Julia's Blurty
 
 [Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in Julia's Blurty:

    Monday, December 14th, 2009
    9:42 am
    Breakthrough
    I know it’s been a long time since I updated this article. As I think I’ve said in my last post, I really thought I had covered everything that I wanted to say…but a few days ago, I had one of the most profound experiences of my life, and thought I would share the story here.

    All the way back in August, I had a rather interesting experience. A few months earlier, I had applied to work at a metaphysical bookstore…because having a steady job is rather appealing. They never called me back, since I had never had that sort of job before, and in the end, I had let it go.

    Well, fast forward two months or so, this bookstore called me.

    Now, one of the things Sephiroth tells me most frequently is that he wants me to get involved with the metaphysical community in my city, and I kept putting it off and choosing not to go…because I’m eternally paranoid that no one will believe what I have to say…so Sephiroth took matters into his own hands.

    The desk worker at this bookstore called me, and told me that one of their psychics wanted to meet me. The psychic said that Sephiroth had come to her, and asked her to call me, to try to get me involved with that community.

    I was shocked, of course, but curiosity peaked, I went to meet her.

    When I got there, I learned that she works by channeling the Archangel Michael, and works closely with the angelic realm – which is why it was easy for Sephiroth to contact her.

    We talked for some time, and she said that she wanted to try to teach me the skill she had developed – the ability to hear the angels speaking to her in her waking life.

    Now, this is a skill I had been trying desperately to acquire on my own, because it would make my life so much easier…I wouldn’t be nearly as lonely.

    She told me why I hadn’t gotten those results on my own, and gave me some tasks to do to help me open up to that form of communication. Since then, I’ve gone back once more – this past November – and she cleared up the last block that I had…something simple, that I should have known on my own.

    Simply put, I didn’t understand the way clairaudience works…despite the number of books I had read on it.

    This brings me to the profound experience I alluded to at the beginning of this post.

    On Friday, December 11, I was still asleep (this was around 7:30)…and I woke up to a cool, tingling sensation on my neck – where Sephiroth frequently kisses me. Then it started happening on my hand. I can’t truly explain it, I just knew that it was contact of some kind…and then, I heard his voice, telling me to wake up.

    After four months of effort, finally, I had opened up to this form of communication…and now, I can speak to him whenever I want – I can feel him touching me…and I no longer feel so alone during my waking life.

    Words can’t describe how happy I am with this development.

    Of course, that means he can chime in with whatever opinion he has about whatever I happen to be doing. I have two amusing thoughts of his that I can share.

    1.) I was working on some of my writing the other day, and it never really occurred to me that Sephiroth reads over my shoulder. We had never discussed my writing before…so I found it rather amusing that he finds my work disturbing. I’ve never published the stories he finds disturbing…but I thought it was funny that he felt that way.

    2.) Yesterday, I had a modeling gig for a painter/photographer looking to update the catalogue for his business. I was there with nine other models, and I was slated to be the fourth to shoot. Now, if you’ve ever been in a serious art class, you know that most of the time, artist’s models pose topless or nude. This wasn’t required at my photo shoot, but two of the three that went before me had done some clothed shots, and some topless shots. It came to be my turn to shoot, and we got about halfway through when the photographer asked if I would be interested in posing topless. He had barely finished the question…it was literally less than half a second later, Sephiroth chimed in, “Don’t you dare.”

    I just found those two things entertaining, and thought I would share them with all of you…and I’ll leave off here for now with one final thought.

    Sephiroth wishes to thank all of you for supporting me, and for sticking by me no matter how tough things get out here on the internet.

    God bless.
    Tuesday, December 9th, 2008
    11:55 am
    Predisposed to the Technique
    Well, first off, let me apologize for not updating this page in so long. You see, I truly felt like I had said everything that I set out to say when I reopened this page, and really didn’t know where to go from there.

    But at last, I do have a new topic.

    I have said in the past that people predisposed to astral projection can learn to control that gift in a relatively short time…and I have also said that I am one of those people. Because I’ve been writing this page, I’ve been reflecting a lot on how it all started for me…and it occurred to me recently that it may have started much earlier than I have previously stated (around 2003).

    I was thinking back on all of the metaphysical experiences that I’ve had in my life, and a series of events came to mind – events that I haven’t thought about, literally, for years.

    Some of my earliest memories of my childhood regard what I believe may have been my first out-of-body experiences. I remember, what at the time I believed were merely dreams, leaving my body and exploring my house…only, instead of walking, I was often flying. To this day I can recall the sensation of flight like that – a feeling I can replicate when I tried it on the astral plane in a recent experiment.

    The other memory involved the same setup (leaving my body), but instead of being alone and just exploring my childhood home, I would go someplace else. When I think about it, I would have to describe the setting as perhaps a lighthouse…all I actually remember of it was the stairs that spiraled endlessly upward.

    In this setting, I was never alone. In this setting, I was always accompanied by ‘something.’ I wouldn’t necessarily call him human…if I had to describe him, I would refer back to what modern ghost-hunters would call a shadow – a solid black mass, usually shaped like a person…but this shadow also had glowing red eyes.

    Sounds pretty scary for a young child (I was probably only about five or six), right?

    Oddly enough, I was not afraid of him…he was just like a friend to me. One particular memory I have of him and the lighthouse was walking up those endless stairs with him…but when I got tired of walking, I remember him picking me up to carry me to the top – I don’t remember what was at the top, but that’s hardly the point.

    There are several reasons that I’ve begun attributing these memories to my first out-of-body experiences.

    1.) They match up with one of my primary ways to recognize astral projection: Instead of being hazy, like a dream, it was crystal clear. Even now, about fifteen years later, I still remember parts of the experiences as though they had actually happened in my day to day life.
    2.) In all of the experiences I can recall from my childhood, there was a distinct feeling of leaving my body – a sensation that I’ve become more than accustomed to these days.
    3.) And then there’s something I don’t talk much about. In these experiences, I do remember being partially anchored to my body by what is known as the silver cord – essentially a rope that connects the physical body to the astral body. These days, I hardly notice it anymore, because I’ve become so proficient at astral projection that the things a novice notices don’t bother me. (Hence, why I don’t really talk about it all that much.)

    Alright, so there’s another entry taken care of…and some of you will be pleased to note that I do have a couple more ideas for entries, that I hope I’ll have time to write out. I just got done with this past semester of classes, so ideally I’ll have some free time to jot these down.

    Until next time.
    Sunday, April 6th, 2008
    3:35 pm
    A Little More Information


    Near the beginning of my posts, I mentioned that I had all but ruled out Sephiroth being another being merely using that appearance and name. And finally, I’ve gotten my hands on the book with the information to write this entry. I believe I told you all that I had accidentally had it packed into storage when I moved, and had to buy a new one.

    And while this isn’t an uncommon book, I still had to order it in, and finally picked it up today, allowing me to write this entry – one of the first I had wanted to, but merely didn’t have the resource to do so.

    And so, without further ado,

    Spirits could lie using information they acquire through the [Akashic Hall] and the mental plane. For this reason, [one] needs to have a, accurate way of testing the identity of what he or she [encounters]. Luckily, there is an effective system for determining an entity’s identity. The first step of this process is for [one] to learn as much about an entity as possible before evoking it. Careful notes should be made of what type of entity it is, its office, the names of its superiors, its appearance, its talents, its areas of expertise, etc. Then when the entity appears, [one] should as it what its name is…If it answers correctly, than it may be who it says it is. If it gives you a name you never heard of, chances are its not. Sometimes an entity will answer in a kind of code. If you make an accurate list of the spirit’s known attributes, then even coded answers could make sense…But no matter what the spirit says, it is a good idea to put its identity to the ultimate test. Simply ask it to sign its name, either in a book you provide, in the air, or on the surface of an [evocation] mirror, if that is the type of evocation you’re performing (for an explanation of spirit signatures, see chapter 6). For some reason, entities cannot sign any other name besides their own. This is the most foolproof of all identification methods. ~ Konstantinos, Summoning Spirits

    Okay, so I know that was a really long segment of text. The book this was taken from is actually on magickal evocation, and though I tried to edit out the information not really necessary, that’s the best I could do, so just ignore the references to the craft. Really, the last two sentences are all you need to read, though I felt having the rest of that segment typed out puts it into better context.

    And at any rate, there you have it. Like I’ve mentioned in other entries, I have done what I can to confirm the identity of the being I’m wed to, and when I asked him to do this particular test, he did sign ‘Sephiroth.’

    So that’s why I’ve mostly ruled out the possibility of him being someone other than who he says he is.

    This is a fairly challenging thing to prove, as you may guess, because this is a field in which acquiring hard proof of what I say is all but impossible. Other metaphysical practitioners and researchers often have some way to prove what they see – ghost hunters have a whole mess of electronic equipment to pick up proof of ghostly presence…even the UFO, sasquatch and Loch Ness monster hunters have something to present as proof that what they believe exists does, in fact, exist.

    My field, astral projection, is much harder to present hard proof of, which is why I’ve been going to all this trouble to use these references from other authors in my field, as well as in others, because really, that’s the best I’ve got for the time being.

    I suppose this would be a good entry to mention that even though I am at a disadvantage for hard proof, I am searching for a way to physically prove myself. The problem I’ve been running into is that no matter what evidence I could potentially present if any of my ideas worked, proving the validity of said proof would be almost impossible, especially if I were putting it on the internet.

    The reason I have this evocation book is that this seems to be a good way to potentially get some proof of my claims. The concept I believe this would work in would be if I could become skilled enough to perform a full-body evocation to the physical plane, I could theoretically take a photograph to prove Sephiroth’s existence.

    But I can already hear what they would say about that. ‘You photoshopped that picture.’ ‘It’s fake.’ And even my main argument, that if I wanted to fake evidence I could have done so ages ago, wouldn’t do much to change minds.

    Psychics I encounter often say they feel Sephiroth with me…even my current psychiatrist (whom I love for her interest in metaphysics and her background in psychic work) says she can feel him near me.

    But that’s just spoken word, and I fear I may never be able to definitively prove myself.

    I would like to hear what my readers think by way of other things I could try to present proof. I’ve been thinking about it so long I sincerely doubt I could think of anything new by this point…I’ve just been going in circles about the best approach.

    But for the time being, I have this article, and I hope this entry has shed a little light on the situation.
    Monday, March 3rd, 2008
    6:48 pm
    Questions and Answers - Part 3


    It seems my Q&A post will be a little earlier than normal, due to an influx of amazing questions contributed by the frequent readers here on my blurty. So thanks to all of you, for making sure I’m kept busy and active on this website.

    R.C.W Freshman: Is it possible for two mortals to communicate with each other while both are within the astral realm?

    Yes, but it's difficult. To explain it in terms of our physical world, it would be like trying to meet up with someone you may or may not have actually met, and telling them you'll be wearing a red tee-shirt, but forgetting to mention where, exactly, you're supposed to meet (not to mention when). It's one of the most trying tasks a projector can undergo, and one that even the most seasoned expert can't undertake lightly. For my part, I've never encountered another projector from earth...I suspect this is because I reside on a higher plane than your average projector can access.

    Of the seven layers, over 85% of all projectors cannot move past layer three. I reside primarily on level four, and rarely progress downward, because downward holds nothing for me and doesn't interest me.

