My DAY   
10:02am 26/05/2004
 
mood: refreshed
Well, yesterday was fun.
I was never in class well, school for that matter all day and had a great time ordering around little freshmen… J ( heh, heh, heh )
Information about the prom after party also seemed to rise yesterday and apparently I was right about that feeling that I had about it.
I rather not say anything about what I was told online because even if it seems that no one reads my entry’s I have given a lot of people the link so you never know.
After my long day of salve driving the freshmen I went home and my bed just looked soooooo good so I flopped face down and didn’t wake up until nine or so. I felt so refreshed. J As I headed drowsily to the kitchen I took a not so detour in to my parents room where I found my mother dear watching some Hispanic comedy show. I say hi and give her a kiss on the cheek and yawn like crazy all over the place, which I realize caught her attention. So we made our way to kitchen talking about who knows what and I receive a phone call from Iszzy. I was just about to tell her to cal me back when she tells me I am right out side were to that I answer no your not I am at the door and lucky enough there she comes.
She came biking to my house and we chilled, my mom called us to eat dinner and I think around 11 or so we took her home.
(Just so you know I have nothing better to do today so I am retelling my whole day)
When I got home I took my lovely long warm shower that felt great than went online for a little and than off to bed and Hugo was sooooo sweet he called me up a couple of times ::::BIG GIN:::: awwwwww…. And so today I woke up all nice, warm and LOVED! J You know I LOVE YOU.
Today is senior takeover day and so they have decided to change the bell. At the beginning of the day the bell was the alarm of a real old school alarm clock. Than for the change to second period the bell was music from Mario brothers.
Now I have nothing to do…. I was thinking about working on my artwork the showcase tonight but I don’t know if I really want to.
Ok because I don’t know what to do I think that I am going to walk around school and find something.
I am out.
 
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It was hot with too many people.   
08:11pm 24/05/2004
 
mood: silly
music: nerd
I felt like a urinal today. As I was sitting on the hot musty bus and all I could think was “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! This is soooooooooooo sick. Its like I am a nasty bacteria infested soup! And I have this guy standing in front of me holding on to the bar above my head and wow this must be what a urinal sees. Well, not exactly… but to some extent this is the same view. Ok so I am hot and I feel like a urinal now… Great. Oh well it all be over soon.”
 
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...   
10:07am 24/05/2004
 
mood: annoyed
What a way to start the week.
I lost my voice! I HATE THIS!
I can’t stand it. But what can I do… I just have to wait it out now.
Also I keep getting calls from a unknown number during school and when I am at home.

Prom was nice. Hugo looked handsome as ever :) yet nothing was like I thought it was going to be. I guess I just had everything planed out completely different than it all was. I was a bit disappointed but it all turned out ok.
It was a nice night; I had a good time and the first thing some of my friends keep telling me today is “wow I didn’t think your boyfriend was that…”, “ I wasn’t expecting your boyfriend to be so tall…”.

I don’t have much going on now. All I have is senior showcase this Wednesday and graduation. Yeah I have finals but if I am lucky I wont have to worry too much about that.

Well, I might as well go and do something so I am off.
 
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Its over   
11:28pm 21/05/2004
 
mood: pensive
music: "Don’t waste your time”
It seems fake and everything that deals with it sounds like an excuse.

So what is it?

Its not perfect that’s for sure. But it doesn’t have to be.

It has to be enjoyable. But it’s nothing.

It would like to make it but it’s not really given the chance to grow.

So what is it?

Its not moving. Its in the way. Its not really helping. Its not really doing anything at all.

But its the best thing the world.

I am out.
 
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Its over   
11:24pm 21/05/2004
 
mood: pensive
music: Don't w"
It seems fake and everything that deals with it sounds like an excuse.

So what is it?

Its not perfect that’s for sure. But it doesn’t have to be.

It has to be enjoyable. But it’s nothing.

It would like to make it but it’s not really given the chance to grow.

So what is it?

Its not moving. Its in the way. Its not really helping. Its not really doing anything at all.

But its the best thing the world.

I am out.
 
