|Tuesday, November 4th, 2003|
2:20 am - the projects
People may have noticed that since I got a LiveJournal, I ain't talkin' to you bitches no more.|
I've just decided to do a little entryin' here in the internet ghetto. The welfare district of online diaries, as it were.
I feel a little shadowish. I have no sense of solidity or home. David and I broke up. My mother has moved again and is now engaged. My sister's still in Rochester but that might not be last. I have so few ties or roots anywhere, it's tempting to just go away.
I'm craving a little intimacy. Someone to have connections and conversations that don't have to be restricted in some way. A bit of comfort and that feeling of being "home". Home for me is more about a person or people than an actual location. Ugh, it's a pitiful feelin' right now. But I'm actually fairly content within this moment, alone though I may be.
current mood: reminiscent
current music: "winde beneath your wings"-bette midler; no really...
|Tuesday, October 21st, 2003|
2:09 pm - Crumbs
Oh we're movin' on up, to the East Side.|
To a deeeluxe apartment, in the sky.
Oh we're movin' on up, to the East SIde.
We finally got a pieace of the pie.
Susan gave me invite codes for a LiveJournal, so now you can also read about me at www.livejournal.com/users/thesadcowboy/. Have fun.
I'm sure I'll still be poking around here at blury anyways...
current mood: burning beans
current music: Jeffersophonic
|Monday, October 20th, 2003|
2:39 pm - Dagnabbit.
The other day, I got tired of Nicole's tomfoolery, so I went to see her at work.|
We got together with Sam and watched "The Best of Molly Shannon", "Made" which was like the suckiest buncha suck that ever sucked a suck, and "A Mighty Wind". We also watched skits from "The State" and ate pizza pockets.
Today, I have an interview at Buckle, which is a clothes store at the mall, and tomorrow I have an interview at the Knapp Corner Meijer. Oh the thrilling life I lead. Hopefully I'll have a job soon.
I've been talking to my mother and my uncle about moving to New York. Basically I'd help him out by doing housekeeping sorta stuff at his inn, and pursue the arts in whatever way seems appropriate. The if and when of all this remains to be seen.
current mood: Frankensteinian
current music: juniper yellow
|Friday, October 17th, 2003|
2:33 pm - Not people, just blemishes.
This is from http://marriageprotectionweek.com:|
"Purpose of Marriage Protection Week
The sacred institution of marriage is under attack. There are those who want to redefine marriage to include two men, or two women, or a group of any size or mix of sexes: One man and four women, one woman and two men, etc. If they fail to secure legal protection classifying these arrangements as 'marriage,' they want to include all these mixtures under the definition of 'civil union,' giving them identical standing with the marriage of one man and one woman.
They have gained the support of the national media and many politicians. Their efforts are intended to force, by law, 97% of Americans to bow down to the desires of the approximately 3% who are homosexuals.
To call attention to this most critical issue, Oct. 12-18 has been declared MARRIAGE PROTECTION WEEK. You, your church or group is encouraged to help protect the sacred institution of marriage."
Hmm... well, of course we shouldn't be on equal standing with straight couples, it is not like we're supposed to have equal rights around here... it's not like we deserve to be treated like human beings, rather than second class citizens.
Interesting to lump in polygamous unions here with homosexual ones.
And it isn't 3%, most polls say about 10%, 7% at the least.
All of their information seems to be ignorant, or exaggerated, or erroneous, or just plain fucking stupid.
current mood: cryogenically frozen
current music: hanging wallshelf ceiling bang
1:05 am - Bizarro!
Okay, I have a look-a-like somewheres round town...|
There was a similar situation back in Rochester with some older British guy that looked a lot like me. One of his friends even talked to me, having mistaken me for him... But this is not as much of a "he's my wacky identical cousin from England, and everytime he visits, hijinks ensue" sort of deal (a la The Patty Duke Show for you ancient pop culture philistines out there)...
First, Nicole's co-worker has a gay guy who was just like me in his class at GRCC...
Then, Kathleen saw someone she thought was me at first come into the Outback Steakhouse...
Today, Susan saw a guy who looked just like me, only with slightly longer hair downtown. He seemed to be going to GRCC as he was carrying books.
Is he a clone?
