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Blurty for The tick tock of the clock is painful.
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| Tuesday, January 20th, 2004 |
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| Wednesday, December 17th, 2003 |
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remember that time the first time we met you became my best friend how could we ever forget remember that time we talked all night long you taught me so much you taught me how to be strong remember that time we decided we had to rebel we skipped school and had fun we broke out of our shell remember that time we went to the city we dressed ourselves up we'd never looked so pretty remember that time we had a double date we went home and giggled all night the times we shared were great remember that time you told me you loved that guy and he broke your heart on my shoulder, i let you cry remember that time we went to that party we were stupid enough to go home drunk that's when the trouble started remember that time we snuck out real late i felt left out while you fit in great remember that time you tried drugs for the first time i just sat and watched you screw up enough for a lifetime remember that time we wanted to have fun like the old days but no matter how hard we tried we had started to go out seperate ways remember that time you stopped calling me you were always out somewhere else forgetting who your best friend could be remember that time i had to bail you out of jail you cried, and i never told you this but to me you really did fail remember that time i knew i'd lost my best friend forever when i begged you to stop all the bad things you did and you told me you wouldn't..not ever remember that time i called you weren't there and i stayed in my room and cried because i missed the way you used to care remember that time it was your mom, and i knew that this midnight phone call it had to be about you remember that time that call was to say you'd died from a drug overdose and i'd never see my best friend again |
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blahhhhhhh fuckin jeff is KILLLLLLLLLLLLLING me. all he wants to do is have phone sex he promises all this lovey dovey crap but it doesnt mean shit. but he honestly swears he's in love with me. at least tim leaves the sex up to me. |
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*itchy* i hate scratching my skin. first of all im way too pale to get away with it. everyone thinks i either have a rash or im cutting myself lol cuz i have scratches down my arms now. frickin wool armsleeves. i wanted to post my webpage thingy here (i probably will), but aol is being mad stoopid and wont let me open up hometown so i can jus upload the damn image. i wanna be able to display some of my work and get feedback. even though, my portfolio is the last thing i ever get comments on at blurty lol. today is Lord of the Rings Day but i wont be able to see it, cuz i spent my last 20 bux to score shitty weed last nite. oh well... IM SO FUCKING BORED. i hate having class at 8 am. i just go back to sleep after my baths, i cant take waking up so early when i go to bed so late. sux ass. u get me? lol. tim called my house last nite when i was out. he left a voicemail and all... i dunno wut to do. jeff also IM'd me. i dunno man, i think im just cuckoo. these guys like me and im brushing them off. all jeff wants is fone sex anyway lol. i never thought i had a nice voice until these fellas, hehehehe. maybe i should chill with anglika soon. wutcha think my dear? ;o)~ well until later i guess. <3 faery |
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| Tuesday, December 16th, 2003 |
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went over to josh's. paid for bad weed. waste of a nite, but at least i wasnt bored. put random orange cones on my head. phil took a picture of me, dammit. now i'll have another fuct up pic in this world of me being an idiot. headaches suck major ass lord of the rings comes out tomorrow. im so excited. but i cant see it till this weekend. poopie head said he wanted to go with me, but i think he changed his mind. britt called me on my way home in the cab! he misses me, i felt special lol. geez. im gonna have nuffin to do tomorrow but smoke pot with myself... anyone wanna join me? |
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welcome back woohoo. its about fuckin time that Bluty got their ass together!!!! i was without my dear site for about 3 frickin days. anyhoots on to more important matters. went xmas shoppin for everyone (meaning my family) this weekend. i still dunno wut to get miggy, josh, karen or nielly. just got the friends to worry about now. angelika is my vampish angel <3 hehe just a lil random blurp. i miss my britto :o( he went back to iowa, so i dunno when i'll get to speak to him again. he doesnt have internet connection at home, so this sucks. i hope i dont have to wait till he gets to his new school though. dammit i should've taken his frickin number down. *smacks self on head* i went out and bought the requiem for a dream soundtrack and a new book. i finished choke by mister chuck about two days ago. and i hate being without a novel, so i bought party monster by james st. james. i kno im an idiot, i cant even follow my own book list, but diary by the famous chuck man, hasn't gone to paperback as of yet. and we all kno how pesky those big bulky hardcovers can be. sorry for the randomness, but my brain is working at a hundred thoughts per second. jeff and tim have been trying to hunt me down via fone. i dunno wuts wrong with me, but i just dont seem to wanna pick up... i spent the past couple of days with josh. which has been cool. he's being more affectionate now a days, which is a nice change. he'll give my kisses on the forehead or cheek, makes me smile. but i still kick his ass in video games whenever i get the chance hehe. the holidays are drawing near. and its scaring me. nothing good ever happens during this time