| 8:39p |
The truth
This past week has been all about the truth. I feel like I've taken a truth pill or something- I keep telling everyone the truth about everything. It's like I've got truth juice seeping out of my pores.
I finally told my manager and office-mate (we share an office) Hana that I was thinking of leaving my job soon. It was supposed to be a great moment of girl-power, but I ended up crying because I felt so bad for leaving her. She gave me my first chance at a real job, and she is really cool to work with. But I just don't know if I can stay. I told her that I am going to think about it a bit more. We are going to design the Summer 2006 range together, so I guess I'll see how that goes. At least I asked for a raise, and at least she said maybe. I've felt a lot more free after I told her the truth about how I feel- I don't feel like I'm hiding this massive secret any more.
The How Sweet the Sound 2005 performance was on on Saturday night. In case you need a catch-up, How Sweet the Sound was a Christian fundraising night, where I played my acoustic guitar and sang songs that I wrote (plus 3 covers!). I have mixed feelings towards the night. A lot of the night was very cool. God totally answered my prayers, in that I sang well and I remembered my lyrics and people liked my music and people listened. Everyone was really nice and supportive about my music, and people seemed to really like my new song (which was called, surprise, "The Truth"). We raised a lot of money for FEVA. I even gained a crazed fan, which was exciting and amusing, but also uncomfortable. I mean, when a girl's got a boyfriend, crazed fans don't make the best accessories. Speaking of boyfriends, Geoff's band was so cool. The audience sat through 3 acoustic acts, before being shocked my Geoff blasting on stage with, "THERE'S A PANTHER! HUNTING ME DOWN! HUNTING ME DOWN! AND HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY SOUL!" Geoff and I felt a bit like a celebrity couple that night. So maybe I know a bit how Jay-Z and Beyonce feel. Or Cameron and Justin. Anyway, I left the night wishing I could pursue music a bit more. And I really wish I could start a girl rock band!
It was a difficult time, though. I had only a month's warning before the performance, so I was really stressed. I felt like I was doing a huge crash-course...I hadn't played the guitar or sung in about a year, so I had to practice really hard. It was emotionally draining, because I was so worried about whether I would sing in tune, and whether people would like my music. One of the saddest parts of the night for me was not having many of my friends there. There were lots of FEVA friends there, but I know they would have gone even if I wasn't performing. Out of all of the people that I invited, only 3 of my friends came along. A lot of my friends promised that they would go, but they didn't arrive, and I haven't heard from them since. I am maybe taking this all a bit too personally. But it is really hard to bare your soul to a crowd in rhymes and melody, and not have the people you love there to see you. I really wish that I had more time to hang out with my friends. Everyone seems so busy these days. I'm really glad that Geoff is my best friend, because I would be pretty lonely without him. Anyway, back to the truth thing, I've told a lot of people about how I was sad that I haven't heard from a lot of my friends lately. I don't know if I feel any better that I told them, but it is good to say how I feel.
Oh, hey, guess what? My boyfriend has a beard. He looks really cute in it. He kind of looks like he is a member of Jet. But don't tell him that, because he hates rock-by-numbers.
You know what? I haven't put a photo up here for ages. I might do that next post.
You know what else? Blogs have been getting lots of mainstream press lately. I think it's cool. But it also makes me feel a bit mainstream, and also a little geeky. I find it interesting how those articles tend to focus on the political and profitable blogs, rather than on blogs about ordinary people's lives. I prefer blogs where the authors just write about things they like and their friends and stuff that they do. I like blogs that read like a real-life soap, and aren't pretentious, and that don't bitch a lot. I also like blogs by girls who like cooking and who dig fashion and music. Can anyone recommend any? Besides mine, of course (wink wink)...a girl's always gotta keep up on her real-life reading, and Mark Latham's autobiography-memoir thing still doesn't appeal. |