11:49am: Bored As All Hell
My day:


Your actually Gothic. You know your roots with the
goth history, and can trance this shit back.

Try Yourself:

http://www.quizilla.com/users/Akasha6915/quizzes/Are%20you%20Gothic%3F


You are Evil White Contacts! You keep to yourself a
lot and love the dark side.

Try it:
http://www.quizilla.com/users/spooky13/quizzes/What%20Gothic%20Cosmetic%20Are%20You%3F


Industrial/S&M, you are the most sex orieted and
the most kinky style of goth music. you
probably like vynal, biting, and bondage a lot.
you are inot most kids of music but you are the
least likley to be openminded about other
genres. you are the largest percentage of
people in the clubs, you dont like being
associated with ravers and kids with glow
sticks but your misic is borderline techon
sometimes. EBM at least. but you dont care, as
long as you have sec and the kickdrum beat to
move to, what really matters?

Try it:
http://www.quizilla.com/users/newlyrisendead/quizzes/What%20genre%20of%20gothic%20music%20do%20you%20fit%20in%20best%3F


You're a Tortured Artist. You spend your time in
the dark, creating equally dark and beautiful
things, weaving a web of mystery about yourself
that only a few can penetrate. Often, you keep
your true nature secret, not eager to trust
strangers. Cheer up! Not all of life has to be
hell.

Try it:
http://www.quizilla.com/users/Maverick/quizzes/What%20Gothic%20Subpersonality%20Are%20You%3F

Your the classic gothic type. Although you may not
be evil, others think that, and you don't mind
it. Maybe you are evil, that's cool too. Your
not exactly too social, but your also not a
complete loner. Life's insignificant to you
sometimes, but other time's life gives you the
chance to fully understand your dark beautiful
self.

Try it:
http://www.quizilla.com/users/darkfaery/quizzes/What%20gothic%20type%20are%20you%3F


Spider

Try it:
http://www.quizilla.com/users/sicsixthsenses/quizzes/Which%20Gothic%20Animal%20Are%20You%3F




Satanic Evil: When you walk into a room all eyes
are on you, you're the dark heart of the scene.
You seem to have so much power about you people
naturally gravitate toward you. You can't blame
them though; your dramatic good looks attract
men like moths to a flame. You're often found
studying ancient books of rites than clubbing.
Solitude is not a preference its a way of life,
how else would you get time to think? You seem
to be on a mission to the top, not letting
anything get in your way. Which strikes people
as selfish and cruel as they slowly get to know
you, they don't realise that you dont give a
damn about whom you hurt so long as you've
inflicted so much pain they never interfere
again. You wear your black leather corset and
pointy boots tight and accent the rest of your
body depending on your mood. Your motto is
"Mind your own damn business"

Try it:
http://www.quizilla.com/users/DarkThirteen/quizzes/What%20is%20your%20style%20of%20Gothic%20Beauty%3F


You are Bella, the Romantic Goth! You would love to
live in the time of Byron and Shelley. People
probably call you Elvira or Morticia. But you
are above them, those poor foolish mortals.

Try it:
http://www.quizilla.com/users/originalcynic/quizzes/Where%20are%20you%20on%20the%20Gothic%20Spectrum%3F