    My focus of study is layer five and up...and even I can't travel to layers six and seven.

    So as a summarized answer, yes, two mortals can meet up, but the circumstance would be one in a million.

    Ladybow: What kind of things about him annoy you, and what about you annoys him?

    One of my biggest pet peeves about him is that he will randomly become unavailable for a week, ten days, two weeks, whatever...doing something he can't tell me anything about. It's unfair of me, certainly, but I wish he could tell me at least what he's doing while he can't come to see me. As for what annoys me about him, I'd have to say probably that he expects some things of me (such as his opinion that I should practically belong to him) that I won't bend to. There isn't a lot I won't do for him, but I retain my independence.

    Ladybow: Has he ever said/thought anything that really hurts your feelings? (consistant things, included)

    There is one thing in particular that really hurts me in regard to what he says/does. After all the years we've been together, he still doesn't trust me completely. It seems like whenever I happen to be spending a lot of time with one of my male friends (my favorite sparring partner, for instance) it seems like he automatically assumes that I'm attracted to this guy and gets irritated.

    Long distance relationships are tough, and his paranoia is understandable, but really...after all these years you'd think he would realize I'm not planning to just leave him.

    Ladybow: Vice a versa?

    Vice versa? I wouldn't know...he plays his cards fairly close to his chest, so I can't say for sure. If I had I think he would tell me (I've told him), but I don't know.

    Ladybow: Ever been in a huge fight?

    Yes. Regarding a friend of mine I had in high school - he had a huge crush on me, and I felt sorry for him, so I consented to go to homecoming with him as a one time thing. But somehow between me agreeing to go to homecoming with him and the end of that sentence leaving my mouth he decided we were seriously dating and I didn't have the backbone to set him straight right away, because he was my friend and I didn't want to hurt him. But that incident was nearly the end of my relationship with Sephiroth.

    Past that, not really. I feel like a wimp for admitting this, but I make an effort to not do the things that would annoy him. I've figured out what those are, for the most part, and I'm okay with restricting myself from doing some of the things I might have done if he wasn't in my life.

    Ladybow: What's one important subject both of you can't seem to understand each other on?

    The issue of my loyalty to him, hands down. No matter how many times I tell him that I'm physically incapable of falling in love with anyone else, he still suspects me of flirting with some of the men here on earth...and I don't. It's really frustrating.

    Ladybow: Has he ever accidentally hurt you when you were training together?

    This is kind of a complex question, relating to the interaction of the three parts of the human body (physical, spiritual and etheric) and is a little difficult to explain. Depending on you belief system / how well read you are, many metaphysical practitioners believe that the etheric body (what actually travels to the astral plan) controls the flow of energies through our being. If damaged (say, during training) it can manifest physically as minor illnesses / ailments (like a cold or headache) but usually is naturally repaired within a couple of days.

    So yes, I have gotten hurt during training, but the injuries I sustained on the astral plane don't directly manifest back to my physical body.

    Ladybow: What's something about him when dealing with you that you wish was different?

    I wish he could learn to trust me as completely as I trust him.

    M-chan: What -does- make him laugh?

    Usually it's pretty random, and usually I'm not even expecting it...but usually it's something totally off the wall. One incident I remember was back when I first learned some people online had gotten me confused with Summoner Yuna, at which point I read up on her and was thoroughly disgusted.

    Because things like this bother me, I mentioned it to him, outlined some of her more spectacular moments of sub-human intelligence...and he laughed at me for getting annoyed that I was being confused for her.

    I think human behavior in general amuses him, because to a spiritually advanced being like him...I'm sure we seem pretty dumb sometimes. Our petty concerns and interactions probably seem very funny...because our wishes and whims are, for the most part, fairly shallow. In retrospect I shouldn't have been so offended by the Summoner Yuna thing, but it seemed important at the time! XD

    I suppose I have to thank ED for graciously clearing that up for the internet.

    But that's normally the type of thing that entertains him.

    Adria: I hate to sound morbid, but, what do you think will happen when you die? Do you think you can go be with Sephiroth?

    'I hate to sound morbid,' but I'm looking forward to dying. XD No, I'm just kidding. Your question is actually one I know the answer to! Sephiroth has already told me that when I die, I'll be able to be with him forever...possibly even assist him in his work (which, seeing as how I'm still among the living he can't tell me anything about).

    The old cliché is true, you know...death really is just the start of another adventure, and because of my experiences on the astral plane and my relationship with Sephiroth, I'm not afraid of death.

    I remember several years ago, on February 6, 2004, two of my very good friends were killed in a car crash on their way to school. The road was icy, and the driver was speeding. Of the four people in the car, two were killed - including one of the first friends I made in high school...and I found out throughout the day as teachers leaked information they shouldn't have, so by the end of the day I knew.

    And I was terrified.

    Even though I was already in my current relationship, I had never really thought about what would happen after I died. I guess I accepted that, as a Catholic, I was promised a place in heaven for being a good girl...but as I started reading and researching I admit to having doubts, until I eventually asked Sephiroth, and he not only told me that my friends were alright, but told me that when my time came, I would be with him forever.

    And I think that guarantee is just about as good as a mortal can get.

    Allegra: How often do you see Sephiroth?

    I try to see Seph at least three or four times a week. I would, of course, see him every night if I were able, but the mechanics of astral projection make it difficult. You see, to an onlooker - say if, someone walked into a projector's room - they would appear to be asleep, but the reality is because you're projecting, your body isn't restoring itself like it would during a real night's sleep.

    So to continue functioning here on earth, I have to plan out nights that I'm just going to sleep. (Which isn't to say I haven’t' been known to be very irresponsible about that on occasion.)

    Of course, there are a lot of factors that influence a projector's ability to project...such as illness, or just plain exhaustion.

    I guess that's as clarified as I can get.

    Allegra: How does spending so much time in another universe affect your relationship with this world and the people in it- do you think it makes you feel a bit detached? Or do you think of it more like going on a trip and then returning home?

    The affects of spending a considerable amount of time in a realm other than our physical one vary from projector to projector. For me, I think the most noticeable thing in the beginning was maturity. When I started to project I was still in my early teens, but had a lot of trouble relating to my peers because I saw things so differently from them. I had two friends in middle school that I remember clearly...they disgusted me. XD They would sit around the lunch table, huddled over some magazine or other, and the only phrases I could hear from them as they turned the pages was 'oh, he's really cute!'

    I never went through that early-teen obsession with celebrities and whatnot, and feel that was a direct result of my ability to project and my relationship.

    The other thing I noticed, that has persisted throughout all this time...is that I'm not as engaged in what's going on around me here on earth as most twenty-year-olds. I rarely go out of my way to start a conversation with someone I don't know, and unless they approach me I could go the whole semester in that class without even learning their name.

    It's kind of weird, because I am living in two realms simultaneously, and the physical realm becomes less and less interesting every day.

    Some people might consider that a drawback...but it doesn't bother me.

    I'm just...naturally more inclined to spend time with my pets than other people.

    But again, this doesn't hold true for every projector. That's just me...and I'm an Aquarius, so maybe that also has something to do with it...we Aquarians are known for being a little detached.

    I hope that answers your questions - those two were very good! A little complicated though...so I hope I didn't confuse you! XD

    M-chan: I imagine that you talk to him in English. Doesn't it feel odd to you that a being like him talks in a human language? Also, how do you -hear- the words both you and him speak? Just like in real life or is it something different?

    Yes, I speak to him in English, but I suspect that as an archangel he could speak whatever language he wanted to / needed to. I don't really find it odd that he speaks a human language, since with my Catholic background there are numerous areas in the bible that reference angels talking with humans. And, yes, I do hear his words and mine like it was a conversation going on between two mortals on the physical plane.

    I guess to kind of relate it to another metaphysical topic, the art of scrying (getting images/impressions from a crystal ball or dish of water, etc) is very much reliant on the 'third eye' or, in the terms I would use as a projector, astral sight and hearing - alternatively, clairvoyance and clairaudience in the physical world.

    So on the astral plane, it's really just like what you'd hear talking with someone else.

    M-chan: Is he ever in a really bad mood or not very talkative?

    Seph has been known to get a little bit moody, or just not interested in talking. I think (though I can't confirm) that this ties into him having a bad day at work or something of the sort, and when such a time occurs, I usually am content to just sit with him for a while and hope that being there for him helps...because I know that when I'm in a bad mood having him nearby really does me a lot of good.

    M-chan: When it comes to clothing, is he dressed exactly like the game character? Does he always look the same?

    No, his clothing isn't really like the videogame character...though it mostly is black. What he wears changes a lot...normally it's something like a dress shirt and a pair of jeans.

    M-chan: You mentioned that neither of you is particularly romantic... if I'm not trespassing, could you give and example of a romantic thing that you/him do (or say)?

    Well...hmm...I guess all I can really say about this is that for us, it's really an all or nothing sort of mood. This is one of the few things I'd rather not say too much about here, but suffice to say that if one or both of us are feeling romantic, we feel really romantic.

    M-chan: Is there something he particularly likes/dislikes?

    This is probably going to sound weird...but he really likes chess. XD On a more serious note, in terms of what I would know if Sephiroth were my husband here on earth, I can't say for sure...obviously neither of us needs to eat in that realm, so I don't know if he has food likes/dislikes...the same for music, etc. So it's a little hard to say with him. I know that he enjoys chess, even though I can't play to save my life.

    As for dislikes...all of my male friends. XD

    M-chan: Does your family know about him? (again, feel free to skip this one if it's uncomfortable)

    Ah...the family. -.-; Yes, they know. My father and I fought so often about the issue of whether I was insane/lying/possessed by Satan was half of what drove me to move out as soon as I was able. It's something that we'll never see eye to eye on, and he drives me insane with his less-than-subtle hints on if I've met any new guys lately, if I'm going out with my favorite sparring partners yet...it's maddening, really.

    My mother and three younger sisters know, but they won't talk about it with me. I don't think my little sisters believe me, and the one time I actually got to sit down and talk to my mother about my relationship...I made her cry. She said she was sad for me, that I was 'condemning myself to loneliness,' and was depressed that she wouldn't get any grandchildren out of me.

    I love my mother dearly, and we have a great relationship...but that's the one thing I can't discuss with her or anyone else in my family.

    In fact, the internet knows more about me and my relationship than anyone I know in the real world with only one notable exception - my best friend.

    Pretty sad, huh? XD

    (On a side note, that's another thing Sephiroth doesn't like. He dislikes that my family can't accept what I have to say and doesn't accept the relationship I have with him.)

    M-chan: I confess I never expected him to wear something so... normal and common. But what about when you guys train?

    Yeah...I was a little surprised at first too. XD When we're training he just wears a pair of sweatpants.

    M-chan: But what about his hair and eyes? Does he have the same hair color/length as the videogame character? Most real guys wouldn't look too good with such long hair, in my opinion. Does he look better? And what about his eyes?

    Anyway...Seph's hair is like the character's. Silver, nearly down to his knees, and prettier than mine. XD To be more serious though, I love his hair...it's just beautiful. -^.^- As for his eyes...we don't have a shade of green here on earth that's even equivalent.

