Shauna's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Shauna [ website | disclaimer ] [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

+ i thank the Lord there's people out there like you + [27 Aug 2003|04:29pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | mona lisas and mad hatters + elton john ] + Shifting uncomfortably on the mattress, her dark brown eyes lowered to the cast wrapped tightly around her right foot and grimaced, wanting nothing more at that moment than to scratch the irritating itch on her foot. She glared at the laptop on her screen, annoyed that she had to write her entry all over again. + Second attempt. Justin asked me to marry him the other day. It was out of the blue. This unexpected surprise and I don't know if I should have been expecting it or something, but I wasn't. The last thing I had ever expected him to ask was for me to marry him so imagine my surprise when I opened the note he had left on the table by the window and saw at the very bottom, "Will you marry me?" It was a lot like the time he had asked me to be his girlfriend. I came home. Walked into the house to find it decorated with candles and rose petals strewn everywhere in every which direction. On the note he had left by the window, he asked me to be his girlfriend. The same attempt was made only this time, a completely different question was asked. I didn't know how to react at first. I couldn't. All I was able to do was stand there dumbly and stare at him. There was silence for the longest time until he finally got nervous and asked me to say something; anything. I gave him my answer and now... we're engaged. I know some people 'disapprove' of this engagement. I'm not stupid nor am I blind. I don't believe I really need to prove myself to anyone because in the end, none of the opinions will really matter when I know what I want and need in my life. In this case, I don't really know what people are disapproving of. Saying we're too young isn't a valid excuse because I believe we're old enough to know what we want in our hearts and I think anyone would say the same thing when faced with this kind of contradiction. I never asked for him to ask me to marry him, he'd done it on his own free will and just like him, I answered. Not because he asked and most people would say yes for the sake of saying yes, I answered yes because I really do love him and I want to be with him for as long as he wants to be with me. He makes happy, the happiest I've been in a while. I believe, like a lot of must do, that there is one person for everyone and that it's only a matter of time before you find that certain someone you're supposed to be with. I was lucky enough to find him. Or rather, he found me. Actually, he chased me. In his wheelchair. And though he demanded for that infamous interview that I had given him, it led to one thing then another and another and now here I am. Yesterday, I was talking to him about the possibility of moving out to California for the next two years and a half to go back to college. Understandably, he was upset and after some cajoling, I grabbed the laptop and registered online. I guess when I really think about it, I wouldn't want to be away from him for the next two and a half years. And just like him, I hate being without him for one day so how am I going to handle that? I know visits and holidays are a given, but when it comes right down to it, it just isn't the same as waking up and falling asleep to the sight of him besides me. So I guess he's stuck with me for the remainder of our time together. Luckily, he doesn't seem to mind much. And no, I don't want to talk about my foot. + She stopped mid-typing when her cell phone rang and reached over the lamp table to pick it up. Glancing at the tiny screen, she blinked in surprise to find her mother calling. She quickly posted the journal, hoping it didn't get deleted again and answered the phone, shutting her laptop and rolling over onto her side to get more comfortable on the bed. + 11 comments|post comment

+ being without you + [18 Aug 2003|11:47am] [ music | Hotel Room + Mest ] I'm addicted to his every move. It's a sort of addiction that I don't believe there's really a cure for. He makes the simple act of standing so incredibly sexy. I walked over to the window earlier to look out and there he was, standing against the side of the bus. I pushed the drapes aside some more to take a better look and sat there watching him, content. He stood there, hands in his pockets, his legs crossed at the ankles and I wondered what he was thinking about. I watched as his breath twisted and pushed past his lips into the cold air. I remember the other night when he pulled me close and told me he loved me. His eyes smoldered with a sort of emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger as he said it. The curve of his lips were slighty upturned in a tiny smile. I love him a lot. I don't think that it's at that point where I know for sure that it's forever, but it isn't like I'd mind. I think that for now, it's too hard to know what we really are, but I like being with him. He makes things good when they seem bad. I believe him when he says, "It'll be okay" because then I know they are. A part of me is still somewhat cynical about everything but a bigger part is starting to see that it's just a waste of time to be so pessimistic about everything. ( For Justin ) 2 comments|post comment

