||some ozzy song on the radio
All the time I spent wallowing in my own lonely misery while others ran off with their boyfriends/girlfriends had a purpose. I found out a lot about myself and how I view relationships and the beauty that is true human emotion.
Maybe I've been holding out for too long? Maybe I've been procrastinating what I've been feeling? Maybe I'm just not ready to commit myself to one person? Since my last love, hell let's not get into that. Maybe I'm just scared to share something that I have never shared? What am I saying? Geeez. This is what happens when you sit alone in the dark infront of a pooter screen at 2am in the morning. blllllah, it's like I'm waiting for answers that nobody knows.. freaky.
I've always been the one to say "An unhealthy relationship is just that, unhealthy. If your not happy, it's not going to work." The way I see it is if you can't spend time sitting together staring out at the ocean, no talk, just listening to what's going on around you.. it won't work. You've got to be able to reach that person on that level.. so that you don't get sick of each other, you've got to be able to withstand his/her faults and except them for who they are regardless of what they've done, who they represent, what they do and who they associate with.. you've got to make music, period.
Sooo.. I know I haven't always played by these "rules" or "standards," but I'm taking all this mess to heart. I haven't been on a date in a while. I feel like I'm outside looking in. Most of my friends have got someone to call their own. I swear.. if I had someone who reached me like that, right now, I think I'd be able to cast a real, honest, smile again. But then again, it hurts when I smile.
I've always been the one to give out advice, but seem to never take it all in, myself. Isn't that sad??
You know what? Screw it. There's somebody out there and I'm going to find him. I'm sick of being left out in the cold, it's time for Shan to find an honest, funny, down to earth guy with a great smile and intellect to boot.
Ahh, hell, forget it, it's never gonna happen.
How'd you like that as an insight to all that is me. lol. I'm emo and my name is Shannyn Sossamon. Most of the entries you'll be reading in the future and now are being brought to you via insomnia.. dj scratching until dawn, filming till day break, starbucks frappucinnos, cigs, the need to make a connection and craving to start a new revolution as an actress. Now, if only I had that bitchy like edge to actually make things work to my advantage for once. Yeah, so I'm here to speak my mind, shake the beehive, scratch my vinyl and make some noise because music and dancing is in my blood. And with that said, welcome to my sick sad little world.