Never find nobody like me's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Never find nobody like me

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Don't look back in anger its just a memory [05 Jan 2005|02:49pm]
[ mood | determined ]

So the last time i wrote in here was saturday.. uhm after shawn left he ended up coming back like 5 hours later after dinner and he bought me a new walkman cause mine broke. i dont know about him sometimes. and he brought over more cheescake. oh god heavenly. then uhhm.. we got cheats for san andreas and spent most the night trying to beat levels and shit. and i really hate the tag level because it pisses me off. and trying to save the game blows my mind to.. or if it saves you go back to play and you only have half of the tags you saved lyk i don't get it. watev. so then the next morning he had a stick up his ass and we made breakfeast, played san andreas and then he left at 3. then i ate dinner and took a shower. uhh talked on the phone with shawn and assed out for school. uh mondays. uh school .. uhm i dont know dnuts had like an emotional breakdown situation classified information detected nOnsense. if only you understand the depth of that and her you will understand. Woah. Anyways i really dont even care man. Thats not my deal. Soo what oh yeah so lunch comes around and i really needed a cigerette after the intense lunch conversation we all had and the bathroom business what oh my god bird your out your birdnest. so me amanda v and bird went to smoke a butt, got locked out. got caught. just being outside. got inschools. beat. 7thHeaven was a repeat again. Sad Sad times. Tuesday which was yesterday nothin interesting me n leslie spent so much time stressing over tryin to convience one of the vp's to let us out of inschool for 4th period for NOT and then today we dont have school. UHhh so anyways after school yesterday i went to the condoes. Chilled with buttchin until Shawn got there and then billy drove me shawn and buttchin up to buttchins after me n buttchin harrased some bike crew kids. Ahh anyways we went up there chilled out. Watched chasing amy and fucking ah god. Then me and Shawn walked to the country store. Ate and waited around for yonks to come home from work. Yeah that was beat. And cold. Then danielle came down. and i merced my baby phats that i have to clean right now that i remeber. thennn yonks bro and richie came down. Hi my name is Polly. What the fuck? OoKay... so then Yonks showed up wayy late and we left 10 minutes after she got there. Cool shit. Arite anyways thats why i dont go to to condoes. Everything gets fucked up. Thats why i cant surround myself by that shit. I cant do it, Lyk i said now i have to start all over again with sobrierty i am SO pissed. Uhmm so we drove shawn home and then i came home showerd and ate and passed out. Oh yeah i told Jay how i felt about his shit and my shit and everything 5th grade style. He hasnt called. Who knows. Whatever maybe hes got his girl he doesnt need his nigga. Its all straight. So cool i woke up this morning? Got ready? Went to the bus stop? There was no school. Oh damn.. my mom is a fucking re re. God so i came back home assed out didnt wake until 1:30. I call shawn and hes goin to billys. This snow day couldnt suck anymore. Oh but it can. Now i must smoke a butt and play san andreas. IF I DONT BEAT THIS FUCKING LEVEL .. uh im gonna wig out on some real shit.

i love you & i hate you.

babbby why

Better dayz

happy new years [01 Jan 2005|12:11pm]
[ mood | determined ]

well i dont really know what to say .. uhm new years eve. me n shawn got all our shit together and diana came and picked us up at my house. shawns been here for like 2 days basically all week actually since christmas eve but we went and did erines and then were gonna head to the city to see the ball drop, but we realized we should have left like 2 days ago if we actually wanted to make it down there. so we ended up going down to pompton and picking up dnuts friend. thennn we went to a party in pomton.. and i think i got beat for my money but i dont know. i really dont care. then dnuts wanted to drive back up towards vernon we got home and me n shawn stayed up for a little bit but then we assed out. i woke up from screaming, i missed the ball drop by 3 seconds. thats fucked up dont they got replay or something.. i dont know man. i was pissed. then i think shawn was mad cause i didnt wake him up and then he got all pissy. this morning we woke up at like 9 we were straight we made breakfeast then we cleaned and his mom picked him up cause he needed to shower and work on his car and shit like that. i dont know. oOoKay .. so its 05 rep it.

i love you baby

Better dayz

On days like these we find it so hard to push ourseleves out of bed.. [28 Dec 2004|12:24pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

a love like this will never end..



err i am so mad right now. uhhhhh he is gonna fuckin get some payback the spiteful bitch is about to show her truEEEE colors.

i dont love you.
arite i lied i do.