[15 Aug 2003|11:41pm] [ music | Just Kickin' It + Xscape ] + Long slim fingers slowly raised to her eyes as she sleepily rubbed them, tilting her head down as she yawned and brushing away strands of hair off her cheek as she stared at her laptop screen through blurry eyes. Placing her fingers down on the keyboard, her mind wandered as she began to type + I feel like shit. Not because of the drama happening at my house, I've been slacking so bad. I have interviews that aren't even done or anything. Half-way done interviews. I have no stories. Well, I probably do but I have been so caught up in my personal problems that I haven't been able to concentrate. So after all this shit is done, I swear I will put up a few articles. Recently, my best friend from around sixth grade called me up one night in need of help because she got kicked out of her home. See, when she was fifteen, she got pregnant and her mother threw her into foster care. I hadn't really seen her since but we have always kept in touch. She got an abortion but ended up pregnant again. She ended up with a guy around sixteen years old and while he'd been gone, my friend got into a fight with his mom and got kicked out. Her and her now three-year old son, so she called me up, asked me if she could stay at my house. Thing is, when she called, I was with Justin. Still am, actually. But I told her she could anyway, and let her know where to find the key to the house. She arrived, and I found out much later that her boyfriend, Stephen tagged along. And that's where all the drama began. I flew back for the night to find out what the hell was going on because the same night she came to the house, I got a phone call on my cell phone from the police looking for Stephen because his mother had reported him missing/kidnapped. And so I flew back and I cashed out a ticket to send him to Palm Springs to stay at his dad's because if he had stayed there and the police had found him, he would have been sent back to his mother (who beats him), and my friend would have gotten thrown into jail and her son taken away. Couldn't have that so when the police came by, we lied through our teeth and told them he had never been with us when truthfully, just a few moments before, we had just gotten back to my place from dropping him off at the bus station. So I think things are okay now. I flew back to be with Justin and have been calling in every now and then to see what was going on with her and Anthony, her son. Before I left, we sat around for a few hours just talking and I told her about Justin and so forth and so forth. She's really cool so I knew she wouldn't be bothered or awestruck at the fact that I was dating him. She just kind of nodded and said, "Cool," after I finally gave in and told her his name. Sitting there with her brought back so many memories of middle school. I could tell her anything and she'd never bat an eyelash. She was always cool about any and everything that happened. And she's smart. I've always wanted to be like her but too bad I never could or will be. We talked about - well, I talked about Justin for a good while. Told her how great and amazing he is because... he really is. No joke about it. And this is the part where I fill you with mushiness about him. I'm not just talking about how he's so amazing because of what he does for a living and how gorgeous he is (because let's face it- he really is), but... I don't know. I guess it's just the little things he does. He really cares for me, and he cares about everyone else around him. He makes me feel beautiful and he makes me feel appreciated and cared for by the simplest things he does. When he comes up and hugs me around the waist and kisses my neck, it makes me feel cherished. Or how he kisses me. Butterfly kisses or the deep emotion-filled kind of kisses, whatever it is, it sends tingles shooting up and down my body. When I met him, I was pretty cynical about the entire dating thing and I was positive it was something I didn't want in my life because of past experiences. I was more interested in other people's lives than mine, as you can tell from my profession. And I guess after interviewing him for the first time, after he chased me down in a wheelchair, I brushed him off as just another person I'd met and got to know a little bit just from asking a few questions. But then he asked me for a coffee, then he came over and so forth and so forth and he confused me so much, I had no idea what the hell he was doing and why he was doing what he was doing. I didn't know if I should just hide from him but he didn't let me. He's pretty damn insistent, if you don't mind me saying. And then I fell in love, I just had no idea I was until he told me how he felt. I don't know where life is going to take me and him and hell if I know if a month or two from now, we're still going to be together. I mean, I hope we are because... I do love him and I want to be with him, but I guess taking it one day at a time is the best thing to do. There's so much about him that I want to learn about and I want the chance to, and there's so much about me that he still needs to learn as well. Okay, this wasn't as mushy as I wanted it to be but... ( For Justin- ) + She moved the pointer over to the update button and clicked it, pushing back her chair as she walked from the room, leaving the computer to post and hibernate on its own as she stretched out on Justin's bed, getting ready to sleep as she stared at him, her eyes slowly closing as she wrapped her arms around his waist. + 2 comments|post comment