Is he from an alternate reality? Bizarro World? Is there a Bizarro Brett out there now?
Does it just go to show that everyone really does have an identical twin out there somewhere, as the say? And if we are twins, which of us is the evil one, and which the good?
These scripts are just getting out of hand. I don't understand the reasoning behind this sub-plot.
I suspect some people have not been reading their scripts. They keep saying the wrong lines and stepping on each other's cues... It's dreadful, really.
current mood: moodicious
current music: stockpiling chaos and tangerines
|Wednesday, October 15th, 2003|
3:39 pm - Stay tuned.
Does anyone still read this?|
Has anyone read next week's script?
My character comes out of that coma, and I think I'm pregnant...
But no one knows who the father is. It is a mystery.
current mood: whatever the script says
current music: soap opera style
|Friday, October 3rd, 2003|
8:19 pm - Mab! Mab, I tell you!
Oh, Sandra this is gonna kill you...|
An English to Pirate translator... http://rodos.uoregon.edu/cgi-bin/pirate.pl
... I was going to comment on my life right now... but I'd rather not.
Oh, I did finally get a job interview though. I'll know how it went within a week...
current mood: phosphorescent?
current music: we'll see
|Wednesday, October 1st, 2003|
4:51 pm - Super sailor me.
Thesis: Why is Nicole a whore? This is a question each and every person asks themselves when they wake up in the morning. Also, how does Brett keep his girlish figure?|
I'm going to stick Nicole with a hat pin. Right in her sweeeeet pooper. Or in her head, right through her evil brain.
Mother Nature's way of compensating for an unnatural lack of fabulousness.
I think I'm going to be an angel this Halloween. Contrasting to Kathleen's devil costume. Of course, it might be a sort of angel-fairy-prince thing... With lots of white, glitter, and feathers... So gay...
I might also do some henna this month for the occasion. The stuff generally lasts for a few weeks, but it tends to turn out yellow on my complexion. Maybe I'll try a different kind. Mendhi is fun.
current mood: you're a dummy
current music: such a dummy...
|Saturday, September 27th, 2003|
2:53 pm - I have a personality!
free enneagram test
current mood: individualistic
current music: skank
1:07 am - Why don't you go google yourself?
This is what they think of me at www.googlism.com:|
brett is around
brett is a dirty bum looker
brett is god
brett is in need of a loving home in michigan
brett is in need of a loving home in mi
brett is lost
brett is now full
brett is most appropriate for brett can adapt his act to accommodate several different types of programs
brett is clean
brett is the third guitar instructor i've had in the last five years
brett is making news elsewhere
brett is a babe choose another photo album
brett is hot 03
brett is moving on in his life
brett is so sexy
brett is a protégé student of jay abraham
brett is an award
brett is a wallet
brett is a subject matter expert consultant to microsoft on the development of internet information services 5
brett is back
brett is a
brett is the founder of netmark pro a global affiliate network
brett is the one
brett is looking for "java based frameworks for querying databases and transforming the output to svg"
brett is cool
brett is married
brett is hosting
brett is to much of a kind heart guy and i dont want to see him hurt
brett is about 8 months old
brett is sneaking up to pinch a piece of her "doll cake"
brett is very involved with the site
brett is bad
brett is now the sales and marketing team leader
brett is on the case
brett is a korgeek
brett is cited for authoring a remarkable 540 reports and articles
brett is very tolerant and is such a good sport with wearing the braces
brett is an avid sportsman and student who enjoys passing on his knowledge of exercise and sport
brett is tackled by the wests tigers
brett is considered by many to be one of the most original and entertaining business thinkers of his generation and his keynotes are both stimulating and
brett is very down to earth and realistic regarding his chances of being at the pointy end of the field
brett is a fully trained and practicing psychotherapist
brett is 4th
brett is a hit on broadway
brett is obviously the best pure hitter in the game today
brett is one of britian?s leading wood engravers and past chairman of the society of wood engravers
brett is a smart cookie
brett is a wild yeast that's sometimes found on grapeskins and that can get into wine barrels
brett is maintained by trond braut
brett is divorced
brett is a psychologist
brett is a key example
brett is subject to discipline under section 328
brett is seeking a divorce from her husband and it quickly becomes clear she is a very shallow person who loves to tease men and have affairs with them but she
brett is responsible for certain acts of its employees
brett is pleased to establish this partnership with chematch