11:10pm: Solitude
I have not written in a few days...since I dropped off my cameras. I recieved the photos last night from the CVS. Most of the photos are great, such as the Cemetery ones with Des and Alli. I will show them when I see them next which will be soon hopefully. The other camera had photos of Mark and myself. They came out excellent mainly. And it contained the photos of when Alli did my make up and a photo of Christine. I look so fucking gorgeous in the photo of when Alli did my make up. I do not look like me!
I went to Menlo Park yesterday with my mother. She got her hair cut and I got my nails done. We bought a few things at East Meets West and of course COFFEE!! I bought Wayne a gift for his Birthday on Sunday. It is a necklace with Cernunnos as the pendant. I think he will enjoy it...I hope. Mark is coming over on the morrow and he is coming to the party on Sunday.
Visited Christine this day. We spent the day at her place. Watched TV mainly. I'm so lazy...I never want to do anything anymore. Eeekkk...imagine if I had a job :-O!! The horror!! ;-) Her mother wants her older sister Jen to sell the kittens tomorrow. I was thinking of taking Arwin. I would love to but female cats I seem to have no luck with. My three cats are male. I had a female a few months ago. Obviously it did not work out. Arwin seems very Egyptian to me...more so than my other cats. Her short hair and petite build. I'm envious in an odd way.
Just finished working out actually..well when I sat down to write on here. I gained four pounds and it is driving me mad! I know it does not seem like a huge deal but when you've been working for months to keep losing, it is very depressing. I feel better. I also had a lot of energy tonight but it is raining finally so I could not jog or walk out side. I also did not drink as much water as usual which is not good. I feel dehydrated severely. Not to mention my damn period is making me bloated and have to pee! Could be worse......right?
My back actually hurts and i think my breasts are shrinking. I feel like the upper portion of my body is a lot thinner than the bottom which I am sure is true I mean DAMN look at my thighs(Damn them and their hugness!).
Thank the Goddess it is raining. My thermometer says it is a little less than 70 degrees! It was so humid and hot today. I do not know why humans have to live mainly in sunlight. Life would be more enjoyable to exist during the night. No skin cancer either. What ever happened to pale being a sign of wealth? Why is it always so popular to do things that kill you like smoke or tan...but also to do difficult things like be thin yet toned?

Christine sent me the link to see what kind fo goth I am


Period Goth

Try it yoruself:

http://quizilla.com/users/arachniabat/quizzes/What%20Kind%20of%20Goth%20Are%20You%3F/



What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


The Withered Lover

http://www.fuali.com/default.aspx?id=104

I am 73% Goth

Oh My Goth! You Goth, Girl. There is a good chance I am bi. Freakiness pumps through my viens, but I can still laugh at myself.

Take the Goth Test at fuali.com







"People are like stained
glass windows: they
sparkle and shine when
the sun is out, but when
the darkness sets in
their true beauty is
revealed only if there
is a light within."

11:41am: The Christians are alive and oppression is afoot!
I went to CVS yesterday evening to drop off my cameras and there was a man on his cell phone waiting to pick up his photos. I overheard him say how he dresses up for the Lord and something about Church and shit. I did not think twice about it since it is not my business. He hung up and started talking to me. Now keep in mind that I had on my Pentacle neckalce and rings on. He asked me what kind of star it was. I told him...he said I was a Witch. I replied I am Pagan. He said something about Jesus and the bible. I do not recall every word since I blocked it out. Then he told me Jesus and something about immortality. I said maybe Jesus is a Vampyre. And he went on and on. I began to walk away from him but I still had to wait to get the packages for the film. I told him to please leave me alone. He got his photos and I filled out the packages for mine. He walked over to pay for them and as I left I told him the Goddess loves him! I went into the car and remember it has Pagan bumperstickers on it!!!! :D Hehe...I told my brother who had driven me and I pointed to the guy and just laughed. We had to wait to pull out of the driveway so he got a good look at the stickers. Ahhh it was a very odd day. Four years I've lived here and he is the first man to question me and at the CVS nonetheless. When will they learn to leave others alone? I'll become a member of the Church when they stop oppressing other religions!

Can our future be cleanly shorn
from a life to which we're born?
Is each of us a creature free - -
or trapped at birth by destiny?
Pity those who believe the latter.
Without freedom, nothing matters.