Better dayz

queer tests.. the simple things in lifE [27 Dec 2004|10:26pm]

How Good are you at Certain Things?
Name
Age
Favorite Color
Nickname
Sex - 60%
Romance - 83%
Self - Control - 20%
Kissing - 36%
Cuddling - 33%
Kinkiness - 97%
This cool quiz by KillianO - Taken 353132 Times.
New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

Better dayz

i make mistakes, i learn from everyone. [27 Dec 2004|06:24pm]
Like a cat in heat, stuck in a moving car
A scary conversation, shut my eyes, can't find the brake
What if they say that you're a climber
Naturally, I'm worried if I do it alone
Who really cares, cause it's your life
You never know, it could be great
Take a chance cause you might grow

<333 my goodiess NOt myyy\gOodIes.


*Ghetto Gospel*
If I could recelect before my hood dayz
I would sit in bliss and reminis on the good dayz.
i stop and stare at the younger, my heart goes to'em
they stressed and goin under.
we never really went through that
cause we was born ????
today things change,its a shame
they blame it on the youth cause the truth look strange
for them its worse, we come from a world thats cursed
and it hurts.
cause any day theyll push the button.
and yall condemned like malcom x and uncle bob
they died for nothin.
make the people teary, the world looks dreary
but when you wipe your eyes you see it clearley.
theres no need for you to fear me.
if you take the time to hear me, maybe you can learn to cheer me.
it aint about black or white, both doin
i hope you see the light before its ruiend
my ghetto gospel
TuPaC
Better dayz

broken promises, broken hearts.. it*s all the samE. [27 Dec 2004|06:09pm]
I can't love you, it hurts too much
you are a gorgeous pain in the back of my heart,
the part that pumps your lies throughout my body instead of blood.
And I swore to myself I'd never fall for someone who hurts me ever again
but what can I say? I'm a sucker for the tragedy you call your life
and the anguish you call your emotions.
Better dayz

*if u ever sed u cared then dont say u never lied* [27 Dec 2004|05:29pm]
"sleep away a silent pain, screaming out my name <3"

<333 chistmas was sick. shawn came over on xmaseve and we went to frankies bros and did the whole family scence. then i got nasueis or however you spell that shit and then we bounced. shawn left at midnight.. xmas morning i woke at around 8:30'ish and ahhh did the family scence again and g'pa and g'ma came over. Kristina and Jeanie came over for like a half an hour and chilled out and berb gave me my present..uhh we picked up shawn at like 7 and yummi he brought cheescake. gotta score some points as he would say. OH yeah and he got me the ring its beautiful and a watch thats perttty too. i love it all. his mommi bought me pretty pink incents. ahh then yesterday we layed around and he slept over again. this morning we shoveled the driveway out for my mommi and he had to go home cause his mommi is sick and me and my mom went to the mall and bought nothing. we ate at the le bistro uhm thats about it.. well i miss him already. im so pathetic.

<333333 weavix
Better dayz

CRAZY in LOVE [22 Dec 2004|05:39pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

ahhh it says it all-----


You are the ink to my paper
What my pen is to my my pad
The moral, the very fiber
The whole substance to my rap
You are my reason for being
The meaning of my existance
If it wasn't for you I would never be able to spit this
As intense as I do, and the irony
Is you rely on me as much
As I rely on you to inspire me like you do
You provide me the lighter fluid to fuel in my fire
You're my entire supply of gas, the match and igniter
The only way that I'm able to stay so stable
Is you're the legs to my table,
If you were to break I'd fall on my face
But I'm always gonna make you feel
I don't need you as much as I really need you
So you don't use it to your advantage
But you're essential to me
You're the air I breathe
I believe if you ever leave me
I'd probaly have no reason to be
You are the word that I'm lookin for
When I'm tryin to describe how I feel inside
And the right one just won't come to my mind
You're like the pillar that props me up
The beam that supports me
The bitch who never took half
The wife who never divorced me
You're like the root to my evil
You let my devil come out me
You let me beat the shit out you before you beat the shit out me
And no matter how much too much is never enough
Baby cause we're crazy in love...

