Shan Marie-Kahololani Sossamon's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Shan Marie-Kahololani Sossamon

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so am I still waiting? [07 Jul 2003|05:22pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | I'm Just A Kid // Simple Plan ]

My mind is drawing a blank right now as I am sitting here in Los Angeles. For the love of God, why am I in Los Angeles? I was invited to attend the Warped Tour, that is why. I got here a few days early and now I am sitting in this hotel room at Four Seasons typing away on this old laptop computer of mine.

I suppose it was my fault for letting him talk me into this and I should be in Hawaii right now walking a long the shoreline and dipping my feet in the water. Why, oh why do I let guys get the best of me? Is it their charm? Their wit? I am still anticipating the answer to this question.

And why are all the good ones gone?

The good ones are either gay or taken. That is just how the story goes.

Too bad I'm not up to Tim Pagnotta's par. Last time I ran into him a few months back, we had a good time and hit it off really well. But he ended the evening with a

"lets go back to my place"

and as much as I wanted to say yes, as much as my mind wanted to say yes and just go have him take me, my heart said no. I wanted him to take me and ravage me because that is how much I craved the warmth of another person. Another's touch. Another's lips pressed against mine.

But I said no. And now I think he hates me for that because as soon as I said no he started going off about needing to be somewhere. I left his party that he was having even though he tried to talk me into staying. I left and really didn't bother looking back.

Now I know that if I would have taken that dive, he would have looked at me now as just another pretty face in a room full of whores. And I bet that's all I was to him. Just one of his random fucks. One of the many for him and as his reputation goes.

Ah, enough of the emo-ness!

My friends from Authority Zero should be giving me a ring in a few minutes to tell me what's the dilly. I really can't wait to get aquainted with a lot of the bands on the Warped Tour. My other passion is photography and I hope to take some really great pix. Who knows what may come out of this, all I hope is that I have fun and have a great time. Maybe make some new friends and what not.

5 kisses|Tease Me

do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight [06 Jul 2003|03:29pm]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | some ozzy song on the radio ]

All the time I spent wallowing in my own lonely misery while others ran off with their boyfriends/girlfriends had a purpose. I found out a lot about myself and how I view relationships and the beauty that is true human emotion.

Maybe I've been holding out for too long? Maybe I've been procrastinating what I've been feeling? Maybe I'm just not ready to commit myself to one person? Since my last love, hell let's not get into that. Maybe I'm just scared to share something that I have never shared? What am I saying? Geeez. This is what happens when you sit alone in the dark infront of a pooter screen at 2am in the morning. blllllah, it's like I'm waiting for answers that nobody knows.. freaky.

I've always been the one to say "An unhealthy relationship is just that, unhealthy. If your not happy, it's not going to work." The way I see it is if you can't spend time sitting together staring out at the ocean, no talk, just listening to what's going on around you.. it won't work. You've got to be able to reach that person on that level.. so that you don't get sick of each other, you've got to be able to withstand his/her faults and except them for who they are regardless of what they've done, who they represent, what they do and who they associate with.. you've got to make music, period.

Sooo.. I know I haven't always played by these "rules" or "standards," but I'm taking all this mess to heart. I haven't been on a date in a while. I feel like I'm outside looking in. Most of my friends have got someone to call their own. I swear.. if I had someone who reached me like that, right now, I think I'd be able to cast a real, honest, smile again. But then again, it hurts when I smile.

I've always been the one to give out advice, but seem to never take it all in, myself. Isn't that sad??

You know what? Screw it. There's somebody out there and I'm going to find him. I'm sick of being left out in the cold, it's time for Shan to find an honest, funny, down to earth guy with a great smile and intellect to boot.

Ahh, hell, forget it, it's never gonna happen.

How'd you like that as an insight to all that is me. lol. I'm emo and my name is Shannyn Sossamon. Most of the entries you'll be reading in the future and now are being brought to you via insomnia.. dj scratching until dawn, filming till day break, starbucks frappucinnos, cigs, the need to make a connection and craving to start a new revolution as an actress. Now, if only I had that bitchy like edge to actually make things work to my advantage for once. Yeah, so I'm here to speak my mind, shake the beehive, scratch my vinyl and make some noise because music and dancing is in my blood. And with that said, welcome to my sick sad little world.

4 kisses|Tease Me

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