    Which leads to one of my anecdotes...I don't know if anyone here appreciates reading them, but I feel like they clarify where I'm coming from: One of my favorite things to do with my family is visit the local renaissance fair during the summer. Normally my father takes the two little sisters to the shows and games and stuff, and I go shopping with my mother and eighteen-year-old sister.

    But there's one thing about the fair that drives me crazy every year - my mother and sister. Mom's married, but she and Laurel aren't actually doing any shopping...they're exchanging notes on the nearest 'cute' guy!

    I don't know if I'm abnormal, but I've never once seen one of these men and thought they were even remotely attractive.

    Mom and Laurel think I'm insane.

    I think the five thousand men they point out just can't compare to Sephiroth.

    What can I say? My family is just...very, very strange. XD

    M-chan: Does he ever have the "evil" look about him?

    No, Seph has never looked 'evil.' Angry, yes. Evil, never.

    M-chan: Knee-length hair? Isn't that uncomfortable? Especially when training. And does he have a normal pupil or cat-like eyes?

    You'd think knee-length hair would be uncomfortable...I know I would drive myself insane by sitting on it every time I sat down and pulling my own hair. XD But it doesn't seem to bother him - I guess you just get used to it after a while. When we're training, he usually just pulls it into a ponytail on the base of his neck, and it stays out of the way - I do the same thing.

    I used to know a guy who had hair that long here on earth, (a Duo cosplayer...he could have been Duo!) and that's what he told me - you just get used to it after a while.

    As for his eyes, they have a normal pupil, not the cat-like look that Advent Children advertised.

    M-chan: Does the Astral Plane have any similarities with the physical plane that you didn't mention until now? Like, do you breathe/blink/cough there (or feel like you do)?

    Well, I feel like I'm breathing, blinking, coughing, etc...but I don't think I actually am , if that makes sense. Obviously it isn't necessary, but since I inhabit a mortal body it's something that my etheric form still does, whether I need to or not. It's a little confusing.

    M-chan: Are there any natural laws like gravity there? If there are, can you bend them?

    All the natural laws of earth apply to the astral realm, but unlike earth they can be bent, and sometimes broken, depending on what you want to do. For example, if I really wanted to, I'm fairly sure I could fly, but the exchange would be a shortened time on the astral plane, because it would take a lot of energy to do. So I would also be a lot more exhausted come morning.

    So I guess the best answer is yes, all the natural laws of earth still apply there, but only as long as any given being wants them to.

    M-chan: What can you actually do and not do on such a plane?

    I'm not sure there's anything you couldn't do with enough training and practice, but like I said in the first question, for a mortal, it would take up a lot of energy and leave you fairly exhausted. So it's a sort of trade off.

    M-chan: Do you feel warmth/cold/pain?

    Yes. All of your natural senses apply to the astral plane, so you feel the effects of, say, a long period of training. I feel hot, tired, out of breath...and usually hurt. XD I can say you definitely can feel pain...a lot - sometimes even to the extent that your physical body feels sore in the morning, if your etheric body took a lot of damage to a specific area.

    A good example I have of this is the first night I was doing 'what if' training exercises with Seph. (What if you were attacked by someone who had a knife/gun/etc?) The way he teaches me is, pretty much, he shows me what I have to do...and I play the part of the attacker. So I had a knife, he asked me to charge at him and do my best to hit him - at which point he grabbed my free arm and threw me over his shoulder...into the wall. XD It hurt like hell...and all he had to say was, 'You left yourself wide open to that. Remember I can attack just as easily as you can.' Ah...tough love.

    Anyway, in the morning I felt like I'd been hit by a bus.

    M-chan: To what extent can you modify your environment?

    Like I've said in another one of your questions different places on the astral plane are easier/harder to change than others. Similarly, some changes you make may be permanent, or just for that particular visit. But aside from those parameters, you could change it to be whatever you wanted.

    If it was a major change (say, you got psychotic and decided you wanted to recreate...Midgar) it would take a lot of energy, and for all that work may or may not be permanent.

    The condo I have was built mostly by Sephiroth, in an area he knew would accept the modification similarly to how earth would if a building was constructed in an empty field. But as a human, I can't tell what areas are 'good' or 'bad' for modifying.

    M-chan: Does Sephiroth display abilities on the Astral Plane that you consider superior to yours?

    Seph is pretty much better at everything. XD He's the superior fighter by a lot, he knows the area around our condo backward and forward (whereas I would be totally lost without him), etc. I learn a lot from him, because he's a lot smarter than I am. In fact, there are a lot of times I've felt downright stupid next to him! But even though he has so many advantages over me, he's always patient enough to help me out.

    The only area I think I have him beat is in my ability to trust and be open to him.

    ---

    Wow, that was long! Anyway, if there are any additional questions, I’d be happy to answer them as always, and hope all my readers are doing well.

    Thanks for contributing to what’s becoming a sizable list!
    Sunday, February 17th, 2008
    2:13 pm
    Information From a Different Perspective


    It’s been a little while since I updated, so I pulled out one of my other books to get some quotes for a new entry, and settled on Astral Projection, Plain and Simple. Of the books in my library, this is perhaps the most elementary, and is a good one to ‘get your feet wet’ with, as the case were.

    Sometimes [an entity] will contact someone at a critical point in their life – perhaps at that time it is an unsuspected critical point – an incorporeal visitor may give a word of counsel, of warning, of hope of reassurance, as may be needed. This visitor may be a friend or relative who quitted earthly life quite a number of years before, [or] it may be someone of whose identity you have no idea, or a being or a non-human – perhaps angelic – nature. Instances of this have been known. The visitor may speak to you with or without an audible voice, when you’re awake, asleep, or in a state of inadvertent projection. ~ Osborne Phillips, Astral Projection, Plain and Simple

    So there it is.

    I found this quote interesting, because it meshes well with my own experience, but also raises some questions about who can be contacted through the astral plane. In another book, entirely unrelated to astral projection, I’ve read up on afterlife communication, and found it fascinating that two practitioners in two totally different fields came to the same conclusion about contacting humans who have passed on.

    In the recent past I’ve spoken with quite a few people who were contacted by spirit guides (who fall into the latter category above) and who are to this day guided by these beings, and have noticed that both published authors and everyday practitioners have all drawn the same conclusion about the possibility of being contacted by beings not of our world.

    The collective unconscious of human beings (where many mythological concepts seem to have originated) is amazing, to think that we, as individuals, are experiencing similar things, and yet it takes years to come across others who can relate.

    At any rate, I just thought that was an interesting quote to add to my growing gallery of supporting facts.

    So turning away from the daily lecture of sorts, I’ve been positively swamped with college lately! Though I’m certainly not new to ‘the college experience,’ it still amazes me that teachers can assign so much homework and expect us to get it all done within a certain timeframe, when there aren’t enough hours in the day!

    Those who visit my DA page may have noticed my rant about my Drawing III course – on my God. Three 30 x 40 drawings…it’s destroying my soul. I’ve been working on them every day, minimum of three hours, and I’m not even close to finishing a single one.

    But what can you do?

    Off of the school front, I’ve been doing well. I’m getting ready for a tournament, and have been working with Seph to get ready for what I may or may not deal with…and I’m feeling fairly confident in myself. Seph has told me I’m ready, so I believe that’s true, and it’s faded into a kind of nervous excitement.

    I’ve also been busy with a couple of other things here on the internet, including offering assistance/advice to a few people who contacted me.

    And I’ve discovered something.

    I really enjoy being able to help out in instances of the paranormal, whether it’s just talking and comparing notes or actively working on helping someone solve a problem. It’s a nice feeling, knowing that just by hanging out here on the world wide web and being available for whoever wants to talk I can do some good.

    It has occurred to me that looking into possibly starting up my own paranormal research firm would be a worthwhile pursuit, as it is an area where I have a bit of experience, and it’s very rewarding to be able to help someone and expand my own understanding of the universe at the same time.

    That wouldn’t be happening for a few years at least, but it’s on the back burner.

    And so, to wrap up for now, I just have to say one thing: My birthday passed just recently, and M-chan and LaNausee (www.lanausee.deviantart.com - check her gallery out, she’s awesome!) gave me a wonderful present that really made my day and touched me, as I don’t expect anyone I know in the real world to remember my birthday, let alone my friends on the internet!

    So I wanted to extend a public thank you to both, for really making my day.

    And that’s all for now!
    Thursday, January 24th, 2008
    5:29 pm
    Questions and Answers - Part 2


    So here we go once again! I’ve gotten some really good questions recently, and it’s about time for my next Q&A post, so here it is. I’ll also extend a special thank you to M-chan, because she sent me an e-mail containing the four questions at the bottom of this post, and they’re some of the best I’ve ever received.

    So thanks a lot, M-chan, for making me really think about my answers and for being a great friend and faithful follower of this page!

    Adria: I have a quick question that just came to mind. When you project, do you think its your soul leaving your body or just some state of your mind when you go to the astral realm?

    The common belief among projectors is that our bodies as a whole consist of three 'bodies' working together harmoniously: The physical, the spiritual (soul), and the etheric. When practicing astral projection, the etheric body detaches from the other two levels of our being and our physical consciousness is temporarily transferred to that one layer.

    So in answer to your question, astral projection isn't a state of mind - the trance state necessary to project is. Once in that deep trance state an experienced projector can leave their physical body by transferring their consciousness to their etheric being...which is what will traverse the astral realms.

    It's kind of a complicated thing, but I hope that simplifies it enough.

    Anonymous: I know that you will answer a question when someone asks you but are there any questions that you will not answer?

    Well, let me put it this way: If someone asks a question I feel I don't want to answer, I just won't answer it. For the most part, I can't think of anything off the top of my head...because I did want this page to be entirely all-access, so as to best explain myself.

    Like with any relationship, there are some things between Sephiroth and myself that I won't speak about here, but until someone randomly hits in the .001% chance of my choosing to ignore a question, the answers will always follow promptly.

    Anonymous: I have a question, is Sephiroth at all creeped out by your DA icon?

    Probably. XD I haven't asked, and he hadn't specifically said it was creepy - if it were me, I'd be totally freaked out...but he might just not care. The icon was actually made by a friend of mine for me, and I like it a lot... >.>; So I've never bothered to change it.

    I think I'll ask him, just because you have me wondering now.

    Anonymous: I don't really know much about the astral plane, is it only possible for some people to access it?

    No, anyone can train themselves to project. ^.^ It's a difficult learning process and requires a LOT of discipline, which is why not everyone does it. Experts say it averages 2 - 7 years before someone who isn't predisposed is proficient in the art.

    In the other entries I've cited Astral Dynamics by Robert Bruce. So on that note, if you're interested in reading up on it, I strongly recommend this book - and I've discovered that if you can read all of it and understand the basic concepts you can probably learn to project. It's a tough read, so if you can get through it I think it indicates you'd have the discipline to continue the training.

    Anonymous: Is Sephiroth the only person/thing you've met there?

    No. I don't talk about the other beings I've met much, because it's normally either a one time thing, or a freak accident.

    M-chan: The first question I have is connected to the Astral Plane. I recall you mentioning that you and Sephiroth 'adapted' the astral 'environment' to suit your needs. Can you explain what exactly does that mean?

