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9th June 2003
no more blurty.com :c boo. i made a new account on livejournal with the help of me's friend ^_____^ anywho. from now on, go to : http://www.livejournal.com/users/meatcandie/
. not that anyone even reads this journal anyways. but still . "IF" you wanna read the dumb crap i write. go ahead. heehee. :3 so yeah. bye bye blurty!
well. i got up around 10ish. i woke, washed up, and turned on the comp. no one was online so i just put up an away message and laid on my bed for a bit longer thinking about sutff. hmm. things have been just weird as of late, and im spending way too much time online. and i dont know if thats a good thing or bad. :
im still having a hard time with the whole 'trying to find a job' bull. just isn't working out. :/ no calls from anyone. lame. im so damn desperate for a job. and no kennywood, im not accepting that job you recommended me. i aint no hoe. *shakes fist* >:c the only thing thats going in my mouth is fag twins detachable weenis c: haha <3 k. i'll shut up now. lols anywho-ness, im bored :c
and people dont love me. all of you who i thought you loved me... its a LIE!!! >:O you NEVER leave me any comments :c that made dee uber sad ;_; ima go cry now........... *cry*
Current Mood: crying
Current Music: caress of venus + L'Arc~en~Ciel
8th June 2003
The bruised heart beats painfully against the cracked ribs, faster, until with every beat, thick, juicy liquid would ooze out from the pierced organ and mixes with the wounds that cry out for relief.
Current Music: grab the mic + msi
I TOLD YOU >:O
i sooooooo knew everything was going to turn out awful! with my luck, nothing will ever go right. geebus fuck christ. :c and i thought i was gonna be able to go out and just chill :c and not be home for once. darnit. anyways, i get to stay home again and im so fed up with it. :
mare and i are maybe planning on going to six flags once she's on break. i haven't seen her in so long. being in san diego must suck. not being able to be home with your fam and friends :c after being friends for so long, its just so weird to not seeing her :c i miss hanging out with her and all like we used to ever since our freshman year.
i feel so lonely :c
Current Music: cup of coffee + garbage
blast boom ?
my week has been awesome so far. i think o_o well. i stayed home most of the time. people were being gay. and a few certain people were being assholes. :c made me uber sadface. fag twin and i think its asshole season. its like all the guys are PMSing or some shit like that. wtf. *shakes fist at men* :
so like i said, i stayed home for the majority of the time. and i talked to kennie all day! :O (no not you kennywood. a.k.a. i like boobies. and BAYNERS shouter >:c ) anywho. since kennywood was being a meaniejerkholeasseaterpornogaylameeatmycrapholebastard, i talked to kennie. never actually talked to someone all day and all night for days at a time :O crazyness. he's a cool person. for those of you who dont know who he is, i met him on lavalife. lolololol. oh yeah.. and mike kurr was on it D: he im'ed me saying he found me on it! hahahah. i lol'ed at him. you guys should check out his profile on that site. haha XD
lameness. so i didn't go to that bonfire thing with a bunch or peeps. :c tho i really wanted too and i've been looking foward to it too. but change of plans and all. i ended up staying home to help my sis out with some stuffs. it wasn't so bad. but only cuz i had kennie to talk too. :c everyone else was GONE. either gone to that bonfire thing, ai, cgl, or wherever the hell you people hang out without me anymore. anywho. yeah. i think it was fag twin kry kry, furby, jsb, mychau, fob, tiana, christina, and mike or something. i dunno. but yeah. i talked to krykry while she was at furbys. im not too sure, but i think she was a bit buzzed! :O drinking and all.. -_- *tsk tsk* WITHOUT ME! haha. jk. glad they had a good time. well.. from what johnny said you were all doing "WONDERFULLY" ^___^
anywho :O im bored! today im going out with a few classmates from my art class. we be going to this place to watch some bands and stuffs. chill and get something to eat i guess. we'll see how that goes. :c i bet its gonna be lame. ah well.
p.s. lolololol. kennie's online. i go talk to kennie now. bye bye t^____^t
Current Music: solsbury hill + erasure! :O
6th June 2003
dark bar my ass.
so tonight was filled with joy! :O people and i went to a bar called dark bar. it was rather..... boring i would say. very very boring/lame/gay place. so we get there and realize how gay it was. but we still go in to check out what it was like inside. and yeah.. haha. lame. so we all just sat around drinking.. (cept me.. i was sad i had so much going through my mind i really didn't care what was going on :c) so everyone somehow started argueing. and i sat there.... and watched. amused at how stupid everyone were being. they were blaming each other about why they were there. i loled very hard.. the whole time we were there... and on our way back. lols. interesting night.