11:24am: Another Week
My weekend went very well. Mark came over as planned. On Saturday we went to the Cemetery in the evening and I took photos of the full moon. But we had to leave shortly after we arrived because the flash gave our presence away to some neighbors. We decided it would be better to go then to have them come investigate us again!
On Sunday we drove to Long Island to visit his friends Paulo and Michelle. The drive took two hours because of the traffic. We hung out in Paulo's room for a while then went to the pet store to buy another fish for his aquarium. I think he bought a Ghost Fish. It is long and black and is a bottom feeder. The tip of it's tail is white. Very awesome! We then went to this fancy "Chinese" place. It was very odd. They do not use salt or pepper. If you want it more mild then you add this clear liquid to it(not water!) and if yo uwant it hotter then yo uadd chili sauce and so on. It was nice. I wasn't in the mood for it but hey, it was good to experience. Then we drove to Utopia. A large Gothic/Hippie store. Mark got his lip repierced in the center. He wants to get two more on his lip again and I think his eye brow or ear or something. Then We came back to Paulo's and Michelle went home. We traded numbers so we could talk. I like her a lot. She is quiet but keeps Paulo in line. THey used to go out but he broke up with her but she still loves him. It is a very intricate situation. But they still are good friends :) About two minutes after we got in, Alene came over(Paulos' girlfriend). She is very....in your face! She seems like a nice person but there is something I do not like about her. Mark and her spoke about Sponge Bob and he showed her his shoe laces with one of the charactors from the show on it and from where I sat I could see all of her cleavage!!! I swear to god I wanted to leave right then. He kept talking to her and stuff. I guess he was being nice but it made me suspicious. That little slut. Ahhh. Fuck it. I said we should leave a few minutes later and we said good bye. In the car, I told Mark how I felt. Not to mention how fucking gorgeous she is(whyyy?!) And when we were at Utopia, the piercing woman kept calling him sweetheart. I know it was just a "sales pitch" but it made me aggitated. I tild him that also but earlier when it happened. Then on the way home when we got off 195 at Jackson, I lost the ticket and he got mad at me. He acted like I did it on purpose. Ugh.....we stopped by another Cemetery for a few minutes and relaxed in the darkness away from human contact. After, he took me home and said good bye to my family and left. I went to sleep about midnight after watching Seinfeld and Spin City. I kept dreaming again but these were all about Mark. I dreamt this girl, where ever we went, she was there and kept flirting with him right in front of me! And I dreamt about Alene(goosebumps). I hate sleeping nowadays. My sleep is never peaceful but always filled with torment and unrest enough to awaken me more than once.

11:06am: Another Week
My weekend went very well. Mark came over as planned. On Saturday we went to the Cemetery in he evening and I took photos of the full moon. But we had to leave shortly after we arrived because the flash gave our presence away to some neighboors. We decided it would be better to go then to have them come investigate us again!
On Sunday we drove to Long Island to visit his friends Paulo and Michelle. The drive took two hours because of the traffic. We hung out in Paulo's room for a while then went to the pet store to buy another fish for his aquarium. I think he bought a Ghost Fish. It is long and black and is a bottom feeder. The tip of it's tail is white. Very awesome! We then went to this fancy "Chinese" place. It was very odd. They do not use salt or pepper. If you want it more mild then you add this clear liquid to it(not water!) and if yo uwant it hotter then yo uadd chili sauce and so on. It was nice. I wasn't in the mood for it but hey, it was good to experience. Then we drove to Utopia. A large Gothic/Hippie store. Mark got his lip repierced in the center. He wants to get two more on his lip again and I think his eye brow or ear or something. Then We came back to Paulo's and Michelle went home. We traded numbers so we could talk. I like her a lot. She is quiet but keeps Paulo in line. THey used to go out but he broke up with her but she still loves him. It is a very intricate situation. But they still are good friends :) About two minutes after we got in, Alene came over(Paulos' girlfriend). She is very....in your face! She seems like a nice person but there is something I do not like about her. Mark and her spoke about Sponge Bob and he showed her his shoe laces with one of the charactors from the show on it and from where I sat I could see all of her cleavage!!! I swear to god I wanted to leave right then. He kept talking to her and stuff. I guess he was being nice but it made me suspicious. That little slut. Ahhh. Fuck it. I said we should leave a few minutes later and we said good bye. In the car, I told Mark how I felt. Not to mention how fucking gorgeous she is(whyyy?!) And when we were at Utopia, the piercing woman kept calling him sweetheart. I know it was just a "sales pitch" but it made me aggitated. I tild him that also but earlier when it happened. Then on the way home when we got off 195 at Jackson, I lost the ticket and he got mad at me. He acted like I did it on purpose. Ugh.....we stopped by another Cemetery for a few minutes and relaxed in the darkness away from human contact. After, he took me home and said good bye to my family and left. I went to sleep about midnight after watching Seinfeld and Spin City. I kept dreaming again but these were all about Mark. I dreamt this girl, where ever we went, she was there and kept flirting with him right in front of me! And I dreamt about Alene(goosebumps). I hate sleeping nowadays. My sleep is never peaceful but always filled with torment and unrest enough to awaken me more than once.

