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Lynda's Journal
and i've been cleaning house. went to walmart & bought $120 worth of kitchen & bathroom stuff to "fix up" a little bit with. needed a fresh look.
rather than having doors on my pantry & laundry room, i only had curtains because ronnie would never put up doors. well this weekend billy & i found some bifold doors enough to go on my bedroom closet, pantry AND laundry room. He got all but the bedroom doors hung, and it just looks so much nicer and cleaner with doors up instead of a curtain. so i just had to add to my decor.
i collect chickens in the kitchen and found a table runner, 4 placemats & a rug with roosters on them. they're sort of a burgundy country background and add some color to my somewhat plain home. there's pine everywhere so i have to accent with colors to brighten it up or it can look rather mundane. Then in the bathroom, although i'm not a big flower person, i found a shower curtain with large burgundy flowers on a beige background, got some new shower curtain hooks that are somewhat unusual, a toilet lid cover and two rugs, also in burgundy. I have a large strawberry pot that i just stuck some fake flowers and bamboo shoots down in.....the whole thing is about 3 1/2 ft tall, anyway, i stuck it in the bathroom under the window. Took all the junk off the shelves & window sill, cleaned up real good in there & it looks bright and fresh now. i also put a new beige valance to match the shower curtain. in the kitchen i cleaned off the cabinets again too, put out the runner, mats and rug, did away with a couple of stools that were cluttering up space, and the kitchen looks better now too.
The other day at Goodwill i found a coffee & end table set for $40 that i just couldn't pass up. They have an oak top sitting on gray metal bases. the coffee table is oval, and the end tables are round. so i added to the living room this week too. and a couple of weeks ago i bought a new "bed in a bag" set for the bedroom, in pale blue plaid. the house is looking so different since ronnie lived here. it's improved a lot.
billy & I took jubilee and shakota to my stepmom's yesterday and rode in the cold gusty wind, and had grilled hamburgers with the family. my step siblings and brother were all there. sis didn't get to come, nor my other brother. we had a nice time nonetheless.
sister's been fighting with hubby again. i really don't think they're going to make it. i wouldn't put up with a man talking to me the way he talks to her. nor vice versa. i don't talk down to billy nor he to me. and it just bothers me that sister and her husband talk so viciously to one another. they're not physically violent, but they are very verbal in their attacks.
dealing with ronnie is becoming more distant for me. it does seem everyone in town has heard about our divorce though. that gets freakin' old. there's no such thing as privacy. if the real estate market were better, i might consider selling the farm and starting over somewhere, but it's not, so here i sit. ronnie lies to people and tries to make me look really bad and the longer we're apart, the more angry i get at him, and wish i could just beat the pulp outa him. but i'm a woman and fighting is not an option. i'm just bitter toward ronnie. i spent 18 yrs depending on and trusting him only to have him desert me, bad mouth me, and drag my reputation through the mud. I can say this much. at least i'm learning who my friends are because of all this mess. and they are precious few. i'm finding my faith in people has suffered greatly. i don't trust much anymore, thanks to ronnie.
billy keeps asking me to marry him and i keep telling him i've got cold feet. i'm really afraid of marrying again. what if this one bites the dust too? billy loves me dearly. i love him too i think, but the prospect of marriage just makes me cringe. this would be my 4th. if it wasn't billy, i wouldn't marry again. but he's special, in that we have 30 yrs of history behind us from when we first met & dated in high school.
well, guess i'll go for now. should go ride, but am too emotional at the moment. have spent the morning off and on in tears. my meds are messed up so it takes an act of congress to accomplish anything lately. the doc and the insurance company are hashing out my medical priorities. and i'm just stuck in the damn middle, waiting for somebody to make a damn decision and let me have the meds i require to function at a normal level.
well, i hope all's well for everyone. take care. till next time. TTFN
Current mood:
tired.