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Sunday, February 15th, 2004
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11:27 pm
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"once you love yourself you will see that there really are others who have always loved you too" --Me
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| Saturday, February 14th, 2004
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6:43 pm
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| Friday, February 6th, 2004
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7:04 pm - Sad day
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Today was Josh's funeral. It was so sad. I feel so bad for Lisa and AJ and I wish there was something I could do. They had him cremated and Lisa got a little upset because they wouldn't allow her to watch them take him out to whatever vehicle they where using to transport him to the crematorium in. I honestly don't see what it would have hurt. AJ wouldn't let her go in one last time to say good bye. I think he was afraid she'd break down but if she wanted to say good bye again they should have let her. When I die I don't want the minister (or whatever they're called) up there sounding like their giving a sales pitch for God. I just want him to say some words that will comfort the people I left behind. It seems like they all go off on something that has nothing to do with anything that happened. I've been to quite a few funerals where they do that. Another thing that bothers me is that they expect to be paid! At least the one at my uncles funeral did and he was their family precher for years! As we where leaving Lisa started crying and it just riped my heart out, I just wish there was something I could do to help her. I don't really think other than being there for her there is anything. I'm finding it hard to believe there even is a God, I mean Lisa has been through so much in her life and then boom something devistating like this happens. I just don't understand if there is a God why is he so cruel? It seems like every time something good happens for her something bad has to happen. She was gonna get married then they found out she had cancer so after the wedding she started chemo then she's just about done with chemo and her son dies. I just don't get it. And I don't know how her and AJ are going to survive this because I don't think I could. I'd just check myself in the mental instatute and stay there. Josh was always so happy, last time I saw him he was laughing and he seemed fine. I just don't understand it all. Love, Shell
current mood:  crushed
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| Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
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11:25 pm - God why?
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On February 2nd Lisa and AJ's baby Josh passed away. He had an ashma attack and didn't make it. He was only 14 1/2 months old! The funeral is Friday. I've never been to a baby's funeral nor did I ever expect to go to one. BJ called me and I thought she was gonna say lisa or him was in the hospital but never did I think he was dead. Tomorrow's the veiwing or whatever it's called. I took food to their house today but only her Grandparents and Aunt Chrisy where there. I'm still in shock because I can't imagine or want to him dying. He was just a baby, he was supposed to out live us all. I don't know why God is making everyones life so hard! 2004 is bearly started and it already looks like it's gonna suck in every way. It's not fair that we have to bury a baby. He was always so happy. Last time I saw him Lisa, AJ, Michelle, and I took the kids to McDonald's and Josh stole Michelle's spoon from her oreo mcflurry. He was eating the flurry almost by himself, just needed me to scoop it out so he didn't get it everywhere. I just don't believe I'm never going to see him again. I can't even imagine what Lisa, AJ, and their family are going through. Well I have to go find something to wear tomorrow so bye. Love, Shell
current mood:  sad
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| Sunday, January 18th, 2004
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5:12 pm - Bored as usual
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Sabrina brought her dog, Angel-a 6 year old Sheltie, over because she is afraid of Andy and Sabrina now. Which is odd because Angel Loved them both before they moved into their new house. Andy said something about hitting her because she went to the bathroom in the house, which is stupid because the dog just needed time to adjust to moving. But still dogs don't shake around you just because you hit them. I'm thinking he had to of kicked her or something worst. I don't know but we're keeping her until we can find a home for her. She is totally spoiled though and wants to be petted non-stop. She's a really sweet dog though and I hope we can find her a good home. Charlie and Abbey don't really like her because they get less attention if she's around. I've only got two hands and four dogs! Plus dad already has a fit cause we have three dogs. Any way I haven't did much of anything lately still trying to finish the scarfs to give my friends for Christmas, lol. I got my catalog from Lansing Community College today so I'm looking at that, might decide to go there I don't know I have a few other schools to look into. I'm thinking Photography, but Landscaping looks cool too. Well I'm going to go look at the catalog. Bye. Love, Shell
current mood:  lazy
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5:08 pm - This is January 15th's entry
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The stupid thing wouldn't let me post it the other day so I'm just going to post it today and hopefully it will allow me to post.