of the year. i dread december. miggy has to be with his family for new years and that fuckin sucks. i'll probably end up spending it with nielly and karen. i hope i have a good new years tho. it means alot to me. i need to have a good time. you have no idea. this is the month, that i always take up the notion of suicide. i've done outstandingly well this year, i dont wanna end up in the hospital again. i wanna start writing again. i dont want to allow writers block to withhold my abilities anymore!!! maybe thats wut i should get josh. a journal or book or something to get his mind on the right track again. we always loved writing. its been a while since we both took it up. maybe we should. i consulted the cards. and although everything is rather peachy as of now, if i keep pursuing this love, i will have some rocky roads ahead of me. which is nothing new, cuz when it comes to me and relationships, nothing comes easy. as a good note: my boobies look nice todayy lol. they're pushing up against the corset, making them look very tantilizing lol. too bad no one will see my outfit today tho (Doh!) |
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| Saturday, December 13th, 2003 |
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at the request of my father (who always taught me, never to be a quitter in life) i have copied the following into my blurty, so i may remember the words my father would like engraved on his tombstone (if cremation is not stated in the will): Smoke! Smoke! Smoke that cigarette! Puff, Puff, Puff and if you smoke yourself to death Tell Saint Peter at the Golden Gate That you hate to make him wait But you've just got to have another cigarette. -Smoke! Smoke! Smoke that Cigarette! (Merle Travis) LoL leave it up to daddi to give mom a heart attack at the funeral service. i can imagine her turning to me, shaking her head and saying, "You're father just didnt give a shit about dying. So long as he got his last drag before anyone gave their two cents." if im gonna have a famous quote on my grave, i might have to go with Emily Dickinson. Her last words were engraved on her tombstone: Now comes the mystery.. the fog is rising. "Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies." Voltaire (1694-1778), on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan. g'nite folks. time for me to BLAAAAAZE ;oD |
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| Friday, December 12th, 2003 |
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i would swallow my pride, i would choke on the rhines, but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside. i would swallow my doubt, turn it inside out, find nothing but faith in nothing. want to put my tender, heart it in a blender, watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion rendezvous then i'm through with you. |
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heres a lil sumthin i did today in class. mind you, it was 8:30am and im still recovering from a cold. the professor asked us to create a useful logo for our future graphic design company. i consider this highly lucritive and top secret *wink* 
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Constipated People Don't Give A crap . Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself. If You Drink, Don't Park. Accidents Cause People. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant. <--- my favorite Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings". It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My butt. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway If Sex Is A Pain In The butt, Then You're Doing It Wrong... Fight Crime: Shoot Back! |
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| Wednesday, December 10th, 2003 |
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madness all fuckin madness. yes im 19. and yes i still live at home. but WTF. im dying of influenza and if one of my friends wants to come over to make me happy, so be it. hows my mom gonna say NO FRIENDS, like im still in elementary school. FUCK THAT lol josh is bringing me pot, and its gonna stay that way. hmph! |
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| Tuesday, December 9th, 2003 |
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*sex is in the air* can you smell it? P O R N T I M E wo0t wo0t X_x g'nite neverland ;o) |
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i woke up with one stuffy nostril. i hate that shit. i blew my nose so hard trying to "unstuff" it, that the goddamn diamond in my nose ring came off. on a *better* note tho... i got laid today (cheeeeeese smile). just a little quickie to keep me going lol. it had been a couple of weeks.. i was starting to think that he didnt want to touch me anymore. i skipped cybil's class today and just went straight to josh's crib. i was too tired and way too dillusional to show up to my noon class damn near an hour late. fucking colds always throw my schedule outta whack. anyhoots.. only smoked ONE and i repeat one joint today. as you probably already know... IM DYING TO SMOKE. yes im a pothead, now gimme a fuckin i saw requiem for a dream today. dude really trippy trainspottin kinda flick. which means i loved it lol. im fiending for the soundtrack. some hot ambient/classical remixes. jared leto and jennifer conelly sex *drool* i made a list of books i wanna read to keep my mind from wandering into an abyss. i'll start with the end of my... chuck palahniuk collection: lullaby survivor fight club invisible monsters diary (waiting for paperback) dont think of me being too trite, but this is my list for irvine welsh: ecstacy filth porno glue the acid house geez i sound like a fuckin drug addict. reminds me of that ole tune "im not an addict" lol just in case anyone wants to try to believe me *giggles* oooh i also wanna read hubert selby. he wrote hmmm... do you think thats enough books for next year? ;o) |
