in the way
oh you're so beautiful
with an edge and a charm
but so careful
when I'm in your arms
(chorus)
'cause you're working
building a mystery
holding on and holding it in
yeah you're working
building a mystery
and choosing so carefully
you woke up screaming aloud
a prayer from your secret god
you feed off our fears
and hold back your tears
give us a tantrum
and a know it all grin
just when we need one
when the evening's thin
oh you're a beautiful
a beautiful fucked up man
you're setting up your
razor wire shrine
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| I'd like to at least be friends |
[05 May 2005|10:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Heartache |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Eisley - 'Telescope Eyes' |
] |
Oh, you humor me today
Calling me out to play
With your telescope eyes, metal teeth
I can’t be seen with you, you see
I wonder, why you can't see?
You're just not near anough like me
With your telescope eyes, metal teeth
I can't be seen with you
Please don't make me cry
Please don't make me cry
I’m just like you
I know you know
I’m just like you
So leave me alone
I wonder why can't you see
you're just not near enough like me
with your telescope eyes, metal teeth
I can't be seen with you, you see
Please don't make me cry
Please don't make me cry
I’m just like you
I know you know
I’m just like you
So leave me alone
Instrumental Solo
Please don’t make me cry
Please don’t make me cry
I’m just like you
I know you know
I’m just like you
So leave me alone
Please don’t make me cry
Please don’t make me cry
I’m just like you
I know you know
I’m just like you
So leave me alone
Please don’t make me cry
Please don’t make me cry
I’m just like you
I know you know
I’m just like you
So leave me alone
Oh, you humor me today
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[29 Apr 2005|06:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Offspring - Gone Away |
] |
Yesterday was crazy. I came in at like 11:00 to work and Elias was the manager which is cool, and all morning I'd been begging Elias to let me run video and he said "Yeah as soon as Cassandra leaves you can" so I thought it was all good. Then at like 1:30 Shelly came in and was the manager and I asked her when she came in if I coud run video and I said are you manager today? I'm confused? and she said "yeah I will be in a second" and I said "ok". And Shelly comes back by and I ask her if I can be off on sat. or leave early and shes like no you can't I'm the manager then I can't have you leave early or whatever. Then all of a sudden Shelly and Elias switch out, Cassandra's about to leave and Pablo is checking the box, he's running video and I'm soo pissed so I'm like "Do I get to do video or?" and Shelly's like "Pablo's doing it" and it's not like she was particularly nice about it and I know she knew I wanted to do it. So I keep on register but I'm so bugged I start to walk over to where the video desk is and I say "Shelly! I quit" and she continues to mess with her papers and shes like "Ok, Bye" and so I walk back to my register and some dude's like "how are you?" and I'm like "i'm good how are you?" Ha and then he says "You don't look like you're doing good, you look like you're really mad" and so I joke with him for a minute about how I hope my face isn't that readable and I tell him there's a problem with my schedule thats why i'm upset and then Pablo comes to buy a soda from me and I'm like "That sucks, you get to be on video thats not fair I'd been asking all morning" and he's like "I know well Shelly told me to check the box and I was like 'well I think Ayla wanted to do it' and she was like 'I want you to do it'" and he said it with kind of an attitude so I was like instantly so pissed... like what is that about I thought we were cool? And she's being mean. So I was already feeling sick, felt nausiated it got worse I gave my candy bar to Pablo and I was like (to Shelly) "Let me go home early I wanna go home" and she's like "Why do you want to go home early? You don't wanna go home early?" like what are you talking about you know and then I'm like "Can I run that stack of video since Pablo checked it in can I run it? and she's like "Yeah go ahead" and she seemed pissed and she walked to the back for a while and I was scared that I really pissed her off. and then she came back and I was like I don't have to run it and shes like "No, it's fine run it" so I walk around to run it and she meets me on the other side of the video desk and she kinda leans over and goes "What's up with you?" and so I'm like "I feel sick... and my mom wants me to quit" and shes like "I thought you had to get a job?" and I'm like "I don't know" and shes like "Just not this one I guess huh" and so I run my video. I'm fucking up majorly on my register Shelly is like really helpfull she helps me find video games shes all nice then I mess up a sale and she comes and helps me and does the overring and is like "He didn't have to be mean about it" and then we were cool and the day got better once I didn't feel like the world was against me and Val came which was like a relief to see a familiar face like.. someone I know. Then Val left and I stayed on register and then Shelly pulled my drawer and I clocked out and then we had a cigarette and talked about how I hold mine like a joint b'cuz shes like "You hold it like a joint..." and I kinda laughed and said "Am I supposed to hold it like this?" and I immatated like cruella deville and she was like no it's just because you don't smoke ciggaretts.. you moke joints" and laughed and was like "I do not smoke joints!" and she laughed and said I'm just joking and I mentioned that I dont really like pot and then we talked about my parents being on my ass and then as we were talking I turned my head back toward her and I went "whoo" because my buzz kicked in and she laughed and then she finished her cigarette after giving me some parent advice and then I finished mine and we went inside where I tried to finish my schedule which I never actually did. So then later we got to talking about the video thing and she said "know that I wasn't being mean but you need to get faster and I want you to be on register more, do you want to be stuck up here forever? you want to be transfered to a department don't you?" and I said yeah and she said ok then you need to get faster because your kinda slow". so then it was cool because she wasn't like you know taking my favorite job away from me she was just being helpfull. But it was still a crazy day...