10:56pm: Ewigkeit
Once again I am sitting here...filling myself with radiation full blast, defening my ears with music, flattening my ass, making a back ache. *sigh* Went to the Chinese Buffet about an hour ago. Had a good time and had some good food. My family and I had some laughs. Damn those carbs! Hehe. The sky was so clear this evening, it was wonderful. The moon was prominant! It is huge! Almost full....:-D I'll try to take a photo after Mark calls. I burnt a CD lastnight of Pagan music. My "Pagan Poetry". It is a good collection of songs about certain Deities. Right now I'm burning another CD but it is supposed to be a mellow vibe. I'm just listening to the songs to make sure I enjoy them. A little German here...some English there....Christine is bored, telling me about some people on Vampire Freaks.com. She is ging crazy. I feel it too. this town is boring when you are young. Without a car, you're screwed. No sidewalks.
I took Nova for her first walk around 4 today. She was terrified of each car that went by. I had to pick her up now and then and when the vehicles went by I knelt down and held her. Physical attentio, I'm hoping, will show her she is safe with me and there is nothing to fear of such loud and abnoxious machines.
Only 20 days till my trip to Michigan! Cannot wait. This is sad but................I cannot wait to be able to sleep with Mark. I mean SLEEP next to him. To wake up with him. I'm thinking baout wearing my 4 inch boots tomorrow at the Cemetery. I know I will be about....5 inches taller than him but ehh who cares! I love them and I do not wear them enough. Cost me 40 dollars!
Brittany called me lastnight and told me her Birthday Party is on the second of August but I am supposed to leave for the trip that morning. She is spending the first with TJ so I cannot see her then but if I have to, I will drop by early to give her, her gift on the second.
Sexy girl, sexy girl!
Ihr Rocke ist eine mini-kleid!
Die wirklichkeit
Sexy girl! Sexy girl
Ah ah ah....
Sexy girl...

Living in the modern age,
death for virtue is the wage.
So it seems in darker hours.
Evil wins, kindness cowers.

2:25pm: Wirklichkeit
Society today is such a pathetic entity. America, it seems, has such a shallow essence. Beauty is all anyone seems to think about. it becomes an obsession with many people. That, my friends, is why suicide is an option for anyone. Almost everyone I know has tried killing themselves...even myself. It seems stupid and petty now that I think back on it but at the time I wanted it! I craved the pain. I felt my soul burning inside but I needed to know WHERE my pain was coming from so I inflicted it upon myself. This reminds me of when Mark tells me I am too beautiful for him. If there are a few sayings one should live on...one is that beauty fades, you're true being is forever. Looks are nothing. I feel like a hypocrate sometimes because I worry about my physical appearance. Everyone does though...no matter what they say....we all care!