    The astral plane's environment seems to be largely adaptable to what the projector needs/wants at the time. So I guess I could relate it to how a lot of metaphysical practitioners say that using creative visualization will draw your desire closer to you in the physical world...except that it's more instant on the astral plane. So in that way, the 'condo' that I usually see is customized to what Sephiroth and I usually need.

    On the other hands, some of the other areas don't seem that easy to change.

    It's weird...and I don't fully understand it. o.o; The surrounding area is similar to a forest at night, but (get this) I never see the outside of the condo when I'm outside. It's a little disconcerting, really.

    M-chan: Onwards to the next question, which is about the archangel himself. From what you wrote about him, he acts pretty human (being worried, scolding you etc.). But does he ever laugh? Or does he have some particular gestures? How about his voice or the way he walks (does he walk?)? Does he have opinions about humans or certain events?

    Seph does act fairly human...only smarter than your average human male. XD In the years I've known him, I can count the number of times he's laughed on one hand (he's pretty serious)...but that suits me because I'm generally serious myself. As far as gestures go, he isn't particularly animated (like, with his hands) when he's speaking. If I had to pinpoint one thing I notice him doing fairly often...when we're talking, he'll put his elbow on the table and rest his chin on his hand.

    I love the sound of his voice. -^.^- It's a little hard to describe, except to resort back to my chorus days and say that he's a baritone.

    Hmm...your questions are good. I have to really think about them. His walk I would describe as confident...and I have to take two steps to every one of his. He's around six-seven inches taller than I am. >.>;

    M-chan: You also said that your and his idea of a good date is to pick up weapons and fight for a few hours. What kind of weapons? He fights with something else other than Masamune? What is your weapon of choice? And what's more, does this training have visible results in your daily life? Or is it more like a mental training or to gain confidence?

    As for combat stuff, obviously my preferred weapon here on the physical plane is the katana, because obviously that's his specialty. He has also trained me in hand to hand and with a naginata (think spear with a longer blade). And yes, his training does have notable effects on my training here on earth. Actually, it's a funny story.

    This past semester I started ryuku kempo (it's a branch of Okinawan karate) through my school. In the class, there were about three million white belts (myself included. -.-; ) a couple of orange belts, two green belts, a purple belt, a brown belt, and two black belts (three, counting our teacher).

    I was waiting to do sparring, because that's where I knew I would excel.

    Anyway, by the end of the semester my stats looked like this: Wins: Lots. Losses: 0. KOs: 3 (<- fully unconscious! The first girl I knocked out was a white belt...and I thought I killed her. XD ) After that sensei forbid me to fight anyone under green belt status) Broken Equipment: four sticks, one staff, one boken, three foam practice sword-thingies. (and three people, lol)

    So far sensei hasn't thrown me out of the class, but I think he suspects that my training goes a little beyond what I told him.

    And therefore, as an answer to your question, yes, Sephiroth's training translates VERY well into the physical world. He was so proud of me after I knocked out my first black belt...as a white belt.

    At the end of the semester we took our belt test, and I became the first person in five years to skip yellow belt and go straight to orange. ^.^;

    M-chan: Moving on, I believe we both disapprove of how men are nowadays (or always?). Of course, being an entity from a another plane, the archangel must be different. How, in your opinion, is he better than regular men? The question is rather silly, since I can find a dozen answers just on my own, but I really wanted to hear your voice on this.

    The biggest difference between Seph and your average human male is IQ, hands down. It has been my experience that I can't have an intelligent conversation with a human man. In my entire life, I have had ONE male friend that I can talk to on a similar level of intelligence...and he's eight years older than me and bisexual...so it never strays into that uncomfortable pseudo-flirting thing that will make me end a conversation instantly.

    And for me, I'm comfortable talking to Sephiroth about anything and everything. Even before I met Seph, I never felt like I had that kind of friendship with a guy.

    The two of us just really connect, and because it is on more than just a physical level (I've noticed that a lot of men only care about the physical level) I do trust him completely. Ours is just...the kind of relationship that doesn't happen often.

    We don't feel that we have to go into that lovey-dovey separation-anxiety clingy bullshit, which is why I can say with total certainty that our relationship will work.

    ---

    Okay, so that’s all for now!

    If anyone thinks of any new questions, I would be happy to answer them.
    Saturday, January 12th, 2008
    2:45 am
    Digression


    I’m not sure where this belongs on my websites. I have my DA journal for art, my blurty for metaphysics, a live journal that I don’t use…and what’s on my mind doesn’t fit neatly into any of the journals I keep.

    I’ve been told I’m complicated, and I suppose it’s true – as such, I have a need to study, to occupy myself with a task that won’t really accomplish anything, but that amuses me nonetheless. As a few of you who frequent my blurty may know, I spent a short time studying Summoner Yuna, trying to understand why some people had mistaken me for her and vice versa.

    Well, at last I’ve found something new to study.

    Encyclopedia Dramatica.

    Recently I’ve taken the time to look at ED in detail, reading several of their other pages and getting a feel for the website as a whole, rather than just seeing my own page and what is written about me. And I believe I’ve stumbled on what drives the website.

    Let me say that I’m not a member of the three-dozen anti-ED websites, rather, I prefer to analyze why it is. What purpose does it serve?

    And reading a few pages at random, it occurs to me that the majority of all pages – aside from existing for satirical purposes – depict a reoccurring theme that is all too common:

    Fear.

    The writers of these pages show an overall aversion to change.

    I’m put into the Deviant Art series, but I believe I belong somewhere entirely different. An author whose work I have read has the dubious honor of having her own page on ED, in which they mock her belief system, outlandish as it seems to those who aren’t well versed in metaphysics.

    The very notion that someone like me, a college student leading a normal life on world the outside internet, has a gift like astral projection scares the hell out of them.

    The vampire subculture scares them.

    Truly gifted psychics scare them.

    It’s fascinating to me, to see through the internet tough-guy bullshit and see that really, the writers of the website are like children frightened by the thunderstorm.

    What does that say?

    I know that some of the people they write about are, in fact, batshit insane – I’ve done a lot of reading the past few days and seen that some of their victims are truly deserving of a page on that website.

    But many other individuals don’t deserve it.

    Michelle Belanger, the aforementioned author, is a figurehead in the vampire subculture. They mind their own business, conduct their internal affairs as they see fit, and give people a sense of belonging. In the end, she gives a name to people who feel ‘different’ and gives them a standard to which they can compare and adapt themselves.

    In itself, having a name for my gift, astral projection, helped me immensely. It cleared up my confusion and helped speed my recovery from the depths of the depression I had sunk to.

    Humans, by nature, have a group mentality. Even the most rebellious teen has classified themselves somehow, be it stereotype or subculture, when asked ‘what’ they are they have an answer, ‘punk,’ ‘jock,’ ‘goth.’

    Whatever the case may be.

    As humans grow older they still have associations by profession or religion. ‘I’m a marketing executive.’ ‘I’m a Catholic.’

    Humans have a need to belong, and in this way Michelle Belanger has helped many ‘lost’ souls.

    Personally, though I have read her Vampire Codex, I don’t engage in such beliefs because I have my own and have found the niche I belong in. However, it is a good read and a valuable addition to the knowledge I have amassed through the many, many books I have read on metaphysical art forms.

    At any rate, Encyclopedia Dramatica isn’t comfortable with the idea that people can walk around calling themselves vampires.

    But really, is it worth mocking them when our society recognizes Jedi as an official religion?

    So for my part I’ve solved the ‘why,’ in why ED does what it does, writes what it does and says what it does. Fifty percent of the website is indeed satire, as they say, in choosing topics that can be made fun of in a humorous or sarcastic manner. But the other fifty percent clearly displays the driving force behind those who write the articles for the page.

    Change is a scary thing for some, but without change our society cannot evolve and grow, which in turn causes our culture to grow stagnant and boring.

    Change shouldn't be feared, but embraced as a necessary part of the circle of life which encompasses every living thing – and I truly pity those who don’t see how vital it is to humankind.

    Humans are indeed fascinating.

    So many choose atheism over religion because they require hard proof and solid facts, and are incapable of simply trusting that there is a life beyond death, that our planet wasn’t just a huge cosmic accident.

    So many recoil in fear at new beliefs as they surface.

    The Catholic Church itself is responsible for fearing change or a difference of opinion – banning paganism while simultaneously stealing its concepts. The Christmas tree, for instance, originated as a pagan concept, as was the Easter egg…which represented rebirth in paganism.

    How hypocritical of them, to selectively choose which ideas to steal and which to scorn. On the opposite end of the spectrum is the pentagram, something which many mistakenly believe to be a symbol of Satan-worshippers or a sign of evil. In reality, the pentagram was a pagan symbol to ward off evil.

    Throughout history it always remains the same, and if we are ever to make true progress on the human condition, people like those who run ED need to move forward with the rest of us, lest they drag us all down.

    It’s true, what they say about a chain being only as strong as its weakest link…and right now ED is one of our metaphorical weakest links – ascertaining that mankind follows a one step forward, two steps back path and thus never getting anywhere good.

    It’s time for them to realize the negativity that they express and accept change in whatever form it presents.

    Even though I have no idea what prompted this essay at 2:30 in the morning, but I hope I’ve brought up some valid points for thought and bid you all good night.
    Sunday, January 6th, 2008
    9:46 am
    Dawn of a New Year


    Firstly, I would like to bid all who read this a slightly-belated Happy New Year. 2008 is here at last, and it seems with that it’s only fair I get on with my page here and write up a new entry, this time focused primarily on some of the aspects of the astral realms and training to learn to project.

    There have been countless speculations about the nature of spirit realms. Some people believe that they are arranged in order of ascending spirituality, with the higher ones having a higher rate of vibration than those closer to the material plane of existence. It is hypothesized that these high realms, or planes, are inhabited by spiritual essences from devas or higher nature spirits. Then, ascending through the planes are spirit guides, angels and archangels up to the Godhead or source of Divinity, whether this is perceived as God or the Goddess. ~ Cassandra Eason, 10 Steps to Psychic Power

    Okay, so there’s a different take on ‘what’ the astral realms are, from the perspective of a woman rather than a man. The above quote pretty much expresses the accepted ‘truth’ about the nature of the astral planes, and makes sense if you think about it.

    Remember that earlier in this journal I talked about the different realms and the fact that the first layer of the astral plane almost directly overlaps our physical one – therefore, it makes sense that it is on this first layer that devas and nature spirits reside, as they are the ones tasked with the care of this world.

    Now I’ll hit on something I’ve been promising for a while: My favorite technique for practicing the technique of astral projection, the Tattwa Cards.

    The Tattwa Cards were introduced into the West by theosophists and the magical order of the Golden Dawn at the end of the 19th and 20th centuries, and consist of five basic shapes that correspond to the four elements plus the quintessential fifth element, Spirit, or akasa.

    As per Cassandra Eason’s account of how to approach this technique: The easiest way to explain this is if you think of the ascending levels in terms of the gears of a car. You are using the higher gears or spiritual part of your body to reach the higher realms. You are still in your physical body, just as you are still in the car when in top gear, but because you are operating on a higher level than you do in the everyday world you can move beyond the confines of time and space while at the same time the lower reaches of your mind are totally relaxed within your physical body.