WELL ADD THIS DAMN THING NOT LETTING ME UPDATE TO THE LIST OF THINGS THAT WENT WRONG TODAY!!! There's not much that didn't go wrong today. I was doing the dishes and accidently put my arm on the counter and got bleach water on my sweat jacket that went to my favorite outfit that I just got for Christmas! So it's ruined!!!!! Everything I did went wrong in some way today. I was supposed to put dad's clothes in the dryer and I did but when I went to go get them out they weren't dry yet! Every thing fell. Mom had these boxes she got from work so Sabrina could use them to get her junk out since she has a house now, and they where in the hallway and they all fell there are like five of them. Everyone decided to call just as I was finishing dinner and the pasta got stuck to the bottom of the pan! Grrrrr people! To top it all off I have no where to destress, my room is a mess and I haven't even begun to work on turning upstairs in to my place. I'm going to have a bedroom, a living room, and I'm not sure what to do with the other bedroom maybe a place to do work and hobbies. A large table for my scrapbook and other craft and art stuff. Hopefully tomorrow will go much better! I'm slowly making enough money to fix my car!!!!!! :-) I'm selling old college textbooks on amazon.com I have almost half of what I need. If I don't spend it first, lol. No I won't, I can't need a car so I can get a job so I can make money. That isn't fair that you need money to get a car so you can get a job so you can make money!!!!! Any way I hope my luck improves, though I don't know if I believe in luck I don't believe in broken mirrors, walking under ladders, or black cats crossing your path or Friday the 13th. But I do believe in good/bad luck I guess. I'm starting to think God has a personal vendeta against me or something. Everything has been going wrong lately! I only swear when I'm stress and I've been swearing a LOT lately! If you know me you prolly never heard me swear that's cause I'm not stressed around friends only when EVERYTHING goes wrong! Well I suppose I should go to sleep. Not that I'll sleep very good, I haven't had a good nights rest in months! Bye. Love, Shell
current mood:  pissed off
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| Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
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7:11 pm - quote and snow
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If I won't be myself, who will?
- Alfred Hitchcock
I like that quote it makes a very good point. We got like 6+ inches of snow from last night to now. It's still coming down too. They keep plowing the road but they don't seem to be removing any snow. You can only go like 20 mph at the most on the roads. The express ways are just as bad according to the news people. It's snowing so much they aren't going to get them cleared until morning which by then they say with the slush on the roads and the temp being so cold it's going to be all ice. Need to go take some pics of the snow in the morning. If I can find some film. LMAO my mom just said someone tried to sell West Virgina on ebay. Apparently people bid up to 100 million dollars. Fools. Ebay stopped the auction before it ended. Who would think you could actually buy an entire state? And on Ebay!!! I guess there are all kinds of people in this world. Bye. Love, Shell
current mood:  amused
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| Monday, January 12th, 2004
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11:06 pm
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Whenever you fall, pick something up.
- Oswald Avery
I don't really have much to write. I haven't did anything recently. Because I don't have a car I can't even get a job let alone go back to school. But I need money to fix my car. Sorta a catch 22 thing. I need to finish Christmas gifts still and get them to my friends. I don't see them enough. Here are some quotes and poems I found from various sites.
Hold on to what is good
even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe
even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do
even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life
even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand
even when I have gone away from you.
-- Pueblo Blessing
Now that I am gone,
remember me with smiles and laughter.
And if you need to cry,
cry with your brother or sister
who walks in grief beside you.
And when you need me,
put your arms around anyone
and give to them what you need to give to me.
There are so many who need so much.
I want to leave you something --
something much better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I've known
or helped in some special way.
Let me live in your heart
as well as in your mind.
You can love me most
by letting your love reach out to our loved ones,
by embracing them and living in their love.
Love does not die, people do.
So, when all that's left of me is love,
give me away as best you can.
-- Author unknown
Although the world is full of suffering,
it is full also of the overcoming of it.
-- Helen Keller
Safely Home
I am home in Heaven, dear ones
Oh so happy and so bright
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light
All the grief and pain are over
Every restless tossing passed
I am now at peace forever
Safely home in Heaven at last
Did you wonder how I so calmly
Trod the valley of the shade?
Ah but the love of God illumined
Every dark and fearful glade
And He came Himself to meet me
In the way so hard to tread
And with His arm to lean on
Could I have one doubt or dread?
Then you must not grieve so sorely
For I love you dearly still
Try to look beyond Earth's shadows
Pray to trust our Father's will
There is work still waiting for you
So you must not idly stand
Do it now while life remaineth
You shall rest in our Father's land
When the work is all completed
He will gently call you home
Oh the rapture of that meeting
Oh the joy to see you come!
-- Author unknown
If we are loved and remembered,
then we live on forever
in the hearts of those who love us.