brett is following in his big brother's footsteps
brett is still moving furniture
brett is of third generation american
brett is now a ph
brett is such an important part of our organization
brett is both ford master certified and nada
brett is a wrestler for the wwf
brett is the youngest member of rh factor
brett is a former member of the queensland family law specialist accreditation committee
brett is author of the leading nationwide treatise on equitable distribution
brett is for brilliant
brett is simply the only actor able to play sherlock holmes
brett is behind it
brett is the kind of drummer that every band wants
brett is one of the co
brett is like a bull? what am i missing? d0101 julie d unregistered
brett is the father of 3 children
brett is in his own car
brett is three and has prs and cameron is 5 months and he has prs
brett is thrilled to ride for jobe and will bring with him the kind of exciting
brett is an innovator
brett is currently out on the road as both foh and tour manager for pearl jam's side band
brett is playing a key role in our gaap conversion project
brett is one of those people who with his voice can make a roundabout sound like god's gift to earth and a drive in the car sound like the most exciting thing
brett is able to
brett is the founder and secretary of the cosmic fire study center of the theosophical society in america
brett is all grumpy about his photo being shot
brett is the best
brett is answered by denial and her withdrawal
brett is one of the few original employees of satellite
brett is the only freelance auctioneer to have won the prestigious golden
brett is a native oklahoman
brett is already looking forward to his next competition in holland
brett is a sophomore majoring in computer science
current mood: once more violently angelic
current music: penguin flavored gum
|Thursday, September 25th, 2003|
11:04 pm - Winter of disconent.
Why hasn't Sandra e-mailed me?|
Theory #1: She wants me to drive to K-zoo and hit her in the face.
Theory #2: She hates me.
Theory #3: She's lazier than I previously thought.
Theory #4: She's going mad. And she will soon be seen up in a belltower with a rifle.
Theory #5: She's had her brains eaten by zombies.
Theory #6: She's become a vampire, and no longer has time between classes during the day and sucking blood at night to e-mail an old friend...
Anyways... Saw David Bowie on "Last Call" with Carson Daly last night... Why'd he go on that show? Isn't he too cool for that sorta thing? Though I'm starting to see what Sandra sees in the old guy... Also saw Michelle Branch on Ellen today, I never saw Ellen DeGeneres' old show, but she's damn funny. I think Michelle Branch is the one who started this whole wave of Indie Pop. She was apparently discovered by Madonna but I rarely hear mention of such a thing. Probably because they've never made out. At least not in public or on stage...
Also saw the premiere of Will & Grace tonight... Karen escaping on a jetski with Rosario behind and the Charlie's Angels theme playing in the backround... priceless.
Back to music, why does everyone think their favorite band is obscure? They're not. Every other college student knows who they are. Give it up. Everything ends up on the radio or tv if they're making enough money/are popular enough to be around so long. You want your favorite musician to be succussful so they can live to write more music for you, don't you? Don't be selfish. Share. Not that you have a choice.
A though: Everyone is a whore for something. Whores! You are all whores! DOOM!
current mood: lugnuts
current music: Cracking bones...
2:58 pm - Get a peanut!
You know what? It's finally gotten to the point where I'm sick of listening to depressed crap. Whether it be from myself or others, today, I'm just so over this...|
Life is fighting, and it's hard, and it's every day. But it's what we have to do and we can do it together if we choose. We're born alone and we die alone, in between we gather as much comfort as we can from others. Sometimes the most important family we have is the one we've made for ourselves. The people we've chosen to bond with through despondency... People who make us feel a little less alone, and really loved.
There were things in that previous paragraph from so many sources... If you can spot all of 'em you get a peanut!
I've found my writing for Heroine Addiction tends towards a lot of dreams... A plot device I enjoy too much perhaps? Does this say something about me? The only way your subconcsious gets its say is through dreams. Dreams can provide insight and hidden meanings, sometimes they even forshadow or tell future events.. It's a place between life and death... Anything can happen, there are no laws of physics or reality... HA is gonna be like She-Ra for people on acid.
current mood: blah
current music: I dunno...
|Wednesday, September 24th, 2003|
1:08 pm - Rejected.
|Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003|
5:31 pm - I've written a poem. An *epic* poem.