and its funny cuz when this part came up we were both like this is my part to you


anywayss so today was intense. fuckin ahh i had like 37 emotional breakdowns today it was a bad day.. then i talked to shawn and i got happy. and me n frankie talked and were chill and shit heres good. and tommarow were exchaning presents in school thats cool well san andreas time. i need to go to walmart tommaorw..

<33333 i love you baby

Better dayz

bang bang [21 Dec 2004|04:42pm]
[ mood | determined ]

so school was alright after school i went to the doctor me n my mom borth have broncitis and shit so we got meds and then went to shoprite then to eckerds then home. and now i have a trillion and one things to do mostly school related.. woah scary shit. 2 huck finn posters cause i like to make 20 beans and something to write up for math. fuck i have to get my mom a xmas present. shit.. uhmm.. i dont know i'll write in this beast later..

i love you shawn

Better dayz

intense bronchitis or somethig... [20 Dec 2004|02:22pm]
[ mood | worried ]

I really hate being sick and i really dislike winter when its winter because its so fucking cold. but when its summer i wish it was winter. Uhhh my weekend was alright. Friday Shawn came over and we just chilled out later on ordered some take out and then got some watermelospike yumm and he slept over and i coughed in his face all night.. saturday he left around 3 and went home waited for me to pass out cause he knew i was sick and tired and sleepyness was coming and he went binging down in the city. asshole, then i sunday which was yesterday yeah i layed in bed and talked to shawn all day. .. So anyways i dont even know what day of sobriety it is cause like i dont even count anymore or talk about it for some reason its coming more natual. i mean dont get me wrong the urgers are still there and all but thats just normal and shit. People are like hey why dont you just smoke reefies and stay away from all the other shit. well maybe because im the type of person who is very addictive and will like outdue the drug, do it so much its overrated and then move on so basically if i keep going and getting bored with every drug there is where would i be then? i mean theres those few..like 2 or 3 i havent done and i probaly won't but if i ever got there shit i woulda hoped i never woke up out of that. The part thats really shitty is that i miss chillen with those people and i feel like so out of place now. Friday i was having a ruff day in school and i tuned around to Ashia and i was like dude i think im * falling off the wagon * and she turns over to some of our other friends and shes like dude shannons back shannons coming back and all this differnt shit and at first i was like yeah dude im fuckin coming back what now and then im like wait dude i am shannon and their all no not sober. Like being sober isnt me. I've been numb since i was about 12 years old fully and now this sobriety things getting intense a little too intense and i dont know if i should just stick through it with my origianl people or try to gain back the people that truly cared that i hurt when i was all fucked up or just isolate myself complelty. shit man i need more than 1 or 2 NA meetings a week i need some intensive shit
yum i want a cheesburger, i miss shawn and being sober is loneElY....

i love you shawn

Better dayz

w0rd [17 Dec 2004|03:08pm]
[ mood | drained ]

so theirs this saying in someones info - I love when your "friends" are only there for the good times... - that is so fucking true i can't even begin to explain. The breakdown for me is basically mad chill people i surrounded myself with and was always fucked up with and then when they see your changing for the good its like well your not fucking up like us so peace. Like what the fuck kinda shit is that? I dont know in a way i want to have those people back and that lifestyle i do miss it but everything has changed so much in such a fast period of time that im like clueless. Ever since i moved its like no one wants to do anything. Like its such an inconvience for me or for them its really not and i dont even know is there really a point in this entry? and will anyone even care to read this? cause i know i wouldnt.. if i werent me.. i think this is the 1st time i can see im depressed. I've been numb since i was about 12 and now i can actually feel things again and show emotions the right way and like i dont know its so differnt.. whatever this is pointless im out

i love you shawn

1 comment| Better dayz

i just don't get it [15 Dec 2004|07:58pm]
[ mood | cold ]

So i don't know. ray got locked up and is now out. 26 days!! i need a job. i cant wait till christmas. i need to blowdry my hair.. i love shawn. blurty is beat

Better dayz

meow [10 Dec 2004|07:56pm]
Everything you ever wanted to know.. about you! by anticaps
name
your colorpink - tenderness, love
your animalgoats - relentless energy
your instrumenttrombone
your elementrhenium
your body partchest
your seasonspring
your monthaugust
Quiz created with MemeGen!