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| Sacrifice |
[27 Apr 2005|08:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Offspring - 'Want You Bad' |
] |
If you could only read my mind
You would know that things between us
Ain't right
I know your arms are open wide
But you're a little on the straight side
I can't lie
Your one vice
Is you're too nice
Come around now can't you see
I want you
All tattooed
I want you bad
Complete me
Mistreat me
Want you to be bad
If you could only read my mind
You would know that I've been waiting
So long
For someone almost just like you
But with attitude, I'm waiting So come on
Get out of clothes time
Grow out those highlights
Come around now can't you see
I want you
In a vinyl suit
I want you bad
Complicated
X-rated
I want you bad
Don't get me wrong
I know you're only being good
But that's what's wrong
I guess I just misunderstood
I want you
All tattooed
I want you bad
Complicated
X- rated
I want you bad
I mean it
I need it
I want you bad
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| Just Can't Wait To See The One I Adore |
[27 Apr 2005|05:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 high |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Pilfers - 'Climbing' |
] |
Now I'm so glad to know they've all just gone home
'Cos finally we're here alone at last
Now our desires have been held back for hours
Our emotions run strong
Like the trade winds off the shores
Chorus:
And I can't wait a minute, wait another minute at all
You've got me climbing up the wall
And I can't wait a minute, wait another minute at all
You've got me climbing up the wall
The TV cast shadows that flicker on the walls
And it reminds me of the lake on a summers night
Let yourself fall into my caramel vortex
You don't have to be afraid
We'll be safe as we twist
Chorus
You got me climbing up, you've got me climbing up the wall
Now that we rid out we guests its
Time to raise some hell
Inna mi fridge mi have a bowl of cherries
And some white zinfandel
If you want some love spectacular
Lay back and relax 'pon mi sofa
Same thing the chorus all say
Rude bwoy now 'pon de replay
You've got me climbing up, you've got me climbing up the wall
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Oh the things I would do to you if I could
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| Please Please Don't Suck |
[27 Apr 2005|04:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Some Dashboard |
] |
I gotta go to work tomorrow... 11-4:00 I hope it doesn't suck. I love my job but sometimes it's not the best and I have a sucky day or whatever this weeks been kinda yucky all together and I've been kinda bummed. I dont know.