(1) The singular most boring question: what is your name? Brett Patrick Jackson|
(2) Are you happy with it? Meh.
(3) Are you named after anyone? I think there was a character or actor on tv at the time named Brett... Patrick is my dad's name.
(4) Are you a prostitute? I don't have sex for money, if that's what you mean.
(5) Your screenname: for what?
(6) Would you name a child of yours after you? No.
(7) Then what would you name your children? Something obscure. I like a lot of Gaelic names.
(8)If you were born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name be? Kate. Yes, Kate Jackson, I would have been named after one of Charlie's Angels. No lie.
(9) If you could switch names with a friend, who would that be? None really, maybe Brent just to confuse people.
(10) Are there any mispronunciations/typos that people do with your name constantly? Bret, Brad, Brat, Brent...
(11) Would you drop your last name if you became famous? Probably, for fear of being associated with the other famous Jacksons...
- - - - -
- - - - -
(12) Your gender: male.
(13) Straight/gay/bi? I'm pretty gay.
(14) Single? yes.
(15) Want to be? ask me again later.
(16) Your birthdate: September 19, 1983.
(17) Your age: twenty.
(18) Age you act: eleven-hundred and twenty.
(19) Age you wish you were: I don't care.
(20) Your height: about 6'.
(21) The color of your eyes: blue-gray.
(22) Happy with it? elated.
(23) The color of your hair: blonde.
(24) Happy with it? as long as I'm still pretty.
(25) Left/right/ambidextrous? semi-ambidextrous.
(26) Your living arrangement? Myself, Heather, Susan, Kathleen, and Crispin.
(27) Your family: doting mother, surly sister, and deadbeat dad.
(28) Have any pets? not at the moment.
(29) What's your job: professional loser and indolent sea witch.
(30) Piercings? none.
(31) Tattoos? what's with all the questions about besmirching my body? Have you no appreciation for perfect, inviolate beauty?
(32) Obsessions? certain tv shows...
(33) Addictions? I sleep every night, and if I don't, I get withdrawals, does that count?
(35) Do you speak another language? some French, started to learn Japanese... failed.
(36) Have a favourite quote? you're asking all the wrong questions... there are too many...
37) Do you have a webpage? several that go un-updated, undone web comic, blurty...
- - - - -
DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
- - - - -
(38) Do you live in the moment? Depends on the moment.
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? Sometimes no, sometimes I'm just glad when they tolerate me.
(40) Do you have any secrets? There's always another.
(41) Do you hate yourself? Sometimes. But I don't think it's ever a true hatred. I try for a quiet rage.
(42) Do you like your handwriting? Eh, it's ok. All caps, kinda arty...
(43) Do you have any bad habits? I have a plethora!
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people? It's scattered... I'm told I'm pretty a lot.
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? ...
(46) What's your biggest fear? I don't even know.
(47) Can you sing? Depends on who you ask.
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? Honey, people pretend to be me. Not really...
(49) Are you a loner? You could definitely say that.
(50) What are your no. 1 priorities in life? Live, love, help others to do the same when I can... Find peace within myself, and share it.
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you? I can't answer that.
(52) Are you a daredevil? Ha... no.
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? Indolence. Laziness. Fear. Worry.
(54) Are you passive or aggressive? Yes.
(55) Have you got a journal? Que?
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness? I care.
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My world.
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity. Which would you choose: I like to think I am full of all three. A choice shouldn't be necessary but would have to be love.
(59) How do you vent? Depends on the nature of the problem. Tell friends; bitch, bitch, bitch.
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong? What do you think?
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? Hm... Regret's an interesting thing. You can regret something and still not want to go back and change it. There are a lot of regrets...
(62) Do you think life has been good so far? It's an agonizing glory.
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? You're ugly.
(64) What do you like the most about your body? I honestly don't know. It fits me.
(65) And least? I'm pretty fine about it.
(66) Do you think you are good looking? I'm the prettiest.
(67) Are you confident? Not really.
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like? There are many, almost all of them are female...
(70) Are you perceived wrongly? I'm fairly sure.
- - - - -
- - - - -
(71) Smoke? No.
(72) Do drugs? No.