Your First Born! (MWHAHA!) by trissy
Your Name
Blood Type
GenderGirl
Hair ColorDirty Blonde
Eye ColorBrown
Birth Weight5.9
Chance its Healthy: 61%
How many others to follow?3
Quiz created with MemeGen!


are you a good kisser? by amberlyn2001
real name
username
age
gender
your kissis excellent.
Quiz created with MemeGen!
Better dayz

How does it feel [08 Dec 2004|08:49pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Uhm so yesterday i don't think i wrote in here because i was so intensified by my history project. me and amy are criminals hah good times. we got a lot of work done but still had a few things to get. Today was okay i guess i okay. shawn called at exactly 6 as my mom said shannon get up i swear his body is his own personal alarm clock, it's amazing. anywhoo .. no schemer today because it was just beat well one but ehh the day before was like goodies central up in the wonka. But uhm oh wait did i make a public annoncement that ray is a scumbag... and a liar.. and compulsive.. pathalogical et cetrea. I hope when he leaves for FL he stays there for more than a month. I might miss him being the fuckin grub and the homeless beggar that always asks for money. The theif.. the lies everything and anything you could imagine negitive. But underneath all that their is some good and that makes ray.. ray though so i don't know. It's funny how he didn't come to school today after last nights adventure. I hope it was worth it because he lost even more people over it .. for what to be high for a few hours. I can't even go and be a hypocrite like that though because i used to do the same shit.. and not care but now i look at it and hes really fucking shit up. That whole speach at Jay's * I'm 18 i have to get going with my life. Get my GED, go to college * fucking lies. We all knew it was bullshit and it wasn't going to last. But have some respect for the people around you. Yes your hurting alot of them and we know hes going to look past that but atleast he should not hurt himself also. I don't know why care anymore. I'm done feeling sorry for him and caring so much..its his life. Anyways, lunch was intense per usual. 8 mile is a pip... she really is. Uhm.. didn't see cuntonastick today haha oh the beauty of deviousness. Detention was beatass i sat there plucked my eyebrows and wrote leslie a note. Uhm tear she has inschool tommaorw. fuck shit. After detetion my mom picked me up and we went to the library and it was closing so we drove to wantage to fucking print 3 things off the microfilm ahh i hate this shit.. came home pasted everything on ate dinner the whole 9 yards...uhm shawn's at work. i miss him.. i can't see him till friday. Were both busy him especially with working but i'm proud of him. ahh i need sleep i think im gonna go upstairs now and pass out..

shawn i love you

Better dayz

People craCk me up [07 Dec 2004|03:06pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Today was okay i guess. I woke up praying for atleast a delay and i completly slept through my mom screaming at me to wake up but when shawn called for some reason i woke up. uhmm so 1st period that wasnt any nonsense like everyday..i did awsome on my history test i just know it.. uhm my day was going good until lunch. that fuckin kid josh who drinks his cum yeah what a fucking knark. another pointless afterschool eh it's okay. hah found out some interesting news about something and somebody oh that made my fucking day.. :) without the help from dnuts where would i be? uhm i was supposed to go to the library with amy after school but were not going for another hour so im gonna go smoke a cigerette i'll write later..