-- Ten Menten, in After Goodbye
That's all I'm going to put for today. Bye. Love, Shell
current mood:  indescribable
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| Sunday, January 11th, 2004
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12:31 am
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My best friend's dad just died and I don't know how to help her. She went back up to school so she's hours away. I want to do something to help but I'm at a complete loss. I can't even imagine what she is going through. I'm just lost I don't know what to do to help. Love, Shell
current mood: crushed
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| Saturday, January 10th, 2004
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12:42 am - update
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Well mom didn't even seem to care about the whole grandma thing that happened eariler so whatever. I'm tired I think I'm just going to go to sleep, I didn't get any sleep last night. bye. Love, Shell
current mood: indifferent
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| Friday, January 9th, 2004
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6:58 pm - :(
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My grandma just called, apparently she upset my mom. I don't know all of it but my aunt and grandma called earlier and said they where coming over to bring something, I think plastic boxes. When they came they didn't bother to even come in. I guess they went over to the store where mom works. Cause grandma Helen said something about mom trying to give her one of those butterflies in the little glass boxes. Apparently grandma refused to take it. Something about she was holding honey. I don't know but I hate my grandma sometimes. She doesn't care how much she hurts my mom. She said she was sorry but yeah right, why couldn't she just take the butterfly thing. Mom was already upset with her because she'll do any thing to help Jimmy or Connie but won't help her at all. Jimmy, Connie, Jona, and Tim all take advantage of her and never help her do anything unless they get something in return. She just let Jimmy take her tracker for like two weeks to go up north to see his inlaws because he said something about his van wouldn't make it. But God forbid she let mom borrow it for a week because our car is broke! The one time she lost her job at Meijer because she had no way there. It's just so idiotic that she only helps the kids that take advantage of her. Jimmy and his wife Lori buy theirself clothes and shoes but wait for grandma to buy the kids stuff, and they want another kid!!!!!!! They don't even take care of the ones they have. Not to mention they are out of control. The oldest one actually hits Jimmy trying to get him to wrestle with him so he can get any attention. The youngest one, omg, is so out of control because Jimmy lets him to whatever he wants. It's nuts. The more I learn about my family the less I like them. Seriously I thought I knew my family but I'm beining to learn they are the worst people in the world. I don't really want to go into all of it on a public journal so I won't but just know that they are truely evil people. They take advantage of who ever they can no matter who they hurt. I wish I could have a functional family. I know everyone probably says that but if you knew the half of it you would agree with me. Any way mom works until 10 p.m. and I don't know what kind of mood she'll be in. I just don't understand what harm it would have done to take the butterfly thing. My mom has always been the one that helps grandma but she seems to almost hate her or something. My mom told me last night that when my great grandma (my mom's grandma and my grandma's mom) was alive she used to yell at my grandma Helen for it because my mom was the only one who ever helped yet she always gets treated like dirt. I don't think she should help grandma any more. She doesn't deserve to be treated like dirt when she tries to help her mom. I just don't understand people, they have no love left in there hearts. And I'm not sure if I have any left in my heart for them.
current mood: Dishearted
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| Thursday, January 8th, 2004
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9:16 pm - I get both!! quizes
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HEHE, I get them both!!!!!!!!!
Hey! This isn't fair.. you get both!!
Who would you be best with? Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp?
brought to you by Quizilla
ORLANDO BLOOM...whoa, yeah. I agree. There's
something adventurous about him, and there's
something wild about you! You're the kind of
person that is really into danger sports and
likes the thrill of scary movies. Hey, you
never know, maybe next time, on your next
bungee jump, you could run into Orli!
Which Fit Guy Would Ask You Out? (Inc. Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Justin Timberlake and Elijah Wood...some are yuck)
brought to you by Quizilla
ARAGORN...damn you, you fool! You're smart, can
speak another language, and have reasoning
skills beyond belief. Not to mention the
stench...I salute you, you smelly thing...
Lord Of The Rings, Baby...It's Better Than You'd Think
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Will Turner - well, was there ever any
doubt. You're sweet and in love. Kind to
others, nice to look at...goddamnit - you make
me sick to my knees!
Captain Of The Caribbean! (Cptn. Jack Sparrow, Will Turner - Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom...Rated I, for Immature Audiences Only)
brought to you by Quizilla
WHOA BABY! YOU MAY BE A COMPLETE SHUDDER OF A LOTR
NUT (AND THIS IS ME BEING NICE), BUT STILL IT
SHOWS YOU HAVE CLASS...COOOOOOOOOOOL!
The Return Of The King
brought to you by Quizilla
The Normal one...