(73) Read the newspaper? Recently, yes.
(74) Pray? To whom?
(75) Go to church? No.
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you? Usually. Morbid curiosity.
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals? No.
(78) Take walks in the rain? Yes. I like them a lot.
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them? Sometimes it's necessary.
(80) Drive? Yes.
(81) Like to drive fast? Sometimes.
- - - - -
WOULD OR HAVE YOU EVER...
- - - - -
(82) Liked your voice? No, not really.
(83) Hurt yourself? Yes.
(84) Been out of the country? Just Canada. And we all know Canada and Mexico are just America's hat and socks.
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick? Yes. I think it was squid that still looked like squid.
(88) Been in love? Yes.
(89) Done drugs? No.
(90) Gone skinny dipping? No.
(91) Had a medical emergency? Yes.
(92) Had a surgery? Yes. I'm allergic to anesthesia!
(93) Ran away from home? Naw.
(94) Played strip poker? I've sat back at a game, making sarcastic remarks.
(95) Gotten beaten up? No.
(96) Beaten someone up? No.
(97) Been picked on? Oh yeah.
(98) Been on stage? No.
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath? I can't even comprehend this, so I don't think so.
(100) Slept outdoors? Not that I can remember.
(101) Thought about suicide? Yes.
(102) Pulled an all-nighter? No.
(103) If yes, what is your record? And if no...?
(104) Gone one day without food? Yes.
(105) Talked on the phone all night? I'm sure.
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex first(moms and daddys don't count)? Yes, this has happened a lot.
(107) Slept all day? Yes.
(108) Killed someone? None of your business.
(109) Made out with a stranger? No.
(110) Had sex with a stranger? No.
(111) Thought you're going crazy? Yes.
(112) Kissed the same sex? Yes.
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex? Yes.
(114) Been betrayed? Yes.
(115) Had a dream that came true? Yes.
(116) Broken the law? Maybe bent it a little.
(117) Met a famous person? Not that I can recall.
(120) Have you ever killed an animal by accident? Not that I know of.
(121) On purpose? I don't hunt, and I try to let bugs outside rather than kill them, but often just kill 'em all.
(145) Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? Yes.
(146) Stolen anything? Yes... little things from work...
(147) Been on radio/tv? No.
(148) Been in a mosh-pit? No.
(149) Had a nervous breakdown? Yeah.
(150) Considered religious vocation? No.
(152) Bungee jumped? Nope.
(153) Had a dream that kept scoming back? Yeah, but I don't recall my dreams very well.
- - - - -
- - - - -
(154) Shoe brand? Shoes?
(155) Brand of clothing? Armani Exchange, Banana Republic, Gap, Club Monaco... Anywhere else I can find. It depends on the item, really, not the brand.
(156) Cologne/perfume? Something not overpowering...
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work? Ugh...
(158) How about parties? I don't get invited to parties. And if I am, I don't attend. What was it you asked earlier about being a loner?
(159) Wear hats? No, I have a large skull.
(160) Judge other people by their clothing? Sorta.
(161) Wear make-up? No. I have covered up slight imperfections in the past.
(162) Favourite place to shop? The Black Market.
(163) Favourite article of clothing? Things that are pretty.
(164) Are you trendy? Sorta. Depends on who you ask...
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school? Depends on the uniform. Would there be leather?
- - - - -
- - - - -
(166) Believe in life on other planets? I just hope they're smarter than the people here.
(167) Miracles? Not really.
(168) Astrology? A bit.
(169) Magic? Yep.
(170) God? Nope.
(171) Satan? Nope.
(172) Santa? Yes, but he doesn't so much bring gifts to children as disembowel them...
(173) Ghosts? Haven't seen them myself.
(174) Luck? I know mine's pretty shitty.
(175) Love at first sight? Hm, get back to me on that one.
(176) Yin and Yang (that good can't exist without the bad)? Yeah.
(177) Witches? Am one.
(178) Easter bunny? I don't even believe in the Cadbury Bunny.
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? I would imagine so.
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Rainbows are circular.
(181) Do you wish on stars? A huge body of gas in the far far distance will not bestow gifts upon me.
- - - - -
DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS
- - - - -
(182) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? Not at all.