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It was a great yet sad day   
08:56pm 16/05/2004
 
mood: disappointed
Well, the show went GREAT! I felt really comfortable and I just feel so good about everything. I just really wish that my family was there to see me walk... Also my dad. Man the one thing I have been talk to him about for god knows how long and he told me that no matter what he would be there he didn’t go. Wow did I cry before the show because I had the biggest feeling that he wasn’t going to go and I was right.
As my mom was driving me the hotel I we were going over this brig and the moment I saw the sun in the water I started to cry. All I could think was this is the first event leading up to the last of my H.S years that means a lot to me. Also about how I had that feeling about my dad and to tell you the truth when I first started to cry I had no idea why I was cry and what I was mainly trying to do was not let my mom see me cry. I was sitting in the back so it wasn’t so hard but anyways yeah it sucked.
I remember a day that I was in the car with him on my way to help Sandra out at work and I was talking to him about the show and how I really wanted him to go and be proud of me. He said he was and that he be there. When I think about it I just feel as if he let me down… I cry a little bit about it and than I am just like well what can I do now.
We had the show it was awesome and everyone loved it. I got a lot calls from my friends that couldn’t go that wanted to say that their sorry and ask how it went.
Yet from my dad I got nothing. He didn’t even call me to ask how it went or to say sorry that he didn’t go. I hadn’t seen him until today when I got home and he never said anything about. Nothing. I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal but to me it was, it was something that I had worked really hard for and on and all I wanted was for him to be there. Well I don’t want to think about it anymore and I don’t want to cry anymore so I am guna go.
 
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Looks like I made it!   
09:52am 03/05/2004
 
mood: sick
Wow what a week! I was just thinking about this week and the work I have to do and I realized that all the work I have are just my last projects. Such as in fashion I just have the show, 2D I just have my last painting and I am going to finish it tomorrow and in 4d I have a grass project that I’ll be finishing tomorrow as well. That leaves me to only worry about the show and w/e other class work my other teachers have to give me. Which I have a feeling won’t be too much if I am lucky.

Because of last week and staying up late and not eating like I should I am SICK!!!
It sucks so bad… Last night I took about three different pills and during the day I took maybe four and so around nine I was passing out.
I feel so bad that I didn’t get to talk to Hugo but I never heard my phone last night at all… I was totally knocked out. He called me I think almost twenty times and nothing.
I felt so bad when I woke up and saw that. But what can I do…
I had called his friends cell looking for him to tell him that I was going to sleep soon because I had taken sleeping pills and his friend told me that he wasn’t with him but he was going to see him in a couple of min. so I just asked him to tell him to pleas tell Hugo to call me back. As I was waiting I fell asleep. My sister came in and woke me up just to tell me that she was going out and so I took that moment to turn off lights because I left them on when I dozed off but I left my CD player on because it was going to turn off on its own and than I waited some more but dozed off again. Not soon after my mother walks in to my dark room where I am sleeping and wakes me to ask me if I am sleep…???WFT??? My family is was just going crazy on me or something. So when she walked out I looked at my phone and no one had called and realized that my time was all messed up so I changed it and fell asleep.
When I woke up I saw about twenty missed calls, one voice mail and one text message.
Baby I am so sorry that I never heard my phone. I was and still am wishing you luck today and thank you.
I am not feeling to well and I have to blow my nose almost every five seconds with my eyes watering and sneezing everywhere so… I think I’ll be going. I might read some short story or something so I am off.
See Yas
Oh yeah about that stuff I was doing for fashion I never finished it so I have to do some of that tonight.
 