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| I won't let myself fall in love with you |
[25 Apr 2005|08:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Here's Your Letter - Blink 182 |
] |
This song feels suprisingly appropriate... I love when that happens
Cut the skin to the bone
Fall asleep all alone
Hear your voice in the dark
Lose myself in your eyes
Choke my voice Say goodnight
as the world falls apart
Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this
Here's a letter for you
But the words get confused
And the conversation dies
Apologize for the past
Talk some shit take it back
Are we cursed to this life
Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this
I'm talking to the ceiling
My life just lost all meaning
Do one thing for me tonight
I'm dying in this silence
The last star left in heaven
Is falling down to earth and
Do you still feel the same way
Do you still feel the same way
Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I wish I could make you love me
I wish I could make myself stop loving you
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| I can't let myself fall in love with you I won't do it I won't fall into that again |
[25 Apr 2005|08:44pm] |
This song feels suprisingly appropriate... I love when that happens
Cut the skin to the bone
Fall asleep all alone
Hear your voice in the dark
Lose myself in your eyes
Choke my voice Say goodnight
as the world falls apart
Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this
Here's a letter for you
But the words get confused
And the conversation dies
Apologize for the past
Talk some shit take it back
Are we cursed to this life
Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this
I'm talking to the ceiling
My life just lost all meaning
Do one thing for me tonight
I'm dying in this silence
The last star left in heaven
Is falling down to earth and
Do you still feel the same way
Do you still feel the same way
Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I wish I could make you love me
I wish I could make myself stop loving you
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| I never know what you're thinking I have no clue how you feel |
[25 Apr 2005|08:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Here's Your Letter - Blink 182 |
] |
This song feels suprisingly appropriate... I love when that happens
Cut the skin to the bone
Fall asleep all alone
Hear your voice in the dark
Lose myself in your eyes
Choke my voice Say goodnight
as the world falls apart
Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this
Here's a letter for you
But the words get confused
And the conversation dies
Apologize for the past
Talk some shit take it back
Are we cursed to this life
Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this
I'm talking to the ceiling
My life just lost all meaning
Do one thing for me tonight
I'm dying in this silence
The last star left in heaven
Is falling down to earth and
Do you still feel the same way
Do you still feel the same way
Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I wish I could make you love me
I wish I could make myself stop loving you
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| SWEET |
[22 Feb 2005|02:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Nirvana - On A Plane |
] |
************************
I Am So Over You Right Now
************************
I'll start this off without any words
I got so high that I scratched 'til I bled
Love myself better than you
I know it's wrong, so what should I do?
The finest day that I've ever had
Was when I learned to cry on command
Love myself better than you
I know it's wrong, so what should I do?
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain
My mother died every night
It's safe to say don't quote me on that
Love myself better than you
I know it's wrong, so what should I do?
The black sheep got blackmailed again
Forgot to put on the zip code
Love myself better than you
I know it's wrong, so what should I do?
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain
Somewhere I have heard this before
In a dream my memory has stored
As a defense I'm neutered and spayed
What the hell am I trying to say?
It is now time to make it unclear
To write off lines that don't make sense
Love myself better than you
I know it's wrong, so what should I do?
One more special message to go
And then I'm done then I can go home
Love myself better than you
I know it's wrong, so what should I do?
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain
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| Rock On Muse |
[01 Jul 2004|07:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Muse - Time Is Running Out |
] |
I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created
You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction
You will be the death of me
You will be the death of me
Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it
Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted
Now that you know I'm trapped
Since ovulation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation
You will squeeze the life out of me
Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it
And our time is running out
And our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?
ooooohh
You will suck the life out of me
Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it
And our time is running out
And our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?
Ooooohh
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| WHAT?! |
[01 Jul 2004|07:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
curious |
] |
Someone keyed our excursion today. In big cursive letters on the back it says, "(some scribble) F*** You" It's just beautiful. Screw whoever did it, I have no clue who. Whatever though they're not gonna ruin my day thats for sure.