(183) Do you think God has a gender? God who? If there is a god, he's not human, so why would he have a human gender base?
(184) Do you think that science counteracts religion? Depends on the religion. Mostly yes.
(185) Do you believe in organized religion? No.
(186) Where do you think we go when we die? I think we're reincarnated. The sea of souls, perhaps?
- - - - -
- - - - -
(187) Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? Yes.
(188) Who is your best friend? Brent. And Sandra.
(189) Who's the one person that knows most about you? Probably me. Meee! You don't know me!
(190) What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you? I've been advised to commit suicide. Although I was just told to forward this to ten people. That's pretty good.
(191) Your favourite inside joke? There are too many. "Done."
(192) Thing you're picked on most about? I've been called flag a lot. Minus the "l".
(193) Who's your longest known friend? Brent. Since 2nd grade.
(194) Newest? My roommates, I suppose. I already knew Heather, so Kathleen and Susan.
(195) Shyest? Heather, she's so quiet and withdrawn.
(196) Funniest? Most of my friends are pretty funny. Nicole is up there.
(197) Sweetest? Brent's really supportive. Christina, though a lovely girl, was sickeningly sweet at times.
(198) Closest? Brent and Sandra. Again.
(199) Weirdest? Nicole. She tried to kill me with Raid.
(200) Smartest? Whoever likes me the most.
(201) Ditziest? Susan keeps losing things. Other than that, she's the smartest person in the world.
(202) Friends you miss being close to the most? Pretty much everyone that I'm not. Closeness.
(203) Last person you talked to online? Sandra.
(204) Who do you talk to most online? Sandra.
(205) Who are you on the phone with most? Mother.
(206) Who do you trust most? Crispin, there's so little he could to betray me. (he's a dog)
(207) Who listens to your problems? Those who I choose to tell.
(208) Who do you fight most with? I've been passive lately...
(209) Who's the nicest? Brent. Sandra can be nice to a fault though...
(210) Who's the most outgoing? Nicole and Heather.
(211) Who's the best singer? I've never held a contest. Maybe I'll make it a reality show.
(212) Who's on your shit-list? Eww.
(213) Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend? No.
(214) Who's your second family? I think I spent more time this summer with the Whitfords than I had with my own family... Also, Sandra and Mama Trucksis are always cool. Had Thanksgiving there. Delightful people.
(215) Do you always feel understood? Hahahhahahaha...
(216) Who's the loudest friend? Heather.
(217) Do you trust others easily? Yeah. Though that's sometimes unfortunate.
(218) ???? - Indeed.
(219) Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: That's depressing for me right now.
(220) Do your friends know you? I wonder.
(221) Friend that lives farthest away: I haven't measured. I'm sure it's a close 'un.
- - - - -
LOVE, and all that
- - - - -
(222) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title? It's just a quiz, moron.
(225) Do you consider love a mistake? Hard not to sometimes.
(226) What do you find romantic? Romance.
(227) Turn-on? Things that are sexy.
(228) Turn-off? Dreadful, unsexy things.
(229) First kiss? Christina.
(231) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? I always feel guilty about this.
(232) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"? I haven't tried going "blind", I enjoy being a sighted person. Would you prefer to be blinded?
(233) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out? I don't care.
(235) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? Oh yeah...
(236) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? Does it matter anymore?
(237) What is best about the opposite sex? They're better at communicating, and tend to be more generally accepting of me.
(238) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex? Drama.
(245) Do you read porn? No.
(246) Read the articles? Well, no.
(247) Just the pics? Stop asking me about porn, pervert.
(248) What's the last present someone gave you? Money, patches...
(257) Are you in love? I'll kill you...
(258) Do you consider your significant other hot? The sea will run red with the blood of my enemies!
(264) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk? I'd look on and form a plan. Or attack them, and mutilate them out of jealousy.
- - - - - WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
- - - - -
(279) That haunted you? Literally? I've not been haunted.
(280) You wanted to kill? David.
(281) That you laughed at? Heather, when she said she was the most obnoxious person in the house.
(282) That laughed at you? Also Heather. "Brett, what the fuck?" she said with a chortle.
(283) That turned you on? Sure wasn't you.
(284) You went shopping with? Kathleen. We shop together a lot.
(285) That broke your heart? Everyone.
