Carla Gypsygirl's Blurty

Like Nivea said: One, don't mess with the radio! Two, don't tell me which way to go!

One of my friends at church, Katrina, works as a producer for the local Christian radio station. A bunch of us meet at her and her husband’s house for Bible study on Tuesday nights. One particular night, we were about to start the study when I burst out with, “Guys, I have a dilemma- I can’t concentrate on this study until I talk about it! Can you help me?” I told the gang about my issue, and they all gave me advice. Katrina said, “You should go on my radio program. We have a segment called ‘What’s Your Dilemma?’”

I thought that ol’ Treens was kidding about it, but to my surprise, she called me the next week and asked me if I’d go on her show. And, as you all know, I am a massive ham and I love attention, so I said yes. Treens and I brainstormed about what sort of problem I could talk about. Should I talk about Mustafa, my hapless stalker? What about leaving a church because of a boy’s betrayal? Finally, we settled upon an issue that was close to both of our hearts: surfing the net while you are at work. The next day, Treens called me, and we did a pre-record of me talking about my dilemma. That picture you see above is a dummy picture- Geoff took that photo of me last year, when we went to see our friend Jamil doing some work in a recording studio. But the photo does look very relevant, does it not?

Anyway, this whole being-on-the-radio thing totally went to my head. I imagined that someone, somewhere would be listening in, and they’d ask me to become the newest announcer on Nova or something. I told heaps of my friends to listen out for me on 103.2FM, at a little after 10pm on Sunday night.

But one thing that I forgot about, dear readers, was my purpose for being on the radio. I forgot that, after my dilemma was played on the radio, people would phone in and give me advice. I went on the radio as a favour for my buddy Treens, and also because I thought it would be funny. So, of course, I was rather shocked by the callers’ response.

Furthermore, my segment ended up being played at 10:30pm, and not 10:01pm, as I told all of my friends. So, my friends who did tune in at 10pm got an earful of sex and dating-related advice for Christian singles. I had to text a few friends to say, “I AM NOT ON THE CHRISTIAN SEX SEGMENT! I’m up next, I swear!”

And so, dear friends, here is the transcript. You can make up your minds about what you think of me and my radio debut.

Open House show on 103.2FM, Sunday 2/4/06
Radio transcript

Sheridan (host)
One of the other regular features we’re going to have is a light-hearted dilemma segment. If you’ve got something that you’re wrestling with, something that you’re not too sure about what you should be doing, well, we’d like to hear from you. We’d like to throw it open to callers, and maybe we could all come to an agreement about what might be the best thing to do. Here’s our first…take a listen.

Carla
Hi, my name’s Carla and I have a dilemma for you guys. My dilemma is that I’m addicted to using the internet while I’m at work. I don’t know if that sounds like a big deal or not, because when I’m at work, I can see that everyone else is surfing the net as well. The way it works is that, instead of me taking a coffee break, or wandering around the office chatting to people, I check out different websites instead. So, I write emails to my friends, I see what all the latest starlets are wearing, and I read book reviews. I do this about every half hour or so, and each time I go on, maybe it’s only for five or ten minutes. I guess everyone at work is allowed to take a break, but I still feel really bad about it, because it looks like I’m working, even though I’m not. And I’m always checking over my shoulder to see if anyone comes past, and I minimise the screen. I should be working, which is what I’m paid to do. So, I don’t really know what to do about this.

Sheridan
That’s a good question, hey? How do you feel about surfing the net at work? Is it just the same as having a coffee break? Why is it, then, if that’s what we think, that we always suddenly go and minimise our screens when our bosses walk past us? What do you think? Do you personally feel okay about surfing the net at work? I’d like to hear.

[ad break]

Sheridan
This is Open House, this is a lot of fun. Now, we’re talking about dilemmas. What do you think about internet surfing at work? This was the question from one of our listeners:

[plays back a portion of Carla’s dilemma]

That’s a good question. What do you think, Darrell?

Darrell
(laughs) Five or ten minutes ever half hour? I’m an employer, and I wouldn’t be especially happy with that kind of frequency. Bottom line is that, whether it’s personal phone calls or…ah, well…I mean, legitimate breaks are okay, but five or ten minutes every half hour! If you convert that into personal phone calls or coffee breaks, or whatever, that’s 30% of your salary that you’re using up. Now, if you’re on, say, 30 grand a year, then that’s 10 grand of your boss’s money.

Sheridan
Boy, you are an employer, aren’t you? I can hear it. (laughs)

Darrell
Well, hang on…

Sheridan
My question to you is, do you ever surf the net in work time?

Darrell
I do, I do, yeah.

Sheridan
And how much time would you be spending, I guess, per day?

Darrell
Ah, I don’t know, I guess that depends how busy I am on that particular day. And, um, but, I mean, there’s a…this is gonna sound callous, but whose money is it that I’m using?

Sheridan
Well, that’s true! (laughs)

Darrell
You know, um, um, I do, do, um…does my company…ah, and I’m the only shareholder in my company, or my wife and I are, um…who else suffers if I spend a bit of time surfing the net? Whose trust am I betraying?

Sheridan
Okay. Right. All right. Well, I appreciate your phone call, because you’re taking it from the employer’s realm. Now, I’d like to hear from Wayne. What do you reckon, Wayne? Are you there, Wayne?