3rd June 2003
yay for my damn sketchbook already coming apart. lame fucker.
Current Music: pink maggit + deftones
29th May 2003
im really starting to feel a lot of hatred against every single person in this world. i cant stand them anymore. just makes me want to die and not have to deal with them. makes me wonder what the hell they want from me. haven't i suffered enough from all the shit i've already gone through. im having enough shit going on in my life. just becuz people's lives are shitty, doesn't mean they have to shit on mine too. its almost ridiculous listening to the most absurd things people come up with sometimes.
Current Music: numbers + tub ring
27th May 2003
I bitch and complain about shit and people comment
to disagree. Why do people read your Livejournal? brought to you by Quizilla
Current Music: grave wisdom + skinny puppy
23rd May 2003
the doggie behind the dooe.
my niece and nephew always say this out of nowhere and i find it disturbingly hilarious. :
niece: what chu doin?
nephew: eating chocolate.
niece: where'd you get it?
nephew: from the doggie.
niece: where's the doggie?
nephew: behind the door making more!
Current Music: the cruxshadows + cruelty
22nd May 2003
choose your death..
You are Beauty.
You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the
outside, or both. People are drawn to you as
strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the
world around you. What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
Current Music: chip on my shoulder + lucid dementia
17th May 2003
went to industry thursday. got home around 3am and went to bed at around 4-5am or so. ~_~ gaaah.. :
friday was horrible. went to ffa with people and chet ended up getting a curfew ticket from the cops.
Current Music: she: backslide + level
12th May 2003
friday i decided to try out something different. rather than going out to arcades with the usual crew im always with, and since they didn't have much planned besides going to arcades.... again, i decided to chill with my old friend nichole. she's been pretty depressed lately due to her pregnancy and such. well, she's had a miscarriage and lost the baby, but i guess it was better than having an abortion in a way or having the baby. :X well. my dad and i picked her up after she was out of school. it was really nice seeing her again and she hadn't changed much. my dad dropped us off at the mall and we walked around for a bit and then decided to go play some ddr at ac. XD heehee. i ran into some friends there and i had a pretty good time. after that we had to take the bus to nichole's house. and on our way there she almost got the both of us lost out there in a very ghetto neighborhood. :0 :
well. after hours of riding the bus and walking blocks and blocks in a very dangerous neighborhood, we finally got to her house. and i just couldn't imagine myself doing that everyday. to and from school. guh! anyways. i chilled at her house made stuffs to eat together, played some more ddr there with the controllers and watched tv. we watched jeepers creepers and it freaked the shit outta me and we started fighting cuz i didn't want to watch it :X but then i got curious of what was going to happen so i watched it anyways XD but it wasnt as scary as i thought it would be. it turned out to be more stupid. some even hilarious. when random people would die or get killed in some way, instead of it being gruesome and shit, it was hilarious as fuck. XD we just sat there laughing for the longest.
later after the movie we went in her room and watched some more tv in there while drawing. then we turned off the light and lit candles all over the room. she had so many of em and the room was almost really beautiful and peaceful. and it was just really relaxing sitting there in the room lit with candles and talking about how things were and junk. lol but yeah. after we had a long conversation while listening to some cool music, we headed to bed. ^____^
the next morning her aunt, uncle, and cousins came over and it was really nice to see them all again. it's been so long since i've seen all of them. ^___^ but they all didn't recognize me when they first walked in. they were just all thinking i was another friend of nichole's that they didn't know. so i found that pretty funny. so we all chilled and talked. and yeah.. i had to head back home so i got a ride from her mum.
7th May 2003
today was pretty depressing. had a headache all day. i was in so much pain that i could hardly concentrate in art class. and my drawing came out to be horrible :( usually it comes out ok, but today was just not my day. i sat outside for at least over an hour or so hoping my headache would go away. it was nice just relaxing out there, tho it was a bit cold, but it was no help. after getting some fresh air, i decided to go back inside and work on my drawing a bit more. but it just wasn't working. by that time it was almost 9pm, time to go home. :
well, im at home, and i still have my headahce. :( i've been drinking plenty of water, but i just dont know what the problem is. the glasses i got yesterday are pretty hard to get used to. gotta start wearing em more often. anywho, im starting to get really sleepy, so ima head to bed. *yay* :B
Current Music: royksopp + remind me
4th May 2003
the right path?
sometimes i wonder... :
how would my life have been if i havent met the people i've met
during these past few years. im actually really glad i did meet these
people whom i've grown to love. they've taught me so much and
i've brought up my confidence. but i wonder, if i have never met them,
would i be who i am today? would i be the shy, quiet and lonely person
like i used to be? things happen because they were meant to happen.
but sometimes, i wish i have never chosen the path i chose and gone
the other direction.
life is not an individual sport. :
to live life fully, must participate.
involves interacting with other people.
an exercise in confidence.