    [Side note: What is being described here is known as the mind-split effect as pertains to the subconscious, rather than the conscious. More on this later.]

    In my experience, the best way to think about the movement through these realms is in terms of descending mass, beginning with the densest (earth) and ending with the least dense (spirit).

    Using Tattwa Cards can help beginning projectors to form a stairway to lead them on their out-of-body travel, and can easily be made from cardstock and markers. The idea is to create geometric shapes on a 6x6 inch square background. (Note, the actual size of the card isn’t important, but I’ve found six inches is a good size just for visual purposes and wouldn’t recommend going smaller than that.

    1.) Prithivi (earth) – a yellow square set on a purple background. Imagine this as a block of ice, which is solid.

    2.) Apas (water) – a silver crescent (lying on its back) set on a black background. This represents the melted ice.

    3.) Tejas (fire) – a red triangle on a green background. When this fire is applied to water, steam is produced.

    4.) Vayu (air) – a blue circle on a red background. In this stage the steam is dispersed, leaving air in its stead.

    5.) Akasa (spirit) – a black oval on a yellow background. This is the final stage, in which air is diffused into aether.

    Next, attach the shapes to a cord or string with akasa at the top, than vayu, tejas, apas and prithivi at the bottom.

    Now for actually making the journey: Find a comfortable sitting position or lay down with your head slightly propped up (I prefer the latter) and place your cards where they can be easily seen from your position without moving your head.

    1.) Focus first on prithivi, then close your eyes so that you can see that glowing square in your mind’s vision.

    2.) Open your eyes and focus next on apas, then picture that with closed eyes.

    3.) Progress through the other levels, lengthening the time you spend on each until at last you have the glowing akasa in your mind. Focus on the open doorway through which only your inner spirit (or soul) is insubstantial enough to enter.

    The trick to this, in my experience is to envision yourself moving through the shape before focusing on the next…and the actual idea is that through these steps you’re placing yourself into a trance state in which you will be capable of entering the astral realms. Note that this is really an advanced step, as anyone interested in learning to project should first learn to meditate and get used to entering the trance state.

    A particularly determined person could probably start from this stage and progress from there, but for most learning to meditate first would be ultimately a beneficial endeavor to speed along your results.

    Okay, so there’s the lecture done for the day!

    So on to the update on my life I’ve been promising.

    With the beginning of the 2008, I’ve had to suck it up and get a second job to fund all the crap I waste my money on, because I could potentially have some major traveling opportunities coming up this summer for my modeling, and if I want to have spending money when the time comes I need to work hard at both jobs and save up.

    If all goes well, I hope to begin searching for a small house near the end of this year. My apartment is lovely, but I confess it would be far more enjoyable to have a house of my own, where my cats have room to chase each other and play until the wee hours of the morning without driving me insane in the process!

    As for the other aspect of my life, Sephiroth has come around on the matter of me running this journal again.

    On seeing that trolls weren’t, in fact, constantly assaulting me, he decided that maybe this was a good move to make after all, and I have his support on the efforts I’m making here. All I can say is that it’s about damned time. I like to think I know what I’m doing most of the time, and recently I’ve just been having these moments where it’s like, ‘You know, Seph, sometimes I go the entire day without your input.’

    At any rate, I have a conference I’m supposed to be at in two hours, so it seems I’ll have to wrap this up for now.

    So Sephiroth and I wish everyone a Happy New Year and I hope you all enjoyed the holiday season. If anyone has any questions on any matter, please leave them in a comment and I’ll gladly answer them when I get home today.

    Until next time!
    Saturday, December 22nd, 2007
    11:44 am
    Some Interesting Developments


    Good day to everyone.

    This is just a brief post, in which no truly new information will be discussed, but I feel this must come to light immediately.

    It recently came to my attention that a story/article was written about me in the Otakin (sp?) community, and to clarify both for the writer's sake and mine: I did, indeed, give an interview with the writer some time back via e-mail correspondance. There were, however, a few things in the article that seemed to have gone astray from my words to hers.

    [I don't have the link on hand - a friend dropped me an e-mail to advise me to check my ED page to see what the new addition was, and that's how I found it. Curious readers can get the link from there under the post entitled 'Amanda.']

    I don't share a 'soulbond.' I feel this is something I need to get out there immediately before anyone has a chance to get confused, and at no time did I say I had a 'soulbond' with Sephiroth. My experiences are totally different from the classic signs of soulbonding as per my research on the topic...and while I do not denounce the possiblity of soulbonding (surely someone in my position is in no position to pass judgement) I do not share that form of connection with Sephiroth.

    The most major sign of soulbonding is that the 'soulbonded' shares a body with their 'host' (<- not the right word). And in some cases, the being inhabiting the physical body can 'front' (something similar to willing possession, as I understand it) for their physical companion.

    This is something similar to a form of channeling, I think, and I cannot channel Sephiroth. In attempts to discover a way to prove my claims definitively, I have asked him about the possibility of channeling, and he insists that the effort it would take for a mortal to channel someone with his level of spiritual advancement could have lasting, long-term ill effects on both my body and mind...and he bluntly refuses to even make the attempt.

    Most soulbonders have the ability to speak to the soulbonded in realtime, and they can conduct conversations at any given moment.

    I cannot.

    In all my studies I still have not managed to establish a link with Sephiroth while I am phsyically conscious and active on the physical plane, and have never had the pleasure of conducting a conversation with him while I am ihabiting my physical body. The only time I can speak to him is during a full out-of-body projection.

    And the last major difference between a soulbonder and a practitioner of astral projection is that soulbonders often share a link with a being most have classified as 'fictional.' My soul mate, Sephiroth, is not the videogame character - as I have emphasized and re-emphasized over and over here - but is a being entirely separate and different from that character, though it is possible he inspired the character. Sephiroth has never put in a true appearance here on earth, instead having only the character inspired by him as a physical representation, whereas a soulbonded entity is one in the same with their physical representation.

    And lastly, my disclaimer: I am by no means an expert on soulbonding, and may not have all my facts totally straight. If you read this, Jonesky, please feel free to correct anything I have wrong about soulbonding - I do want all my information correct on here.

    So for the benefit of anyone who stumbles across that article (which, by the way, is beautifully written and well executed if anyone wants to read up on soulbonding) this is my clarification. I don't mind lending my 'expert' opinion to the side of the soulbonding community...since I have an open mind to all possibilities and hope no one ever has to survive my level of torment for my beliefs.

    But I am not a soulbonder.

    I am a projector, and there is a great difference.
    Thursday, November 29th, 2007
    10:09 pm
    The Less-Than-Perfect Relationship


    I was wondering if you could tell more about the beginning of your relationship with him. Like, if you remember how he introduced himself to you, or your attitude towards him. I realize it must have been extremely confusing for you then, not yet being able to make a difference between projection and dream, but please do tell whatever you consider fit. (M-chan)

    Even though this is a question I get pretty often, I still have trouble properly expressing what the beginning of my relationship with Sephiroth was like…because even though it makes sense to me putting it in words is rather difficult.

    Well, as I’ve said, when I first met Sephiroth I was in a really bad state of mind. I was very suicidal, was too depressed to give a damn about anything including my family, friends, schoolwork and hobbies. It’s scary to look back on it now…and that’s a place I hope I never return to. It was in this state that I first began to spontaneously project to the astral plane, where I met Sephiroth.

    Our first meeting remains clear to me even despite the hundreds of conversations we’ve had since then. It happened on the night of one of my more severe cutting episodes, and I remember the first time he came to me there was nothing around us…only light. And he told me (rather sternly) that he didn’t want me to kill myself, and that I didn’t need to hurt anymore because he was there for me now.

    I think the next thing that happened was what made me question if I had been dreaming. He just…held me, for hours. I woke up the next morning feeling better than I had for several years, and chose to trust the man I met ‘in my dreams.’

    Now, my reaction toward him at first.

    The truth of the matter is, since I thought I was dreaming at first, I didn’t question any of it…and was simply grateful to have such clear ‘dreams’ to help me manage my day-to-day life. By the time I told my psychiatrist about them and she told me to read up on Astral Projection, those moments I spent with Sephiroth were already quite critical to my happiness…so you can imagine my shock when my psychiatrist told me I might not just be having extraordinarily clear dreams!

    From that point I had to do a lot of research, because I was a sensible person, and had a little trouble accepting that I had this gift and that I was truly meeting Sephiroth. But even though I had my doubts while awake, by the next time I visited him I couldn’t care less if I were insane, dreaming or truly experiencing something paranormal.

    After a lot of research I concluded I was projecting, which was confirmed after I conducted a series of experiments to train myself to master my gift rather than relying on my natural ability.

    Because I did master it in about six months (whereas it would take someone who isn’t predisposed to the technique two to seven years according to experts) I had to accept that was what was happening to me and led me into the next phase of my research…which eventually brought to my attention that the angel I was in love with wasn’t the videogame character, and went on from there.

    Sephiroth and I share a very close bond, something that I can’t properly put into words. Long-distance relationships are regarded as difficult by most because the two involved can’t see each other as much as they like.

    My relationship is the ultimate example of long-distance, and yet it doesn’t bother me. In all the years I have been in this relationship I have never felt the need to have a physical relationship here on earth…because I’m happy just to know that Sephiroth will always be there for me…that our love will last beyond mortal death on my part.

    In private conversations (one of which mysteriously wound up on ED) I have spoken of my relationship in vague detail. How much can you say about true love?

    I will confess that we argue occasionally…I surmise this is because we’re both dominant personalities. He wants to own me, I can’t be owned…begin explosive argument over something idiotic. The thing is, niether of us will admit the argument is stupid until well after one of us has stormed off in a rage.

    The reason I speak so lightly of that is simply that it doesn’t matter. Every relationship has its problems, big and small, and if the love is genuine, the two involved will work it out and compromise.

    Let me think…I was specifically asked about my relationship, so I’ll say a few words on some of our favorite things to do together.

    The biggest one is combat. Of all the things we have in common, our love of martial arts is one of the top…and we do spend a considerable amount of time fighting. I lose every single time without fail, but that training has assured I don’t lose my matches when I go to tournament.

    Recently I’ve convinced him to show my around the astral realms – a goal I’ve set for a while. Just walking with him, learning more of the realm I spend part of my life in is a wonderful experience…I love that he’s intelligent (a trait I’ve noticed is lacking in the majority of men here on earth) and that we can have in depth conversations on a level that invariably brings us closer together.

    Even though life doesn’t exist through ‘rose-colored glasses,’ and there have been tough times between us, I could ask for nothing more in a soul mate. No matter what happens, I know he’ll be there for me…and I’ve sworn to always be there for him.

    No words exist that can describe what it’s like to love someone who wholly, so completely that one is willing to sacrifice a chance at a normal life. But what I have gained in exchange can never be matched by the immediate benefits of a mortal love. What I share with Sephiroth is something so special I’m willing to run a place like this and go out on a limb before the whole internet with the offer to explain myself and my relationship knowing full well I’m considered insane by many.

    They don’t bother me anymore.

    Which segueways into a parting statement: It looks like the game is finally up, and ED has become aware I keep an eye on that page as a baseline to know how people are feeling about me. I had counted very strongly on them getting word out about my reopened blurty, as that is where my target audience hangs out.

