Mike

9:35pm: Holy shnikies!
Damn.. it's been a long-ass time...

5:14pm: Hick Chicks
Cowboy Troy somehow managed to intertwine Country, rock, and yes... hip hop... and ya know what?.. It aint all that bad!

Cracks me up...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ikLtYF8Y3Q

11:58am: Work.
Is draggin the fuck on. And people really need to stop and smell some fucking roses... or, just stop for God's sake so I can take a fuckin break.

12:01am: So it's fuckin 08.
Fuckin new year.

Yes, I cheated on the time stamp. Did you expect me to really be sitting here waiting for the New Year so I could post?... I was too busy partyin' con leche.

Jog on!

2:50pm: Fuck California. And banks. Fuck the banks too.
I'm tired of the realtor telling me that 'ethically' the bank wont release info of the current bid.
FUCK ethics. Ethics don't count when this guy wants his damned house! (not just to make a few bucks like them other a-holes.)
Garrr!
I also got to thinking that maybe... the bank drags this crap out, just to see who will anti-up over the asking price.
Maybe they saw my full cost offer and thought they'd make me sweat more and offer over the asking price. Maybe the other 8 offers were lowballs..
Fuck!!!... I dunno... What I know is that this is seriously frustrating.

2:39pm: Fucking GAAAARRRR!!!...
This has been the single most stressing event lately... Goddamn home-buying fucking shit.

Part of me wants to hold up the bank that owns the house. Another part of me wants to call the manager and flash some brass or silvertongue.
Another part of me wants to knock down a couple walls of this damned house. If I can't have it, no one can!


Now, every house I see on the online listings, I see, and compare to it. Fuck.

8:06pm: What I deserve.
Treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Cause I'm a great man. And I'll treat you as amazingly, cause you're a great woman.

6:38pm: Just a reminder...
*Emotional legal disclaimer.*

My blurty does not always reflect my true feelings.
What it does capture, is my momentary wrath on occasion.
Then reality sets in, and I don't always have time for Blurty while dealing with life; aka, reality.

5:00am: Fuck.
Fuck you alcoholism. Fuck you beer, fuck you liquor, fuck you for what you bring out in others.
Fuck you alcohol.

7:59pm: As easily as me...
I'm not sure I could say that forgiving was as 'easily done...' cause it's still very sour in my mind.
I still think about it, and details never discussed, but later thought up of; still occur.
I have faith in you, otherwise I wouldn't waste yours or my time. But there's gonna be a certain apprehension. At least, there is now... and may be down the road, whenever it crosses my mind.

Trust is earned, and earning requires time. As will this wound to heal. But I'm not faking anything.

3:52pm: Your prank.
You played a prank on me.
And the look on my face might have suggested "oh fuck; maybe not."
But the feeling in my gut said "I'm down."

2:15am: Man vs. Wild
To estimate remaining daylight...
Place your hand below the sun, and count how many fingers to the horizon. Each finger represents about 15 minutes.
That's the coolest fuckin thing I've heard.

8:09am: Hot dog to the head.
Guttermouth:


(chorus)
hot dog to the head
did you hear what i just said
right before you go to bed
you get a god damn hot dog to the head
(repeat chorus)
(repeat chorus)
(repeat chorus)
wiener to the face
puts you right in your place
how do you like the taste
you get a fucking wiener in the face
wiener to the face
puts you right in your place
how do you like the taste
you get a big ol wiener in the face
schnitzel to the lips
one between the tits
two between the hips
how bout a schnitzel to the lips
schnitzel to the lips
one between the tits
how do you like my lisp
how bout a schnitzel to the lips
(guitar)
(repeat chorus)
(repeat chorus)
(repeat chorus)

12:13am: I just thought of something.
15 years from now.
I want you there.
Mother of my children.
I want you there.
My home, dog, 2.5 kids, and picket fence.
I want you there.

10:37pm: For my Eva.
Just thought I'd leave a new entry to tell you that you're gorgeous.

I love you so much.

Mike

7:53pm: Your journal
Is lame.
Now that all the current stuff is hidden, everytime I go to 'Friends', etc, I get an error message saying you don't exist, that I have no friends, etc.
And I still cant see the stuff you write when you respond to my comments! Grrrr!

7:21pm: I really don't...
wanna be here.
I'm worried... and I really, really, wish I could be home right now.
I love you hun.

10:17pm: Today is a good day.
Today was a great day actually.
Yesterday was pretty good to me as well.

Yes, there's downfalls here and there... and plans fall apart more often than not sometimes, or so it'd seem...
But looking into my girl's eyes, made me realize that it really isn't about the destination, but the trip.
And she's quite a trip sometimes...

I am head over heels for her... and that's about as faggish as it gets.

12:39am: They say a picture's worth a thousand words...
Well, this saves me a lot of typing.


Thanks Milton.

10:25pm: I just don't fuckin belong.
I am in a terrible, horrible mood.
I can't stand the sight of anyone here.
I can't remember the last time I felt so insignificant.
I begun to hate this place with a passion I've forgotten.
I can't continue being the 'why me' guy.. but Goddammit... when's it gonna let off??
I'm hiding in the basement... cause I don't want to see people tonight.
This will only pan out a little longer.
I'm depressed in a way I can't describe.

4:18am: Pick me up, before you go-go
I got a new truck.
It's fullsize.
Seats more than five.
With a little luck,
we'll pull outta the muck.
I got a new truck.
It's blue.
Room enough for me and you.