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I HATE SCHOOL!!!   
09:50am 28/04/2004
 
mood: exhausted
I think that I shouldn't be allowed to talk to people for about two weeks.
I know that I have a lot to do and that I should do it all and not freak out but what can I say I am an emotional mess at this time and all I need is some love'n! At one moment I feel like scratching someone’s eyes out the next I may feel all nice and sweet and all of sudden I might just feel sad about everything. So form this analysis of myself I don't think I should talk to anyone unless we are on the same page you get me? But let me tell you not many people are. Such as Hugo, Shep, Javi and some others. With Hugo I just feel plain bad. I have been arguing with him so much its like every conversation we have leads to an argument. Ok I know that for the most part that its been me but I just can't help feeling bad or w/e you want to call it and having someone tell you some thing that you rather NEVER!!! Hear might just kick me over the edge this week. Other days I think I wouldn't mind so much but not but this week. Also I hate that feeling that you want to talk to someone and you want to see them but after you talk you just get the impression that you just might be the only one that feels that way... Well from my mood swings I have to say that it just will get me down in the dump or fly right by and I wont care. Well, the point of all this is that I feel and look like HELL!!!! God it sucks. I have been falling asleep everywhere and just trying not to talk to people. After yesterday I don't think some people will be coming up to me to talk about anything...Oh well, so sad. Not really it’s better that way.
ARRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHH!!!! I hate my mom right now!!! I just called her to ask her when is she coming to get me and instead of just telling me a time she goes around to say, " What you don't remember the conversation we had last night? What I am tiered and I don't feel well and I remember!" So I said " why can't you just tell me is it so hard to just tell me a time?" and she says " I told you last night and I have to go so I’ll call you later!" click. What the hell. Making nothing out to be some big mess and I bet anything that when she gets here that she’s going to act all nice inside and the moment that I get in to the car she’s going to bring up the same crap. I am not up for this today. So I pray that I don't open my big mouth if not I’ll be getting five across the eyes and if not that she'll just start speeding like a mad man we'll crash or to top things she'll start crying and I’ll just want to beat something and be screaming in my head all the things I would like to say to her but never will.
Wow I need this week to be over. I MEAN OVER!!! So for the time being I think that Hugo and I shouldn't talk unless it’s in person. If not I have a feeling that I just might go crazy on him and I don't want to. I need my friends to be a little understanding at this point.... I have done it many times for ALL of them and I just need some of that right now.
Man I hope my mom doesn't call me back. If she does I am just not going to pick up.
Also yeah when I have been talking I don't think that I have been giving anyone attitude and I swear if I get any from anyone its going to just kick start what I am going to call my madness. I can't help it. Also LET ME VENT!!!! WTH. Everyone can vent to me when they a prob. and well, hey isn't that what friends are for some times? So pleas just let me vent you don't really have to listen... Just make it seem like you are and I’ll be ok. You don't even have to say anything to me about it. One more thing sorry but I have to say this I can't and wont stand to hear anyone say, "stop complaining" anymore. It’s just pissing me off. So pleas.... or just that word.... I can't stand to hear it at all I can even stand to think about it or say it. So I am begging PLEAS STOP SAYING THAT....For my sanity.
You see this is what school has done to me... It has turned me in to some monster.
I can't even stand myself so I don't expect that other people can stand me so I am just saying I understand.
Man I really needed to just let all of that out. I think I feel a little better. :)
Wow yeah I do... now I am all calm and not really feeling rage like I was just a couple of min. ago.
Oh yes to talk about last night.
As I was working on my patterns I had to get up and look for something and as I was looking I found some pic's of Hugo and I. Wow for about 5min I just stopped what I was doing and I was just sitting on my bed looking at them. I started thing about how cute he looks when he smiles and how I love it when he holds me close (he was holding me in some) and how when he has his eyes closed he just looks so happy and comfortable. Awwwwwww..... After we said goodnight and from the way the conversation had gone I took out the pic of us of when we got back together. It made me feel better and a little sad at the same time. I also think I fell asleep with it in my hand because that’s where it was when I woke up. So what can I say I just really wana see my baby.

Well I let everything out that was just making me burn and I feel better.
The true Point of all of this was just to let things out. Just incase anyone feels that I have been complaining too much or something I just don’t think I’ll talk to anyone about what’s bugging me for a little.


I am out and wish me luck I am going to need it. :|
 
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My brain and my mouth are in fight.   
10:34am 19/04/2004
 
mood: Unrealistic
Sometimes you realize really how you feel about something’s the day after mainly when it’s on your mind from the moment you wake up.

I will never _________things that I ______ mean before I go to______.

In my house in the car I have felt like I have been in a dream since yesterday.