i love you shawn

wake up bitch i ain't stupid.. but you are

Better dayz

Breaking the habbit [05 Dec 2004|09:57pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Intense. Thats probaly the only word i have right now. The meeting went well. Yeah me the dumbass the only one in there says hi im shannon i am an addict. and their all oh do you have a desire to drink. Jay failed to tell me it was mostly AA. Yeah thanks jay.. i felt like such an ass and i was very uncomfortable. Hopefully next saturday me and Jay are going to the one in Franklin. Im considering going outpatient so i don't relapse but i'm not sure yet. Maybe get a sponser really get into it. Maybe i'll talk to Cruz tommaorw not that i can trust her but it's all gravy. I don't know im gonna talk to Shawn a little more and then go to sleep

i love you shawn

<3 weavx

1 comment| Better dayz

let me be the one to...... [05 Dec 2004|03:56pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

woke up today at like 11 ate breakfeast. me n kris just chilled around the house. had some sad times reading someones blurty that's not here anymore. well not around should i say. now were gonna get ready and then go to kristinas then go to jay's and then go to aa/na woo hoo well im out i'll be writting tommarow.

<3 weavx

i love you shawn

Better dayz

we dont wanna be the enemy of what we used to be.. [04 Dec 2004|08:25pm]
[ mood | jubilant ]

today me and shawn woke up like 10 minutes apart. but when i woke up he wasn't next to me. so i rolled out of bed took a piss looked around upstairs and he was nowhere to be found so i went downstairs and hes talkin to my mom about tv reality shows and charaters. it was very interesting so he came upstairs when he realized i was awake and i made MYSELF breakfeast and he kinda just layed in bed with the covers over his head while i ate. then i cleaned my room and we played some grandtheftauto and such and talked about christmas and then i got in the shower and he left at 1. Kristina didn't have work so she came over 10 min after Shawn left and i brushed my hair and we bounced to do some xmas shopping. we went to like 3 stores. i got shawn his presents and i picked out some of my presents that my mom isnt gonna give me till xmas. a pink furry purse, a hot pink and black xo purse, and black and hotpink phatpharms. I really wanted the pink and white and magenta phat pharm purse but my mom is geh. I also got 2 pink tees and some hotpink and black fuzzy sweats. uhm yumm can you tell i love pink which is unusal considering im not very girly but that's okay..uhm i like what i picked out for shawn. i spent alot on him and for some reason i kno im goin to regret that but i think i'm still gonna get him the new tupac cd also and like a bottle of jackdaniels or something and then drink it wit him on xmas uhmm what who said that. uhh then we came back to my house and ate dinner and i need to smoke a butt so i prob write in this bitch tommaorw.

i love you shawn

Better dayz

When dreams become reality [03 Dec 2004|05:34pm]
[ mood | intense ride session ]
[ music | mario-let me love you ]

with with every word * i * live -a g a i n-
..through- the EyEs of a n o t h e r -x
we'll meet at night** wet from the raIn
-and surprise each~other
with how we take a w a y -- the - -xOx
could 'you be the one' to find me |safe| and .sound.

i'm not one for complaining, but i love the way you roll excuses off the tip of your tongue as i slowly fall apart.

every p a s s i n g - minute is a chance to turn it all around

Shannon and Shawn
  • Might conceive three superior children.
  • Love to chat occasionally.
  • Share a deep puddle of secrets.
Orchestrated by ianiceboy


shawn where are you talking a shower god why did i already eat dinner im bored i have to brush my hair and find that piece of paper that tells me how to post pix again fuck i'll be lost w/out it and i have a feeling i through it out when we moved the last time oh man

Better dayz

Do you love me like i love you? [03 Dec 2004|04:16pm]
[ mood | content ]

Well today was aight. Jay is making me a rehab remix. intense shit right. i dont think im goin to the rave tommarow it will only tempt me to roll and i really don't want to fuck shit up. 13 days!! proud cant even describe it. it really can't. Jay found that girls name thats a good thing i really hope things will work with him and her and maybe he can be happy. im so proud of him too. i really am. today lunch was so funny.. and i don't remember why. i almost smacked some bitch up on the lunch line because me and shottie cut her she fuckin dropped her sphnicter right then and their, i was buggin. then i got some bad news 8th period i found out corey went to the hospital to get a catscan to see what was wrong with her appendix.. shes fine for now until the results but i hope everything works out good. uhm tonight shawns sleeping over and tommarow i hope to chill with kristina and then go to aa/na with jay at hidden valley. well im out to take a shower and wait for shawn to get here.

i love you baby

Better dayz

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