+ you've changed the way that i used to think + [07 Aug 2003|06:14am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Biggest Part Of Me + Brian McKnight ] + She laid on her stomach besides Justin, the blanket pulled over her head with her laptop in front of her, trying not to wake him up as she quietly typed on the keyboard, pausing momentarily as he shifted in his sleep and his arm came down to drape around her waist. She wriggled slightly and breathed a sigh of relief when he continued to sleep soundly, turning down the song in her CD player as exited out of the current website she had been looking through and pulled up the update page on Blurty + So much for staying with Justin for his entire tour. I'm leaving tonight to head back to Los Angeles because Miss Grace gave me a call yesterday afternoon to tell me that she needed me back pronto. Some sort of problem with... something. She didn't exactly clarify the problem, but I'm going anyway. I swear I'm going to beat her with a rolled up newspaper if the problem turns out to be absolutely nothing that she could have solved on her own without me. Justin wasn't too happy about knowing I'd leave but I did say I'd come back as soon as it's fixed. Whatever it was. I'll most likely see him again this weekend since I won't be able to make it on Friday. Two people from my middle school 8th grade class decided to spring a class reunion on us. Talk about no warning. I only found out late last night right before I went to sleep. It might be nice to see everyone again - or maybe not. During high school, half of those kids were like my worst enemies and we haven't exactly kissed and made up. I hated them. That tiny group in high school formed the snobbiest group of kids I've ever seen and I didn't want any part of them, even though some of them used to be my closest friends. I think that's why they didn't like me either and dubbed me one of the "nobodies" in high school, because I didn't want to hang out with them. I guess I'll see if I'll go or not. I'm hesitant about it. Good thing Grace is going with me. Yeah, she went to middle school with me, too. I spoke to Christina yesterday before she went to soundcheck. She had caught me outside of the bus making my way out to get some lunch. She stopped me right where I was and congratulated me. I had absolutely no idea what she had been talking about until she explained that it was me and Justin being together. Then she went on to say that I made him happy, that he's been walking around with the happiest smile on his face. I don't even know how to take that. I didn't know I made him that happy. Which makes me euphoric. After spending a year and a half by myself, being with him is like taking a fresh breath of air for the first time. These days I feel a lot more lighter around him and I smile more genuinely than normal. Maybe it's that feeling of being in a healthy relationship or maybe it's just him. He's such a wonderful person, it's hard to believe that he could stay so grounded with all the hype around. I'd probably be locked in the corner of a padded room, babbling incoherently. Okay, once again, my sarcasm exceeds me. That was pure exaggeration. Basically, I'd go mental. I admire him a lot, not because of what he does or you know - all that bullshit, I meant because who he is. Of the person that he shows me when I'm with him. Yeah, he makes me happy when we're together. He makes me smile and laugh and that means more to me than he'll probably ever know or I'll let him see. Last night we talked about kids. Yeah, where did that come from? I have no clue. I'm shutting up now because this has grown exceedingly long. I'm going to like, not update for three days or something. + She felt Justin move besides her and quickly pressed the update button. She turned off her laptop and set it down on the floor besides the bed. She turned to her side and poked her head out from under the blanket, wrapping her arm back around Justin's waist and lulling him slowly back to sleep + post comment

+ bound to be a while + [06 Aug 2003|08:45am] [ mood | content ] [ music | Body is a Wonderland + John Mayer ] + carefully shifts the headphones to her CD player over her ears and curls up in the corner of the chair she had been sitting on, her head nodding to the song playing on repeat. On the bus across the bus from her position, Justin laid fast asleep, his arm draped over his eyes, his blanket curled dangerously low on his hips as he slept peacefully. She curled her toes thoughtfully and mouthed the words to John Mayer's song to herself as she lightly tapped her fingers across the keys of her laptop, not really trying to think of an update to write. Finally, she focused her attention on the screen and began typing, sucking on her lower lip thoughtfully + This is like the international love song or something. If a guy can write a song about sex and turn it into some amazingly romantic love song, he's pure genius. I didn't give Grace any warning; in fact, I hadn't been given any warning myself but I'm sticking with Justin on his tour. I wasn't planning to, though. I had flown out yesterday to catch a glimpse of his show since he had asked me to, I even brought with me flowers. That probably sounds stupid - me bringing him flowers for good luck and such but I didn't want to show up empty-handed and I'm terrible at picking out gifts anyway. You can't go wrong with flowers, right? So I made his show. I knew Justin was a good performer. I've only heard it from everywhere around and yeah - I watch TV but I guess there's this massively humongous difference between the TV screen and actually being there close enough to smell his sweat. Okay, that sounded disgusting, but you know what I meant. Even for a small venue, he was amazing on stage. I tried to ignore