Brenda's Journal
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Monday, August 25, 2003
7:20PM
OMG...i havent writen in a while, its because ive been really busy wit this summa. all the partying smokin and shyt. im soooo worried, embarresed, confused.....today i jus found out im PREGNANT...and im only 14....omg i dunno wut today. thinkin bak it wasnt worth it. just imagining the look on my parents faces when they find out. i dunno wut to do....maybe ill jus try to hide it u kno. i dunno maybe i wont get too big and i can hide it out and they give it up to adoption...i dunno wut to do....somebody help me...i really dont want to tell my parents...i dont believe in abortion but wut else can i do.
Current mood: 
frustrated
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
2:57PM
yesterday i went ova my friends house. It was sharin time, i guess we were just bored as we were sittin in a rock we were tellin each otha things that we have never told anybody. she told me these things that i totally would not think that she would do. u kno when like all of the sudden u look at somebody a different way. i was like woah. yeah when i was really young i made out wit my first cousin. yeah u might think its gross well it might be. But dont blmae me i was madd young and one of those stupid kids that did everything that people told them too...omg i even suked his dik can u believe that shyt i was madd young.
Current mood: 
bored
Current music: joe budden-pump it up
Monday, June 23, 2003
1:49PM
Well ive secretly likes this kid. My brothers friend for like a long time he is 18 and im 14. Like ive like had a crush on him for a long time but its like secret cuz ive never really told anyone, but its one of those crushes that u like have, but i still hook up wit otha people. But its just one of those people that stuck to my head. Well i havent seen this kid for the longest time now and like i saw him on saturday wit a bunch of his friends and stuff. and like my bother was wit them, and like we were all talkin and like it seems that he finally noticed me u kno. like u kno i grew up now he thinks im hot and shyt all offerin me a ride to this club that i really like to go but he would neva take me before. thas good u kno. Some people get uglier as they get older, i guess im the opposite im fine wit that lol.
Current mood: 
hyper
Current music: ashanti-rok wit u
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
12:12PM
im really bored right now...theres not much to do...its raining. Rain makes me so lazy....i dont feel like doin anything i guess im still sleeping.
Current mood: 
tired
Current music: none
Thursday, June 12, 2003
7:31PM
im so lazyyy....speacially now that skoo is almost comin to an end shyt im lazy....in skoo we had to do this play 'a mid summers night dream'....i liked it....i really like the version that they did of the play by shakespear in the movie 'get over it' that was koo..
skoo is almost over for me. I have read that most peoples skoo ended today well mine ends tues im fine wit that tho cuz we had alot of days off this year so its all good. But i want to do something different in the last day of skoo. If anybody has suggestions it would be really nice i would love it. Anything like usually wut do u do the last day of skoo. Im in need of some suggestions.
Current mood: 
dirty
Current music: obssesion-aventura
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
8:00PM
have u ever felt like nothin is goin ur way....well thats how i feel u kno.....i think im depressed or i have multiple personalities u kno......today my brotha got suspended for pullin the fire alarm...the skoo is makin this big deal about it....so he might even go to prison cuz he has gotten in trouble b4....so yeah....my mom u kno she noes of course now wut happened....it kills me to c her....her eyes look so tired and sad.......it sux....i feel so bad for her tho.....my family is all like screwed up right now....my dad alwayz complains that we dont have enough money and we still keep spendin.....i hate him when he starts yellin and complainin about everythin.....i get so pissed off...he blames everybody....its alwayz my fault or my brothers fault...its neva his fault u kno.
I hate the fact when my mom has people over i have to do all this shyt....go downstairs and get this for me....take this upstairs for me...and she acts so fake....like too nice when people are over...it really bothers me gets me soooo pissed....
Current mood: 
sleepy
Current music: dont wanna try-
Monday, June 9, 2003
9:07PM
Im still a virgin but ive been to many oportunities where i've been really close to loosin it. Usually i bak down or just come up wit some excuse. Its not that im afraid of diseases that much....but i think im more scared of sukin at it..and there is the whole gettin pregnant thing u kno which i couldnt bare lookin at my mom if that happened to me while im a teenager. yeah that would suk. it would really desappoint her...and suk too u kno. I dont want a kid in my life right now. I got so many dreams and shyt i want to do before i even get married and have to have some real responsibility. But it is really temptin tho....When u have a boy next to you and he touches your bak, and u shiver as he brings you closer. You start kissin him and all of the sudden the hands start to go down. Trust me....and u get really horny and like at that time u really wouldnt care about what happens cuz u want to fuk but then i just think about the afterwards and i kinda stop my self right there.
Current mood: 
anxious
Current music: im real-jlo + ja rule
Sunday, June 8, 2003
12:12AM - First
well this is my first time writing on this thing... im not really sure wut to rite tho u kno. Well i guess here it goes im just gonna rite wuts on my head rite now. Well today i went to the movies i had no ride but this gurl that i secretly didnt like took me. Well i guess i just look at somebody and decide if i like them or not most of the times i dont even kno their name and i just assume sumtin. I dont like that about me. Well anyways turns out the gurl is really nice and nothing like i thought. i watched 2 fast 2 furious....I reallllly liked that movie i thought it was gonna b just another boy movie but it turned out to be really good actually (better than the first one i thought!!). Well i saw a bunch of boys u kno as usual it was pretty good. I personally i dont kno wut it is but even if i dont like the boy i just want to feel wanted by them. I dont know wut it is tho...u kno. I dont even have to like the boy i just like the feeling of them like staring at me and thinking that im hot, it makes me feel like powerful (lol) its great i luv it!!! I probably sound like really bitchy and really sluty right now but im not its just some thing that i feel you kno. I walk passed them and i just expect them to stare at my ass and think that im really hot and stuff. I really wasnt like this... i was such i shy person that was even scared to look at people because i thought that they were gonna c my face and think that i was really ugly. But about like a year ago i met this kid(tell u more about it in another entry) but he just made me feel so good, cuz he would alwayz tell me that i was so pretty and stuff... He made me feel wanted, u kno, and i guess everybody likes that feeling its great u kno. Its like you have the power the control to do anything. Usually when i say i dont like a gurl or call her a bitch or something i probably dont even kno her its cuz i get jealous, and there is something wrong wit that cuz u kno its not right and besides its not gonna get you anywhere so. But when u are going out wit somebody even thought you might say u dont want a jealous boyfriend or gurlfriend it might not b true. oF course you dont want them to be following you around everywhere cuz they are so jealous. But like now and them its alwayz good to kno that they are jealous or something it just makes u feel more wanted and like that person really cares u kno they got jealous cuz they care. But u gots to kno to c jealous from other things that ar totally not coo u kno. so yeah those are my thoughts for today. All though i got so many i gots to go talk to this boy so im out!!