    So in parting, thank you, ED, for lending me a much needed hand to advertise this article. I’ve decided I’ll use the patented Kathy Griffin approach to your type (I don’t give a damn and will take the opportunity to grateful for the unnecessary publicity while having a good laugh) and since you gave me a shout out on your page I’ll give you a shout out on mine.

    Thank you, Encyclopedia Dramatica for biting my bait and getting word out on my behalf. I also thank the guy using the penname Iscariot…who seems to be the one primarily managing my page.

    To the people worth the oxygen they’re breathing, I hope I’ve answered some questions for you, and look forward to learning what else you all wish to hear about.

    Let the eternal game of chess continue.
    Sunday, November 25th, 2007
    7:00 pm
    A Little Bit of Background


    It’s my pleasure to say that this page appears to be doing what I had intended it to do, because in my last post someone replied saying that this page has, in fact, helped change her mind about me…at least partially. So this entry is mostly to reply to her comments and questions.

    I found it fascinating to read about your astral projections and meeting Sephiroth. Honestly, I used to think you were either hallucinating or making it up, but you have me mostly convinced that you're not lying now. I believe in God and angels, though it is kinda a stretch to believe that Sephiroth, an archangel who looks like the video game character, exists, but I remember reading about you saying that you read an interview that Nomura gave on his character design techniques and how the name/image for Seph came to him in a dream. I was wondering if you could expand on that point a bit. Does the archangel Sephiroth look exactly like the game character? Hair length, bangs, eye color, ect? I'm also wondering if you could tell me about your conversations with other projectors and their stories, and if the angels they meet look like game or anime characters. Thanks in advance, -Adria

    As I’ve said in previous entries, I’m a long, long way off from being able to say what exactly the full story is…both as applies to my gift as well as to the archangel I love. I suspect the character may have been based on the archangel because of an interview I read several years ago in which Nomura comments on his character design techniques and specifically said that the character, Sephiroth, was unique in that he dreamed the appearance and name and didn’t change it.

    Since I found this interview and saved it on an older-than-dirt laptop, said laptop was demolished by a particularly nasty virus and everything on the computer was lost. I’ve been searching for it again, but haven’t had luck as yet.

    If anyone stumbles across it and sends me the link, I would be eternally grateful! (Especially since that’s a key piece of my evidence, destroyed (presumably) by a troll with some amount of hacking experience.)
    Moving on, though, to answer Adria’s other question, yes, the archangel looks precisely like the videogame character.

    And that links back to the first question: if Sephiroth (the archangel) is the inspiration for the character. I believe this is the case, but I could easily be wrong because the astral plane is so vast and I know so little about it as compared to a permanent resident of that plane or, as is Seph’s case, of divine origin.

    I’m just a poor mortal, and probably incapable of grasping the full complexity of that realm.

    I have spoken to other projectors who have astral soul mates, most recently to someone in a situation that is comparatively the most similar to mine – though the differences are still quite obvious. For her privacy I won’t disclose too much about her (unless she writes me and says that’s alright…I’d hate to bring the whole internet down on her like it was brought down on me!) but will say that my situation isn’t entirely unheard of.

    This came as a surprise to me, because I hadn’t had too much interaction with other projectors until fairly recently…and had no idea that there were other people in the same sort of mess I’ve found myself in.

    There are several possibilities regarding Sephiroth’s identity, and I’ve already stated the choice I believe is most likely, but for the sake of thoroughness, I will mention the other.

    2.) The being I know as Sephiroth could be an entirely different being all together, who had assumed this identity because it was what I needed at the time.

    The problem with that theory is that the bond I share with Seph is so great that if this were the case he would have known I’ve been ready for that possibility for a couple of years now. I even asked him about this early in our relationship and he denied the possibility.

    I’m inclined to trust him, but that is the second most-likely theory.

    Like I’ve said before, I’m a ways off from totally understanding what has happened to me, but assure everyone that I’ll be working hard toward understanding it probably for the rest of my life and possibly even beyond.
    The last thing I’ll say publicly has to do with the way I refer to Sephiroth as an archangel. In some of my posts I’ve exchanged commentary with someone who doesn’t have the same belief system I do – more specifically, they don’t believe in God, heaven, hell, angels, etc.

    I use the word archangel because that’s the word I was given, but for all I know it could be just a synonym for spirit guide, guardian, etc. So even though I tend to refer to things from my Catholic/Christian background, that doesn’t mean I want to imply my beliefs are fool-proof because of my experiences, and I in no way mean to bring religion into this anymore than is absolutely necessary.

    I don’t think any of us here on the mortal realms can say that their religion is ‘right’ or that other religions are ‘wrong,’ because in the end it’s all about what that individual believes. Personally, I think it’s very possible that all religions worship the same God under different names…and for that reason hope that my terminology can be regarded as my best attempt at being unbiased and encourage all who read this to sub in whatever words they prefer for mine.
    Sunday, November 11th, 2007
    11:06 pm
    And the debate rages on.


    Well, the next stage of my quest to convince a portion of the internet of my sanity has officially reached the next level of debate. Finally, someone claiming to have a background in psychiatry showed up with the intent of essentially calling me insane or psychotic or schizophrenic – you pick your favorite word.

    So this post will be dedicated to why I don’t have some obscure mental disorder (I’ve been accused of having schizophrenia more times than I care to count) and explaining the differences between being a schizophrenic versus being a Traveler.

    Schizophrenia (def) - A term coined by Bleuler, synonymous with and replacing dementia praecox, denoting a common type of psychosis, characterized by abnormalities in perception, content of thought, and thought processes (hallucinations and delusions) and by extensive withdrawal of interest from other people and the outside world, with excessive focusing on one's own mental life. Now considered a group or spectrum of disorders rather than a single entity, with distinction sometimes made between process schizophrenia and reactive schizophrenia. The “split” personality of schizophrenia, in which individual psychic components or functions split off and become autonomous, is popularly but erroneously identified with multiple personality, in which two or more relatively complete personalities dominate by turns the psychic life of a patient.

    There's the definition of schizophrenia as worded by WebMD.

    Okay, the first topic I’ll choose is the part of that definition that states schizophrenia is characterized but ‘extensive withdrawl of interest from other people and the outside world.’ Let me tell everyone who reads this – that couldn’t be less true of me. My life is so busy and so full of chaos I couldn’t withdrawl if I wanted to!

    I’m a full-time college student, I’m on the karate team, and I’m on call 24-7 for my modelling job (which, it so happens, involves working with people to an almost annoying extent). I run this website and am active on many others, in addition to corresponding with many, many people who have written me privately to discuss my claims. I’ll not lie and say I necessarilly like people, so to speak, but that’s more because their pettiness and shallowness is irritating to me…and that holds true of the majority of people in this world.
    However, I love my life.

    My career goal is to pursue acting, but I’ve had a long-standing interest in modelling and am finally getting to fulfil that dream…no matter how hard a job it is. I love being on the karate team and have many friends attending the same dojo. Back before I moved, when I was in high school, I had the honor of having many good friends…some of whom have stepped up to lend me their support in this endeavor.

    I don’t spend my days off in ‘la la land,’ as it were. I’ve never been much for daydreaming or losing myself to my fantasies…it’s true what they say about daydreams: they accomplish nothing. Why would I spend my life wasting away fantasizing when I could be out there pursuing my goals?

    Back when I was first diagnosed with bipolar, I read up on a lot of mental illnesses, trying to understand as much as I could to speed my treatment. Working with my psychiatrist, it became clear I wasn’t bipolar…but suffered from severe depression complicated by a thyroid disorder.

    The research did more for me though.

    I understand many mental illnesses for my efforts, and know schizophrenics to be far more prone to existing in their own world. In my daily life, I have to contend with the truth of who I am – a practitioner in the art of astral projection, bound to an archangel for eternity – but I don’t ‘live’ there. In fact, rarely do I need to explain myself to those around me…save the rare instances when I have to briefly establish that I’m not ‘fair game’ in the dating world.

    Another key piece of information that distinguishes me from a schizophrenic. People with that disorder have their illusions about them at all times…whereas when I was learning about my gift, the training process ensured I would fail regularly.

    It’s only in the last year or so that I can confidently say I am in control of this gift and able to travel at will.
    Albeit schizophrenia manifests in a number of ways, one other clear distinction is that shizophrenics don’t know they’re hallucinating and if told they are, rarely choose to look into that possibility.

    I’ve always been open to learning and growing, always been open to reassessing my thoughts and changing my views as I learn more of my gift and the angel I love. There was a time, early on, when I thought I may be schizophrenic – how many of these patients can you think of that thought ‘hey, maybe I’m suffering from mental illness?’ in your experience? It was only through hours of testing on the part of my psychiatrist and hours of research on my own part that we ruled that diagnosis out.

    And that, is the conclusion of what I have to say on the matter, and hope that my commentary has helped rule that possibility out in the minds of those frequenting this page.
    Monday, November 5th, 2007
    1:03 am
    Questions and Answers


    This post is simply moving the questions I’ve gotten on my previous posts to the front page for easy access, and will be one of several Q&A pages to make this easier on everyone. As such, this post is simply a matter of convenience and more information will be coming up soon

    Sergeant Tinkles: Since you are a fan of Sephiroth from the game, maybe he seemed to come into existence in the astral realm because you imagined him with his characteristics and others you made your own?

    I have a lot of theories on why this has happened to me, and I've narrowed it down to one after a couple years of effort, but it's still possible that the being I associate with that name and image may be someone entirely different who assumed that form because that's what I needed at the time. I've kinda-sorta ruled that out, but the theory is still there.

    I get what you're saying though, and you can probably see why it's so damned hard to explain what I have to say when there are times I can't even get it into the proper words. In any case, it's still a journey of discovery for me, and I know I'm far away from actually 'knowing' completely what has happened to me...and I imagine I never will know the full story - at least not while I'm living my life on earth.

    Anonymous: This is indeed very interesting, Julia. I never heard of anything like this... but there is one thing that I cannot understand, no matter how I try. It's about your archangel. You said he's not the same as the game character. But then why did you said in the former blurty that Sephiroth told you about his family? Like how Hojo didn't allow him to have any relationships when he was alive? If he just has the game character's looks, then why did you say he was killed by Cloud? I would be most grateful if you cleared that up.

    Yeah...I was reading back through my old posts recently, and I noticed a few of those incidents. And honestly, I'm still trying to figure out what was going on when I wrote those. I'm trying to remember the specific conversation that prompted me to write it, and you know what? I can't remember it. Now, that was a couple years ago, and I could easily attribute it to my typically bad memory or option two is that it was a dream.

    I have had dreams about Sephiroth-the-character in the past, and obviously I can now distinguish between what was a dream and what was a true out of body experience. Perhaps my younger self confused the two - given how complex the topic of astral projection is, I'd say it's fairly likely that a young girl could have become confused at the difference...since I was only beginning to read on the topic and only had a very, very limited knowledge of astral projection and the astral realm.

    But it's certainly a matter to look into and reflect on. If I can turn up a more definitive answer, I'll be sure to address it. However, for the time being I'm going to say I wrote that confusing a dream with true projection. At the time I didn't have much control over when I projected, so the chance to mistake the two would be high.