Which Bloomie-Baby Are You? (Orlando Bloom)
brought to you by Quizilla
Just thought I'd let everyone know. Maybe I went a little crazy with those, lol. Once I start I can't stop! Bye. Love, Shell
current mood:  ecstatic
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8:43 pm - quotes
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I don't have much to write, haven't done any thing lately. So I am just going to put some quotes in here today. Though on a happy note my parents are getting new cars and supposidly my mom is going to fix her grand am and give it to me. Though she said she was giving it to me before it got broke so who knows. And I already have a broken car. Any who on to the quotes!
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
- Charlie Chaplin
Don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.
- General George S. Patton
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln
"How can we hope to cultivate friendship, love, and support if we can't risk being vulnerable enough to let people experience who we really are? Acceptance of yourself and others is crucial if fear is going to loosen its grip on you."
-Rhonda Britten
pay no attention whatever to anybody's praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings.
- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.
- Ralph Charell
My goal in life is to survive. Everything else is just a bonus.
- "The Lockhorns"
All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!
- Lucy, Peanuts
All we have to decide is what to do with the time we are given.
- Gandalf to Frodo, The Fellowship of the Ring (movie)
hehe a Lord of the Rings quote, I got these quotes from a email thing I signed up for. I was surprised but very happy when I got this one, hehe.
If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.
- Edgar Watson Howe
A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.
- Charlotte Bronte
If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, he surely meant us to stick it out.
- Arthur Koestler
Man improves himself as he follows his path; if he stands still, waiting to improve before he makes a decision, he'll never move.
- Paulo Coelho
Take a deep breath, count to ten, and tackle each task one step at a time.
- Linda Shalaway
Following the course of least resistance makes for crooked rivers and crooked men.
- Lanny Henninger
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
- Brendan Gill
Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands--and then just eat one of the pieces.
- Judith Viorst
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
- Maori proverb
Man’s heart away from nature becomes hard.
- Standing Bear
thank You God for this most amazing day; for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes.
- e.e. cummings
Well that's well enough quotes for one day. Bye. Love, Shell
current mood: indescribable
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| Wednesday, January 7th, 2004
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9:44 pm - haven't wrote in a while
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Hello,
I haven't wrote in a while. I've been sick, still got the annoying cough! It won't go away. Any way, I haven't done anything lately. Grrrr, still waiting for mom to get the car fixed so I can get a job. I need to get my car running so I can get a job, so I can start saving money to get a place of my own. I don't have much to even write, lol. Sabrina and Andy moved into their new house. They haven't invited us to see it or anything. They haven't even told us the phone number(if they have a phone yet) or the address. Oh well. I want to do something since everyone was sick for new years eve we didn't get to do anything. I was thinking we should do something for marti gras. That would be cool. I don't know, depends if I get a job so I have money. Bye. Love, Shell
current mood:  hopeful
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9:44 pm - haven't wrote in a while
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Hello,
I haven't wrote in a while. I've been sick, still got the annoying cough! It won't go away. Any way, I haven't done anything lately. Grrrr, still waiting for mom to get the car fixed so I can get a job. I need to get my car running so I can get a job, so I can start saving money to get a place of my own. I don't have much to even write, lol. Sabrina and Andy moved into their new house. They haven't invited us to see it or anything. They haven't even told us the phone number(if they have a phone yet) or the address. Oh well. I want to do something since everyone was sick for new years eve we didn't get to do anything. I was thinking we should do something for marti gras. That would be cool. I don't know, depends if I get a job so I have money. Bye. Love, Shell
current mood: hopeful
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| Friday, January 2nd, 2004
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4:05 am - sick
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Happy New Year! I just got on to check my email and I can't even do that because of this computer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to kill it! No matter what I try to do it freezes! Just froze there! for no reason at all!! I have the worse cold ever I think it's more than a cold by now!! I have this horrible cough. I've been sooo dizzy too. I didn't even get to do anything for new years eve cause I was sick! WEll I'm going to go cause between being sick and this F***en computer I'm going to go crazy! It's froze like ten times just while I was trying to type this little bit! Love, Shell
current mood:  sick
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| Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
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10:24 pm - Merry Christmas
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Well I don't think I'll have time tomorrow to write so I just thought I'd tell everyone Merry Christmas!! Not that anyone reads this. I didn't have money to get anyone gifts so I'm making everyone scarfs but my mom doesn't want one so I don't have anything to give her. I burned this CD for her but I wish I had more because she is always there for me and everyone else and no one ever does anything for her. I don't even think my dad got her a gift, she bought herself a ring for him to give her. My sister is getting a house in January so they don't have any money to get anyone a gift either, except she already got mine. Which makes me feel even worst! Well I'm going now to check on dinner yeah at 10:30pm, lol. Bye, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!!!!!! Love, Shell
current mood: hopeful
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| Sunday, December 21st, 2003
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1:44 am - LOTR the Return of the King!!!!!!!!!
