Carla Gypsygirl's Blurty

When your heart goes on holiday
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Ever feel heartless? Find yourself shoving choc-chip Tiny Teddies down your gob, only to realise that you didn’t even pause to see whether you were eating a smiley teddy or a cranky teddy? And, upon reaching the bottom of the packet, do you secretly find it amusing that you can eat broken bear legs? I told my friend Bus Stop Man this violent story about myself, and he tried to reassure me by saying, “At least you’re not a cannibal.” I laughed and agreed.

I think that I will declare the first half of 2005 in Carla’s Blog World as the Half Year of Confessions. I’ve been all about exclusives and sensations lately. I’m sick of hiding things. Sometimes, you really can help others with the truth.

For those of you who know me, you would know that I am very extroverted and silly and chatty and stuff like that. So it might be a bit surprising to learn that I, Carla Gypsygirl, can sometimes find people very, very scary. I find the whole experience of knowing human beings so weird sometimes. Actually, I once began to consider the fact that I could be an alien. Things like emotions and conflicts and love can be so overwhelming sometimes that they feel foreign.

When I’m out shopping and a shop assistant says “Hi, how are you?” I get really shy all of a sudden. And sometimes, I get really shy around my friends. Sometimes it’s just easier to stay home and read or watch TV instead of going out to face awkward moments and nervousness. This is when I start to worry that I am heartless- when I would rather be alone than in the company of others.

I started to pray that God would help me to be more friendly in my everyday life, and that I would make more of an effort to keep in contact with my friends. I was getting worried that one day, I would have no friends if I kept up the whole being-a-hermit thing. And then, one day, BANG: it all happened! In one day, I found myself either talking to, e-mailing or seeing eleven of my friends. And you know what? At the end of it, I didn’t feel drained, sad or tired. Instead, I felt more alive than I had for a long time.

On Monday night, I got to see my good friend Nancy. We used to study at university together. We had yummy food in Chinatown- Nancy even ate a raw egg! So how come I was the one who ended up with a tummy ache? Then, we trooped off to the Town Hall and met up with my lovely boyfriend Geoff. The three of us walked through St James’ station. In the tunnel of the station, there are these tiny little doors that are about half a metre high- sort of like the doors that Alice can never get through in “Alice in Wonderland”. “I want to go through one!” Nancy declared. “But I can’t…I’m wearing a skirt!” I whined. But before I knew it, we’d shoved our bags through and were squeezing ourselves out through the little door. And boy, did I feel dangerous! After that, Geoff, Nancy and I sat in Hyde Park and looked at the fountain and the fairy lights in the trees. I made them tell me their secrets. They were juicy secrets indeed, about childhood goofiness and embarrassing moments…we laughed so much.

I realised that God was right all along: life is better when you can share everything with people who care about you. Life is better when you can care about others, and when you learn to let them care for you.

“A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.” Proverbs 15:30