| 10:34p |
Argh, it's monstrous!
Okay, so, here's a secret: I actually really like reading Woman's Weekly magazine. I know that I am at least 20 years below their target demographic, but I just can't help it. When I was a kid, I always used to sneak into my mum's room to read it. I loved the wholesome advice. I loved its blathering coverage of the life of royals. I loved the makeup tips. At work today, one of the other sales ladies had an old Woman's Weekly, and I totally dived for it. I read about Jools Oliver (Jamie Oliver's wife), and her love for being a mum. I lapped up the story on ex-Princess Fergie and her daughters living it up in New York. I know that this is a totally weird thing to confess, but I have always been honest with my writing, haven't I?
But a more interesting secret is this: I totally have a jealous streak. If someone else has something that I really, really want, I get all cross and covetous, and I start to dislike them. I never used to be the jealous type, but the older I get, the bigger my green eyed monster grows. Here, for your perusal and contemplation, are some recent examples.
Object of Jealousy 1: The film starlet
The night that Geoff and I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean was the same night that a certain movie had its big opening premiere shindig at the same theatre. And, unfortunately, it was a movie that I had auditioned for. As we entered the theatre, there were people laying out a red carpet for the arrival of the movie stars. There were posters EVERYWHERE inside the complex for the new stupid movie. I was SO MAD! I was fuming! I felt SO jealous, because I wanted that role SO BADLY. I was convinced that it would have been my big break. I found out that the role went to a girl who was heaps more experienced than me, so I guess I didn't really have that much of a chance. But still! That could have been me! Instead of working in a department store, I could have spreads devoted to me in InStyle! And, on a tangent, I was surprisd to find that I really enjoyed seeing Pirates of the Caribbean. Every generation needs a good action/adventure trilogy, and Pirates might just do the trick for the Noughties kids. Although, the latest Pirates of the Caribbean flick is more comedy than action. I mean, hello, the main villain had billions of tentacles for a beard. That's just silly. But, back to the jealousy thing, Keira Knightly has said that when she filmed the first Pirates movie, there were heaps of girls on the set who were jealous of her kiss with Orlando Bloom. I wasn't jealous of her kiss with Orlando- I was jealous of her kiss with Johnny Depp! Johnny is hilarously camp as Captain Jack Sparrow. And somehow, he manages to come across as quite a hottie, even though he wears heaps of eyeliner and probably smells bad. While Orlando is, of course, very attractive, his character in Pirates is just so good and boring that even when he's coated in mud and seawater, he STILL seems dull. Give me a grimy pirate any day!
Object of Jealousy 2: The cyber skanks
Geoff is in a metal band called Passive Escape, and they have just finished recording their first EP. As is the tradition of bands of the electronic age, they have a MySpace thingy all set up. I still don't really get what MySpace does, but people dig it, so I ain't complaining. Anyway, one day, Geoff and I had this big fight. I came home, and even though I was mad at him, I still went onto his band's MySpace to check it out. And you know what? The site was FLOODED with little pictures of girls in strappy singlets doing pouty faces. They had written comments like, "wow, u guyz totally rock, i luv prog metal!!!!! cant wait til u tour, i'm gonna b front row, LOL!!!!!!! lotsa luv, Nicki!!!!!" Who were these girls? Why were they panting over a band whose music THEY HADN'T EVEN HEARD YET? I mean, ladies, calm down! So I called Geoff, and I was like, "WHO ARE ALL OF THESE SKANKY BITCHES?" Me, jealous? Of course, Geoff didn't even know the girls, and he wasn't keen on them, anyway. But still! The less competition, the better! And just now, Geoff is on a band photo shoot, and I SMSed him to tell him to pose in a way that indicated that he was hot and talented, and also that he had a girlfriend who would bash any potential groupies! Being a groupie in the electronic age is just too easy. Penny Lane from Almost Famous would be appalled at the MySpace shenanigans. What happened to the good old days of just rocking up to SEE the band, instead of trying to flatter and smile and LOL your way into the arms of a sweaty metal boys? I wasn't going to go to all of Geoff's gigs, but I WILL NOW. I'll be the girl clutching his arm at the end of the shows and glaring down any excitable, female teenagers. You have been warned.
