||there's no "i" in team - taking back sunday
this is dedicated to you; i hope you know who you are..
Soaking in sympathy
from friends who never loved you
nearly half as much as me..
no matter where life takes us, or where we are 3 years from now, i want you to know a few things. although things are up in the air right now and nothing's for certain, you caused me pain. i don't know that anyone has ever been able to hurt me the way you could. my saying that is meant to be taken as a compliment. the things we've been through have been.. undeniably and indubitably the most painful, yet.. irreplaceable. everything has been perfectly devestating and i wouldn't trade it for the world. we were brought together for a reason, and if everything we were brought together for has been accomplished and fulfilled, i don't know that i'm ready to move on. but at this point, i'm not sure that i have the right to feel like that. it doesn't seem right that we even have a relationship anymore. things are changing.. fast. i know you've already gone your way, but the question is.. am i ready to go mine? whether or not i'm ready isn't relevant anymore. i need to be.
i've gotten a little off track here, but.. what i'm trying to say is thank you. thank you for everything you've done for me. thank you for everything you've helped me with. thank you for everything you've taught me and pulled me through. thank you for being there for me. thank you for being my friend. thank you for putting up with me and my shit. thank you for trying to help in every possible way. thank you for "loving me". thank you for being someone i could talk to. thank you for giving me hope. thank you for believing in me. thank you for all the money. thank you for seemingly wanting to be around me. thank you for making me a better person. thank you for understanding, but most of all.. thank you for helping me to see that friends are the ones who leave you most vulnerable when they let you down.
you were simply amazing. i cannot put into words all the things that i'm feeling right now, but regret is certainly one of them. i regret not being able to be a better person for you. i also regret not taking advantage of the time we had. but regardless how many things i regret, they don't change the future. it only helps me to maybe realize that i can be better, and that the bond we shared.. can be shared between many. i've managed to fuck this up, but don't worry about it. i know you've found other people out there, people who are better than i ever was and i could ever be. it was inevitable, but i'll find others too. dont worry, cause soon you're not gonna have to talk to me, you're not gonna have to see me. maybe things will be easier that way, but it'll be alright. i know it will, maybe because.. i'll find a reason to be happy, maybe someone will be able to bring me happiness without giving me the occasional false hope, or maybe they wont deceive me. but dont be sorry for your lies, "best friends means you get what you deserve".. i will too. however, i am sorry. i'm sorry you denied me. i'm sorry i pushed you to the point where you felt you had to lie. i'm sorry for not being one to point out your faults, like you pointed out mine. i'm sorry getting to know me was too much work. i'm sorry i wasn't good enough, and i'm sorry i wasted 3 years of your time. but i am not sorry for letting go.
this isn't a goodbye or an "i'll see you around". this is what needed to be said on my part. this is what i've been waiting to do for a long time, it's an "i wish you the best with all that i cannot help you with in the future and all that i never could. i wish you nothing but the best of luck with all that's to come. you always know where i am, dont let the 5 minutes between us stand in the way like it has recently (for both of us)."
i'll love you, forever.
i chose to disallow comments on this post for the simple reason that i don't want a response to this. i don't wanna hear about this or what you have to say, whether it be positive or negative, i feel that this will be best. i hope you understand.