Carla Gypsygirl's Blurty

Stir-fry THIS!

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Clockwise from top left: Lucy Liu, Sandra Oh and Tia Carrere.
Even these beautiful and talented women are typecast in “Asian” roles.
I’ve been running back and forth between interviews and auditions. The things I’ll do for money, stability and a patch of earth to call my own! I’ve been to 8 interviews and 2 auditions this month. That’s 10 mornings when I have worried about what to wear; 10 moments of trying to convey confidence with my handshake and smile; 10 times when I have resisted the urge to shout, “STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS AND JUST GIMME A JOB!” Things at Ye Olde Department Store are not that great. I am fighting a lot with Inga, the other lady who works in my department and who is disliked by pretty much everyone. I am entangled by a web of rumours, none of which are about me.

My most interesting and humiliating job-seeking experience of late was an audition I attended for a Chinese stir-fry sauce ad. I can’t believe that I even went there in the first place. I mean, I am constantly whinging about how Asians are stereotyped in mass media. Like, Asians are so often depicted as being daft, nerdy, martial arts fiends, gullible, conservative, doctors, and only ever wearing clothes made of floral satin. And that’s only naming a few cliches.

The audition was at 6.30pm, which is unusual- most auditions are on during the day. It was in an inner-city Sydney suburb, and I had to scurry through the dark and dodgy streets on my own. There was a boy and girl having a lover’s tiff outside one of the terrace houses- the girl was walking as quickly as she could while the boy shouted after her, “Well, call it, Jacinta, I want you to call it!” Jacinta then went into her terrace and locked the boy out. He stood outside her door and looked lost.

Once I got to the casting agency, I was dismayed to see a whole crowd of Asian people waiting to audition. This meant that I’d have to wait ages for my turn, and also that I’d have less of a chance to get the part. But the main reason I was mad because I realised that this would be an ad full of Asian clichés. At the same time as my stir-fry ad was being cast, a McDonald’s ad was also being cast. It was obvious who was auditioning for which ad- the Asian people were waiting for the stir-fry auditions, and the blonde-haired, blue-eyed and porcelain skinned people were waiting for the McDonald’s ad. It was a load of crap, if you ask me. Because most of the McDonald’s I go to have Asian staff. And I don’t know one Asian person who uses ready-mixed stir-fry sauce from a jar. And why wouldn’t Asians be seen eating McDonald’s? Aren’t Macca’s Golden Arches one of the most recognised symbols in the world?

I took a seat amongst a few Asian girls, and I heard strains of people singing the stir-fry sauce jingle. “Great- I have to sing,” I grumbled to myself. I became quite angry at myself for going along to the audition. I was in a bad mood and didn’t want to talk, but the other girls there were new to the acting scene and wanted to talk about agents, auditions and stuff. We swapped details of our cultural heritage- there was an Indonesian girl, an Australian-born Japanese/Malaysian girl, a Chinese girl and an Australian-born Chinese girl (me). One girl told me that she found it hard to find a Caucasian boyfriend who wouldn’t feel queasy about her Asian culture.

After waiting for about half an hour, I went into the audition room with another girl called Sophie. The writers of the ad and the directors were sitting in there- and none of them were Asian. I felt like I was a racial novelty to them. This was one of Sophie’s first auditions, and she was pretty clueless. I felt sorry for her, because going to your first few auditions can be tough. Anyway, the casting agent told us what we’d have to do. The story was that this little boy walks through the streets, humming the stir-fry sauce jingle. Suddenly, Asian people pop out from everywhere and start running after him in a big mob, singing the jingle. Then, everyone bursts into the little boy’s house and eats the stir-fry his mum has made him. So Sophie and I had to run towards each other from opposite sides of the blue screen while singing the jingle, all while looking ecstatic and hungry. We then had to run on the spot, facing the camera, and sing the jingle at double-time. Then we had to stop singing while this stupid faux-Chinese instrumental played- you know, gongs and Chinese violins and bells and things. Then we had to gaze at the camera with open-mouthed amazement and say, “YUM!” I was trying to be polite as the casting agent briefed us, but I couldn’t help feeling really cross. I didn’t want to do such a stupid thing! And Sophie was freaking out- as a Chinese girl who had only been in Australia for a year, she had never heard of this stir-fry sauce, and she didn’t know the jingle. But I did it anyway- smiling like a Hi-5 host, hugging Sophie like she was my best friend and then gasping “YUM!” like a vaudeville vamp. Then Sophie and I had to do the whole thing again individually. I jumped around like a maniac, while Sophie swayed and stroked her long hair like a Hong Kong popstar.

