| 12:39p |
more drama and poetry to come?
Tonight is a very exciting night- my exhibition opening! The weather is looking pretty good as well- it's cloudy, but not rainy. That means that I can dance outside! Last year, I found myself dancing with Jenny Wilson and Darrall Thompson...I even took photos to prove it. I accidentally invited a few too many people tonight- around sixty or something. There are so many people who are special to me, and I wanted them to come and party!
Things have slowed down a lot, which is fantastic. I think that I was feeling really tense after my final presentation, because I didn't know my results. I was walking around the whole week in this rather grumpy mood. We all found out our marks last Thursday. It was rather dramatic- James Kesteven put all of our marks up on the overhead projector while we were in a lecture room. It was still somewhat anonymous, because we were identified only by our student numbers. I was so nervous that I wasn't going to look. As soon as he put them up, I looked at everyone else- everyone immediately leaned forward and tried to find their numbers. No-one looked shocked or happy or anything- it was more of a searching feeling. Finally, I thought to myself, "Carla, don't be a fool! Just look!" I was very happy with my mark. It was such a relief. In between presenting my project and getting my mark, I was convinced that I hadn't done as well as I wanted to. I was pretty miserable. I realised that I should have done what God tells us to do in the Bible- hope. Because hoping is a form of trusting God. I should have trusted God that He would give me the mark that He wanted me to have.
On the bus to uni, I had wrote a card to Andrew and his wife Lissa. It was then that I realised two things. The first was that Andrew was the first design and art mentor I had ever had. The second was that Andrew and Lissa gave me the hope and confidence halfway through last year to finish my degree, because I was going to drop out. After getting my mark, I had a really nice chat with Andrew. I'm going to miss him. He said something really sad to me. Before he had even read my card, he said, "I have been your mentor for the past year. I think that my time as your mentor is up. You need to find a new mentor, because you'll be leaving this place...you need to find someone who will teach you and guide you, and give you a kick in the arse if necessary." He is right. Even though I will be calling him to ask lots of questions, I do need to find a new design mentor. Though I do think that I'd prefer a gentle poke instead of a kick.
FEVA had their end-of-year dinner on Saturday night. It was quite magical. The dinner was held in the garden of All Saints Anglican Church in Petersham (where I go to church). There was a mildness in the air that seemed to move through me. There were lights that illuminated the trees above, jazz music being played and so many people dressed up nicely. I felt like I was in a movie. It was such a lovely night that I didn't want to talk to anyone...I kept drifting to the side to stare at how lovely everything was. It was a night where poetic words kept springing up before me...Ben was talking about a "yellow, yellow dress", Nathan asked if someone "aligned himself with" a particular philosopher, and I heard a girl cry "ex-cruc-iating!" in cheerful tones. I looked around for Jay Gatsby to appear in a white suit, holding a bottle of champagne.
I think that my mind is caught in a place of sleepness creation. I go to bed at night and remember the strangest things...people I didn't know who had waved to me, someone's beautifully thick eyelashes. |