the dirty looks that were sent my way when Justin walked into the area with me hand-in-hand, but it's kind of hard to ignore about 500 girls glaring at you all at once. Anyway, we made it back to his bus in one piece, and after he had taken his shower, we sat down and talked while he relaxed and he asked me to stay with him for the rest of the tour. I was hesitant at first because I have work. I have never heard of phone-interviews before so when he explained the magnificence of those things, I was convinced. So I'm staying here. He'll probably get tired of seeing me and attempt to lock me in the bathroom or something but we'll see. Of course, I'll be flying into LA every now and then to check up on Grace and help her out for a bit. I can't leave everything up to her. I feel bad enough slacking off on my job because of one certain person, I can't let my reporter drown. I've been giving her the cover stories, even though I know I could do some of those myself, but actually I've been running around with my head cut off trying to get in interviews and being hounded by people to interview them. Not that it's a bad thing. I guess it just gets a little irritating when the same person just bugs you to interview them all the time. It makes you wanna put it off even more. Oh but, I'm not complaining. At least it keeps me busy when he's not around. So that's a good thing. This is why we work. To keep from going bored. And I really need to get my butt in gear and post up Matt's interview, including Justin's. Justin Guarini, I mean. This guy has a nickname right? I can't keep calling him Justin, I mistake him for someone else entirely. Whatever - I'm going to work on my article. + presses update on the page before changing the song that's been on repeat for the entire entry. She raised her eyebrows when Nick Carter's voice seeped into her ears then shrugs and pulls out the interviews with Matt and Justin, deciding on putting them both on one article, her feet unconciously tapping to the beat of the song + post comment

+ under the silver stars + [04 Aug 2003|11:26pm] [ mood | recumbent ] [ music | Let Me Be The One + Plus1 ] + curls up on the couch, the movies she had rented with Justin scattered on the floor in front of her. Currently, the movie "Halloween: H20" was playing on her VCR but she made no mind to that as she logged onto her laptop. She blocked out the sounds of Jamie Lee Curtis screaming and logged into her journal, unsure at first what to write about. She lazily rubbed her eye with one finger and sighed as she stretched her right leg out. She felt her foot brush against something soft and turned to find the teddy bear that Justin had given her the night before laying beside her on the couch. Smiling softly to herself, she picked up the bear and hugged him to her chest, her fingers splaying out on the keyboard + Funny. The person you come to be with is the last person you'd never even begin to consider would be a part of your life that way. It all started with a quick interview. I didn't even think much about it at first. I thought-Sure, he's a nice guy -but it never would have occured to me that we'd ever become more than just that. We hung out a lot after that. And I was confused because he seemed to be flirting with me, but it was well-known that he likes to flirt so it never really phased me until we shared one- no two, kisses. Then I started to think that it was leading to something. I don't know what to think of it right now. Everything's kind of just hazy. Which I don't mind. It's a good kind of hazy. It kind of feels like that feeling that you get when you stretch in the mornings. You raise your arms over your head and just extend your limbs and those little tiny shots of pleasure just shoots through you. Well, that's how it feels now. As mundane as that sounds, it's true. Despite what I do and despite what he does for a living, neither of us seem to care. He doesn't seem to care that I work for a newspaper bound to figure out the celebrity life and its appeal and I tend to forget that he's this huge celebrity. That he has a mass of screaming fans just waiting to pounce on him. To me, he's just Justin. Not Justin Timberlake. Not Justin from NSYNC, just... Justin. I don't see the glamour and the glitz when I look at him. I just see this normal guy who loves doing what he does and having a blast at it. He's also the nerd who wrecked my kitchen throwing food at me. I don't know where to place us right now. He's my boyfriend, I'm his girlfriend. I haven't been in a relationship for over a year and a half. And for the year and a half, I lived in this scared little shell that if I gave my heart to anyone, it would only get stomped on. But I guess it's a risk I should take. And I hope he forgives me -- if I'm not very responsive to him. If I brush off his efforts to be cute and cheesy with me. I'm a little rusty and I guess it'll just take me time to get to the Shauna that I was before. And I don't want to think that this could all end two weeks from now or four weeks from now. That's all so stupid. I'm not going to think about it. He just showed up at my house. I better go. I've been slacking off on my work because he's been distracting me. Shame. Now I remember the reason why boys are trouble. Haha!! + She pressed the update button and looked over the edge of the laptop to stare at him as she waited for the update to go through. After it posted, she shut off her laptop for a moment and crawled into his arms, wrapping her arms around him in a hug+ 5 comments|post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]