Current Music: the silence
2nd May 2003
i dont feel like updating anything on this lame journal. talk to me on aim if you want a personal update. you ass.
Current Music: the rain..
18th April 2003
no strings. no ropes. no obligations. i don't own you. don't own me.
im crawling. im crawling. :
im falling. im falling.
im dying. im dying.
pick me up and destroy me.
once and forever.
i don't belong here.
i belong nowhere.
Current Music: massive attack & garbage - milk
17th April 2003
one of the most sweetest thing anyone has ever written for me. thanks krystal ^_^ that made me feel so much better. it'll always be remembered in my heart ^_^ :
The Girl who wanted to destroy the world
Whenever you smiled
your eyes shined like stars upon me
and lighted the way
now your eyes glitter and sting
and your heart lies in his hand
He forgot to pick up the ashy remains
The tin goddess sits here without love to light her way
Her glowing stars were shattered
Stumbled upon the dust and pieces of your broken heart
I will use the love you gave me
to help you glue it back together
Forever we will suffer together
Forever we will learn to love again together
14th April 2003
im up pretty early today -_- it's 9:25am... blah. well, yesterday was pretty fun. i had a great time hanging out at mulligans with krystal. and i haven't been there in forever. i can't believe how far back i've fallen with ddr. i dont even think i can keep up with it anymore o.o; i don't think i'll be getting enough practice to even get back at it to enter cbn in august sometime ;__; perhaps i should just stick to guitarfreaks for now. XD :
haha! it was funny cuz while i sat and watched our table while krys went to get the pizza we ordered, some vin diesel look alike dude came up to me and asked if krys had a boyfriend. and it was hilarious cuz he was bald... and i couldn't imagine krys liking someone BALD. baldness is a turn off for the both of us i think. well, definately is for me. and we both like guys with long hair. lol! so yeah.. when he came up to me, i just knew he was a no-no. but yeah. he started asking me stuffs about her so i just told him to ask her himself when she gets back. so she gets back and sits down and we start munching on our food like pigs. literally... we were like pigs in a way... cuz we smelt pretty fucking bad. well, i dont know about krys, but i did :X we made fun of each other all night about how she smelled like rob and i smelt like greg XD
anyways, he sits down and starts chatting with krys. and i just sat and ate while they had their boring little conversation. well, some of the stuff krystal said cracked me up so badly but i couldn't laugh.. XD it would've been pretty rude. lollolololl. he asked her "so, what kinda guys do you like?" and she saids "guys with blue dreadlocks" hahahahah! XD and he went blank for a second or two, cuz he had NO FRIGGIN HAIR. but yeah. then she said to him " thats my girlfriend right there" *points at me* ^__________^ and i nodded saying yepp. and he was all... "wtf o.O;" hahah! i would've loved it if we went with that one so he'd be all bummed out for the rest of the night, but krystal, considering my feelings at that moment, not knowing how id feel about it, just said she was kidding. lol. i really wouldn't have minded. :D haha! so yeah.. that went on. and he ate our pizza ;__;
so yeah.. krys gave him her fake number ;D and so he walked away joyfully! the end.
well.. not yet. after some more ddr after eating, krys' mum picked us up and we went home. and took a shower so we wouldn't smell like greg and rob anymore and went to bed and lived happily ever after.......... *0*
Current Music: machines of loving grace - butterfly wings
12th April 2003
i guess this horrible anger inside runs in the family. today, my little nephew kimo, who's 13, got into a fight with some other kiddos in the neighborhood. kimo knocked the shit outta the kids but got a pretty big punch in the face and his eye became all red and bled from the inside. which caused him to go to the emergency room. thats so gay. only if i were there.... grrr >:Y well, other than his face and his eye, he seems to be alright. :
my sisters and i were supposed to go to the dungeon tonight, but due to what had happened caused us to cancel tonights plan. :( i could've gone out with furby and mike, and possibly even krys, but i didn't find out about not going till after they had already headed out to either ai or cgl :( *cry* ah well. my luck...
Current Music: emo? - is patience still waiting