| FTW |
[06 Feb 2004|09:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pensive |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Blood for Blood - Dead End Street |
] |
Facts of Life: Idono why i was put here. Maybe just to be shit on. I dont have the worst life, but i know i didnt deserve this. maybe im having a midlife crisis and i only have 18 more years to live. *sarcasm* oh god no. i feel like my soul comes from the land of swiss, filled with holes that grow and grow and eventually i die. This life i live is not worth living so im gonna do my best to make it better. all i need to do is gain control, suck it up and quit bein a little bitch. ive never needed anyone before why do i fool myself into thinking i do now? ive given too much power to people. and what do people do with power? they abuse it. they abuse their power over me and in turn abuse me. My mom, my dad, my aunt, my brothers, all pulling at me when there isnt even enough me for me. All my mom and dad want is the "child support" that comes with me. My aunt loves me for who i am and i love her for that, more than i love my mother... assuming i do. Im starting to lose faith in who i am and my ability to define myself. as my soul depletes more and more i feel like im becoming nobody. This sucks. But as strong as i am ill move past this bullshit with as little help thats available. I wish i had someone to talk to, someone there for me but i dont. im a lone ranger. i can write in this because i pretend noone reads it. and anyone that does wont understand. my dads leaving with his empty promises in my head and 80 dollars to make up for his dickheadedness. I flipped out on him yesterday, the evil bastard i hope his plane crashes, life insurance pays double on a business trip. When he comes back i hope to have atleast 3 new holes in my head. I havent been sleeping well either. idono why. i have serious issues. hopefully it wont belong til i find a happier place and if that doesnt happen then prozac here i come. k thats enough bullshit ive vented enough.
Tomorrow morning im going up to new hampshire to my aunts house because my dads leaving and he doesnt trust me not to throw parties just because the last 8 times he went away i did. psh not fair. Danny took my video game to a friends so now im stuck online and snowed in eating pizza and cinnastix. Tomorrow im hopefully going to get pierced if i get the ballz to go. i hate needles. ill be happy to be at my aunts and get to see some of my old friends. Anyways im sick of writing. I know this whole thing sounds depressing but the real sad part is i wrote it with a smile. im not depressed just angry, happily angry. Talkin to Ali now g2g shes waiting for me and i dont wanna dissapoint her cuz shes awesome.
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