I'm done with that. I feel stupid for leaving it and not erasing it.

Anyways, I have a new truck. I love it cause it's roomy as hell, and way overpowered. But, coming from an extensive history of classics and musclecars, etc. That shouldn't be that exciting. But it is.

And the back seat has already been broken in. Giggity.
Good Fuckin. Truck.
That's all folks.

Oh, and inside tidbit o' info... If we had taken an extra minute or less... your friends would have known everything.
Smooth.. Real smooth.

4:06am: Got to break it up... cause that shit's too long.
Sometimes you gotta break the turd into pieces so that it will be swallowed easier by the whirlpool that I've focused at your brain.

If you didn't notice... I just called you all shit-heads. I think.

Something occurred to me moments ago...
I haven't seen my friends in a long, long time.

My closest friend.. is, well, like me. Too busy, and when not too busy... well, we have the same days off, but our personal lives conflict, so we never hang out.
My other friends have basically abandoned me. I was there for them whenever, and where ever.
Well.... lately I haven't afforded them that time. And looking back on it.. they gave me chances.. but I denied those attempts.
I've been making myself too busy... but I couldn't tell you matter of fact what's been truly making me that busy or if I'd correct it if given the chance.

I feel like the giver. And the giver has run out. The well has run dry, and the thirsty are looking for alternate rivers.

3:40am: I just caught myself lying...
I just told Eva on the phone that I havent had a desire or want to write in this journal.
That's not true.
Truth is, my computer has been MIA for a month now. And, here at work... I'm usually busy it seems.
But... there's been at least a few times here that I've had very little or nothing to do.
And as far as wanting to write something... or having a topic... to say I don't is a bold face lie.

Thing is, life's been pretty good to me.. in general; sure. But lately... very good.

My work sucks. It's been dragging me down. It pays well, and I'm proud of the work, but the politics and massive piles of bullshit coming from these faggots has my emotions pinned to the ground while they dangle acidic wads of spit over my face. Fucking assholes.

But, it's really not all that bad. I mean, the rest of my life has been good. I just bought a new truck, and that's got me pie-eyed and stupid for a week now.
Eva and I went to a concert in Paso a few days ago... where they played both kinds of music... country AND western. It was good times.
I'm engaged... still... I know. Living with Eva has been... pleasant. She's taken on a new kind of responsibility in herself.. and I'm thrilled to see it. She's taken on herself things, duties, responsibilities, whatever you want to call them... on herself... that I wouldn't have asked for. But to see her take those steps, means the world to me, cause it shows me that she values this and me too. That's been a huge load off me.
It still takes some adjusting though.. no doubt. I mean, I've been happily single and sloppy for a long time now.
It's not easy to realize that she may not be able to just 'add' her stuff to mine. She's right... some things will have to be trashed in order to combine ourselves. And sometimes that's scary. I like my stuff... I've never been a fan of throwing away my stuff. I've been called a packrat. It's somewhat true.
But the other day she mentioned not having enough room, and that some of her stuff just might not make it to the keeper pile. But, honestly, a lot of my stuff is cheap garbage... and it would make more sense to keep the best stuff.

A few weeks ago I had a random-as-fuck job offer to work in loans or something.
The lady asked what I do currently and I told her. Once you're in the kind of career I'm in... you don't really leave. Not because you can't... but... well... sort of. Going back to civie life would take an adjustment. It's part of my mentality... and if you told me
"no, you can't. It's not your job."
Well, I wouldn't take too kindly to that.

But she played past my response and further argued my ability to succeed with... whatever the fuck the lending bank's name was.... And asked if I'd like to come visit and see if I'd be interested.

'No' was off my tongue and out my lips before my brain even processed a logical reason why not to.

Later I began thinking about 8-5 schedules, and 'regular' guy type mentalities, etc. And I faltered. I started thinking... I could... and this would be good... and this might be cool.... and related stupid self arguments like that.

But I can't. Well, I feel like I can't. I know I can... but that kind of transition... I can't comprehend it. And, I don't think I want to.

I've gone through a lot of crap in the mere 5 years I've been actively involved in this career. And wondering if the grass would be greener is a scary proposal. I'm very dedicated to what I do and represent. I have been since I was a child.
Once there... there's no looking back.

9:38pm: I am...
totally engaged.

Wow.

Condolences and donations can be mailed to me.

Woot!

4:19pm: I'm bored as fuck.
And instead of doing anything constructive... I'm sitting around on the net getting old.
Much to my surprise, I hear sobbing, particularly loud sobbing, outside yonder window.

Thinking I might have an activity at hand, I look out the window to track the origination of this whining.

I expected to see a child, with skinned knee. Or perhaps a young boy with a run-over dog carcass.

What did I spy with my little eye(s)?

A fat bitch. Crying in the car lot below my window. Probably dropped her Big Mac.
I kid; she's inside the car with her boyfriend, balling her little eyes out about how she 'needs someone'

I'm annoyed. These people are my neighbors. They moved in a few weeks ago, and they started fighting the first night they took the residence next door... a single wall away.

And why is it that fat and ugly people get no sympathy when they're emotional like that? I'm not saying I'd care more if she was a hot chick... but am I wrong? When ugly people cry, the rest of the world is merely annoyed.
When pretty people cry, we feel bad for their plight.

It's a rhetorical question, I know. It's because ugly people are not human. That's just the truth of it all.

'I'm really pretty'...