I give up my sleep for you.
I will walk in the blistering heat or rain for you.
I would live and die for you
I loose sleep over you
I have grown thicker skin because of you
I have learned what pain, anticipation, and fear are by being with you
I have given what I could and will always give my all to/for you
I have battled temptation because of you
I have forgotten what loneliness is by being with you

There is nothing in this world that would ever cause me to just give up and leave.

“Work is LOVE visible.”

*My mouth always wins...*
 
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*Baby its cold out*   
07:01am 14/04/2004
 
mood: bored
Well, its seven and I have nothing to do here at school but go online like always.
I have no real reason to be on but this lets me do something.
Man as I was in the car on the way here I was thinking about my Fishy and how I want to see him so bad!
It hasn't been that long but I still really wana see my baby. :.(
Well I better be going.
see ya
 
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What away to start the day.   
10:39am 12/04/2004
 
mood: geeky
Wow did I have to pee all day long yesterday. Hugo had the sad experience of having to call me every time I was in the bathroom. :p No I don’t have a problem with my bladder but I have been trying to drink water more often and that has lead to me spending a lot of time in the powder room.
Also because of yesterday I hate going in to my bathroom. It was once my haven when it held hot water for me every day at five and for all those midnight showers that left me feeling all nice and silky soft.
I really need HOT water!
Well as for the reactions that I have received they have all gone well. Such as many people have said that my hair looks nice or different and others have asked wow why did you do it. The funniest comment that I have received was “ you look like a naughty school girl”. Heh, heh I was so not expecting that one. :P
At this very moment I feel like my nips are can cut glass. The cold is killing me. Yeah I think that’s the only reason that I hate this class. It’s not even the class it’s only the room. It must be about 65 degrees in here all the time.
Well, I wonder how Adolfo is doing. I think I might give him a call today it I can.
Also I want to see my Fishy…:( but I guess I’ll have to wait until the end of the week for that.
Well I think I am off I have no idea what more I can share.
Bye bye
 
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Up,up and away!   
09:53am 05/04/2004
 
mood: energetic
Ahhhh!!!! I am back in school and cold as ever!
I just banged my knee as well isn’t that nice? :P Yet I will survive.
Wow I feel so energized and great about so many things today.
Such as I am ME once more and feeling awesome! I guess I really needed spring brake more than I thought I did. I think that now that I am well… more myself that Hugo and I will be doing a lot better than be for. Seeing that things are going to be different and just plain old comfortable. YAY! :) I have such a big smile on my face.

Awwwwwww….. I for some reason I am happy to be in school today. Not really for my classes but mainly to see my friends. :::BIG GRIN::::

I found this quote today in my agenda and I just thought that I would post it so here it is.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”
-Abigail Van Buren

Oh yeah that reminds me. This weekend I have to do a project on Hamlet and record it with some people that are in my school or not so I will need all the help I can get and I just want to make it fun so lets see what I do.

: Man I don’t want to be compared to anyone. It’s just a downer. It gives me that sense that I am not good enough or that I am just mediocre on cretin aspects. :(

: Bad news for Iszzy. Grad night for me is on the 23 of this month and Iszzy was going to have a party at a hotel that same night and most of her friends wont even be here. She’s going to get so depressed I think she should either have the party the Friday before or the one after but she doesn’t want to do that. So I don’t know what to tell her because I was told before that grad night was in May and now I am not even going to be here the night of my best friends birthday. Wow I have to think of something to do.

: 42 more days left of school! YAY! It’s so soon. The day that I felt would never come is right around the corner.

Well, I think I should be going. I don’t really have anything to do but I don’t have anything more to say as well.

So I am off...
:)
 
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Its the End...   
07:39pm 02/04/2004
 
mood: relaxed
music: The Only Difference
Spring Brake has been great! Yet soon to be over. I have two days left and I have still not started a project that I have due when I get back. So I think I might start tonight or something.
I just feel like being home and doing nothing. Wow I never thought I would be saying that but yeah.
I have so much work to do when I get to school. The Fashion show is coming up in almost 3 weeks and gradnight too. Well I better enjoy the time I have left becuase its not too much.
I am off to m-a-y-b-e start on this project and get it over with tonight.
:) Bye
 
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...   
10:13am 24/03/2004
 
mood: confused
Wow I was in one of the strangest moods this morning and I just felt so crappie.
I thought that I was going to feel like that all day but we had this speaker come in today from the Miami Herald and the guy was hilarious!

