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[29 Nov 2006|06:28pm] |
Is this the year when the birthday anticipation changes forever?
For this whole year I've been having more depressing thoughts about age, aging, and the loss of childhood. I read an article about it in some princeton paper and it made me feel even worse. It's one of the biggest factors why I miss high school, because everything was so much younger-feeling then.
Since age 12 basically I've always dreamed of doing something spectacular pretty much before I turned 20. I haven't really done anything, and that time is slipping away pretty fast. I realize that anything I do from now on will be set to a higher standard, the standard of adults and old people. Remember when I wanted to write a song for wind ensemble and have the 'view play it? Even just write a clarinet choir piece? Make a really awesome website at the age of 13? (came close), make #1 in all state?
I can't exactly do those things anymore. Even if I did write music, well, now I'm an adult and it would no longer be revolutionary. The time is slipping away. The rate of time is not proportional to the amount I've grown and learned, talents developed. I feel unchanged, undeveloped from age 16. I wish I did so much more. Yet I know I wasn't a slacker. The achievements I...achieved, don't seem like anything to me. I feel like I wasted away my childhood on a couch somewhere in mediocreville.
I looked in the mirror the other day and wanted a facial. I have fine lines. Fine frigging lines. Around my brow. Because I'm always furrowing, concentrating, being angry or frustrated, and it shows. Where are those youthful rosy cheeks I always used to have? I'm haggard.
I'm approaching a quarter life crisis, and it sucks.
I think it might rain next tuesday.
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