(286) To disappoint you? I'd rather not say.
(287) To ask you out? David, I guess.
(288) To make you cry? It's been a while since I've been able to cry. It's weird.
(289) To brighten up your day? Brent, on my craptacular birthday.
(290) That you thought about? Brent, we just talked about this, fucktard.
(291) You saw a movie with? Heather and Kathleen.
(292) You talked to on the phone? Mater.
(293) You talked to through IM/ICQ? Sandra, I think.
(294) You saw? I can see Heather right now. Crazy, isn't it?
(295) You lost? Lost in what sense? David, I guess.
- - - - -
RIGHT THIS MOMENT...
- - - - -
(337) Are you going out? Yeah right. I do that a lot.
(338) Will it be with your significant other? Fuck off.
(340) What are you wearing right now? Brown corderoys and a white shirt.
(341) Body-part you're touching right now: I just rubbed my eyes.
(342) What are you worried about right now? Too much. I'm sorta numb.
(343) What book are you reading? I'm not reading a book right now.
(344) What's on your mousepad? This isn't my computer.
(345) Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: I. Am. Bored. Now... Bitch.
(346) Are you bored? Funny you should ask.
(347) Are you tired? Yeah.
(348) Are you talking to anyone online? No.
(349) Are you talking to anyone on the phone? No.
(350) Are you lonely or content? Lonely.
(351) Are you listening to music? No.
current mood: accomplished
current music: quack
|Sunday, September 21st, 2003|
12:54 pm - Indolence prevents me from writing for myself.
How do they do it?
People. How do they function? Here.
Like this, in the world, with all this
bile running through them. Every day, it's ...
She runs her hand up and down, "rollercoaster" style.
Whooo... you have no control they're
not even animals they're just these
meatbaggy slaves to hormones and
pheromones and their, and their... feelings.
I mean really, is this what the poets
go on about? This? Call me crazy.
But as hard core drugs go, human
emotion's just useless. People are
puppets, everyone getting jerked
around by what they're feeling - am
I wrong? Really, I want to know.
Glory waits for an answer. Dawn, holding her throat, doesn't say a thing.
Gonna bleed you either way.
It depends on the person.
So, you're saying some people like this?
Funny, 'cause I look around at this
world you're so eager to be a part of,
and all I see's six billion lunatics
looking for the fastest ride out.
Who's not crazy? Look around -
everyone's drinkin', smokin', shootin'
up, shootin' each other or just plain
screwing their brains out because they
don't want 'em anymore. I'm crazy?
Honey, I am the original one-eyed
chicklet in the kingdom of the blind
'cause at least I admit the world makes
current mood: lazy
current music: Don't you mean, Bizarro Music?
|Saturday, September 20th, 2003|
2:10 pm - Alive.
Well, I survived my birthday, ladies and gentlemen.|
All I really did was sit around the house all day. My mom came with her boyfriend and his kids and took me to dinner. I got money and mail. Damn money. Damn mail.
My bank account has been closed. I owe them $75... goodbye money. It would have been nice to pay bills and buy things... And I have to find a new bank to open an account at... Even though my credit may be ruined now...
Maybe I can restart the barter system...
Although, they say everything happens for a reason. At least now David won't know every monetary move I make... Although I'm sure he's aware of the account being all foreclosed and all... Oh well, screw him. Must find new solution for new problem. I have too many...
I got sick last night. Either I had what's been plaguing Sandra, or I got food poisoning from TGIFriday's... But I felt like crap and couldn't sleep until 4 or so. So, I just woke up at two in the afternoon.
It's a wonderful life.
I think next year, I'm going to not celebrate my birthday.
current mood: bad
current music: nasal me
|Thursday, September 18th, 2003|
3:33 pm - Yum.
I think my strongest skill is my ability to waste time.|
It's amazing how fast a day can go by and have almost nothing happen.
This skill also seems to work on others, as I have kept many a friend up too late, from doing homework, or from being to class on time.
Is this a good thing?
Maybe time will tell. Maybe we'll never know.
"I'm like some kind of conversational, delicious waffle."~
current mood: still violently angelic...
current music: Madge.
1:32 am - One more Day till D-Day
Sleep is easy to do, but to begin is to give up the day... I waste far too many days.