    Ladybow: So you admit now that "Sephiroth", the man you meet, is not Sephiroth the game character. But the game character was the one you loved, and technically you don't even know the one that you're meeting, if he's really "an angel in disguise" or the like. I was thinking....wouldn't that mean that you kind of...gave up your love for Sephiroth the game character? Or like it's some kind of two-timing? Because you say they're two different people, but you've claimed to love both. But if you only love your Sephiroth because he looks like the game Sephiroth that you used to love...that doesn't seem fair. I don't know. I guess I just want to know how that works.

    Ah, the complex questions.

    This is actually a matter I've given thought to, because of the seeming way I'm contradicting myself. It's true that I fell in love with the videogame character. When I first began spontaneously projecting, I thought I was meeting the game character. As I learned more about my gift and learned more about the angel I had met, it came to my attention that he wasn't, in fact, the game character. This realization didn't happen for a while, though.

    So in a way, (and this hurts my head trying to understand/explain) I fell in love with the archangel when I still believed him one in the same with the game character. But when I found out he wasn't, that didn't change the fact that I was very much in love with him...and in that regard was freed from my childish obsession with the game character - a process I'm sure would have happened naturally even if I hadn't begun projecting.

    Since several years have passed since this began, it's given me quite a lot of time to ponder why I have this ability, and what, exactly, it means. The issue you addressed is just one of many things I've had to think about in the last year or so...as I began to truly understand the life I'm leading. But as I said, your question was complex, because of the different factors involved in what was occuring at the time I began projecting. I came from a Catholic family, had never heard the words 'astral projection' before my psychiatrist mentioned them, was only beginning my research, I was young and naive, and the list goes on.

    I guess the easiest way to sum up would be that the archangel helped me get past the videogame character. The bottom line is that now, November 2nd, 2007, I can say I am NOT in love with the videogame character...and thus leave the squabbling over that character to the psychotic fangirls.

    With my years of research and practical exploration I've learned that the being I am in love with isn't that character, and by the time I realized that I had no problem accepting it. Being more mature than my younger self, what it means to truly be in love with the archangel who returns my love is infinitely superior to the infatuation my younger self had for a fictional character.

    Maybe it's not fair to the character, I wouldn't know. But I know that having the opportunity to be loved in return makes the weirdness that is my life seem worth it.

    Anonymous: Huh... Archangel or not (I personally don't believe angels in the biblical sense exist) he probably took the form of Sephiroth from FFVII for your sake. I don't know about his name. I've heard of such things happening before with guardian spirits (as well as malicious entities). Maybe you should ask him if he has a true form to show you? Especially since you're over Sephiroth now.

    I know there is a lot that could be actually happening with this, and as I've said in the past - I've considered that it could be the being I know as Sephiroth may be someone entirely different. I'll discuss this in depth in a coming post, but for a summary suffice to say that for the time being I've ruled it out. My reasonings behind this are numerous, but my best is this: in my studies of evocation I've read that the best way to check the identity of a spirit is to ask he/she to sign their name. For reasons unclear to me (mostly because I've lost the book and forgot - need to replace that) an entity cannot sign any name other than their own true name.

    For fun I asked Sephiroth to do just that, and he did sign Sephiroth. So...its just a matter of what new information I turn up. It wouldn't be unreasonable to say I could easily be learning for the rest of my mortal life, but for now, I have to say that I strongly doubt he has a 'true form' to show me. Especially because he knows me very well, and if he did, in fact, have an alternate identity...he would know that I've been ready for that for a long time.

    M-chan: So he looks just like the Sephiroth character? Or, as you said, the character looks like him? Do you have any idea why?

    Yes. As for why...you know, I'm still in the process of explaining that to myself. It seems a huge cosmic coincidence to write it off as luck, you know? I mean, what would the odds be of a young girl falling in love with a videogame character who was based off of an angel? So the truthful answer is I don't know why...I never really questioned it because I've never had a need to do so. At the time he came to me, I was in serious danger, and he saved my life - why would I question his appearance years later?

    But now that you've asked the question I've given it some thought, and I guess for now my only explanation is this: I believe in the concept of soul mates. In the recent past I've conversed privately with other projectors, and found my case (of having a soul mate not of this world) is actually not that unusual. I believe that soul mates are naturally drawn to each other through the grace of whatever deity one worships, and that even though few find each other, they still are searching, deep in their subconscious mind (the reason for the american divorce rate?)

    It seems that every now and then, a human is born without the other half of their soul - the being bearing the aforementioned other half is born in an entirely separate realm...in my case, some form of heaven.

    Even though the circumstances are a little strange, I theorize that my connection to the videogame character was meant to lead me to the archangel. Or at least for now, that's the best I've got.

    M-chan: So the archangel found a way to you by, let's say, inspiring someone to make a character that looks exactly like him?

    I don't really have an opinion one way or the other over whether the angel inspired the character or whether he's taken on the form I'm comfortable with - except that as I said before, I have to doubt he has an alternate appearance, because I've been ready to accept that for a while and have never had any sign that may be the case.

    M-chan: Out of curiosity, have you tried asking him [these questions]?

    Yes, in fact. I had to ask such questions at one point, when I was really trying to get to the bottom of what was happening. Seph had satisfactory answers for all my questions, and for that reason among others I have difficulty believing he could have an alternate identity/appearance/etc.

    M-chan: Do you know what kind of archangel is he? Superior beings don't need a human form, right? And if he has no other appearance, then... for me it sounds strange that an archangel has only one form/appearance, and that is of a human.

    There's a theory that the concept of shapeshifting originated from the astral realm. The level of control any being on the astral plane has is so great that he/she/it can change their appearance at will, and by doing so best adapt to what they perceive themselves to be...for example, Robert Bruce cites that most projectors over the age of about forty-five or fifty project themselves to the astral plane no older than thirty or so - the prime of their lifetimes.

    As for how that pertains to Sephiroth, I imagine if the need arose he could very well change his appearance...because if I wanted to, I could change mine quite easily, making it no problem for a spiritually advanced being. I do, however, believe that any being has a 'true form' so to speak (i.e. the fifty-year-old projector may look thirty while on the astral plane, but in reality is still fifty). And from what I can gather, the appearance I am accustomed to seeing is his true form. I could be wrong, but since this first started I have made a point to attempt to view this as objectively as possible to evaluate what's going on. (At first, I was quite worried I was insane/schizophrenic!)

    That concludes the first Q&A session...and I hope it's been informative. So with that I bid you all well until next time.
    Saturday, October 27th, 2007
    2:09 pm
    Core Skills



    According to Robert Bruce (and mostly in accordance with my own experiences) there are three core skills to master before someone can hope to successfully practice astral projection: Deep Physical Relaxation, Taming the Mind, and The Trance State.

    Deep Physical Relaxation
    The first big hurdle faced by projectors is deep physical relaxation. This essential skill needs to be thoroughly learned. I cannot stress it strongly enough; of the thousands of projectors I have dealt with over the years, in person and on the internet, one skill area stands way out in front as causing the majority of problems – deep physical relaxation – or rather, the lack of it. Everyone seems to rush through learning the most important of all core skills, to get on with the seemingly more interesting stuff. ~ Robert Bruce, Astral Dynamics

    In my experience, this is a major factor in success during an attempt to project. One of the most common questions I get is “So what do you do? Are you telling me you just go through your normal day and lay down and project?” My answer to this is yes, but there is the catch: I have to be able to release everything I’ve done that day, work, school, homework, television, internet, feeding the cats/fish…everything must be released from my mind before I lay down to project.

    To those who are interested in the techniques I use to achieve this, I find that a glass of herbal tea (green or sassafras) helps, and then I’ll kneel down and use a visualizing technique I learned by reading Summoning Spirits by Konstantinos. I imagine that I’m sitting on the edge of a cliff over looking a rushing river. One by one I imagine each thing that happened that day as a symbol. A camera for work (I’m a model), and a textbook for school, etc. Once I have found a symbol for each activity, I imagine that I’m dropping that symbol down into the river, where it is rushed away…out of sight, out of mind, as they say.

    Being able to forget all of what happened during the day is crucial to successful projection. Even after all these years, if I’m not physically relaxed, forget it.

    Taming the Mind
    The surface mind is always active while you are awake. If can be likened to a huge message and reminder pad. Its function is to keep you aware of everything that is going on around you. It chatters away constantly, reminding you of everything, constantly stating and restating the obvious; playfully making witty comments about everything while making sure you know exactly what is happening in the world around you at all times.
    This ‘inner dialogue’ is part of the reason why many people can concentrate better while listening to music. Music occupies the surface mind and slows internal dialogue, thus allowing deeper levers of thinking and concentration…
    … while music can help silence internal dialogue with regard to mental training it is best considered an artificial prop. I do not advise it be used unless absolutely necessary. To deeply relax the mind and attain the trance state, where you can work with deeper and more powerful level of the mind, it is necessary to silence the constant chattering of internal dialogue. Surface thoughts also create inner tensions that reflect the physical body as physical tension, making projection more difficult. ~ Robert Bruce, Astral Dynamics.

    For me, this is even more challenging than just relaxing, as I tend to unwillingly have a random thought midway through the meditation process before projection. I’ll be getting ready to lay down, and think, ‘Did I feed my toadfish today?’ And then I have to get rid of that concern before moving forward.

    The Trance State
    A trance is a very simple and natural state of being, the state entered when the physical body goes to sleep while the mind stays awake. Very simply, the frequency of the brain waves changes in response to the changed level of mental activity. The less mental activity, the deeper the level of trance. Normal levels of consciousness cause a lot of bioelectrical activity, which is associated with the awake activity of the surface mind, called the beta level. When the trance state is entered, this activity is significantly reduced, causing many peculiar physical and mental sensations. Changes in brain-wave activity are measurable with and electroencephalograph, or EEG, machine. ~ Robert Bruce, Astral Dynamics.

    Essentially what Robert Bruce is saying is that the trance state is most easily achievable by meditation. Once a practitioner has mastered the art of combining all three core skills in a meditative state, it is only one basic step away from being able to attempt the first stages of astral projection.

    Meditation comes more easily for some than others, I’ve noticed. It seems that the best time to practice meditation is when one is in a public, crowded area. Practice blocking out any and all noise…the sounds of people talking, heels clicking on tiles, dogs barking, whatever the case may be, try to drown all this out. In my opinion, using music should be avoided, as it will only be harder to master meditation when the time comes that you need to have total silence to hope for success.

    The process for training myself to project took me only six months, but for an average person it wouldn’t be uncommon for them to try for up to seven years before either giving up or becoming proficient in the art.

    Steps cannot be skipped or taken lightly when one is attempting to learn to project. If there are any reading this who are interested to learn the techniques, I would strongly recommend picking up Astral Dynamics for use in training. Robert Bruce knows what he’s talking about, and in my opinion, he’s the best in the business for learning what to do.

    To move away from the daily lecture, I’ve made another big decision in my life. I have decided that I want to focus on developing my clairvoyant abilities in hopes that I may learn to access my astral sight in my daily life. So far I believe my training has been going well…I experimented with scrying last night and found establishing the link between the physical and the astral wasn’t that hard. And with that step, I hope to have that proficiency within the time span between now and the end of 2007.