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I got to see my movie last night. It was AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you haven't saw the Return of the King or any of the Lord of the Rings movies go see them NOW!!!!!!!! lol they are great! We ended up staying the night at BJ's. Michelle went to sleep a little earlier than us cause she had to leave at 9am. We stayed up until about 5:30am and tried to watch Pirates of the Caribbean until her computer battery died, cause that's the only thing we had to watch it on. I love that movie too!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) Any way I couldn't sleep that good and BJ's mom and brother where both making noise so I was up until about 9am...grrrrrr didn't get out of bed until 11 something though. Her mom is nuts I don't know if she ever sleeps, lol. She likes waking us up at insane times. Like when Michelle and I went with her to get BJ and we had to leave at like 4 or 5 AM!!!!!!!!!!!! Any who I loved the Return of the King and I want to go see it a million more times! But right now I am soooooooo tired. I think I'm going to go to sleep. I didn't realize it was that late. I thought it was like 11 or something. LOL oh well good night. Love, A very sleepy Shell
current mood:  sleepy
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| Friday, December 19th, 2003
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3:36 pm - grumble grumble...stupid computer
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I gonna kill this frecken computer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was trying to work on my web page on geocities only it won't let me open page builder..........GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! So I was trying to use html and I finally got the start of the page, got the background pic on and the font right and the stupid computer just closes the window!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this computer, I swear there has to be a virus or something on it cause it won't open any links! Gonna go throw it out the door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On top of that we were supposed to go shopping today but didn't end up doing that. And I'm supposed to go see the Return of the King but may not get to because we won't have a way there. Well I'm going to get off the puter before I destroy it! Bye. Love, Shell
current mood: pissed off
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| Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
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9:37 pm - Hmmmmm stuff
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Well for once I remembered quotes, lol I have two for today.
"Man improves himself as he follows his path; if he stands still, waiting to improve before he makes a decision, he'll never move."
- Paulo Coelho
"When you are able to be objective with no attachment to what is right and what is wrong, there is space for life to work itself out for your benefit. No stress, strain or pressure."
Rhonda Britten
Well Christmas is almost here and I'm still working on most of my gifts for friends. I'm hoping I'll have a gift for everyone but I'm not sure at this point. We are supposed to have Christmas for my dad's side of the family Saturday. Another thing Ken (my aunt Tina's new husband) has changed! He hasn't even been part of the family for a year yet and he's already ruining every thing! We used to have Christmas at Grandma Shirly's but no we have it at Tina's even though Grandma still cooks all of the food she just brings it over there! Some how it's earier for her? don't know how since she cleans there house any way and still has to make all the food and then lug it over there! They are supposed to pay her for cleaning their house and taking care of Sean and for helping with the route but they usually don't have the money to pay her because they have over extended theirsleves. But they are better than everyone else cause they have money, LOL yeah plastic cards that are maxed out don't really count. I don't care who has what any way. I'm not sure if we are going or not because Dad might have to work. That's another thing they don't even care if we can come to Christmas any more. Plus Ken's family is going to be there and I don't really care for them. Connie, my aunt, used to know them from working at a bar. Apparently they all used to be bar flies, even Ken's mom! I don't know I just don't like them. Ken's sister got mad at Tina and Ken's wedding because mom wasn't getting any alcohol in her coke, big deal! Plus mom didn't change Christmas because of her and dad getting married. It's always been we go to Grandma Shirly's on Christmas eve and open gifts, then on Christmas we go back over there and eat dinner. We usually have to go after Christmas to my mom's side of the family but then Ken comes and changes everything! Any who just makes me angery. Back to something happy, lol. LOTR the return of the king comes out!!!! I'm going to see it Saturday with Betty-Jo and Michelle. That is if we don't go to Grandma's. I wanna go see it tomorrow but doubt I'll get to. I can't wait to see it!! :-) I'm so happy it's finally out!!!!! Didn't think I'd make it this long after seeing the first one, lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well bye for now since I'm in a better mood after thinking about Lord of the Rings! I'll have to find some quotes from the book to add tomorrow. obtw I'm getting three more bunnies! a blue doe, black doe, and a black buck. I also want to get a blue eyed white (white rabbit with blue eyes) doe and buck. maybe I'll get them at the next show I go to. Bye. Love, Shell
current mood:  giddy
current music: 'N Sync Chritmas CD
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