My birthday is approaching and it looks like I'll actually have a lot to do.
I mean besides the normal things. Things that I never do. Because I'm scared, or ignorant, or indolent. For whatever reason... I always feel like I need help.
My uncle has set up a bed and breakfast in New York. www.unionstreetguesthouse.com
Check it out, yo... Hrm, yeah, if you know me, you probably don't know what to make of that...
He tells my mother he thinks I should move to New York to pursue an advertising career.
Now, I don't know about being an advertiser. I don't give a crap what people buy. I think advertisement is boring... But New York does sound tempting, but am I ready for that? I have trouble with crappy old Grand Rapids, I'm not sure I'm competitive enough for New York... Although it's possible that New York isn't ready for me...
Heather was singing "Poor Unfortunate Souls" today, and we decided that the career I am best suited for is that of Sea Witch. Granted, my favorite Disney character is Maleficent, but let me tell you, being a bad fairy may get you all the venegeance and minions you want, but it doesn't pay. Ursula's job seemed much more lucrative, this is assuming that folks' souls are still going for pretty high on the market. And if not, I could always ask for other things.
Although if my death had to come down to being killed with a magic sword, or being impaled by a pointy boat, I think I'd take the former. Maybe I should rethink the bad fairy position. You never get invited to parties, but at least you can get back at them for it.
Now I'm starting to think I may already be a bad fairy. Or perhaps faerie? I have always preferred that spelling... I wonder if there's a more politically correct term these days...
But now it's my birthday coming up... It's my party and I get to decide who's invited.
Ah Hell, even *I* wouldn't invite me to a party.
But I still expect presents...
current mood: violently angelic
current music: no more! luckily the cricket is dead...
|Wednesday, September 17th, 2003|
1:09 am - Stuff it.
Dreams are weird. There was this one last night where I had a job for this place called "Pizza King", but there was no pizza involved. I just did deliveries with this other guy, and it was always on foot and inside large buildings... And he was enamored with Beth, whom I haven't even been in contact with for some time, he would send her flowers and things. I would talk to Sandra about how weird all of this was, not so much on the phone, as she would just be there... This all seemed completely pointless but I thought I'd share.|
Actual job is still non-existant. Although I have turned in applications. These are the most boring thing you could possibly spend all your time doing. Not to mention that they occasionally request copious amounts of information on things that don't really matter and don't give enough space to possibly fit. Maybe I'll just get a job stuffing envelopes, I did it before for David, and I'm not sure I am fit for a job that calls for me to interact with the public.
My birthday is Friday, September 19. I have no clue what I'm doing but I options are certainly starting to pop up here and there. I'm thinking at some point I will purchase and consume an entire tube of cookie dough. My birthdays tend to be bad though... Still, I retain a certain optimism, as I've yet to start having visions of myself being crucified. Then I'll start worrying. My sister, who apparently has some sort of respiratory virus, called me to inform me that Christina called early in regards to my birthday. Bless her, she's a sweet girl.
Hopefully once I get some sort of income going things will start looking up for me. I'd like to think there's still something out there for me.
current mood: melancholy
current music: twisting, bending sheet metal
|Thursday, September 11th, 2003|
11:21 pm - Splat.
What's the point of me? I'm starting to feel like a very bad movie.|
I'm not much fun, I know that. I never know what I'm doing, so often very little of interest happens. My utter lack of drive seems to be something of a joke to others, occasionally even myself. But it's not funny.
Not going to school this semester is sad. I drove past today and saw all the people. I'm not a people person, that's common knowledge, but sometimes it doesn't hurt just to be among them. Particularly artists, who tend to have a more accepting attitude towards my own attitude. There's always the potential for someone new who will actually understand me...
I'm so lonely. I never meet anyone new. And I'm still being haunted by the old in my head. It occupies the regions of my mind and I can never seem to wipe it away. It's like an old couch, burned and covered in cigarrette stains.
I'm starting to get used to stains, blemishes on reality. Things that should never be where they are, they only cover what's supposed to be there, stealing its breath and ability to act as it should. It's all over. In people, politics, culture, it's everywhere. It seems eventually we'll all just be smothered by stains on our selves...
Ugh, I'm so depressed right now.
current mood: lonely
current music: going through the motions