Man I still feel somewhat down in the dumps but I can’t do anything about that. I really don’t want to be here and I don’t want to be online but I have nothing to do and it’s killing me!

I have no idea what’s going on with Hugo and I but it just feels like we are drifting apart faster every time we talk or see one another. This is what I was so afraid of. I love him so much that I don’t know what to do, what to think, or what to say. I am just so afraid of loosing him. I felt fine about everything after we talked on Saturday until he came over yesterday. I did feel better after we talked last night but… W/ I can’t talk about that. I just wish we were fine and I wish I could talk to him right now but he’s probably sleeping.
Well, I guess there’s nothing I can do… But wait.

I am off…
 
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YES!!!!   
10:13am 22/03/2004
 
mood: relieved
All the Pic's were sent out BUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTT they all should be coming back for any changes!!!! I am soooo HAPPY!!!
Man when you’re on your monthly you can go from one mood to another really fast...
All in one morning I was sad and about to cry because my dad yelled at me this morning (to think if it was on any other day I would have been fine), I was all giddy, mad and now Happy as hell.
Yet in pain. Its like telling me I am here and don't forget it.
I need some tea.
I am out. :)
 
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This sucks so much @$$!   
09:59am 22/03/2004
 
mood: aggravated
Well, i have been trying to change my pic. in the yearbook and now I have no way of doing so...
I have one of the worst pics in the yearbook and I don't know what to do my mom is going to wana kill me. I if it wasn't for the fack that its my last year I wouldn't care so much. AHHHH!!!!! I hate this sooooo much.
Well, I am out
 
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It was Great but I was sad...   
12:23pm 20/03/2004
 
mood: hopeful
music: Let it Burn
Yesterday was great!
I was in a suit all day looking good and having a fun time with my friends and I had a job interview as did everyone else in my senior class. Well, I had no idea what I was doing but I was offered a job, and a paid internship for a gallery. I was all up for it but couldn’t take it because of my parents.
After my interview that took up my first and second period classes I decided not to go to my other classes.
Instead I spent the rest of my day walking around school and visiting friends in their classes as well as bugging my photo teacher.
The best part of being in a suit and just strolling the hall ways is that no one asks you anything yet complements you all the time.
I dropped out of the contest. I was so discouraged by one of my friends and personally I don’t feel like being in my room this whole weekend. So I thought about it. Ok what if I do make the 3 outfits? One: they won’t be the best quality… Two: The money isn’t worth the time… and the last things that just mad me think I can save this awesome fabric and make something better for the fashion show. So I dropped out.
After school I went to the beach and spent the rest of my day there. Kevin and I walked most of the beach in our suits getting all wet but it was worth it. I just needed to get out and the beach is where I love going so that’s what we did. Man the beach was beautiful.
When the sun set we started to walk back found a lifeguard house thing and just sat there for a while talking and hanging off the side. Wow does Miami Beach look nice at night.
Man at that moment all I could think was how much I wished it was Hugo with me at that time.
The funny thing is that Kev said “you know you’re boyfriend should be here with you not me” and I was thinking: If only he was here:(:
So it was getting really cold and Kevin cut the bottom of his foot so we headed to the car and off to go eat.
We picked up his little brother and Ernesto and than dropped off his little brother. After that I got dropped off.
All I wanted to do was sleep.

Man I really want to talk to Hugo…

But I am out I am going out and I have to get ready.
 
