Leaving and returning Hello, glorious readers!
You know, I have been sitting here tonight, listlessly flicking over to different blogs. And I haven't really been able to think of anything concrete to write. Perhaps that is good for me. Maybe you all need to read something a bit more real from me these days.
Well. The times have been strange. I often feel elated and free. I babble a lot about all of the different things that I will do. I feel like I have found my creative mojo again. On the weekend, Geoff, Zac and I made a painting. It's spotty and trendy and wonderfully colourful. It's called "The Infinite Mystery of Carbonation". I decide to go away by myself, then I have change my mind, and then I change my mind back again, and then I change my mind after I changed it back. I change my mind so much that sometimes, I just don't care any more. Maybe having the idea and fantasy is what counts.
Today was my last day as "just Carla" at work. The new girl, Gemma, starts on Monday. I will be training her for two weeks, and then I will be soooooooo outta there. At first, I felt like my boss was quite resentful towards me for resigning. But then, he cheered up a bit and acted like he would miss me. A lot of my co-workers understand my joy in escaping. They egg me on. It's strange, leaving...people who would normally be shy have opened up and told me all of the things that they like about me. I wish that they were like that all the time. Maybe we should all live as though we are about to leave.
At first, I disliked the idea of someone replacing me- I felt jealous and angry. But now, I am so excited about Gemma coming. It's like she's my new pet or something. I bet she's really nice. Although, I feel like I will need to be, you know, hard-core professional. Like, I can't email my friends any more. Which I will really, really miss. My friends (like GRACE!) always cheered me up. AND, I won't be able to do my daily morning ritual. The ritual consists of arriving at work, making tea and a Nutella sandwich, and then eating it all while reading a celebrity gossip site. Grace sent me this link to Popsugar, which is a site I am TOTALLY ADDICTED to. It has ALL of the latest celebrity gossip. I feel soooooo smug when I see the covers of NW etc, because HA HA, I have already seen the pictures! The site also has HEAPS of photos of the Olsen twins. So, obviously, that makes me happy. I also like the site because it says nice things about celebrities- it's not bitchy and nasty. And here's the linky-poo!
http://www.popsugar.com I check the job sites about three times every day. I have a job interview on Monday at a magazine publishing company. I have cover-letter-writing down to a fine art. Oh, and by the way, I can't believe I haven't told you guys this, but: I found out a couple weeks ago that I didn't get into that advertising college. At first, I was devastated and shocked. Even though I knew my application hadn't been that great, I still hoped that I'd scrape in. I'd planned to go there for the past year. But then, I suddenly realised: I didn't really want to go, anyway. I mean, I have never totally agreed with the concept of advertising. Nearly everyone I know told me that I wasn't "the advertising type". I felt that I would be under so much pressure in that industry. I was also stressed about how much the college would cost. So, life without a job or plan seems like an adventure. For some reason, I have become fixated with this idea that I want to work in magazines. I don't really know why. It seems like a nice, steady, fun job to have. And my friend Meiying told me that you get lots of free stuff, like VIP Big Day Out tickets.
I went to a 30-year retrospective exhibition at my old university. It featured designs and artworks by famous graduates from the design course that I studied. As per usual, I was really, really nervous about going. I was scared to see so much beautiful design work; I was scared to see successful designers. In the end, I had a great time. I had nothing to be scared of. Hardly anyone from my year at uni went. I was so glad to see Niccola and Morgan there- we had a good girly time of giggling and spying on people. I really feel like I am in a girly posse when I am with those two. A lot of the teachers had had makeovers- there were different haircuts, weight that had been lost. One of my old lecturers delighted Niccola by observing that she was "always a girly swot" when she was at uni. And so I asked him, "If Niccola was a girly swot, then what am I?" I erupted in giggles when Mark (or "Roxy", as we called him) replied thoughtfully, "You were loopy. You're still loopy. You will always be loopy." He shook his head at my protests: "NO! I am mature now! I'm all grown-up! I even have a fringe!" I saw my mentors, Andrew and Lissa Barnum, again. They gave me lots of advice, and I was so eager to soak it all up that I ended up forgetting what they told me. Does that make sense? I mean, I was staring desperately into their eyes, thinking, "Okay! They are saying something important! Make sure you remember it, and then write it down later!" But in the end, all I recall is my
desire to remember. One thing that did stand out though, readers, was Lissa telling me that I should be myself. And that I should be happy to be myself. She told me that the important thing is that I have to keep "making". She said that I shouldn't just give up and say, "I've done my bit." She said that I should keep creating things until I'm 90. I remember that after I told Andrew that I had 3 different email addresses, he observed correctly: "I bet you have one for the Carla that's trying to squeeze herself into being ordinary; then you have one for the crazy, weird Carla. And then...I don't know what your third one is for. You tell me." But now that I think about it, I have 5 email addresses. Maybe it's like Voldemort's Horcruxes?
So...I'm all sleepy now. Hope you're all going well out there in Reader Land. Mwah...have a fab weekendy!
Carla Gypsygirl xxx