Object of Jealousy 3: The uni friend
Geoff and I went to a party last night. The party was held by one of Geoff's uni friends. I hadn't actually met any of Geoff's uni friends before, because he does uni by correspondence, and so most of his uni friends are either a) from country NSW, or b) non-existent. On a tangent, the party was totally not what I expected. The theme was "Rockstar", so I was wearing purple tights, lots of black eyeliner, and teased hair (to name a few details). I put heaps of eyeliner on Geoff, too, much to the amusement of onlookers. He was going for the Johnny Depp look, and indeed, he looked great! People would cross the street to get away from him, because he looked really scary. Anyway, I was expecting a party full of hip young things, dressed up as new-rockers, with skinny jeans and cardies and unwashed hair. Instead, we found ourselves in a sports bar with a lot of people in their forties wearing fetish-esque gear. Scary, right? So anyway, I met one of Geoff's uni friends, and I was TOTALLY JEALOUS OF HER! She was really sweet and funny and confident, and the whole time I just kept thinking, "KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY MAN!" Which, of course, was TOTALLY IRRATIONAL of me, as Geoff has told me he is not interested in this girl, and the girl is not interested in him. But still! She's cute and has cool dress sense and they would look good together! So, while I was trying to get over my jealousy, I foolishly volunteered to do a karaoke duet with Geoff to Don't Call Me Baby by Madison Avenue. Even though I knew the tune and the lyrics (I have their album, shhhhhhh), I still sounded AWFUL, and my face went bright red! But at least we were better than the couple who did Killing Me Softly. When in doubt with karaoke, go for the laughs. No-one wants to see you try to hit the high notes. They just want to laugh at you. At least I could deliver that.
Object of Jealousy 4: The famous rich girl
Today, this girl came into my store. She was really pretty- she had wide, brown eyes with curly lashes, long brown hair and a sweet little figure. Her makeup was done by a professional (girls can spot these things, you know), so I figured that she was a model. Anyway, she wanted to buy a silk neck scarf for a friend's birthday. This customer (I'll call her Rebecca, which isn't her real name) was really nice, and almost shy. She said she'd been doing a bit of modelling that day, and she asked if I'd been busy. Anyway, eventually she chose a pale pink scarf for her friend, who she said she didn't really know that well. Rebecca said that it was for a friend of a friend, really. So, as I put Rebecca's sale through, I looked at her credit card and read her name. And you know what? She was TOTALLY FAMOUS. She was the daughter of a famous, rich Australian couple, and she's just starting to become an It Girl in her own right, too. So I just kept acting normal, and I wrapped the scarf up all nicely. And Rebecca was totally playing down the party for her friend of a friend- she said it was just a small dinner thing. But I bet I will read all about it in the Sunday gossip pages. Anyway, I have seen and served a few celebrities at my work, and I'm not usually jealous of them. They are often really loud and weird, or they wear too much makeup, or they are rude, or they are shorter than I expect, etc. But Rebecca? I was TOTALLY jealous of her. Like, she just had the whole package. She was rich, famous, pretty...and most of all, NICE. If she was really awful to me, I'd just think, "Well, you might have things that I don't, but at least I'm not a cow." But Rebecca was well-mannered and kind, and she even looked a bit embarrassed when I had to write her name down on her receipt (which is a procedure we do for all of our customers). Argh! Some people just have it all!
***
See? I am TOTALLY a jealous person. I could give Iago a run for his money. I am praying that I will be more content. I know that it is silly and irrational to be jealous, but sometimes, it just seems like other people have things way better than you do. It's hard not be be all wishful for certain things in life. I guess everyone gets jealous. I still don't like feeling jealous- it always makes me feel petty and bitter. I'm going to try harder to be happier with what I have. But I'm still going to check Passive Escape's MySpace every now and then. Just to make sure. Actually, I might do that right now.
Yours greenishly,
Carla Gypsygirl xxx |