Wayne
Yeah, hi!

Sheridan
How are you?

Wayne
Good thanks.

Sheridan
What do you reckon about surfing the internet in work time?

Wayne
Well, I definitely think it’s probably an ethical thing. Um, and, probably more than that- how much are you stealing from your boss, you know? Given that you have a responsibility to your job, and you’re spending time on the internet, you know, I think…yeah, it’s definitely stealing time if you’re surfing on the internet.

Sheridan
It’s pretty easy to do, though. I mean, there’ve been times at a previous radio station that I worked at where I’d be, you know, starting off preparing for an interview or something…half an hour or later, I’d find that I was on a totally different topic all together! It’s actually very hard. So how do you discipline yourself so that you don’t steal time from your employer when the internet’s involved?

Wayne
Well, I’m actually on an easier pathway. I’m a paramedic. So when we don’t have a call, we go browsing onto the internet or watch TV and stuff. When the whistle goes, you find yourself going off to do the call. You know, you don’t want to be sitting around on the internet- people’s lives are at stake. It’s pretty easy for me. I think it’s a bit difficult for the people at work, you know, doing accounting, or something to that effect.

Sheridan
Yeah, where they’ve got a bit more of an opportunity to do it. All right, thanks for your call, Wayne. Leon? What’s your thoughts?

Leon
Yes, I’m just ringing about Carla’s dilemma. I think it’s quite interesting that she’s able to use the internet so freely. I’ve worked for two companies- one where they’ve actually banned the internet, and one where it’s basically a free-for-all. I think that what it says is that they trust you if they give you the rights to go and, you know, surf whatever pages you want. And so, thinking about that, I think Carla shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

Sheridan
Okay. Do you think there should be any time limit put on it?

Leon
No, I don’t think so. I think it’s about accountability. I mean, if she’s got specific goals and objectives that she needs to achieve during the day, if she achieves that, then I think she should be allowed to surf.

Sheridan
Okay…so as long as she does the job she’s employed to do, it’s okay if she does two or three hours of surfing a day?

Leon
Absolutely! I think it saves time- there’s so many benefits from using that technology. Instead of standing in the queue, for example, to do my banking, I could do it on the internet.

Sheridan
Yeah, yeah, but she’s actually talking more along the lines of personal…you know, keeping up with fashions and music and those kinds of things.

Leon
Yeah, sure. I think, you know, if she achieves the objectives of the day, I think she can do whatever she likes.

Sheridan
Okay! Well, good on you! Thanks for your call, Leon.

Leon
No problem.

Sheridan
Really appreciate that. Lambert! What’s your view on this?

Lambert
Yes. Oh. Well, I was just thinking, from my point of view, well, I reckon it’s more ethical not to use the internet as much at work. I often struggle when I work at different places, because as an IT engineer, you work all day and you have a good bang at the internet. And I feel that for a bit of time, it does take a lot from the employer. So, to be fair to the employer, it’s really good to do your job. I limit my internet surfing to maybe the lunch breaks, or after work. But now that I have the internet at home, it’s just so much better to do your job at work, give your employer a fair deal, come home and you know, surf and do what you like. It’s much more better to give your 100% to the employer.

Sheridan
Well, all right, I appreciate your call today, Lambert.

Lambert
Thanks a lot.

Sheridan
Good on you, and thanks for listening to Open House.

***
In conclusion, dear readers, I would like to say this:

> Because my segment was pre-recorded, I was not on air when all of this was happening. If it was, I would have provided quick rebuttal along the lines of, “Do you KNOW how boring it is to make pyjama patterns for Big W?”
> I also would have said, “HELLO, why don’t YOU try being left alone in an office for weeks on end with literally nothing to do while your manager flies around the world!”
> That whole five-minutes-every-half-hour thing? IT WAS AN ESTIMATION! I could just have easily have said that I go on the internet for three minutes every forty-five minutes, or even fifteen minuets every two hours. Like, WHATEVER!
> Also, hello, if you are a paramedic, then OF COURSE you’re not going to go on the net while you are saving people’s lives! I was working as a DESIGN MONKEY, not as a brain surgeon!
> When I saw Katrina again on Tuesday, I said, “That Leon guy, he was THE BOMB! I wanna be best friends with him!” And Katrina said, “You do know that that was Leon from church, don’t you? You know Leon and Tali?” This did slightly ruin my belief that there are kind-hearted talkback radio listeners out there, who just wait for the right moment to call up and verbally rescue a young girl from unwanted abuse. That said, I still think that Leon ROCKS.
> I am never, ever, ever going to work for a guy called Darrell. EVER!
> I think that, given the chance, I would go on the radio again. I mean, come on. It was fun! I was on the radio!

And, truthfully, I really did spent a lot of time bludging when I was in my old job. I felt bad about it, too. And that’s yet another reason why I quit- because I wanted to be challenged by my work, and because I wanted to use my time as honestly as possible. I was sick of feeling so bitter towards my boss that I’d spend time on the internet as revenge.

BUT: I didn’t think that there were people out there who are so mean that they would call up a radio station and abuse a COMPLETE STRANGER about their internet usage!

Until later!
Carla Gypsygirl