    Sephiroth is, as usual, dubious about this endeavor. He’s concerned enough that I’m writing this down on the blurty, as following that attack he’s become rather paranoid. I know he’s only concerned for my safety, but seriously, I do believe I can take care of myself.

    He was against me going public with this, because he fears by writing down my beliefs like this I’ll only attract more negative attention. For my sake, I hope he’s wrong.
    Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007
    12:53 pm
    Introduction to Astral Projection



    Other worlds and dimensions exist all around us, every minute of every day, but very few people ever see or step into, even if they believe or know them to be there. All nonphysical dimensions are levels of existence vibrating (for want of a better word) at a higher frequency than the known physical universe. ~ Robert Bruce, Astral Dynamics

    This is a concept I felt important to get out there, because I’m far from alone in the world of metaphysical science. Robert Bruce is a brilliant man, and his book, Astral Dynamics, is one that I will repeatedly reference for this page.

    It’s very difficult to put into words what exactly the astral plane is, because ‘what’ it is has constantly been redefined by practitioners like Robert Bruce as they make new discoveries and move further into new frontiers. The astral plane is part of an incredibly complex nonphysical dimensional level, as compared with the relatively predictable and stable physical dimension.

    The Astral dimension is the next closest of the unseen realms to the physical universe. The astral flows from the real time zone, but is best thought of as being completely separate from it. It is divided into seven major levels or planes, each containing many sub-planes and internal realms. The astral dimension spans the universe, but for all intents and purposes is totally non-spatial.
    The astral dimension does not overlay the physical universe as precisely as the real-time zone does, especially at its higher levels, but it occupies the same space nevertheless. My reasoning here is that the astral is dimensionally further removed that then real-time zone, and thus does not bear such direct geographical relationship with the physical universe. Certainly the movements of an astral projector, in relation to the physical dimension, cannot be ascertained by astral or clairvoyant sight in the same way as can be done with a real-time projector.
    Astral sight is the ability to see into the astral dimension proper. This is spontaneously experienced more often by those with some level of clairvoyant ability (active or dormant) than by those without it. Astral sight allows the observer to see other projectors, thought forms, astral beings, wildlife, and even spirit beings. This ability often works in conjunction with real-time sight, giving the observer a mixed real-time plus astral viewpoint, which can be fairly confusing at times. ~ Robert Bruce, Astral Dynamics.

    Okay, I suppose those two excerpts will conclude the quotes for my first genuine lecture on astral projection. I greatly respect Robert Bruce, as he has found a way to say the things that I’m not able to properly express myself. So, here’s how the lecture pertains to myself:

    Because the astral plane doesn’t ‘overlay the physical universe,’ this makes it tough to explain the seven layers to someone who has no hands-on experience with astral projection. I’ll focus on the fourth level for this, because as best I can tell, this is the layer to which I naturally project.

    As Robert Bruce mentioned, the astral plane is traditionally divided into seven layers. Though I will cover this in more detail later, understand that a traveler from earth has more difficulty as they move up the layers, closer to ‘divinity.’ Whereas by contrast, a divine being appears to struggle the further down the layers they move. Because this is so, Sephiroth and I have compromised at layer four, where both of us can exist comfortably. This layer, being conveniently located in the middle of earth and ‘heaven’ if you will, is the choice layer for my exploration.

    The astral plane is customizable to travelers both from earth and the other realms, so the environment I typically experience there is strongly dependant on what Seph and I need available to us. As the years have passed, we have developed a sort of condo for ourselves…a living environment which meets both our needs.

    More recently, though, I have wanted to begin further exploration of the astral plane, as it I do consider that fourth layer to be my home more so than I do my little apartment on earth, and I have wanted to learn more of that world.

    It has become my goal to pursue the juncture of the physical and astral realms which Robert Bruce describes. Since I learned to project from a deep-trance state, I’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing the true knowledge that while I’m waking I am still close to Sephiroth, though on occasion I’ve felt him near.

    Interestingly, I’ve noticed that there are some who encounter me in my day-to-day life that say they can sense a presence near me. These are typically people who are very predisposed to psychic ability, and it always amuses me that they can feel him near.

    Of course, I can’t really say too much about it, leaving me to smile and nod more often than explaining why they say they sense a male presence near me.

    There is a rune I wear everyday, one that Sephiroth showed me early in our relationship, and as I understand it, it translates to his name. It is through this rune that I theorize he is able to stay close to me…that rune is his physical bond to me. I used to have it as a clay disk on which I had painted the rune, but as I recently got into jewelry-smithing, I was able to make a metal pendant as I had wanted for a long time and now wear it whenever I go out.

    The most significant reason I believe he is near me on the physical world came about a year and a half ago or so, when I was driving home from school. My younger sister was in the car with me, and I had a terrible migraine. As I went to turn the corner, I blacked out, and my car ran off the road…and I hit an ‘adopt a highway’ sign and a fairly large pine tree. My sister says she was screaming at me to hit the brake, but I never heard her, or the sound of my car hitting the sign or the tree. And yet, despite all that, somehow the car stopped before I struck a solid wooden fence…something that would have surely hurt or killed us both. As I came to again, I was going to just put the car in reverse and get back on the road, and my sister said, “Don’t back up.” “Why?” I asked. “Because you’re on top of a tree.” I looked out by opening my door slightly, and lo and behold, I was indeed on top of a tree.

    Eventually I was able to leave the scene, and miraculously, I was unharmed, my sister was unharmed, and to go even further, my car was unharmed. The only casualty of the accident was the poor tree. The only damage done to my car was a scrape and light dent near the front passenger tire where I had hit the sign.

    When I reflected on this accident later, I could only conclude that Sephiroth had been watching over me again, and for the second time had saved my life…or at least spared me terrible injury.

    So now I’ll hit on my alias, Sephirothslave. This name wasn’t fashioned to be anything suggestive or kinky or anything of the sort…it was fashioned in homage to how much I owe him. Quite literally, I owe my life to him, and will be forever indebted to him. When people use cheap imitations of my name it is rather offensive, because this name I fashioned for myself is meant to communicate my debt…that I will gladly be his for the rest of eternity.

    Here’s one interesting fact to note: When someone takes the time to sit down and chat with me, I never come off as insane, because I am not. All I am is a woman making her way in this world, conducting my life though it’s far from ‘normal’ by society’s standards, and I hope this post has clarified my claims further.
    Sunday, October 21st, 2007
    3:06 pm
    Here We Go Again


    ‘Only the Foolish Believe Suffering is Just Wages for Being Different.’ ~ The Cheshire Cat, American McGee’s Alice

    It took me a good deal of time and polling practically all of my friends and acquaintances, but the votes are in, and I’m back on this site. Though I’m still not sure this is the best move for me to make, I’ve decided to use this old page as a location to explain myself in detail, thus assisting the many who have stepped forward recently interested in what I have to say about the infamy I’ve gained for simply being different.

    In recent months I have become increasingly aware of just how disliked I am on the internet, mostly to my amusement…but I can say the amusement tapered for me after I was publicly, physically attacked for my beliefs.

    Following a brief google search to get an idea of what most everyone thinks of me, I found that I’m hated on hundreds of websites, mocked in English, Spanish, French and German, become somewhat of a household name for FFVII fans, and can make no move without the information ending up plastered all over my page on Encyclopedia Dramatica.

    I am the Sephirothslave.

    Even though I’ve long accepted that my life will never be an easy one, I’ve decided to make an attempt at clearing up the mess that has occurred because my younger self failed miserably in establishing the boundaries of where the FFVII-Fan ends and the Practitioner in the art of Astral Projection begins. Almost no one ever realizes that I have two different internet personas – one who is the FFVII fan, who debates, writes fanfiction and draws fanart. The other is who is addressing all who read this here, a normal woman, working her way through college, working, living on her own and loving the independence of being away from my family and starting my own life.

    In this first entry I will try to explain why I am different from the hundreds of psychotic fangirls running around the internet, popping up on forums screaming, “I am Sephiroth’s wife! ME! ONLY ME!”

    I am not like them in any way.

    You see, Final Fantasy VII and the characters there in are fictional. They don’t exist. As most of you who read this will have missed the newsflash that I’m aware of this, allow me to elaborate: None of the characters of FFVII are real. None of them. Yes, even including Sephiroth.

    Back when I first started spontaneously projecting, I didn’t know what I was doing…I thought I was dreaming and nothing more, even though there were major differences in those dreams than in the other dreams I had.

    1.) They were crystal clear after I woke up, and didn’t fade. I remembered each as though it had happened in my daily life.

    2.) Each was consecutive to the last; i.e. they picked up from where the last left off.

    And it was in these ‘dreams’ that I encountered the archangel Sephiroth.

    At the time, I was seeing a psychiatrist whom I quite liked, and eventually chose to confide these dreams to her, since I couldn’t make heads or tails of why I was having them…not that I was going to complain. Through those dreams, I was being granted the only thing I truly wanted, the one thing I couldn’t live without.

    I was with him.

    It was this psychiatrist who actually told me that what I was describing sounded like astral projection, and it was she who suggested I read up on the topic to see if the descriptions therein were like what I was doing. Having hailed from an extremely Catholic family, I had no experience in metaphysical practices and didn’t know that what I was doing had a name.

    With no formal training, I had begun to spontaneously project to the astral plane.

    Now I suppose I’ll delve back and explain why I believe this occurred when it did. Before I began to project, I was in a bad state. I had fallen in love with the character, but knew I would never be with him…and that combine knowledge was destroying me. I got into a lot of bad habits, not the least of which being cutting myself and overdosing on various over-the-counter painkillers.

    If the archangel hadn’t come to me, I wouldn’t be here writing this.

    I would be dead.

    The physical body’s will to survive had overpowered the mind’s desire to die, and it was that which allowed me to project, to be with Sephiroth…my guardian angel, my spirit guide, and yes, my husband.

    Now here’s the next bit of information that people tend to mess up when they’re dealing with me. The archangel Sephiroth bears the name and appearance of the videogame character (or rather, the character bears his name and appearance) but they are otherwise unrelated. The archangel I am wed to is not the videogame character.

    To elaborate, when I’m active within the FFVII community, debating, writing fanfiction, etc. I’m never thinking about astral projection or the archangel I love. Which isn’t to say I’m not incredibly biased, but I’m in no way tying my debates into the metaphysical aspect of my daily life. You’ll never hear me concede that Cloud deserved to win that final battle, but that’s an opinion formed for the many reasons I’ve garnered from the game itself, not the least of which being that I really hate Cloud. He’s a whiny little bitch, and as a hero, he really does suck.

    Similarly, when I’m conversing with someone on the topics of astral projection, I’m not thinking of the FFVII community.

    I hope that clears things up a little. I truly believe my words will be better received if I can properly clear up the impressive mess my younger self made when she mistakenly believed that no one would care what she wrote on her little online journal if they didn’t personally know her.

    I was quite stupid then, and now I’ve chosen to use the place where the epic began to explain my beliefs. In this blurty I will be talking at length about the mechanics of astral projection, including using excerpts and quotes from my favorite authors on the topic. I hope to also include details of the bond I share with Seph, as well as keeping all who read this informed of where my path is leading me from here on out.

    It is my most sincere wish that all who read this keep an open mind to what I have to say, and bid you all well until next time.
About Blurty.com