I felt so ashamed that I even participated in that audition. I should have walked out. But the entertainment industry in Australia is a small one, and I couldn’t risk getting a bad reputation. By participating in that audition and even thinking about being in that ad, I would be perpetuating racial stereotypes. I was selling my ancient heritage for a jar of crappy stir-fry sauce. Sure, I need more work to beef up my acting CV, and ads always pay better than films. I probably could have bought my wedding dress with what they were going to pay me. But the last thing that I want to do is sell out. God has given me my passion for acting for a reason. I think that God loves all people, whether they are white, black, brown, pink or yellow, and He has created all people with different personalities and interests. Not all Asians are mathematical geniuses who like manga. While I know that many great actors started off by doing ad work, I would prefer to be in an ad that is clever and thoughtful, that doesn’t try to define a whole race in a snappy jingle.

After the audition, I just wanted to walk to the train station by myself and think over things. But Sophie wanted to walk with me. I later realised that the reason why she wanted to walk with me was because I was a living, breathing example of an Eastern Girl born in a Western World, and she wanted to ask me questions. And boy, did she have a lot of questions. Here are a few of them:

“Were you popular at school because you are Chinese?”
(No, I got teased mercilessly, and all I wanted to be was blonde and do physi.)
“Why don’t you go home to China?”
(Because I was born here, which means that China was never my home.)
“Do Aussie boys think Chinese girls are sexy? Or do they think brown or white girls are more sexy? Who is the sexiest?”
(I don’t know- isn’t sexiness and matter of taste?)
“Why don’t you speak Chinese?”
(Because my parents speak English all the time. Because I was really naughty as a kid when my mum was trying to teach me Chinese, and she got sick of me asking her how to say “bum” and “poo”.)
“Do your parents mind that your fiancé isn’t Chinese?”
(No, they love him.)
“Are most of your friends Chinese?”
(Some of them are, and some of them aren’t.)

Sophie asked me these questions rather loudly, and lots of people were staring at us. Because she was talking so much and asking me so many annoying questions, we got lost and ended up having to walk an hour to get to the train station. It usually only takes 10 minutes. That boy was still waiting outside Jacinta’s door, waiting for her to come back to him. He pretended to look at his phone when we walked past, maybe in case we thought he was a pervert and called the cops.

Sophie not only asked me questions, she also told me what she thought about Australia and her own future. She told me that she thought all Aussie guys were “assholes”- that all they want is sex. I told her she was just meeting the wrong guys- I think that all guys are as nice as each other, whatever their race. Everyone has a different personality. I was surprised that she knew a phrase as Australian as “assholes”, so I asked her what other phrases she had learnt. I thought she’d say, “G'day, mate!” or something, but instead, she said that she had learnt to say “stupid jerk”, “dickhead” and “f*** off.” I asked her if she could teach me how to swear in Chinese, and she said that she couldn’t. Sophie felt fine about swearing in a foreign language, but swearing in her own language was a whole other matter. I guess I felt the same way. Swearing in another language is always a bit funnier. Sophie told me about her own love life- her ex-boyfriend was an Australian boy who was 2 years younger than her who drank, smoked and worked in a warehouse. He wanted to take her to the football with his family on the weekend. “That’s a good sign!” I told her, “It means that he likes you a lot.” But she wasn’t interested. She said he was sweet, but she wanted to be with someone who could look after her financially, and who her parents would approve of. “A Chinese guy would treat me like a princess. I would have no problem getting a boyfriend in China. In China, I’m a playgirl.” I don’t think she meant to say playgirl, though. I think that she just meant that she got a lot of male attention in China. Anyway, Sophie said that she wanted to get married to a rich boy who would buy her designer things. I asked her, “Why don’t you just get a job and buy all of that stuff yourself? That's what I'd do, anyway. I'd rather know that I worked hard for what I bought.” Sophie looked at me like I was crazy and said that that wouldn’t be fun at all- after all, what else were boys good for?

When we finally reached the train station and parted ways, I realised that even though I thought Sophie was supremely irritating, I was as interested in her life in the East as she was interested in my life in the Wild West. It shocks me how two people can both look Chinese, but have completely different backgrounds. Sometimes, I wish that I could be more Chinese. I wish that I could order weird Chinese desserts at yum cha without thinking that they were freaky-looking and probably yucky, and I have often wondered what life would be like if I was engaged to a Chinese boy. But, having seen a couple of different countries around the world, I also know what a wonderful country Australia is. Sometimes, I am really surprised by how ocker my accent is. I know that if I were to move to another country and live there for the rest of my life, I would always talk about Australia and what my life was like in that beautiful, sunny country. I am very proud of my cultural heritage, and I admire everything my grandparents and father went through to settle down in Australia- in a time where many non-Asians thought they were savages. I also love being Australian. My cultural identity is something that I will always question and struggle with, and I didn’t appreciate being asked such personal questions by someone I didn’t even know. I also didn’t like having my cultural heritage summarised into a few lyrics, cheongsams, gongs and gestures. I think that you can't help where you are born and who you fall in love with, and so people shouldn't question you over it.

I still haven’t heard back about that stir-fry ad. But there are some things that you just can’t compromise- like your integrity. If they offer me the role, I won’t take it- fancy wedding dress or not. I would rather cook a stir-fry from the recipe that my mum has given me than use that manufactured, bland crap from the supermarket.