| 8:44p |
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
I've been pretty sad lately. I had a sort-of-boyfriend for a few months. He was a sort-of-boyfriend in that we both liked each other a lot, but I hadn't decided if I wanted to go out with him yet. Because going out with someone is a really big deal for me. We spent a lot of time together and did a lot of fun things. But then something went really wrong, and we broke up. You'd think that breaking up with a sort-of-boyfriend would mean that it would only sort-of-hurt, but unfortunately, that hasn't been the case. I realised that he pretty much was my boyfriend, anyway. He was so patient and sweet and understanding and fun and outgoing and a whole heap of other things. I'm really sad that it didn't work out. You know, since I began writing this journal, I've had my heart broken five times, each time by a different boy.
There's a lot of things that you shouldn't do if you have a broken heart, as well as a killer cold on top of that. You shouldn't, for instance, go along with the two Illustration 1 classes that you tutor on an excursion to the Sydney Aquarium and stay there for SIX HOURS. You should figure out in advance that every single school holidaying kid there will be looking for Nemo. The Aquarium did have this really amazing underground window thing, though, that you could just sit in front of and watch all of the tropical fish swim while Disney classical music was played. Then you can just sit quietly and feel sad. Another thing that feels yucky is to work a 12 hour shift at Myer, writing people's names onto Easter eggs with tubes of icing. Also, driving feels yucky, especially if you don't really know how to do it properly, and you're still 30 hours off getting your P's.
As you can tell, I've been feeling really sorry for myself lately, which sucks. I don't want to think of myself in bad ways, because I know that God "delights" in me (Psalm 18:19), and that He has made me "fearfully" and "wonderfully" (Psalm 139:14). I have felt like I can't handle grown-up life, and so it comforts me to gain strength from God. I know that I can say to Him, "Even the darkness will not be dark to you," (Psalm 139:12). I know that God has promised to take care of me and bless me, and I want to trust Him in that. |