| 4:39p |
Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know?
Oh my goodness. I was using the photocopier at my old church last Sunday night, when someone suggested that I should sing a song during the evening church service. Andrew and I had been rehearsing it earlier that day, but we weren't planning on performing it on that particular day. As I was feeling a bit overexcited (I'd just photocopied the flyers for our gig onto fluorescent paper, and they looked totally hot), I cheerfully agreed to the challenge.
So I sat through the beginning of the church service feeling really, really nervy. I kept blowing my nose and putting on lip gloss. Finally, Frances (the dude leading the service) announced, "And now, Andrew and Carla have a little ditty they'd like to perform for us." So Andrew and I got up the front, and Andrew sat on the edge of the little stage, and I grabbed the microphone and assumed a "Serious Singer" pose. I said, "Hi, I'm Carla, for those of you who don't know me...I'm part of FEVA. We're going to perform a song for you guys tonight...it's quite serious, meaningful and deep, so just prepare yourselves emotionally. That's what I’m doing, anyway."
So Andrew began to strum a few chords on his acoustic guitar in his I'm-a-quiet-and-serious-musician kinda way, and I bowed my head and clicked my fingers. And I began to sing. I was singing an adapted version of Britney Spears' "Baby One More Time", to entice people to go along to our gig. Andrew had written a really cool arrangement on the guitar, so that the song sounded folky-alternative rather than trash-pop. When I started off, I was thinking, "Wow, I actually sound in tune over this microphone! I think it's working!" As I felt more confident, I began busting out various dance moves (eg. shaking my shoulders, wiggling my hips, ballerina spins, etc). People were smiling and laughing at all of the jokes. But towards the end of the song, I began to realise the consequences of my performance.
For the rest of the church service, Meg had to keep telling me that I was really good, and that everyone loved it, and that no, no-one thought that I was an idiot! I couldn't concentrate on the sermon, though- I felt totally devastated, and like such a loser! I was so embarrassed! I kept staring into space, and I think I looked pretty dazed. It took a whole car trip home, a long conversation with Meg about girl stuff, dinner and a little read of my novel before I felt better. Now I can see that it was all very funny and cool and good. The moral to the story, though, is this: never sing Britney Spears songs in public unless you feel completely prepared for it. And understand that Britney dance moves are a powerful- if not terrible- force when unleashed. Also, it's probably not a good idea to do a performance as above on an empty stomach. And stay away from fluorescent paper beforehand.
I have this totally new respect for Britney Spears now, because not only does she have to sing her owns songs WITHOUT the purposely goofy lyrics, she ALSO DANCES FOR REAL! Though people do tell me that she's not actually singing. I had to get over the embarrassment anyway, because I had to perform it all over again at another FEVA talk last night!
Here's what I sang. Next time, especially as I sang heaps better last night, I might sing Avril Lavigne.
Oh baby baby, we really want you to go
To the FEVA music night, yeah
Oh baby baby, it’ll be such a rockin’ show
And we’ll tell you all about it
Show me where you want me to be
Tell me baby, cos I want to go now, oh because…
(chorus)
My loneliness is killing me (and I)
I must confess, I still believe (still believe)
“How Sweet the Sound” will rock your mind
Buy a ticket tonight
Or we’ll hit you baby, one more time!
Oh baby baby, the reason we’re here is you
So that FEVA keeps on running
Oh pretty Malcolm, there’s nothing that we wouldn’t do
We’ll even sing you Britney Spears songs
Show me where you want me to be
Tell me baby, cos I want to go now, oh because…
(chorus)
Oh baby baby, we really want you to go
Oh pretty baby, it’ll be such a rockin’ show…
(bridge)
I must confess
There’ll be Caecilius
Carla and Anthony
And a band called Mr Beat
And it’ll be here
So buy a ticket tonight,
Or we’ll hit you baby, one more time!
(chorus)
(repeat bridge)
(pose)
You're probably sorry that you weren't there. That's okay. You'll have plenty more opportunities to see me do dance moves and silly songs in the future, trust me. |