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I would die for you I've been dying just to feel you by my side To know that you're mine I will cry for you I will cry for you I will wash away your pain with all my tears And drown your fear I will pray for you I will pray for you I will sell my soul for something pure and true Someone like you See your face every place that I walk in Hear your voice every time I am talking You will believe in me And I will never be ignored I will burn for you Feel pain for you I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart And tear it apart I will lie for you Beg and steal for you I will crawl on hands and knees until you see You're just like me Violate all the love that I'm missing Throw away all the pain that I'm living You will believe in me And I can never be ignored I would die for you I would kill for you I will steal for you I'd do time for you I would wait for you I'd make room for you I'd sail ships for you To be close to you To be a part of you 'Cause I believe in you I believe in you I would die for you.... |
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dude im dying. im sick as a dog. i get these bad ass dizzy spells, my fuckin ears r killing me, and my left nostril is stuffy. blahhh my lymph nodes are swollen to all hell and the back of my throat itches. smoked with josh this morning. then he came over around 6 to smoke again and play sum marioparty. ..there are alot of things i'd like to say rite now. but i prefer not to. just alot of confuzzling thoughts. but if i dont think about it too much, the better my life will be. miggy came by with his inbreed cousin who just so happens to look like his goddamn twin lol. he has a lil prob with josh. and i dunno where its stemming from.. but its there, lurking.. waiting to attack lol. timmy called my cell like 7 times today and i missed all of them. he thinks i dont wanna talk to him. which is very far from the truth. but extinuating circumstances have arisen. |
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| Monday, December 8th, 2003 |
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Imagine me and you, I do I think about you day and night It's only right To think about the girl you love And hold her tight So happy together If I should call you up Invest a dime And you say you belong to me And ease my mind Imagine how the world could be So very fine So happy together I can't see me loving nobody but you For all my life When you're with me Baby the skies will be blue For all my life Me and you And you and me No matter how they tossed the dice It had to be The only one for me is you And you for me So happy together.... |
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little drummer boy get outta my head. these same ole tunes that should be drowned and left for dead. sunny days arent sweepin my clouds away but please tell me. how do i get back to sesame street? shout, shout, let it all out. let the wind carry a new song. trapped in a dream, theres no escaping these drums. oh baby its cold outside, but please leave me out here to dry. little drummer boy get outta my head. no more white christmas. none of the same ole tunes. i gotta beat the clock this time. cuz i dont want new years to be singing my blues. |
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| Sunday, December 7th, 2003 |
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blah. fuckin cold out today. went down to amsterdam billiards with daddi. whooped his ass the first two games. then he beat me the next 3. bastard. katie signed up for blurty, as did angelika and britto <3 wo0t wo0t. maybe i'll get some posts and feel special now hehe. tonite is the premiere of the HBO movie Angels In America. i've been dyin to see this shit, but i'd much prefer a new episode of Carnivale, hehe. miggy came over last nite and brought a blunt *st0nerz blisssss* he had cameron diaz (hottie) in his restaurant the other day, lucky bastard. i think if he asked for an autograph tho, he would have been fired lol. then on his way over, that nite, he got gypt for weed he tried to cop at West 4th. poor migz. doesnt he know u check the shit out b4 u pay the man. maybe next time he wont put 10 bux down on cotton balls in a paper bag lol. timmy called me today *sigh* poor baby cut open his hand. he's always hurting himself in one way or another. he's promised to call me again tonite. he's probably gonna ask for me to "Moan" for him lol. silly boyz. im as horny as a jackrabbit/primate species lol. |
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| Saturday, December 6th, 2003 |
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well the blizzard is heading for nyc. sledding time. i woke up at 12. figured, might as well sleep in, i cant go out lol. today is antoinette's baby shower. gabbi just called me. dude its all the way in fuckin brooklyn. with 4 feet of snow outside, how the fuck am i supposed to get there? "oh its just an hour train ride." YEA RITE! all the water damage on the train tracks. HA! i dunno if i should even be celebrating this birth. i know twat doesnt even want it. (poor kid) i just hope the baby doesnt come out stillborn or with defects/health complications. its not like twat took care of this baby in her womb. all the cigarettes and liquor and drugs *frown* wuts to celebrate? i mean she doesnt even want the kid. plus the "god-mother" is under house arrest. and jay (the baby's father) hardly has enough money to throw the frickin baby shower, thats why its being held at a bud's house in brooklyn. wut kind of baby shower, has drinks, weed, and probably other far worse party favors for celebration????? trailer park trash in the city, thats who. twat doesnt kno wut she's getting into. she never finished highschool and she's only 19. i thought she would leave all that delinquent shit behind sophomore year. |
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Blurty for The tick tock of the clock is painful.
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cheerful.
nostalgic.
geeky.
tired.
okay.
silly.
excited.
lonely.
bored.
giddy.
horny.
rejuvenated.
drained.