12:35pm: *Yawn*
It's Thursday.....ugh....another useless day within our summer. It is rainy today and chilly. I love it! I forgot what it felt like not to melt from the sun. Christine and I are trying to go to the mall today to drop off her application for Hot Topic. Hopefully she will get the job. She'd enjoy it! Working in general is a pain but it helps to wear what you want so you are comfortable. Been listening to a CD Mark left here about two weeks ago. Some Industrial sheisse. I think it is called Industrial Music of the Shadows perhaps volume 3?? Some songs are annoying but some are great. Reminds me of the morbid music I love. But now I have on my CD...Beauty In Darkness.
Spent yesterday downloading Pagan music. I found The Lady of Shallot by Loreena McKennitt. Desiree will die when I make a CD of it for her! She loves that poem. It is a lovely story.
Chris just logged off AOL to get dressed. Have to wait for her mother to come home to see what we can do about the transportation to the mall. I would like to go...I would prefer that no one call us Satan Worshippers though today. It becomes irritating...well more for Christine than myself. I believe they are wrong because they show their ignorance. Cannot even tell the difference between Pagans and "Satan Worshippers" :P
I have such trouble sleeping now a days. My mind does not rest no matter the state of my body. It grows aggitating quickly. The moon is also very bright these past few nights. The moon is waxing and grows larger. The Full Moon is the 13th. which is this Sunday. Perhaps I should drink some defac coffee before bed or burn some incense. I wonder if before bed is the only time my mind truly organizes itself. Is my day too busy? Too crowded with bullshit?
Bernhardt was offered a job in Croatia. There would be money, loggings, a car, etc. waiting for him there. The company only told him they were considering it so there is still a chance it could fall through. He is so torn. They want him mainly because he is Croatian, speaks the language obviously and knows the history. He also speaks French and English along with Croatian. I feel he might accept when and if they offer it for real. He belongs in Europe. He is so happy there. He feels lost and unaccepted here in North America. He can always visit his friends here if he moves, just like he visits his family in Europe. He is thinking about visiting in September but is not sure because of the situation with Mark. O well.
Chris is on line again. I have someone to talk to now thankfully. We called Dale to see if he would go but he is unavailable. My brother needs the car for an interview around 2 this afternoon. Wonder how it will go. Maybe if he comes home early, he could drop us off. It is early yet in the day.
The bumps on my hands are disappearing once again. I wonder what it is. It comes and goes so often but it is rare to occur this badly.
I wish the world was cooler and darker more often. The nights are usually as humid as the day so there is little relief there. The air conditioning was off all night. The fresh air I welcomed fully! I wish it would be like this, this weekend. Mark and I are going to the Cemetery to take photos which we have not done in a while. Sunday would be good too for the weather. The city is too hot as it is. I finally get to meet Paulo. Wonder what he is like...? He seems ok but it might be because I am Mark's girlfriend so he has to be respectful for now anyway. He hopefully will pierce my belly button. He has a piercing gun. I have to wear my vinyl corset I bought to the city. I look good but it is hard to breathe after a while. I'm bringing another shirt to change into. Mark has not seen me in it yet...hope he likes it.
Have to take my vitamins! Damnit I forgot...

Under the winter moon's pale light,
across the cold and starry night,
from snowy mountains soaring high
to ocean shores echoes the cry.
From barren sands to verdant fields,
from city street to lonely wealds,
cries the tortured human heart,
seeking solace, wisdom, a chart
by which to understand its plight
under the winter moon's pale light.
Dawn is unable to fade the night.
Must we live ever in the blight
under the winter moon's cold light,
lost in loneliness, hate, and fright,
last night, tonight, tomorrow night
under the winter moon's bleak light?

10:41pm: This day...
I feel so tired tonight. So much has been happening in my life but nothing negative. My friends are great which makes me feel good. I still have this reaction on my fingers but I suppose it will never disappear *sigh* O well. Bernhardt came back from Europe last Wednesday. He has photos and stories he will share when we get the chance.
Mark is coming over this weekend. It will be good to see him...I miss him! I feel so close to him..........more than some men I have dated but yet there is something about him. I feel as if I became comfortable with him far too soon, like with G. Ah forget him, he is my past. always look forward. You atleast have control over the future. Mark is a wonderful person. Everyone seems fond of him(and his eye liner!) There is something about him that is so alluring. Perhaps it is his warm heart, humor, how he hugs everyone of my friends!
Lastnight, the ritual with Christine went very well. We empowered her Pentacle! It looks so hot on her. I know it is only a piece of jewelry but it still makes her neck look beautiful.
I'm tired still and my contacts are killing me. I slept so little last night.
Blessed Be