Ayla
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| Yo Yo Yo! |
[29 Jun 2004|02:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Dead Leaves and The Dirty Ground - White Stripes |
] |
I've officially decided to cut my hair like the girl in the "Cold Hard Bitch", Jet video & Today I got my "Gettin' Lucky In Kentucky" Shirt in the mail and it just made my entire week. I'm going to try to start jogging tommorrow, I've been biking everyday but I gained like 5 pounds since I started excercise which is such a bummer so I'm ready to step it up a bit. I have to choose between church camp 2004 OR Maroon 5 concert. I don't know, I love Maroon 5... I have a feeling I'm going to bail out on church camp at the last minute I mean, the camp will ALWAYS be there and I know Jesus understands ;-) so anyway that sums up whats going on with me right now... OH Yeah! my uncle Mark just anounced that his wedding will be hld in Hawaii so we all get to fly out there in November, which is absofuckinglutely SOO great because winter here is cold and depressing. It is 2:30 in the morning, I really need to get to bed so asta friends. Nite Nite...***
Ayla
Ayla
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[25 May 2004|09:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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none |
] |
Today sucks. My parents thought my friend Whitney stole this shot glass from our house. We've known eachother since 7th grade so when my mom told me to tell her, I thought it would be pretty hard but I also thought we'd be able to talk about it since we're good friends. So I did tell her and she freaked out and told her mom and they wanted to talk it out with my parents and my parents were told me "it's a bad time to be talking with her mom now" so I text her and she never replied back, the night before Whitney said, "Well we probably whouldn't hang out anymore" and at first I didn't care all that much because I figure she'll always be around and anyway it's not like we're best friends. But now I miss my buddy. I never realized how much we hung out before. I feel pretty bad about the whole situation too, I know she didn't steal it... or I'm pretty sure, I mean my parents made me doubt myself a little bit. In a weird way I hope she took it because then she just has her own guilt to deal with... if she didn't then I'm sure she's pretty hurt and pissed, I'd be so I feel bad for her. Oh well I feel better now that I've vented. I don't know to who, I'm not sure if anyone reads this journal but whatever. I'm out. see ya guys.
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| I Looove this song |
[22 May 2004|10:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Counting Crows - Butterfly In Reverse |
] |
Butterfly In Reverse
Maryann you're better than the world
They took a lot of time getting it right on this girl
I said Maryann you're better than the world
They did a lot of things right on this girl
Had a lot of girlfriends
I should have known them
Click your heels and count back from three
Do you want to go back
You should have known that
The butterfly in reverse here is me
Maryann you're better than the world
They took a lot of time getting it right on this girl
I said Maryann you're better than the world
They did a lot of things right on this girl
Where'd you want to go to
with nothing beside you
But webbing and curfews and rain
And everything that hurts you
Gets locked up inside you
Like butterflies with wings
or other perfect things
go swimming in the sunshine
Dangling from clotheslines
Separate and fall into me
but did you ever see me
Me absolutely
Me but all you but still me
Maryann you're better than the world
They took a lot of time getting it right on this girl
I said Maryann you're better than the world
They did a lot of things right on this girl did a lot of things right on this [2X]
did a lot of things right on this girl
<3 <3
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| :oP |
[10 May 2004|10:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Blink 182 |
] |
Who's ready for the week to be over? [Hand raised] What does everyone have planned for this weekend?
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| Just thinkin' of you |
[10 May 2004|10:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Blink 182s new CD |
] |
Blink 182 - Violence
Six bottles went down the drain
One hours a waste of time
I'd ask if you feel the same
Still pushin that chance to try
Your breath in this cool room chill
Long hair that blows side to side
You speak and make time stand still
And each time you walk right on by
Like violence you have me forever
and after
Like violence you kill me forever
and after
Can't count all the eyes that stare
Can't count all the things they see
She kills with no life to spare
Just victims are left to bleed
One drink and the pain goes down
Soft shadows lay by her feet
Lay soft as you slowly drown
Lay still as you fall asleep
Fall asleep
Like violence you have me forever
and after
Like violence you kill me
Like violence you kill me
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[05 May 2004|02:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
AKUS - Everytime you say goodbye |
] |
Bright Eyes - The Center of the World
At the center of the world there is a statue of a girl.
She is standing near a well with a bucket bare and dry.
I went and looked her in the eyes and she turned me into sand.
This clumsy form that I despise scattered easy in her hand.
And it came to rest upon a beach, with a million others there.
We sat and waited for the sea to stretch out so that we could
disappear into the endlessness of blue, into the horror of the truth.
We are far less than we knew.
Yes, we are far less than we knew
but we knew what we could taste.
Girls found honey to drench our hands.
Men cut marble to mark our graves.
Saying that we will need something to remind us
of all the sweetness that has passed through us
(fresh sangria and lemon tea).
The priests dressed children for a choir
(white-robed small voices praise Him)
but found no joy in what was sung.
The funeral had begun in the middle of the day
when you drive home to your place
from that job that makes you sleep
back to the thoughts that keep you awake
long after night has come to claim any light
that still remains in the corner of the frame
that you put around her face.
Two pills just weren’t enough.
The alarm clock is going off
but you are not waking up.
This isn’t happening.
It is.
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