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It was Great but I was sad...   
12:23pm 20/03/2004
 
mood: hopeful
music: Let it Burn
Yesterday was great!
I was in a suit all day looking good and having a fun time with my friends and I had a job interview as did everyone else in my senior class. Well, I had no idea what I was doing but I was offered a job, and a paid internship for a gallery. I was all up for it but couldn’t take it because of my parents.
After my interview that took up my first and second period classes I decided not to go to my other classes.
Instead I spent the rest of my day walking around school and visiting friends in their classes as well as bugging my photo teacher.
The best part of being in a suit and just strolling the hall ways is that no one asks you anything yet complements you all the time.
I dropped out of the contest. I was so discouraged by one of my friends and personally I don’t feel like being in my room this whole weekend. So I thought about it. Ok what if I do make the 3 outfits? One: they won’t be the best quality… Two: The money isn’t worth the time… and the last things that just mad me think I can save this awesome fabric and make something better for the fashion show. So I dropped out.
After school I went to the beach and spent the rest of my day there. Kevin and I walked most of the beach in our suits getting all wet but it was worth it. I just needed to get out and the beach is where I love going so that’s what we did. Man the beach was beautiful.
When the sun set we started to walk back found a lifeguard house thing and just sat there for a while talking and hanging off the side. Wow does Miami Beach look nice at night.
Man at that moment all I could think was how much I wished it was Hugo with me at that time.
The funny thing is that Kev said “you know you’re boyfriend should be here with you not me” and I was thinking: If only he was here:(:
So it was getting really cold and Kevin cut the bottom of his foot so we headed to the car and off to go eat.
We picked up his little brother and Ernesto and than dropped off his little brother. After that I got dropped off.
All I wanted to do was sleep.

Man I really want to talk to Hugo…

But I am out I am going out and I have to get ready.
 
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Long way to go...   
09:53am 17/03/2004
 
mood: content
For the next couple of days I am going to be working really hard on my fashion designs.
I have no idea what’s going to happen but I just can't wait until its all over and it hasn't even begun yet.
After Tuesday of next week all I have to look forward to is SPRING BRAKE BABY! YAY!
It sucks that it’s not this week coming up but oh well. My friends and I are planning to go to the beach most of the time and just chill. I am really looking forward to that.

I have some other stuff too such as the fair competition, going out everyday for spring brake (there is no way I am staying home), working on the fashion show, grad night, birthdays up the butt, prom, and last but not least Graduation. I might have some other things going on but I have no idea what that might be yet.

Oh yeah on Saturday night I had gone with Hugo to see the Cabaret at his school and It was great.
Sitting there reminded me of how much I love going to plays or performances what ever you would like to call it. I was just thinking of how that something I would like to do once in a while.

That reminds me my sister was all upset at me last night because I wouldn't give her my car. What the hell is that? O.K. I understand it WAS her car but she didn't want it and never took care of it. So know that it's clean and my parents put gas in it she wants to use it. Heck no! Yeah I can't drive to well and I don't drive all the time because everyone has something else to do when I have time and it is just sitting in the driveway collecting a little bit of dust but its still my car and that’s that. Sorry for complaining but I have too.

I have cramps yay! Or so I think its cramps. Well, what ever it is, it better turn in to cramps if its not. :P
I am going to ask my sister to take me out driving today if she’s not working and if she is maybe after work.
I need all the practice I can get. I really want to just be able to drive on my own. Yeah it’s freaky sometimes but its worth it.

Stress City here I come!! Lookout sleep, get a move on brain you have a lot of work to get done, and friends you wont be hearing to much from me so don't miss me too much. :P I am just playing but you better miss me! :Pheh,heh

Well, I am off
 
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Nothing better to do...   
10:26am 15/03/2004
 
mood: okay
I have been reading newspapers all morning and glad to say that I am wide-awake.

Well, I have found some information about the part times jobs at the fair. This is the way it goes. The last two days that they will be hiring will be March 16 and 17 from 1:00p.m to 5:00p.m.
You have to take your social security card and a photo I.D.
I found this out by going on the website and found out that I screwed myself over last Saturday for not going. Yet I don't think it's so bad in the sense that if I really needed the job I would have gone.

Now I know for sure that it won’t do me any good knowing this now but it might help other people if they even read my journal. I would go if I had any way of getting from my school to the fair grounds before five. At lest to see if there is a slight possibility that I could get a job for only on the weekends. I will not fret so this is just information for anyone out there that needs something part time.

I'll be back later...
I am out.
 
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